Beautifully Broken Spirit

by Catherine Cowles

  I edged closer, fisting his shirt in my hand. “I’m fine.”

  He hauled me against him. “Wilder.” The single word was pained.

  “I’m fine,” I repeated, unsure of what else to say to ease him. “I’m safe.”

  “And we’re keeping you that way.”

  “Is she okay?”

  My brother’s voice had us startling apart.

  I brushed the hair back from my face. “I’m fine. Just pissed.”

  Walker strode over to the counter, glanced at the note, and cursed. His head snapped in my direction, his finger pointing. “No more rescue operations until we find this guy.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but he kept right on going. “I don’t want to hear it. It’s too dangerous.”

  I threw up my hands on an exasperated sigh. “If you would shut up and listen for one single second, I was going to say that I didn’t have the resources to take any more horses at the moment anyway.”

  Walker’s jaw worked. “Well, good.”

  Tuck cleared his throat. “If you two are done bickering, can we focus on getting this note to a crime lab and figuring out how we’re going to keep J safe?”

  “She’s never going to be alone, that’s how.”

  I sighed and began rubbing my temples. “I’m not stupid. I’m going to take precautions, but I’m not living with some big, hulking shadow.”

  “Jensen—” My brother started.

  I held up a hand to cut him off. “No. Come up with another option.” I reached out and squeezed Walker’s arm. “I love you, but I need some air right now. I’ll be with Ember.”

  I strode out of the office and towards the paddocks. The sun still shone down, and I let the rays seep into my back as I rested against the fence. Ember was still happily munching away. At least, she was safe.

  “We just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  I didn’t turn at the sound of Tuck’s voice. “I know. But I can’t live my life with someone constantly hovering over my shoulder. I already have a hand helping with the horses every day.” I turned to face him. “I need my moments alone, or I’ll go crazy.”

  Tuck reached out and slid a strand of hair behind my ear. “I get it. I just want you safe.”

  I let my head fall to his chest. “Compromise?”

  He trailed a hand up and down my spine. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “A ranch hand comes up with me to feed and make sure there’s nothing suspicious going on, but he leaves afterward. And I don’t open or close the Kettle alone.”

  Tuck’s hand slipped beneath the fall of my hair, gently pulling my head back so our gazes locked. “Deal. But Walker and I are also adding cameras to all the gates at the ranch. The feed will go to your phone, so you’ll be able to see and hear whoever you’re letting in.”

  I took a step closer, our bodies flush against each other. “If it makes you feel better, fine.”

  “It does.” He gave my hair another little tug. This time, it sent sparks of pleasure down my spine. “I want to kiss you so bad right now, I can taste you on my tongue.”

  My belly clenched. “I want your mouth on mine.”

  Footsteps sounded, and Tuck released me. “Fuck.”

  There was no lying to myself now, I wanted more. I wanted Tuck’s hand in mine as we walked down the street. His arm around me at a movie. His lips on mine whenever we damn well pleased. I just had no idea if he would ever want the same.

  35

  Jensen

  “You’re doing popcorn and brownies and cookies, right?”

  The hopeful tone of my little boy’s voice had a smile tipping my lips. “Is it New Year’s Eve, or is it New Year’s Eve?”

  A massive grin spread across Noah’s face. “It’s New Year’s Eve.”

  I pulled the cooling brownies over to slice them. “Have you decided what movie you want to watch?” Every year, Noah and I had the same tradition—as many treats as our bellies could handle and a movie marathon. I always told him he could stay up as late as he wanted, but he’d yet to make it past ten.

  Noah climbed up onto his stool so he could oversee the brownie slicing. “Karate Kid.”

  I fought the groan that wanted to surface. Since Noah had started karate lessons, I’d watched that movie more times than I could count. “You sure about that choice?”

  Noah’s head bobbed up and down so fast I was worried he might give himself whiplash. “I want to learn the fight sequence at the end.”

  I started lifting brownies onto a platter. “Then The Karate Kid it is.”

