Let Me Love You: A Novel

by Praks, Wanitta

  My session with Sam ended on a successful note as always. He aced all the tests I gave him. Seriously, though, I’m beginning to doubt he really needs my help. He’s so smart. What can his reason be for wanting me to teach him? I shake my head of this confusion and am about to enter the house when sounds of laughter from inside the house stop me in my path.

  It’s been a long time since I’ve heard people laughing, apart from Moon, of course. I hurry my step and open the door. What I expect to see is Gigi, Moon, and Clare, all of them laughing about some joke. What I don’t expect to see is the person responsible for creating their laughter.

  I’m like a deer caught in headlights when I see Zac, Moon sitting on his lap and Gigi and Clare engrossed in whatever story he’s narrating.

  My heart won’t stop its irregular thump. It’s beating at a thousand beats per minute, and my breath becomes shallow. At one point, I think my soul has floated out of my body because I’m in that much shock.

  “Vivi, you’re here,” Moon calls out loudly when she sees me standing near the entrance.

  Moon’s loud announcement brings my soul back into my body, and I blink, facing reality again. Her announcement, though, also brings about an unwanted effect for me.

  Once Zac hears Moon’s shout, it alerts him to my presence, and he turns around and rewards me with one of his dashing smiles, the one that will always make my heart waver and my knees weak.

  But not this time. I tell my heart to stop its thrashing against my ribcage and nod to him in acknowledgement, since he’s Gigi’s guest. I put on my usual indifferent manner, then go straight into the kitchen to compose my shaking body.

  I catch a glimpse of Zac’s face, and his smile drops the minute I enter the kitchen.

  I’m in havoc. My body is shaking like I have no control over it.

  Oh God, help me. What’s Zac doing in my house? Has his leg healed already? Does Grandma and Clare know who he is already?

  I shake my head. If they knew, then they wouldn’t be acting in this pleasant manner. They would throw him out into the gutter already. Oh God, please let him be okay.

  I don’t realize I drop the bag of goods until it makes a thump on the floor. I lean down and pick it up, my hands still shaking slightly from the effect of seeing Zac inside my house.

  “You didn’t tell me anything about having a boyfriend.”

  Clare’s voice surprises me. I turn to her, a shocked look on my face. Perhaps I’m too shocked with Zac’s presence that I don’t notice Clare coming into the kitchen. When she sees me, she rushes forward and places a hand on my forehead.

  “Ivy, are you okay? You look pale.”

  “I… I’m… fine,” I tell her with a shaky voice.

  I remove her hand from my forehead and turn to the sink to pour myself a cup of water.

  I need water. My throat feels all parched.

  “All right then,” Clare says, brushing my ailment aside. “So…” She begins again. “Do tell me about this boyfriend of yours.”

  I cough, choking on my water. Half the water ends up going into my windpipe instead of my esophagus. Clare comes over and thumps me on the back. After tidying myself up with tissue, I turn to her.

  “Zac is not my boyfriend,” I say, heaving with exertion. My voice strains a bit, trying to express that statement.

  How can Clare come to this conclusion?

  “Oh.” She pretends to laugh like she finds the whole thing really funny. She just loves poking fun at me. “Then what is he?”

  I ignore her prying question and start putting the tofu in the fridge and medicine in the cabinet instead. Then, turning to her, I say, “We’re having tofu stir-fry with lots of vegetables for dinner tonight.”

  “Oh, Ivy. Stop being a prude. There’s no use changing the subject. Just because I don’t like vegetables, I will not be swayed into talking about how much I detest those damn green things. Now just tell me a little bit about him. That boy is so hot. Are you sure he’s not your boyfriend?”

  “No, he’s not. He’s my former student.”

  She gives me a teasing smile before saying, “From what I remember, you said your student’s name was Sam. This boy looks so hot. You should continue to teach him.”

  “What’s this before about wanting me to quit tutoring, then?” I ask, dispelling her notion of matchmaking me with potential males.

