Home Sweet Mess

by Allison Ashley

  A knock sounded at the door. “Whenever you two are finished in there, pie’s ready.”

  Logan lurched back, and Jeni’s hand flew up to cover her mouth. They stared at each other, wide-eyed and breathing hard, then burst out laughing.

  “I feel like I’m sixteen and just got caught sneaking a girl through my window.”

  “Holy hell, I’m mortified. I don’t know what came over me. I just…it’s like I lost my head for a minute.”

  Logan brushed a few wisps of hair back from her forehead. “I hope you never find it again.”

  She leaned into his palm then suddenly gasped and twisted around to look in the mirror. “Oh my gosh, I look like complete shit. I can’t believe I came in here and jumped you when I’m all dirty and have helmet hair.”

  With his hands on her shoulders, Logan turned her to face him again. “You couldn't look like shit even if you rolled around in it. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen.”

  He pressed his soft lips against hers, his heart pounding.

  How did she smell so good after the game they’d just played?

  Logan pulled his head back, and they looked at each other for a moment. She suddenly looked shy, and a protectiveness he didn’t know he had flared inside him.

  He helped her down from the counter. “We should probably get back out there.”

  “I don’t know if I can,” Jeni said. “What kind of first impression am I giving your mother?”

  “Don’t know, don’t care.” Logan adjusted his pants. “Besides, I’m the one who can’t leave yet,” he said with a wry grin. “You gotta go first.”

  “What? No.”

  “But there’s pie,” he reminded her.

  If Logan had the choice to stay here and keep kissing Jeni or have freshly baked apple pie, he’d choose the former, hands down. He wasn’t sure she’d say the same as she licked her lower lip, her eyes going bright.

  “I do love pie,” she said.

  He almost pulled her against him for one more kiss.

  Instead, he opened the door for her. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Logan remained in the bathroom for a few minutes to let his mind and body cool down. It wasn’t easy, since he kept replaying what just happened over and over in his head. Had Jeni really just burst in and initiated a hot make-out session in his mother’s powder bath?

  Hell yes, she had. He’d wanted his mouth on hers ever since he had her in his bed. Before that, even. Touching her was just as powerful this time as it had been then, and he was more convinced than ever there was something different about her.

  About them, together.

  Jeni wasn’t some one-night stand. He couldn’t be her friend with benefits. He wanted to know all of her, inside and out. He wanted to know her mind, her body, and her heart.

  And after what just happened, he had hope she might feel the same.

  * * *

  Logan finally rejoined Jeni and his mother. They were halfway through their pieces of apple pie and his mom was happily chatting away. She winked at Logan when he walked in, and he grinned and shook his head.

  Jeni sat stiffly in her chair, a polite smile on her face as she listened. Her demeanor was the polar opposite of the laughing vixen from ten minutes prior, but she probably felt awkward after what just happened. She kept her distance from him through dessert and saying goodbye to his mom, and he couldn’t fault her for that. She wasn’t his girlfriend—yet—and he couldn’t imagine her mother being on the other side of a door, knowing Logan’s hands were all over her daughter.

  But when they were back in his truck, he started to worry. She stayed strangely quiet as he weaved out of the neighborhood. When he reached for her hand, she pulled away.

  He frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  Jeni glanced over at him then focused her gaze on the dashboard in front of her. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. It was a mistake.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand. “I meant what I said earlier. I really like you, Logan. Each new thing I learn about you only makes me like you more. But I kind of got carried away, and I’m sorry because I know you probably thought that meant I was open to starting something real. Like a relationship.”

  He sure as hell had thought that. And he’d swear in that moment she had too. What happened between then and now to change her mind?

  “Don’t do that,” he said as gently as possible despite the knots forming in his stomach. “Don’t put a stop to this before it’s even begun. I’m not like your ex-husband, Jeni. Give me a chance to show you that. I’d never try to control you or stop you from doing what makes you happy.”

  She’d started to shake her head before he even finished his sentence. “I can’t. I’m sorry, but I just can’t. If you want, I’m still down for a no-strings-attache—”

  “No.” His voice came out harsher than he intended, and she seemed to shrink into her seat. “That’s not what I want from you.”

  Jeni peeked over at him. “Not even a little bit?”

  “Don’t make a joke. It’s pretty obvious what my body wants when you’re nearby, but I want more. I’ve made myself clear on that point.”

  “So have I.”

  Logan slowed the truck to a stop at a red light. He turned his head to look at her, frustrated at how beautiful she looked even when she was pissing him off beyond reason. “You won’t even let me try? Prove I might be the kind of man you need?”

  “The problem is with me, Logan. My issues not only make me averse to that level of commitment, but they also make me a shitty partner and that’s not fair. It’s not about proving yourself. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

  He wasn’t though. He wasn’t perfect. Deep down she probably knew it too but was trying to cover with this “it’s not you it’s me” bullshit. Why had he thought he might convince her to be the first one to stick around?

  The light turned green, and he hit the gas hard, the truck lurching forward.

  “I understand,” he said.

