Don't Give Me Butterflies

by Tara Sheets

  “What did you find out?” Kat asked, looking back and forth between them. Both Emma and Juliette looked like kids on Christmas morning.

  “Apparently, Evangeline Bellamy moved from place to place, after she left her parents,” Juliette said. “She was young and wild and full of wanderlust, determined to make it to the West Coast where she could see Hollywood. She rarely kept in contact with her parents, which is the way of that particular Holloway gift. Those with wanderlust are always out there blowing in the wind. Now get ready for this.”

  Juliette opened her mouth to continue, but it was Emma who blurted, “Evangeline Bellamy was a theater actress for a little while in California, and she changed her name to Kate Davenport!”

  “You are the daughter of Kate Davenport,” Juliette said triumphantly. “That makes you our second cousin!”

  Kat felt no surprise, only relief. Somehow, she’d already begun to believe it. It was good to finally get proof. “But, how?”

  “Hunter’s contact into missing persons had to dig deep,” Emma said. “But twenty-six years ago, an infant with no known relatives was taken into a police station in L.A. That same night, Kate Davenport, a single mother, left her apartment complex to go out with friends. She left her infant daughter with a babysitter and never returned.”

  Kat felt an odd, swooshing sensation in her head, as if all the years of unanswered questions about her family were now funneling down through a narrow tunnel into this exact moment. A moment she’d been waiting for her entire life. “What happened to her?”

  “There was a multicar pileup on the freeway that night.” Emma’s face was etched with sympathy. “An overturned truck. Several people died, including your mother.”

  Juliette reached out and laid a hand on Kat’s shoulder.

  “They said she died,” Kat whispered. “But I never knew how.”

  “The babysitter was only a teenager,” Juliette continued. “So when your mom never returned, the babysitter and her parents took you to the police and told them everything they could, but they didn’t know much about your mother. Not even her real name. Only that she was a waitress who lived in the same apartment complex. So you went into foster care, and we never knew you were out there. Even Evangeline’s parents in Ireland didn’t know about you. Hunter’s contact said he tracked down the babysitter and interviewed her. All she remembered was that your mother had a boyfriend in the military who’d died. She said your mother was always talking about moving up north to the islands in the Pacific Northwest. I think she was planning to bring you here.”

  “Just like my mom did with me,” Emma said softly. “I think the three of us were meant to grow up together, but your mother died before she could bring you to the island.”

  Kat felt an odd swell of sadness mixed with joy. She’d always wanted to know what happened to her mother, and who her family might have been. And now she knew.

  Emma and Juliette were beaming at her like she hung the moon.

  “So there you have it,” Juliette said. “You’re a Holloway, and you belong here.”

  “But we knew that already,” Emma said, rising from the couch. “The house never gets it wrong.”

  The window curtains billowed out, as if the house was agreeing.

  Kat let out a shaky laugh. Then they were all hugging and talking and teasing one another in that comfortable way that family does. And in that moment, a large missing puzzle piece of Kat’s life fell into place. With these women who’d come to mean so much to her, she felt as if she could do anything. Brave anything.

  She suddenly needed to see Jordan. She wanted to tell him about her past, about her relation to the Holloway family, and most of all, about her feelings for him. The memory of what he’d told her last night only amplified her feelings more. I want us to be together. I don’t want to lose you. Kat took a deep breath, filled with determination. She loved Jordan Prescott, and it was time to let him know.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Jordan leaned back in his chair and propped his feet on his desk. Chad Newland’s voice sounded anxious on the other end of the phone. Jordan could tell he was on speaker because of the slight echo in their conversation. He could just picture his business partner back in Manhattan, pacing in his corner office, stress ball in one hand, glass of scotch in the other, tie crooked from tugging on it.

  “Where’ve you been?” Chad asked. “Did you get my messages?”