  A knock sounded at the door, and Noah jumped off his stool, racing for the entryway.

  “Wait!” My voice held a thread of panic that had Noah skidding to a halt and looking confused. “Let me get it. We don’t know who it is.”

  Usually, I had no problems with Noah answering the door. Our ranch had always been fenced and gated. No one got in without a code or someone buzzing them in. But between Cody’s threats, the graffiti on my barn, and the note I’d gotten yesterday, I’d been more than a little on edge when it came to Noah’s safety.

  “It’s me, guys,” a voice boomed through the door.

  Noah executed some sort of excited jump kick and bolted for the door. “It’s Tuck, Mom! Come on!”

  “Okay, okay, you can answer it.” I wiped my hands on my apron. There was no reason to be nervous. I’d seen Tuck almost daily for most of my life.

  Noah pulled open the door, revealing Tuck holding two grocery bags full of stuff. “Happy New Year’s.”

  Noah jumped up and down. “It’s not New Year’s yet. Not till midnight. This year, I’m gonna make it till then. Whatcha got, Tuck?”

  Tuck chuckled. “I couldn’t come to the New Year’s Eve epic junk food movie fest without a contribution.” He started for the kitchen, Noah trailing behind, and gave me a wink as he passed. “I brought all my favorites. Sour cream and onion potato chips, Red Vines, Snickers.”

  Noah peeked into one of the bags. “That’s awesome! Mom made brownies and cookies, and she’s gonna make popcorn, too.”

  Tuck ruffled Noah’s hair. “Then it sounds like all our bases are covered.”

  I shook my head. “It sounds like we’re all going to be sick for days.”

  Noah pulled out a bag of chips. “But it’ll be worth it.”

  Tuck and I both laughed. “So, what are we watching, little man?”

  “Karate Kid.” Noah looked up at Tuck with uncertainty filling his expression. My heart cracked. My boy so wanted this man’s approval.

  Tuck’s eyes widened. “Did you know that’s my favorite movie of all time?”

  Noah’s expression morphed to one of wonder. “Really?”

  “It’s true. I watched that movie so many times growing up, I probably have it memorized.”

  Noah started bouncing on the balls of his feet. “I want to learn the fight sequence at the end.”

  “That scene is epic. We definitely need to watch it a few times to get that down.”

  Noah looked at me. “See, Mom? That’s why I have to watch it so much, so I can get it perfect.”

  I smiled. “Whatever it takes.”

  “I’m gonna go find the movie, okay?” Noah charged out of the room before I had a chance to say anything.

  I turned to Tuck. “What are you doing here?”

  He moved in, giving me a swift kiss. “I wanted to spend New Year’s Eve with you.”

  Warmth and something that felt a lot like hope filled my chest. “You didn’t want to go to the saloon with Walker and Taylor?”

  Tuck shook his head. “I’m where you are.”

  I looked across the sleeping boy sprawled between me and Tuck, a soft smile curving my mouth. Noah had made it to 10:35 this year. My boy was growing up. It wouldn’t be long before he was up well past midnight.

  As the credits to The Karate Kid Part II rolled, I started to rise.

  Tuck stood quicker. “I’ve got him.”

&n
bsp; My movements stuttered. “Okay.”

  Tuck lifted Noah as though he weighed nothing more than the bowl of potato chips on the coffee table. I followed them up the stairs. Tuck made his way into Noah’s room, and I snuck in front of them to pull back the covers so Tuck could lay him gently on the bed. Knowing how the night would likely go, I’d made Noah get in his pajamas before we started the second movie.

  I pulled up the covers and snuggled Noah’s favorite bear next to him. I pressed my lips to my son’s hair, inhaling deeply the scent that was uniquely Noah’s. “Love you,” I whispered.

  As I rose, Tuck grabbed my hand, leading me into the hall. “You’re an amazing mom.”

  I shook my head. “You’ve seen us when we’re a basket-case mess. I could do better.”

