Don't Give Me Butterflies

by Tara Sheets

  “So. I have a week to find a new place?”

  “No. I don’t want you to find a new place. I want you to come with me.” There was a bleak edge to his voice she hadn’t expected.

  Kat shook her head. “That’s not going to happen.”

  He flinched as if she’d slapped him. “Why not?”

  “Because unlike you, I believe family and community are the most important things in the world. I just found out Emma and Juliette are my cousins. I have people here who need me. Them. Smitty at the animal shelter. Opal. All the animals. I’m not going to pack up and leave just because you’ve offered me an easy life somewhere else. I know what’s real, and what’s important.”

  “And you don’t think that what I feel for you is real or important?” His gold eyes glittered with emotion.

  “Jordan, I love you,” Kat said simply. It surprised her to say it so easily, especially under these circumstances. But since the entire house of cards had already come tumbling down around her, why not throw her final hand on the table? “I’ve loved you for a while, and I’ve been meaning to tell you that.”

  Now he looked stunned. It hurt a little, knowing it came as that much of a surprise to him. Maybe he just never felt as strongly as she did.

  “I want nothing more than for you to be happy,” she continued. “Since you’ve been here, I believed you were happy. I hoped that you would change your mind about leaving, and I hoped this place could be enough. That I could be enough to make you want to stay.”

  “Kat—”

  “No.” She held her hand up. “Let me finish. You know what my life has been like in the past. If you truly cared for me, then you wouldn’t ask me to abandon my family. You told me we could make the family we wanted, remember? Well, I did. And my life is here now.”

  They both stood there with only a few feet of distance separating them, but it may as well have been a thousand miles. An eternity seemed to pass, with neither of them moving or speaking. Kat couldn’t think of a single way to make it work. She loved him, but he was leaving. He wanted her to go with him, but she couldn’t leave her family behind. She wouldn’t. Not when she’d finally found them.

  A crow’s shrill cry broke the silence. Edgar swooped into the barn with a caw of alarm that seemed to echo through Kat’s bones. Something was wrong. “What is it?”

  Edgar flew in another circle, crying out again.

  “Something’s happened,” Kat said, running for the door. “It’s Opal.”

  Edgar flew out into the yard as Kat ran toward the farmhouse. Jordan was right behind her.

  At the bottom of the porch steps, Opal lay in an awkward sprawl. Her purple velour track suit had gravel and dust down one side.

  “Opal!” Kat cried, running toward her.

  It was Jordan who reached her first. “Call nine-one-one,” he said urgently, leaning over his grandmother.

  Kat fumbled for her phone and managed to dial the number. She gave the address to the operator, heart thumping in her chest like a war drum. If anything happened to Opal...

  The old woman’s skin looked paper thin, and all the color had drained from her face. Her eyes fluttered, and Jordan reached out and gently laid his hand on hers. “Grandma, can you hear me?”

  Opal’s eyes snapped open. “Of course I can hear you. I’ve got bad joints; I’m not deaf.”

  Jordan dipped his head, shoulders shaking. At first Kat thought he was crying. It wasn’t until he spoke again that she realized he was laughing with relief. “Grandma, I thought you were dead.”

  Opal gave him a crooked grin. “Not dead yet, my boy. I was just coming out to tell you both I made a casserole, but I slipped on the wet steps. Now help me up off the ground. This is so undignified.”

  Edgar was perched on the porch railing. He cawed loudly.

  “I have to agree with Edgar,” Kat said. “You should stay still until the paramedics arrive.”

  “That bird said all that to you with one caw?” Opal asked grumpily.

  “Edgar is the one who alerted us,” Jordan said. “He came and told Kat you were hurt.”

  “Did he, now?” Opal’s stern expression softened. “Remind me to give him some treats when I get back to the kitchen.” She tried to rise, but Jordan placed his hand gently on her shoulder.

  “No, Grandma, you need to lie still.”

  “On the ground?” she cried. “What kind of a grandson makes his poor grandmother lay out in the mud and rain?”

  “A very terrible, no-good grandson,” Jordan said, brushing her wispy hair off her forehead.