  “I wasn’t home last night,” Jordan said, staring up at the ceiling. Kat had so enthralled him that he hadn’t wanted to waste a single moment on work. The second he saw her in that blue velvet dress, he’d been thunderstruck. She was so damn gorgeous, and not just because of the dress. Hell, Kat could be standing in the animal pen covered in mud, and she’d still be the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Everything about her was irresistible. Her sweet and sassy nature, her genuine kindness, her ability to laugh in the face of hardship. She was—

  “Morgan’s selling the business.”

  Jordan’s train of thought came screeching to a halt. “What?”

  “You gotta get back here, man.” Chad paused and Jordan could hear the ice clinking in Chad’s glass as he took a drink of scotch. “The board announced that he has to move all our accounts to a larger firm.” He paused for a fraction of a second. “They’re going with Archer Anders.”

  Jordan sat bolt upright in his chair. “Like hell they are.”

  “But wait, it’s not bad news. Morgan agreed to the board’s demands only if Archer Anders agrees to buy us out. You and me.” More ice clinked. “We’re getting executive positions. Equity. Golden parachutes—the whole nine yards. And if Archer doesn’t comply, Morgan’s going to go with the first firm that will.” Chad hooted in triumph. “Get this. Morgan said he wants to honor the relationship he has with you, and the relationship you had with his grandfather. Said you had integrity that’s hard to find these days.” Chad’s voice grew louder with excitement. “This is it, man. Everything we’ve talked about. Archer has already agreed. We’ve got them by the balls. You gotta get back here so we can firm up the details.”

  Jordan listened as Chad filled him in on the plans. Everything sounded perfect. This was the dream. The lifestyle. The crazy stock options. The Upper East Side penthouse with the view. It was exactly what he’d always wanted. Wasn’t it?

  As Chad droned on, Jordan stared out his bedroom window feeling an odd sense of melancholy. Before meeting Kat, he would’ve been elated. He’d have jumped on the first plane back to JFK without a backward glance. But now there was her, and everything felt different. His mind began to spin with possibilities, searching for a way to hold on to it all.

  By the time Jordan made his way to the red barn to begin tossing out the refuse of his former life, he’d come up with a plan.

  * * *

  Kat drove up to Willowbrook Lavender Farm, her whole body a roiling mixture of excitement and nerves. There was so much she wanted to tell Jordan.

  The doors of the red barn were thrown wide open for the first time, and a huge pile of junk had formed out in the yard. She could hear Jordan banging around inside and knew he was in the process of hauling everything out.

  She poked her head into the doorway just as a giant stuffed carnival bear sailed onto the junk heap. “You sure you don’t want to keep that purple panda?”

  Jordan took one look at her and covered the distance between them. Then he scooped her up, spun her in a circle, and kissed her before setting her back down.

  “Careful,” Kat laughed, glancing back at the farmhouse. “Opal might see you.”

  “Oh, no. She might think we like each other.” He kissed her again. “I want to talk to you, but first I have to get all this crap out of here by three o’clock when the truck comes.”

  Kat walked into the barn. “It looks like you’ve got most of it already.” It was mostly empty, save for some junk stacked along the walls, a broken lawn mower, and the beautiful caravan.

  She lifted a
deflated plastic kiddie pool. “Did you swim in this when you were little?”

  “No.” He tossed a broken lawn chair outside. “They used it to hold ice and beer during outdoor parties.”

  Kat threw the inflatable pool onto the growing pile outside, then continued chatting as they gathered the rest of the junk. She was in the middle of asking him if he’d ever used the sparkly pink Hula-Hoop, when he began to chuckle.

  He was leaning against the barn entrance, watching her. His chest heaved from tossing another box onto the junk heap outside, and he had a crooked grin on his face.

  “What is it?” she asked, gripping the Hula-Hoop.

  “You,” he said. “Talking so much.”

  Kat jammed her hand on her hip. “Well, when something interests me, I have a lot of questions.”

  “I like it. I love hearing you talk.”