  Tuck framed my face with his hands. “It’s not about things looking perfect all the time. It’s about loving him and doing everything you can to give him the best life possible. You do that every single day.”

  Three little words hovered on the tip of my tongue, urging me to say them, but something held me back. I brushed my lips against his, soaking up the heat and the feel of him. I could get lost in his kisses forever. I pulled back just slightly.

  I couldn’t say those three little words, but I could be brave enough to say something. “This is more.” My gaze tangled with his, so many unsaid things dancing between us. “You’ve always been more. It’s just taken me a third of my life to see it.”

  A brief flare of panic shone in Tuck’s eyes, mixed with something that looked a lot like pain, but he seemed to rein it in. “I don’t know if I can be what you need me to be.”

  I gripped his wrists on either side of my face. “You already are. All I’m asking is that we take this one day at a time and see where it leads.”

  “One day at a time.” Tuck pressed his mouth against mine. “I can do one day at a time.”

  36

  Tuck

  I took a sip of coffee as I pored over paperwork at my kitchen table. The stuff never seemed to end, and always found a way home with me. It didn’t help that my head just wasn’t in the game these days. My mind wandered often, and always to the same place. Jensen.

  My Wilder was going to drive me to distraction. And I would die of death by paperwork. The conversation on New Year’s Eve had freaked me out. No, honestly, it’d terrified me, but I was determined to push through. We’d crossed a line that couldn’t be uncrossed, and I wanted to make this work. I’d give anything to make it work.

  My phone buzzed somewhere on the table. I patted the different stacks of paper, trying to find it. It buzzed again. My hand connected with something. I lifted a pile and hit accept without taking note of who was calling. “Hello?”

  “Tuck.”

  I set down the stack of papers. “Hey, Cain. Happy New Year.”

  “Happy New Year. You get up to any trouble on New Year’s Eve?”

  I grinned down at my coffee as I thought of my evening. “I hung out with Jensen and Noah.”

  There was a moment of silence. “Walker know about that?”

  My morning coffee soured in my gut. One thing I hadn’t put a lot of thought into was how Walker would react to my seeing his sister. I hadn’t put much thought into it because I’d planned for this to be temporary. But now that we were trying for more, I would have to tell him, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. I cleared my throat. “I’m not sure.”

  Cain grunted.

  I gripped the handle of my mug a little tighter. “What? Do you have a date with him after this for a gossip session?”

  “No, but I was going to call him now that he knows I’ve been looking into Jensen’s situation.”

  I straightened. “Did you find something?”

  “I found the motherload.”

  I waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. “Well, what the hell did you find?”

  Papers shuffled in the background. “A little appreciation wouldn’t be remiss.”

  I let out a growl. “Okay, thank you oh high and mighty hacker, sir. I’m so grateful for your nefarious ways. Now, will you tell me what the fuck you found?”

  Cain chuckled. “That’s the spirit.” He paused for a moment. “Your boy is in deep.”

  If Cain and I had been in the same room, I probably would’ve punched him. I couldn’t handle his cryptic teases. “In what sense?” I asked through gritted teeth.

  “Let’s start at the beginning. Cody Ailes has a weakness for gambling. It doesn’t matter what it is—cards, horses, the fucking lotto. If there’s a game of chance, he wants in.”

  I rubbed a hand over the scruff on my jaw. “Well, that explains the foreclosed house and all the debt.”

  “It gets worse.”

  Something in Cain’s tone had my gut twisting. If Ailes had put Jensen and Noah in danger by coming to Sutter Lake, I was going to kill him.

  The sound of fingers on a keyboard came over the line. “The gambling started early, before he even turned twenty-one.”

  I wondered if Jensen knew anything about that. Something told me she didn’t. That had never been her scene.

  “He graduated college early but didn’t walk.”

  My jaw tightened. “Yeah, because he was too busy walking away from the nineteen-year-old girl he had just knocked up.”

  Cain ignored my outburst. “He moved to Philadelphia.” That was just about as far away from Oregon as you could get and still stay in the continental US. “The gambling got worse, and he ended up on a loan shark’s radar.”