  Her smile drops the minute I say that. “Well, that was before,” she argues. “But now look. He’s so cute. Wouldn’t it be nice if the two of you were a couple? You should totally go out with him. I’ve never seen a student come to their tutor’s home before, bearing fruitcake at that. It’s like he knows Moon is diabetic.”

  “Enough, Clare. Please.” I beg her to drop the subject.

  Clare only clicks her tongue at me. I’m about to pull out the wok in my attempt to start making dinner when Moon comes to stop me.

  “Vivi, Gigi wants you to go talk to her.”

  “But I have to make dinner, Moon. Tell her I need to make dinner.”

  Since Moon is a good girl, she goes back to the lounge to relay my message.

  The truth is I don’t want to see Zac inside my home. My heart is still jumping in an unsynchronized fashion. Seeing him all well again without his crutches really throws me off.

  Not a minute passes before Moon comes back into the kitchen, relaying her own message from Gigi.

  “Gigi said you have to go talk to her. Zacky wants to see you too.”

  There’s a snickering sound coming from Clare’s direction. I turn my head to her. She just shrugs her shoulder.

  “Fine. I’ll go.” I turn back to Moon but then decide I could always delay the inevitable. “Moon, have you checked your glucose level yet?”

  “I’ve checked it for her already,” Clare answers instead.

  I glare at her. Then turning back to Moon, I ask her, “Is it within the normal range?”

  “It’s normal,” Clare answers for Moon again.

  “Clare!” I huff.

  “What?” She shrugs her shoulder at me. “Hurry, hurry. You don’t want Nancy to wait now, do you? Especially with her guest who is waiting so eagerly to see you.”

  “Clare!” I huff again, my face growing redder by the second, and it’s not because I’m embarrassed. At least I tell myself it’s because I’m getting angry.

  “Oh, come on, Ivy. It’s not like you’re going to die or something. The boy just wants to pay his regards to you since you’re his excellent tutor and all,” Clare says, dragging me back into the lounge.

  Moon walks behind me.

  Once inside, I stand awkwardly in the corner until Zac’s eyes land on my person.

  “Ivy.” His emerald pupils light up.

  “Ivy, dear,” Gigi turns around too. “Come sit beside me here.”

  I do as she asks, sitting close to her, with Moon coming to sit on my other side.

  Help. I’m stuck in this position, facing Zac, who’s sitting right in front of me.

  Because we’re not well off, Zac ends up sitting on the wooden chair from the dining room, like he’s the victim in a trail, with Gigi, Moon, and me as judges. But he doesn’t look at all fazed. In fact, it looks like he’s in his element, smiling at everyone around the room, including me. I look down at the carpet, unable to meet his gaze.

  This carpet really is old. Even the furniture is old. I can’t wait to start working so I can replace all this furniture. Maybe if I work more hours, I can—

  “Ivy. Why are you all silent, dear?” Gigi’s voice penetrates my thoughts. “Zac came all the way here to give us cake, and you didn’t even thank him. It was very strange of you to walk past him like that. That isn’t very polite of you.”

  I lift my gaze to meet Zac’s grinning face. My heart jumps at the sight. He really is so beautiful. Then it makes me mad. And random questions keep on popping up inside my head.

  What is he doing here?

  All these unanswered questions make me angry. Only three he
artbeats later, that thunderous emotion of mine comes crashing down on me.

  “What are you doing here?” I lash out, glaring at him.

  There is a prevalent gasp around the room, mostly from Clare, who’s standing in one corner, eating cheese. Gigi shakes her head, a little mad at my outburst. I’m glad Moon, at least, isn’t affected by my action.

  “Why, Ivy. How rude of you,” Gigi reprimands. “Apologize to Zac right now. How can you talk like that to your friend? Here’s Zac, coming all the way here to visit you. The least you can do is welcome him with a smile.”

  “But, Grandma, I…” I try to explain to Gigi that Zac isn’t my friend, but he cuts me off first.

  “Don’t worry, Nancy. I’m used to Ivy’s sour attitude by now.”

  I give him a glare. Zac flinches but still remains optimistic, with that goofy smile of his.

  “But still, Zac.” Gigi continues talking to Zac. “I don’t want my granddaughter to act like that.”