  “Oh.” Sunlight bloomed inside her. He said “love.” “Then I’ll keep talking. Because I actually wanted to know about the broken skateboard back there. It’s missing a wheel, and I was wondering if you used to skate. When I was twelve, I wanted to be a skater. Mostly because it sounded cool, and I had a crush on a neighborhood boy who used to skate on this half-pipe by the house where I lived. Anyway, I tried to learn to skateboard, but—”

  “Kat,” Jordan interrupted. His expression grew very serious. “Kat, I want to ask you something.”

  She gripped the pink Hula-Hoop, wondering if now would be a good time to tell him she loved him. He seemed . . . excited, actually. Like he was about to say something really important. She had important things to say, too.

  “Come to New York with me.” He said it with so much conviction, it almost sounded like a demand.

  Kat blinked, swallowing the declaration of love that had been on the tip of her tongue. “What?” She exhaled on a nervous laugh. “I can’t go on a trip right now.” For one thing, she didn’t have the money. And for another, she’d only just found out she was a Holloway. There were things she wanted to do here with Emma and Juliette. And she had to take care of the animals.

  Jordan walked over to her, gently took the Hula-Hoop, and tossed it aside. “I’m not talking about a trip, Kat. I told you last night I don’t want to lose you. I want us to stay together. Come back to New York with me. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I think you’ll love it there.” He reached for her hands, holding them tightly. “I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”

  She kept her hands limp, because she was too confused to do anything else. “You want me to go live there?”

  “Yes.” His expression was dead serious. “With me.”

  Kat pulled her hands away with the pretense of pushing her hair back. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest. She tried to focus on what was happening. Leave Pine Cove Island? Never. Not when she’d just discovered her real family. Not when she had people and animals relying on her. Didn’t he know her at all?

  “It’ll be just you and me,” he continued. “We won’t have to deal with any of this.” He gestured around them. As if that was a plus. As if that was everything he’d ever wanted. A life far away from here.

  “You aren’t . . .” She cleared her throat, hating that her voice sounded small. “You aren’t going to stay?”

  Jordan jerked his chin back. “Here?” He looked like he’d just discovered a litter of tigers on his bed. “No. That was never my plan. Something big just came up at work. A job offer of a lifetime, really. I want you to come with me. Things would be much easier there, and you wouldn’t even have to work if you didn’t want to. Say yes.” He seemed so sincere and hopeful, it hurt.

  The dawning realization that they both wanted such different things made her suddenly ill. A dull, painful ache stole over her, the steady pressure of it tipping her off balance. She felt like she was teetering on the razor edge of some dark place she’d been before. Disappointment. Emptiness. Loss. The place didn’t really have a name, but she knew it well. Only this time it felt much worse.

  He’d said he wanted to ask her something, and now she knew. Except he hadn’t really asked, had he? Come back to New York with me. I want you to come with me. Say yes. None of them were questions. Just demands. But then, he’d never been very good at asking things. Maybe it was because he was always so sure he’d get what he wanted.

  Kat took a deep breath and began building walls inside, because that was how you kept from falling. She fought hard to appear unfazed. From a purely practical perspective, it wasn’t an awful idea. She knew deep down it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, to have the man you love ask you to fly across the country and move in with him. The old Kat might have even jumped at the chance. But things were so different now. She hadn’t only found love on Pine Cove Island, she’d found friends and family. She had a life here now, and she’d wanted him to be in it. But she wouldn’t get to have that.

  A coldness settled over her. She wished she could be the woman he wanted her to be, but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. “How soon are you going?” she asked calmly.

  “Sooner than I’d initially anticipated, but I’ve got everything in order. The house is ready to sell, and I’ve already had some discussions with my grandmother.”

  Opal! In her initial shock at his proposal, Kat hadn’t even thought of logistics. She took a step back. Took a deep breath. “What about Opal?”

  “I’m going to move her into the assisted living facility.”

