Beautifully Broken Spirit

by Catherine Cowles

  An image of a dark-haired little girl wobbling after me filled my mind. “I never want you to stop. The thing you don’t realize is that I’ve been chasing you right back.”

  More tears fell down Jensen’s cheeks, and she inhaled a shaky breath. “I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to say anything afterward.”

  My brows pulled together. “Okay…”

  “Tucker Harris, I’ve loved you since before I knew what the word even meant. That love has shifted and changed through the years. Because, what I didn’t realize, was that love is a living, breathing thing. I’ve loved you as a brother, as a friend, as my first crush, as my lifeline, as the person who sets my soul free. You call me Wilder, but it’s you who helps me be that way. I’m never more free to be who I am than when I’m with you.”

  A vise gripped my chest, squeezing to the point of pain. I hadn’t earned her love, but she’d given it to me anyway. So freely, and asking for nothing in return. I may not deserve her, but I was going to do everything in my power to live a life in celebration of that most precious gift.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but Jensen held a finger to my lips. “Don’t. Don’t say anything. I don’t want you to say it just because I did. And if you don’t feel it yet, I don’t want to know right now.”

  Fuck. I’d caused my wild girl so much doubt. I hated myself for that. I opened my mouth again, but this time, Jensen took it in a slow kiss. “Don’t talk. Just feel.”

  She didn’t want me to tell her how I felt. Wasn’t ready to hear it. So, I’d show her. With my hands, my mouth, my body. In every way I could, I’d show her.

  49

  Jensen

  My heart hammered in my chest. Its beats sending shockwaves throughout my body. I knew Tuck loved me in whatever way he was capable. I trusted it, trusted myself. But more than anything, I needed him to know that I loved him regardless of whether he could say the words or not.

  My love was not some fickle thing dependent on roses and chocolates or dates on Friday nights. My love was feral, chasing him down and never letting go.

  The thing Tuck didn’t realize was that he’d been showing me that he loved me for as long as I could remember. I didn’t need the damn words.

  Tuck shot to his feet, sweeping me off mine. My legs wrapped around his waist, our mouths colliding, pouring out all the things words could never express. His tongue darted into my mouth, probing, stroking, tempting, teasing. He was comfort and fire all at the same time.

  Tuck turned so he could lay me on the bed. The movement was gentle, almost reverent. His hands lingered beneath me as his gaze traced my face. There was so much in his eyes, but he said nothing. He bent, pressing his lips to my left temple, then the right, and finally, my forehead.

  Tears filled my eyes again. I wanted that trio of kisses for the rest of my life. My hand stroked his face, and I lived for the prickle of his stubble against my palm, against my thighs. My belly clenched.

  Tuck rose above me, his hands traveling from my back to my stomach. His fingers traced the outline of my nipples through the thin cotton of my tank top. I shivered. His circles grew smaller and smaller until they pressed against the finest points of my breasts.

  A single finger slipped beneath the strap of my tank, pulling it down until my breast came free. He repeated the action on the other side. Tuck pushed the camisole lower, granting him full access.

  He cupped my breasts, massaging, kneading, stroking. Every time I thought I could predict the type of touch that would come next, he surprised me. His fingers found their way to my nipples, rolling them into tight buds, flicking one, then pulling the other deep into his mouth.

  I let out a gasp. That move was one of my favorites. My body knew what it meant. The accompanying rush of wet between my thighs had me squirming.

  Tuck released the nipple and tugged my tank lower, catching my sleep shorts with it. The graze of his knuckles over my thighs sent chills up my spine. My body wept in anticipation. He lowered himself to his knees, dragging the last remnants of my clothing with him.

  He settled himself between my thighs, placing one leg over each shoulder. Then he simply stared. Gazing at that most secret part of me as though it held all the answers in the world. He inhaled deeply, and I instinctively tried to close my legs. He held them open, shaking his head at me with a wicked grin.