  “Fuck.” I rubbed at my temples where my head was starting to pound.

  “That’s when things got interesting. After the loan shark’s guys put Cody in the hospital, the dude gave him a job.”

  My hand dropped from my head. “What?”

  “I know. I guess the loan shark wanted someone familiar with all the various gambling action in Philly, and Cody definitely was. He was the inside man at a number of establishments all over the city. That helped for a while. Cody was able to offset what he gambled away by what he raked in for the loan shark.”

  I leaned back in my chair. “Something tells me things didn’t stay that way.”

  “Do they ever when it comes to addiction?”

  Cain’s words had my father’s face popping into my mind. I gritted my teeth. “No, they don’t.”

  “Cody started losing more than he could cover. But here’s the thing about doing business with lowlifes, there’s always more of them hanging around who are happy to help you out. Cody started selling for a dealer. He sold at card games and at the race track.”

  My gaze went unfocused on the pile of paper in front of me. “I do not like where this is headed.”

  “You shouldn’t. Yet again, the new gig kept Cody’s head above water for a bit, but he got too bigheaded. Started sitting at higher-stakes games and losing. Big. Soon, they were taking his car, his house, anything the collectors could get their hands on. Credit cards were maxed out, and the people he lost to don’t mess around.” Cain paused. “He has two weeks.”

  “Two weeks for what?”

  “Two weeks to deliver five hundred thousand dollars, or they come looking. And they won’t be putting him in the hospital this time.”

  “Fuck!” I stood, my chair tipping back and crashing to the floor. “We’ve got to get him out of here. They can’t figure out the tie to Jensen and Noah.”

  “I know, man. I’m about to email you all the leverage you need. Tell him you’ll hand it over to the cops. Or worse, his boss. That should get him gone. If Cody’s smart, he’ll turn state’s evidence and get himself into Witness Protection. Some of those guys he was working for are seriously connected.”

  My laptop dinged, and I clicked on the screen. “Got it. Thank you, Cain. I mean it.”

  “Always, brother. You know that. I’m going to call Walker in thirty. That gives you about an hour head start to get Cody out of town before Walker commits murder.”

  I grabbed my keys
from my counter. “You know where he’s staying?”

  Cain scoffed as if what I’d said was insulting. “That shitty little motel at the edge of town.”

  I headed out my front door. “Room number?”

  “One sixteen. Just do me one favor?”

  I beeped the locks on my truck. “What’s that?”

  “Try not to get arrested or killed, would you?”

  I pounded on the motel room door. It was a miracle that just that action didn’t knock the whole thing down. There was no answer. I pounded again. “Open the fucking door, Ailes, or I’ll take this interesting folder of information to the cops.”

  The door swung open. Cody stood there looking hungover and pissed. “What the fuck is your deal, man?”

  I gave his chest a hard shove, sending him in reverse a few steps to finally fall back onto the bed. “Oh, I’m going to tell you what my deal is. You walk out on your responsibilities as a man. That’s your problem. But you bring the fucking shitstorm that you’ve made of your life to my woman’s door? In my town? Now, that is very much my fucking problem.”

  Cody’s face paled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  I let out a laugh, but it was cold and ugly. “Stop playing games, asswipe. I’ve got a folder of photos and documents that could send you to jail for at least a decade or two. I’m guessing if they made their way into your boss’s hands, you’d be saying goodbye permanently.”

  Cody pushed to his feet. “You can’t threaten me.”

  I arched a brow. “Can’t I? I’ve got people who will get that information to the cops and your boss if you haven’t left town in one hour. I don’t care where the fuck you go as long as it’s out of the state of Oregon forever. When the paperwork comes through about terminating your rights to Noah, you won’t fight it. You’re going to do the first decent thing you’ve ever done for that kid and stay gone. Jensen is never going to hear from you again. Am I clear?”

  Cody held up his hands in a gesture that was meant to be appeasing or pleading but instead looked pathetic. “Just hear me out, man.”