  “A home?” Kat’s jaw dropped in disbelief. The walls inside grew stronger, because this wasn’t just about her. It was about people she loved. “You can’t do that to her. This is her home.”

  “She’s old, and she has trouble walking.” His voice had a defensive edge to it. “This farm is no place for someone in her condition.”

  “And you’ve just decided that for her?” Kat threw back. All the giddy happiness she’d felt earlier that day was gone, and in its place was a cold, hard knot of resentment.

  “No.” Jordan looked frustrated. “I asked her what she wanted to do, and she chose it. She said that’s where all her friends lived, and she’d prefer to be closer to them.”

  “That’s just what she told you. It’s because she doesn’t want to be a burden.” It sickened Kat to know that his grandmother was being forced to put on a brave face. Opal deserved better than that.

  “She said she’d be happier there,” Jordan insisted. “Why shouldn’t I take her at her word?”

  “Because she’s telling you what you want to hear. And it’s easier for you to just accept it because now you don’t have to feel guilty about abandoning her!” Angry heat roiled inside her, escalating until she could feel her face grow hot. All her life, she’d moved from home to home, and she knew what it felt like when someone told you it was time to go. It felt awful. It felt like failure. She hated that this was happening to Opal.

  “What about the animals?” Kat demanded. The idea of all of her precious animals having to find new homes made her heart crack. “Or were you planning to bring them all to New York City, too? I’m sure Waffles and Lulabelle would love to share your bedroom with the cats and dogs. And chickens.” Her voice was sharp with bitterness, but she didn’t care.

  A muscle clenched in his jaw, and he shook his head. “I can’t bring them all, and you know that. But you could bring Hank. We can find good homes for the rest of them. I’ll help you.” He looked so sincere, it just made her angrier.

  “That’s very noble of you,” Kat scoffed. “But I’ll pass on your offer to help.” The fact that he was so easily willing to turn everyone out made her wounded heart feel like it was bleeding out. She wrapped her arms around herself and held on.

  His expression grew stormy. He was angry now, too. Good. “Look, I’m doing the best I can.”

  “Are you? Stay here, then.” She lifted her chin in challenge. “That’s what would be easiest for everyone. I thought you said you wanted us to stay together. That you didn’t want to lose me.”

  Jordan stared at
her for a long moment. His expression was granite hard. Unreadable.

  Kat could count the seconds with every beat of her pounding heart.

  “My life is back there, Kat,” he finally said in a low, steely voice. “Everything I’ve worked for. I’m asking you to be a part of it.”

  A heavy ache settled inside her because she knew that wasn’t possible. “If I go with you, then I’m no better off than when I first came here. All my life, I’ve moved around and tried to fit into other people’s lives. But now I know that this is my place. This is where I belong. I thought you could see that. I thought you understood me.”

  “Kat, I’ve always been honest with you, and I care about you. That’s why I’m asking you to come.”

  “But what about them?” She pointed in the direction of the farmhouse. “What about Opal and the animals? How could you so easily abandon them like they’re not important?”

  “Dammit, Kat.” He let out a harsh breath. “I can’t always save everyone!” He turned and stalked across the barn, running both hands through his hair. He whirled around, gesturing to the scattered remnants of junk. “My whole existence, my whole life on this damned island has been about cleaning up after my parents. Taking care of everyone and everything as best I could. But I’ve got a new life out there now. One I made. I’ve worked hard for it, and I want to share it with you. Can’t that be enough?”

  She moved toward the door.

  “Say it’s enough,” he insisted.

  Kat fought for a calm she didn’t feel. “How long before you go?”

  He started toward her. “Kat—”

  She held up her hands. “How long?”

  He stopped a few feet away. “A week. Maybe a little more. I’m having professional packers come to help my grandmother move.”

  “And the farm?” she asked quietly, grateful that her voice sounded even and neutral. The complete opposite of the cyclone that was tearing her apart inside.

  “Layla’s sending someone out to survey the property. It goes on the market next week.”