  Kat watched the way he spoke to her, and how he leaned over her head to block the light rainfall. It made her heart ache to see how much he cared for his grandmother. Deep down, Kat knew he’d always been honest with her about his plans to go back to the East Coast. He’d never kept that from her, so she couldn’t blame him, but it still hurt. If only he cared enough to stay.

  She pressed her lips together and refused to think about it. Opal needed her, and she wasn’t going to break down now. Kat ran into the house and brought out an umbrella, propping it up over their heads.

  An ambulance wailed down the street, and Opal lifted her finger. “Those paramedic fellas better be good-looking, or else I did this little stunt for nothing.”

  “They’re here now,” Kat said as the ambulance pulled into the driveway. She fought to keep her voice light. “And I don’t think you’ll be disappointed, Opal. Everyone knows paramedic guys are good-looking. I think it’s a prerequisite.”

  For the next fifteen minutes, three paramedics surrounded Opal, asking her questions and assessing the damage. Eventually they concluded it was a concussion, and a possible fracture of her upper ankle. After wrapping it in an inflatable air splint, they set her on a stretcher and carried her to the back of the ambulance. Kat followed, wringing her hands, wishing there was more she could do.

  Once Opal was secured in the ambulance, the young paramedic turned to them and said, “Who’s family?”

  Jordan stepped forward. “Me.”

  “You coming?” the paramedic asked him, holding the door.

  Jordan climbed into the ambulance, then turned to Kat, his face solemn. “Thank you.”

  The paramedic shut the door with a slam that seemed to echo through Kat’s bones.

  She slowly lowered the umbrella and watched them drive away. It was a while before she realized she was soaked to the skin and freezing. She made her way up to her apartment, heart heavier than it had ever been. Who’s family? the paramedic had asked. Who’s family? Not her. Not when it mattered.

  Slowly, methodically, Kat dragged her old suitcase out from under her bed and began gathering her things. She folded her T-shirts and jeans into flat, neat stacks and placed them in the suitcase. Tops on one side, bottoms on the other. She was good at this—the moving on. She’d had lots of practice. There was a sharp, painful ache in the back of her throat like she’d swallowed a pine cone, and it wouldn’t go away so she would just have to breathe around it. And she would not cry, because that didn’t get you anywhere.

  It wasn’t long before Kat’s belongings were packed neatly into her suitcase. She was ready. At least she wasn’t on the hook for moving furniture. Silver linings.

  She sagged onto the old recliner and dialed Juliette’s number.

  “You’re moving out?” her cousin asked in surprise.

  Kat knew she should tell Juliette everything—and she would—but for now, all she could manage was, “Yeah.” She took a shaky breath and focused on logistics. “You okay if I sleep over at your place for a couple of days?” She just needed some time to think, away from Jordan. Of course, she would go to the farmhouse every day to take care of the animals, but the idea of being so close to him right now was too painful to contemplate.

  “I’d love to have you.” Juliette’s voice was filled with sympathy. “My cottage is mostly empty these days, because I’ve been spending my time over at Logan’s house. You can take the s
pare room. Stay as long as you like. My cat Luna hates everyone, but she’ll love you.”

  “What about Lucky and Hank? Lucky’s happiest at the farm, but I’ll want to bring him home with me in the evenings to sleep with us.”

  Juliette laughed. “Do it. It’ll be good for Luna to have some excitement in her life.”

  Kat thanked her and said good-bye, looking around at the apartment. The butterfly cage was sitting empty by the window. She turned away, with Hank trotting at her heels.

  In the farmhouse, Kat went to do a quick check on Clementine and the kittens, but they weren’t in the downstairs bathroom. Walking through the house, Kat was beginning to panic, until Clementine greeted her from the top of the stairs. Kat followed her to Jordan’s room, stunned to see the box of kittens on the floor near his desk. The bowls of food and water were lined against the wall.