  Her fingers brushed his bicep, and he stilled. She quickly retracted her hand. “It’s not you I don’t want. Tell me you understand that.”

  Logan met her eyes for as long as he could before needing to look at the road again. “I understand.”

  “You’re a wonderful man on the inside and are so insanely hot on the outside sometimes it hurts to look at you. Someday you’ll make another woman very happy.”

  She was trying to be kind, but her words only served to further his frustration. For the first time in his life, he’d found someone he wanted to open up to. He wasn’t ready to yet, but she already knew more about him than anyone else had, and it felt like he’d gotten closer with her than anyone else. It was just his luck that some motherfucker got to her before he did—before he could treat her like she deserved—and ruined her belief in marriage. Relationships in general, it seemed.

  Someday you’ll make another woman very happy.

  Doubtful because even though he’d only met her four months ago, everything in him told him he’d never want another woman.

  He only wanted her.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jeni didn’t make it inside her house until an hour after Logan dropped her off. As soon as she hit the front porch, she waved him off and sat on her wooden porch swing. Thank God her neighbor was quiet. Jeni didn’t think she could handle that tonight.

  For the first time, jealousy surged through her at the memory of Cassidy and Logan’s morning tryst. What would he do if Cassidy called him now? Would he go out with her? Sleep with her? Would Jeni hear the sounds of another woman experiencing the intense, focused attention of Logan Davis?

  The thought made her stomach turn.

  But so did the words his mother spoke tonight, moments before Logan returned from the bathroom where Jeni had the best kiss of her life.

  “It does my heart good to see Logan so happy. I haven’t seen this k
ind of joy in him in a long time.”

  Jeni had sputtered something in response, though she couldn’t remember what. It must have been good enough because Ingrid had gone on.

  “My late husband was the best role model Logan could have ever asked for. I have no doubt in my mind Logan’s destined to be a family man, even if his current lifestyle doesn’t attest to it.” She smiled wryly, and Jeni wondered how much Ingrid really knew of her son’s exploits. “He’s just trying to get things figured out. I know he would have stayed in San Francisco for a job at Twitter if it weren’t for me. Social media communication is what he loves, but when I was diagnosed, he turned their offer down and moved back home. He had to take a job he didn’t care for and only recently got an opportunity at the Chiefs. He’s back in a field he’s passionate about but is starting at the bottom because he lost so much time.”

  That had surprised Jeni—only because it was new information, not because it didn’t fit the man she was starting to see beneath the ladies’ man exterior.

  It was Ingrid’s words about seeing Logan happy and his destiny as a family man—which surely meant married and with children—that knocked the wind out of Jeni and elicited a stab of pain in her chest. She would never be able to make Logan happy in the long run. It would be unfair to let things move forward.

  If only Ingrid had said those things before Jeni followed Logan to the bathroom, maybe she could have stopped herself. Talked some reason into her wayward heart.

  Maybe she wouldn’t have though. She’d wanted to do that ever since their almost kiss the night of her failed seduction attempt.

  Either way, once they were alone in the dark cab of his pickup truck, she had to shut it down. He’d seemed okay with things lately, almost like he enjoyed their weird, non-dating friendship. She’d been hopeful their conversation wouldn’t bother him too much and that they could just go back to the way they were.

  But that moment when he looked at her in the truck, his blue eyes almost gray in the darkness, she knew she was mistaken.

  The front door swung open.

  “Shit!” Jeni’s hand flew to her chest.

  Rhonda rolled her eyes. “Relax, it’s only me.” She closed the door behind her and joined Jeni on the swing, glancing at her watch. “This isn’t a respectable hour.”

  “I’ve been out here a while,” Jeni said. “We went to his mom’s house for a bit after the game.”

  “Really?” Rhonda raised a dark brow. “What’s going on between you two?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Really?” Rhonda asked again.

  Jeni glared at her sister. “I’m not in the mood.”

  “You can’t blame me for asking. You two have hung out a lot lately, and I know he’s the one who picked you up for a date”—she used air quotes around the word—“the other night. You haven’t dated anyone since your divorce.”

  “Maybe I have and just didn’t tell you.”

  “Have you?”

  “No.”

  Rhonda sighed. “Look, it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. But he dropped you off an hour and ten minutes ago, and you’ve been moping out here ever since.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I know everything. Are you okay? Did he do something to hurt you?”

  “No, nothing like that. Logan’s a great guy. One of the best I’ve ever met, actually. On par with Andrew.”

  “That’s a high bar. So, what’s the problem?”

  Jeni’s toe pushed them into a slow swinging motion. She focused on the rhythmic movement for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

  “I’m trying to get up in your business, but I guess so.”

  Jeni huffed out a single laugh then went serious again. “Why haven’t you ever gotten married?”

  “Haven’t met anyone I wanted to marry. Now, back to you. Why are you moping?”

  “I have. I thought I wanted to marry Jackson, and look where that got me. Now I’m messed up and broken. Ruined for all relationships forevermore.”

  “Are you saying this because you want to marry Logan and don’t know what to do?”