  Tuck ran his nose over one thigh, then the other, his scruff sending little fireworks off in my nerve endings. His tongue ran over my core. His strokes were lazy as if he had all the time in the world, and he wanted to explore every inch of me.

  The tip of Tuck’s tongue traced my opening before dipping inside. I clenched around him, wanting more, needing more. He retreated, continuing his lazy figure eight at my center. Each pass sent him closer to that bundle of nerves, but not quite close enough.

  When he finally dipped a digit inside, I nearly wept. My fingers fisted in his hair, twisting and tugging. I was in no way gentle, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. His tongue flicked over my clit, and I moaned. He did it again and again. Flicking, sucking, pressing.

  His fingers stroked me higher, that cord inside tightening. I fought it off, not ready yet. Not wanting the climb to end. He sucked hard.

  “No,” I panted.

  Tuck released me, a puzzled look on his face.

  I eased my hold on his hair, running my fingers through it. “I want to come with you inside me.” Tuck stood, unbuttoning his shirt. His movements were unhurried as he kept his gaze locked with mine. I took a deep breath. “No condom.” Tuck froze. “You’re safe, right?” He nodded slowly.

  I knew Tuck would never risk me if he weren’t sure. I also knew that he understood what this meant to me. This piece of myself I was giving him. “I’m on the pill. And I trust you.”

  That did it. The slow, measured unbuttoning was forgotten. His fingers tripped over the final few buttons until he finally ripped the shirt off. He kicked off his boots while unfastening his jeans. And then he was before me. All smooth, tanned skin over hardened muscle. I would never tire of looking at him.

  Tuck bumped against my opening, leaning over me so he could take my mouth as he entered me. His lips barely left my skin as he took me. My mouth. My neck. My ear. My cheek. My nipple. My temple. They went wherever they pleased, the softness of his lips surrounded by the prickle of his stubble causing a riot of sensations I’d never get enough of.

  His lips finally released me as he thrust deeper, hitting that magical spot inside, over and over. I tried to hold on. Small tremors wracked my body. My fingers dug into Tuck’s back as my muscles started to shake. Just a little longer, a little higher.

  Tuck’s back arched as he thrust one last time. That curve of his body sent me soaring. Lights sparked across my vision, and everything around me seemed to fracture and then knit itself back together in a whole new way. A way that was so much better than before.

  I sucked in air, my chest heaving, trying to get ahold of the world around me. As I came back to myself, I realized that Tuck had done just as I asked. He hadn’t said a single word since I told him that I loved him. And yet, he’d said it all.

  50

  Tuck

  Nothing was better than waking up tangled with Jensen. She was like an octopus when she slept, all her limbs somehow twining with mine. My body didn’t mind one bit. It somehow seemed to fit perfectly with hers.

  I could feel her heart beat against my palm. The steady rhythm eased me. She was here. Safe. Whole.

  Jensen stirred, arching back and letting out a little moan.

  My hold on her tightened. “Careful with those noises you make, Wilder.”

  She stilled for a brief moment and then turned in my arms so she could press her lips to my throat. “Morning.”

  I rose up on an arm, brushing the hair out of her face, careful to avoid the wound on her head. “Love waking up with you.”

  Jensen grinned up at me. Her smile was so wide, so unguarded, it was like taking a roun
dhouse kick to the solar plexus. “I don’t hate it.”

  I pressed my lips to her temple. “We’re doing this.”

  Jensen placed a hand on my chest. “My stomach just flip-flopped.”

  My hands continued to wander, tracing lines on her body that only I could see. “I think we should tell Noah first.”

  Jensen pushed me to my back and straddled me, the sheet falling to her hips. “He’s going to be excited.”

  My fingers dusted over the dip and curve of her waist. “I’m not above bribing him.”

  Jensen let out a laugh. “I don’t think that will be necessary.” She bit her lip, those little worry lines peeking out on her brow.

  I reached up, rubbing at the creases. “What’s wrong?”