  “Oh.” Kat swallowed past the lump in her throat, bending down to pet the happy cat. Bittersweet images flashed through her mind. Jordan working at his desk with Clementine in his lap. Jordan pulling a string across the floor for her. Jordan holding the kittens. “You did it, Clementine. You won him over,” Kat whispered. Her eyes pricked with hot tears, but she blinked them back. No crying. She had things to figure out. She had to plan. There was no time for useless tears. It was a small comfort, at least, to know he’d take good care of the cats until he left.

  She left the house and placed her keys under the mat. Then she assured the animals she’d see them very soon. “I’ll be back tomorrow before work to check on all of you. I promise. And soon we’ll find ourselves a new place.” A new place that allowed cats, dogs, mini donkeys, and goats. Piece of cake. Kat started toward her car with a sinking feeling. What were the odds she could find a place like that? Maybe she could appeal to Smitty’s good nature—which she knew was in there, somewhere—and find a way to house them at the shelter until she could come up with a more permanent solution.

  As she pulled out of the driveway, she realized just how much the farm had changed since she arrived. The farmhouse looked shiny and clean with its fresh coat of paint and flowers in the mended flower boxes. The hedges were trimmed, the grass was neatly mowed, and Jordan had even painted the paddock fence. He’d done so much to fix the place up, she’d allowed herself to hope. She’d allowed herself to believe they could have a future together. A stab of grief tore through her, and she gripped the steering wheel, gritting her teeth, refusing to cry. She didn’t have time to think about her own stupid heartache. Not when there were animals depending on her.

  Hank sensed her sadness and climbed into her lap. “We’re going to figure this out,” she whispered brokenly. “I promise.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  A couple of days later, Jordan walked into the hospital room to find Opal surrounded by a doctor and two laughing nurses. Opal spotted him at the door and beamed.

  “And here’s my grandson now,” she said. “I’ve just been telling them about the time you decided you wanted to be a banker when you were a little boy. Do you remember that?”

  “Did you really set up a stand on the side of the road with the words ‘Bank of Jordan’?” one of the nurses asked.

  “Yes,” he said. “And would you believe not a single person wanted to invest their money? I think the safe I made out of a shoebox and duct tape didn’t impress them.”

  “He was a very enterprising child,” Opal said proudly. “Always looking for ways to make money and get ahead.”

  “Your grandmother can go home in the morning,” the doctor said. “Though we’ll miss her stories.”

  The doctor filled Jordan in on Opal’s aftercare. She’d suffered a fracture in her upper ankle, a bruised hip, and a concussion, but she was going to be just fine.

  When the staff left the room, Jordan sat beside Opal and took her hand. “Looks like I get to bust you out of here tomorrow.”

  “And thank the Lord for that. I’ve been bored to death lying around with nothing interesting to do.”

  “I happen to know Sam Norton’s been here to visit,” Jordan said. “And you seem plenty interested in him.” He’d passed Sam in the hall a couple of times, grateful that his grandmother had such a good friend. There were several flower bouquets in her hospital room, and most were from Sam.

  Opal blushed. “Sam is wonderful, isn’t he? I’ll be glad to move into the same complex so we can be closer to each other.”

  “Grandma, are you sure you want to leave the farmhouse?” He watched her intently, trying to gauge her true feelings. “I would hate to think you’re telling me that just to make things easier for me.” Kat’s accusation had cut him to the bone, and for the past couple of days he couldn’t stop thinking about the things she’d said. They tore him up at night. When he’d returned home from the hospital on Sunday and discovered her gone, a bleak emptiness had opened up inside him. Every day it grew bigger.

  “Honest to God,” Opal said. “I’ve been in that farmhouse far too long, and it’s not set up for someone like me. That place needs a family with rowdy kids and parents who enjoy that outdoorsy, farm lifestyle. At my age, I’d be much happier over in the assisted living community. That’s where all the action is.”

  Jordan glanced sideways at her. “What kind of action are we talking about, here? Bingo, surely.”

  “Yes, of course,” Opal said with a mischievous grin. “Bingo, and knitting.”

  He laughed and squeezed her hand. He loved his grandmother. For the first time since he’d made the decision to sell, he realized just how much he was going to miss her.

  “And now, we need to have a serious talk,” Opal said sternly, arranging the blanket on her lap. “About you.”