  I feel small. It’s not right. Why is Gigi telling me off in front of Zac? He’s merely a stranger, whereas I’m her granddaughter. Plus, I’m only behaving like this to protect them.

  “I’m sorry,” I meekly apologize, although inside, I’m not happy with the outcome. I have to get him out of my house and talk to him properly. Remind him again to never interfere in my life.

  Zac only nods like a little puppy and smiles at me. But his next few words really tick me off. “And she always apologizes afterward too.” He speaks like he’s known me for a lifetime already.

  “Why didn’t you tell us Zac is your student?” Gigi asks, turning to me.

  “He’s my former student, Grandma,” I say, ignoring the gaze from Zac’s direction.

  “Why did you stop teaching him?” She grills me. “Zac’s been complaining that you stopped teaching him after he’d excelled so much. And now he’s not motivated to learn anymore.”

  “My ability as a tutor doesn’t match his skill as a student. I’ve transferred his case to Mandy already,” I say squarely.

  “Still. He came all the way here to visit you and even bought us fruitcake. The least you can do is help him with his algebra while he’s here,” Clare suggests.

  I turn a death glare in her direction.

  “Oh, that’s perfect.” Moon claps her hands together. “Why doesn’t Zacky eat with us? Then we can have cake as our dessert.”

  Gigi smiles at Moon and ruffles her hair. “Of course, Moon. Zac can stay and have dinner with us if he wants.”

  “Yes, Zacky, say yes. Eat dinner with us.” Moon encourages him.

  Zac nods his head rigorously, like he’s been waiting for this very moment.

  Clare nods her head in agreement too. Grandma only smiles, and Moon runs to sit on Zac’s lap again.

  And I fume.

  “No, Zac has other plans. Apparently, his friend called him over, so he won’t be able to stay.” I make a lie up on the spot.

  “Well, that plan has been cancelled.” Zac turns to me, his eyes telling me, You better think of another lie, because I’m not leaving here that easily.

  I try again. “But, Grandma, I only bought enough tofu to serve four people. Plus, we’re having vegetarian Asian stir-fry. Zac doesn’t even like vegetarian food.”

  “I’ve had a change of appetite lately, Nancy. I’ve always wanted to try being a vegetarian.” Zac counteracts my excuse.

  “But there won’t be enough food for five people,” I fire back.

  Back and forth, we banter, until Clare has enough and offers her own suggestion.

  “We could always cook another dish. A meat dish this time. That way there’s more to eat.”

  “I like meat too.” Zac has the gall to nod his head in agreement. Then turning to me, he says politely, “If you don’t mind me, Ivy, I would love to stay and have dinner with everyone.”

  It ticks me off. It ticks me right off. Why is he being so polite in front of Gigi like this? Is he trying to earn brownie points or something? I don’t understand him.

  Gigi nods at Zac’s display of polite manners. And I’m resigned to my fate.

  Dinner that night is very jovial. It’s been such a long time since we’ve shared this atmosphere. Clare and Moon won’t stop pestering Zac, while Gigi smiles like she’s never smiled before. It is only me who’s gloomy.

  What would they do if they found out Zac is Dillon’s brother? Would they cease all contact with him? Would they yell and curse him, like I did when I first found out?

  Zac’s voice pushes away my thoughts, and I turn to him.

  “Mmmm. This dish is really delicious, Ivy.” He picks up the tofu with his fork. After he finishes chewing, he gives me a smile. “Ivy, you should definitely open your own restaurant. I’ll be your number one customer.”

  Clare laughs from the other end of the table. “Zac, Ivy wants to become a lawyer. She doesn’t want to be stuck in the kitchen all day. Do you know she always complains about cooking, yet she makes the best food out of all of us?”

  Zac is about to put another piece of tofu in his mouth when he asks me, “Why do you want to become a lawyer? What inspires you?”

  “Because of an accident in the past,” I tell him with a serious face, giving him the hint of why I don’t want him to be here.

  My heart is beating so fast. I want to tell him to get out before it’s too late, before they find out who he really is, but Zac only looks at me, his eyes wide and innocent as he takes in my serious sad face.