  Her shoulders slumped just a bit. “Walker.”

  My hands dropped to her hips. “I have to talk to him after we tell Noah. Today.”

  Jensen’s fingers traced circles on my chest. “I don’t get to be a part of that conversation?”

  “I need to tell him first.” I sighed. “He’s going to be pissed, and I need some time to make him understand that this is more.” I cupped her face in my hands. “That this is everything.”

  She turned her head so she could kiss my palm. “Okay. But if he pulls his overprotective bullshit, I’m banning him from the Kettle.”

  I chuckled, rolling Jensen to her back and hovering over her. “You fight dirty.”

  She grinned up at me. “You have no idea.”

  My head dipped lower. “I guess I better find out.”

  I stepped between Jensen’s legs as I took a sip of coffee. She wrapped them around me, careful to avoid the gun holstered at my hip, and set her cup of tea on the counter. “I hate that you have to go into work today.”

  I groaned. “It’s not on the list of things I’m looking forward to.”

  She laughed, plucking my coffee cup out of my hand and setting it on the counter. “What’s it gonna take to make you a tea drinker?”

  I chuckled and then tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “At least a dozen more showers with you.” Just the image of Jensen on her knees in the shower that morning, water streaming down her curves, had my dick twitching against my zipper. I’d had her twice that morning, and I still wanted more. I had a feeling I’d never get enough.

  Jensen leaned in closer. “I think that can be arranged.”

  I dipped my mouth to hers, my tongue teasing her lips apart.

  “What the fuck?”

  I started at the sound of Walker’s voice.

  His eyes darted from me to his sister and back again. “Someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?”

  Jensen hopped off the counter. “I think it’s pretty obvious. Tuck and I are seeing each other. We were going to tell you today.”

  Walker started laughing, but it had an ugly cast to it. “Are you delusional, J? Tuck doesn’t date. He fucks and moves on.”

  Jensen flinched as if he had hit her with a physical blow.

  I stepped forward. “Not cool, man. I know you’re pissed at me, but don’t take it out on her.”

  Walker’s jaw clenched. “Don’t tell me how to talk to my sister.” He side-stepped me and met Jensen’s gaze. “What are you thinking?”

  Jensen squared her shoulders. “I love him.”

  Walker scoffed. “You love him? And how does he feel about you?”

  Jensen shook her head. “That’s none of your business.”

  Walker threw up a hand. “Just what I thought.” He whirled on me. “And you. I trusted you. You know what she’s been through, and you decided that lining her up as your next fuck buddy was the thing to do?”

  Each sentence might as well have been a kick to the gut. I had known Walker would be upset, but hearing what he really thought of me…it killed something inside. I forced myself not to let it show. Jensen was the most important thing right now. I held up a hand. “You need to calm down.”

  Walker shoved at my chest. “The last thing I need to do is calm down. You need to get the hell off my family’s property.”

  That muscle in my cheek began to tick. “I don’t think that’s your call.”

  “The hell it’s not.” Walker started shoving me towards the door, but I stood my ground.

  “Stop!” Jensen screamed it so loudly, I’d bet her family next door could hear. She gave her brother a hard push. “This is my house. You don’t get to decide who stays here. Just like you don’t get to decide who I let in my bed and in my life. Tuck is your best friend in the world, and you just treated him like he was shit on your shoe. You’re the one who’s leaving.”

  Walker’s jaw hardened. “You’re making a big mistake. And this time, I’m not going to be here to pick up the pieces.” With that, he took off out the front door. A few seconds later, I heard his truck tear down the drive.

  Jensen slumped against me. “I never knew he thought that little of me.”

  I wrapped her in my arms. “He doesn’t. He’s just losing his mind right now. He’ll come around.” I did my best to keep my breathing even and to not tighten my hold on Jensen too much. I’d never wanted to deck my best friend more in my life. He and I were going to have a come to Jesus talk, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. But he would hear me.