  “What about me?” The look on her face made him nervous. “Everything’s going fine. Today I’ve got a real estate agent showing up, and someone’s coming over to assess the property. And I’ll be heading out soon.” Without Kat. The thought slammed into him like a wrecking ball every time he thought about it. He hadn’t seen Kat since his grandmother’s accident. Each time he went to check on the animals, they’d already been fed and cared for. He suspected Kat was coming very early in the morning so she wouldn’t have to see him. Every time he’d tried to call her, the phone went straight to voice mail. It hurt to know she was avoiding him. A part of him tried to reason that maybe it was better this way. Except it all felt so wrong. All of it. He had no idea what to do.

  “Kat came to see me yesterday,” Opal said.

  Jordan’s head snapped up. He fought for composure. “And how did that go?”

  Opal’s expression grew pensive. “She’s very worried about her animals. She’s going to try to keep them over at the shelter until she finds a place that will take them all.” Opal was watching him carefully, as if she was waiting for him to say something.

  Jordan didn’t know what to say. He felt like an ass, selling the farm and making Kat move out, but that was the plan all along. She knew that from the beginning. He’d even asked her not to bring animals home, but did she listen? No. What else could he do?

  “You’re stubborn as a mule, my boy,” Opal finally said. “That girl is in love with you, and you’re too busy with your plans to realize you’re about to lose the most precious thing of all. If you let her go, then you’re dumb as a box of rocks, too.”

  Jordan remained silent.

  Opal scowled. “I mean it. You’d be a fool to lose her. Even more foolish than your parents ever were.”

  “I asked her to come with me,” Jordan said defensively. “Did you know that? I don’t want to lose her. I asked her to move back to New York with me, but she won’t go.”

  Opal pursed her lips. “Box of rocks, I tell you.”

  “Grandma!”

  “Listen up, Jordan. I may be old, but I’m not blind. I know you two are crazy about each other. I’ve seen how happy she makes you. Is all that stuff in fancy-pants New York City worth losing what you have with her? I know how hard you’ve worked to make a life fo
r yourself away from here. Since you were that scrappy little boy with your Bank of Jordan stand on the side of the road, you’ve been trying for something better. And I don’t blame you. My harebrained son and your mother didn’t make things easy for you. I understand why you wanted to leave, and I understand why your business is so important. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, one truth above all others, it’s the undeniable fact that love is what matters most. Love is everything.”

  Jordan shifted uncomfortably on his chair. He wasn’t used to having heart-to-heart talks with anyone. The only person he ever talked to about his feelings was Kat, and that realization only made him more uncomfortable.

  “So,” Opal said fiercely. “If you love that girl, Jordan—and I think you do—you run and grab her. You hold on to her, and never let her go.” She lifted her hands, then dropped them. “Look at me. I’m almost ninety years old. I’ve seen fortunes rise and fall. Watched people come into this world and leave it. And I’m here to promise you that the only thing worth having is love. If you are lucky enough to find it, then you’re lucky enough.”

  Jordan searched for an answer to give her, but he couldn’t think of a single thing that could beat that. Instead he leaned forward and wrapped her hand in both of his. “I’m lucky to have you, Grandma.”

  * * *

  An hour later, Jordan pulled into the driveway at Willowbrook Lavender Farm. He’d made arrangements the day before to show the improved property to Layla so she could put it on the market.

  When he stepped out of his truck, Lucky came ambling over to greet him. The three-legged dog did not seem at all like the scared thing he’d been when Kat first brought him home. Now Lucky was full of playful energy and ecstatic to see visitors. He ran a few circles around Jordan in greeting, then nosed under a bush until he came out with his favorite toy—a tennis ball inside a filthy sock. He dropped it at Jordan’s feet with a huge dog grin.

  Jordan picked it up and flung it in the direction of the paddock. Inside the paddock, Waffles and Lulabelle caught sight of him. They zipped over the grass to the fence, dancing along the edge to follow him as he made his way toward the house. Waffles tossed his old bicycle tire into the air, showing off his prize as if Jordan had never seen it before.