  “Ivy,” Gigi says, interrupting our stares. “Don’t talk about the past when our guest is here.”

  I nod and look down at my plate. I fork my food around the plate, not having the appetite to eat anymore.

  “Are you not hungry?” Zac asks, trying to relieve the heavy tension in the room. “Or is the dish too far from your reach? Here, I’ll get some for you.”

  Zac spoons some into his spoon and carefully places the food on my plate. I stare at the blob of greens. My heart aches. If only he wasn’t related to Dillon, I wouldn’t be in this dilemma. So I push my chair back, surprising everyone around the table, and making my excuses.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m full now. Please excuse me.”

  I hurry out of the dining room to the safety of my bedroom, but just as I’m about to reach it, I feel a hand grab me from behind and swing me around. I turn to face Zac.

  “What’s wrong, Ivy?” he asks me, his voice soft with concern, his emerald eyes darkening with worry.

  I don’t waver. I don’t cave in. Instead, I tell him, “What’s wrong? You ask me what’s wrong? Shouldn’t I be asking you what’s wrong with you? I told you not to interfere in my life anymore, yet you’ve to come to my house.”

  “Because you ran away from me back then. I hadn’t finished talking yet, but you ran away. I told you I’d find you no matter where you are.”

  “Should I be congratulating you for being a stalker?” I ask sarcastically. “Just go home. I don’t have anything more to say to you. I’ve explained why I don’t want to see you.”

  “No. Not until you answer me first,” Zac says stubbornly.

  “What do you want me to answer?”

  “That you’ll be my friend.”

  “No. That’s my answer. Now go home.”

  God, why is he so adamant?

  “No. I’m going to come here every day after school until you accept me as a friend.”

  “Zac, why do you want to be my friend so much?”

  “Because…” There’s something in his eyes that I can’t decipher. It looks like he’s having an internal battle. After a small second passes, he says instead, “Look, I just want to hang out with you.”

  “Well, I don’t want to hang out with you. If my family knows you’re the brother of that man, they—”

  “But your family loves hanging out with me,” he interrupts. “Nancy and Moon like me. And Clare says I—”

  “That’s because they don’t know you’re Dillon’s brother.”


  He suddenly has a smile on his face and his eyes light up. “So before you knew Dillon was my brother, you liked me too, right?”

  “Zac!” I push him.

  Talking to him doesn’t work. Why is he twisting my words around?

  “Just go. I don’t want to see you anymore,” I yell.

  “But I want to see you,” he says sadly.

  “You know how much I dislike you. Just leave and don’t come here anymore. And if I ever see you enter my property again, I won’t ever forgive you.” I run to my room and shut the door in his face.

  Not a heartbeat passes before he drums on my door.

  “Ivy, please don’t act like this.”

  I shout at him through the door. “Just go away. Don’t associate with any of my family members anymore.”

  “Fine, you’re still angry at me because I made Mrs. Dale tell you off, so I’ll let you cool off first. I’ll see you at school tomorrow, then.”

  I’m not angry with him for telling Mrs. Dale, nor am I angry with him for calling me countless times before that. I’m angry because he’s being so persistent in his behavior, when I’ve told him countless times already that I don’t want to see him because he reminds me of Dillon. Because I’m scared and angry with myself that it has to be Zac, who’s just an innocent boy caught up in my family’s affairs.

  I close my eyes and will myself not to cry. “When I see you tomorrow, Zac, let’s just pretend we’re strangers. Don’t come and talk to me.”

  I hear a shudder followed by a long pause, then heavy footsteps leading away from my bedroom, back towards the dining room.

  I hear him make his apologies to Gigi and Clare. Moon whines a bit. Then there’s silence. I can’t help myself then. I carefully lift the side of the curtain to see Zac walking off to his car parked outside. I see him getting in and in a split second, his face is turned to me. I panic and quickly shut the curtain back in place, afraid he might catch me watching him.

  Hearing the sound of his car zooming away is like a knife in my heart. It hurts, and I’m bleeding slowly.

  Why is he making my life so complicated? It was fine before. Why does he have to come in and cause this problem?