  The sound of tires spitting up gravel came from outside. Jensen sighed. “What now?” She slipped from my arms and headed to the front door.

  I followed her out onto the porch. The way the sun was coming up over the ridge, I could only tell that it was a truck barreling our way. Fuck. What did Walker want now? It skidded to a stop, and a figure hopped out. Whoever it was, was silhouetted against the light, but the voice… I recognized that voice. But it wasn’t Walker’s.

  “You fucking bitch.” The figure’s arm raised. Metal glinted in the sun.

  I didn’t think. I shoved Jensen out of the way. A crack. Searing pain. And then nothing at all. Just an endless sea of black.

  51

  Jensen

  He was falling. The movement seemed to go on forever. Each inch he fell, ripped at the muscle and sinew around my heart.

  He hit the ground with a thud, his body almost bouncing with the impact. I didn’t think, I just moved. Right to Tuck’s side. Where I was meant to be.

  Blood seeped from his chest. No. No. No.

  “Goddammit!” The yell came from Cody’s direction.

  It seemed impossible, but I’d forgotten he was even there. Cody raised his gun again. It was as if some other force took over my body. I reached for the Glock at Tuck’s hip, pulling it from its holster. I squeezed the trigger. A second time. I wasn’t taking any chances.

  Cody slumped to the ground. I felt nothing. Just a numb buzzing that seemed to overtake me. I set the gun on the ground and applied pressure to Tuck’s wound. Then I screamed.

  My dad was already out the door with his rifle, having heard the shots. He took off at a dead run towards me.

  “Call an ambulance!” Tuck’s blood seeped through my fingers. That was wrong. Bad. That needed to stay in his body. I pressed harder on the wound. That’s what they did in movies. But what if it was the wrong thing? What if I did something that killed him? I squeezed my eyes closed and prayed. I willed the blood to stay in his body, for his heart to keep beating.

  My father slid down next to me. “Ambulance is on its way. Is he breathing?”

  The question tore at my heart. That ragged muscle and sinew. “I don’t know.”

  Dad leaned over Tuck, placing his ear next to Tuck’s mouth. “He’s breathing, but it’s very shallow.”

  I stared at the blood seeping out between my fingers. “How long?”

  Dad swallowed audibly. “They said fifteen minutes.”

  The ranch had always been one of my two favorite places in the world. But in that moment, I hated it. Why didn’t we live in a city? Somewhere an ambulance was seconds away. “What else can I do?”

  My father’s voice caught in his throat. “You’re
doing it. Do you want me to take over?”

  “No.” The word came out as a sharp warning. No one could touch Tuck until the EMTs got here. If I was touching him, if I was holding his blood in his body, I could keep him alive. I tried to gentle my tone. “You should check on Cody.”

  What did it say about me that I hoped I’d killed him? How was I that person? I guess I was that person for Tuck.

  My father jolted as if just realizing that there was another person involved. He jogged over to Cody’s fallen form. I watched as he pressed two fingers to Cody’s neck. His eyes narrowed and then closed. When they opened again, he shook his head.

  My shoulders relaxed the barest inch. Then I froze. Something was wrong. Tuck’s body was too still. “Dad! I don’t think he’s breathing.”

  My father ran over and dropped to his knees. “You keep pressure on the wound. I’m going to start chest compressions.”

  I kept my hold as firm as possible, my dad’s jolts to Tuck’s chest, sending more blood seeping through my fingers. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I said it over and over again in my mind. Then I began mouthing the words silently. A chant, a prayer, a call to the Universe to keep this beautiful man here.

  Sirens sounded. Finally. The ambulance raced up the drive, and EMTs hopped out. One of them, I didn’t know his name, almost tripped at the sight of Tuck. He knew him. The guy quickly got himself in check and began barking orders.

  “Ma’am, I need you to step back,” a female EMT told me.

  “I-I can’t. I’m holding pressure on the wound. He’ll bleed too much.”

  “It’s okay, I’m going to take over now so we can get him to the hospital.”