  “No. But he’s the first guy I’ve wanted more with since Jackson. And I want to be with him, but I just don’t see the point. I try to be smart with my decisions and not make the same mistake twice.”

  “Maybe marriage wasn’t the mistake. Maybe it was who you married.”

  Jeni shrugged. “Maybe.”

  She said it more for Rhonda’s benefit. Her sister was just trying to help. But the problem hadn’t only been Jackson. It was her too. She knew, deep down, that it wouldn’t work with anyone else.

  Especially a man like Logan.

  * * *

  Jeni: Am I still invited to play tonight?

  Logan: We could use you. First game’s at 6:30 and if we win we’ll have one more. See you there.

  He wasn’t willing to give her a ride this time. She guessed that was fair.

  Jeni locked her phone and tossed it on the couch beside her. Her mom and sisters had gone back to Nebraska two days ago, and the house was quiet. Even though she was relieved to have her solitude back, she’d kind of gotten used to having them, and her mother’s cooking, around.

  With her family gone, nothing to do, and no friends to hang out with, she suddenly felt lonely. She needed to make some other friends in Kansas City, but there weren’t any other young, single women at CPS. Sandra was in her sixties, and the others were middle-aged at best.

  Jeni thought of Lauren, the pharmacist who’d met with their family during Andrew’s first oncologist visit. She was about Jeni’s age and seemed nice. Lauren had dropped a terrible joke when she stopped by during Andrew’s first chemo visit and popped off a few snarky responses to him too. Seemed like Jeni’s style.

  Andrew’s too, if Jeni was judging his reaction to her correctly. He’d watched for Lauren the entirety of his chemo treatment yesterday, Jeni was sure of it. She knew her brother better than anyone else. He was interested. If he started dating Lauren, maybe Jeni could get a friend—or two? Lauren had to know other people around here—out of it too.

  There were also two other women on the softball team, who she’d see tonight. They at least had sports in common, and maybe she could try to get to know them a little better.

  Except both of them had been pretty flirty with Logan at the game on Tuesday.

  On second thought, they didn’t really seem like her type.

  Jeni arrived at the ballpark at six-twenty. She sat in her car and pulled her hair into a ponytail before she grabbed her glove and got out. Two of the four fields were lit up, and two teams would play a game on each. The winners of those would move on and play head to head for the season championship.

  The stands were dotted with people, though not full by any means. Mostly family and friends who wanted an excuse to drink beer and yell obscenities to the other team. Jeni learned on Tuesday this was no family-friendly league. Logan had apologized at one point for his teammate’s language, but she wasn’t bothered. He should hear the things that came out of her dad’s mouth during calf birthing season.

  She was just happy to be playing and in a fairly competitive league, at that. The one she’d played in during her Master’s was a joke. She’d been forced to take her normal game intensity down about five notches, and even then, she’d become the player the other teams warned each other about.

  Jeni approached the dugout where the other team members had gathered. Several were talking amongst themselves, two or three to a group. Logan sat on the bench, wearing a hooded sweatshirt over his jersey. He’d take it off before they played, and she’d only have a few minutes to admire him in her favorite article of clothing on a man. His wavy blond hair was slightly disheveled, like he hadn’t taken the time to fix it at all today. His long legs clad in white pants and cleats extended out comfortably in front of him. If it weren’t for the way his brow furrowed a little and his arms crossed tightly in front of his chest, he’d have lo
oked like a guy without a care in the world.

  Stacy, an adorable blond woman with long legs and a killer smile, sat about a foot and a half away from him. She said something to Logan, and his expression softened along with his deep laugh.

  Jeni’s heart twisted at the sound. She held her glove by her side in one hand and brought the other across her body.

  He looked up and saw her and immediately dropped his gaze. He seemed to think better of it and caught her eye again, lifting his hand in a wave. Stacy hadn’t noticed Jeni and leaned across the small space to say something in Logan’s ear, touching his forearm.

  Jeni had been two seconds away from setting her stuff down at the end of the row, but now took a step forward. “Excuse me.”

  Stacy looked up. “Oh, hey, Jeni.”

  Jeni gave her a tight smile and sat down right between them. The spot was barely enough for a person to squeeze into, and her thighs touched theirs on either side.

  Stacy let out a small noise of irritation or amusement, Jeni couldn’t be sure, and stood. “See y’all out there.”

  Jeni and Logan sat there alone. They were surrounded by noise and people, but it felt like they were in their own little world.

  Logan remained silent for a moment.

  “You can’t do that,” he finally said. He hadn’t moved so much as a centimeter away from her. He smelled wonderful, and Jeni wanted to bury her face in his neck.

  “Do what?” she asked.

  “Act jealous. You don’t get to do that.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He snorted. Still, he didn’t scoot away, and they remained like that, side by side with arms and thighs aligned, until the game began.

  They won the first game relatively easily. The second was a struggle.

  By the final inning, their team was up by one, and Jeni stood on the pitcher’s mound. It was after nine p.m. and probably barely above forty degrees. Her breath puffed out as white mist, but her body was warm and energized.