Repression

by Nataya Douglas

“Come down the rest of the path and face me man to man…since that is what you are now, right? Since you make your own decisions at fifteen now, huh?” Joey continued to be quiet and didn’t move an inch. “SPEAK UP, NOW!”

  Making an instant decision to run back in the house, Joseph chased after his son. Joey hadn’t had a chance to make it to the foyer before Joseph had caught him by the back of his neck. Snatching him with the quickness, Joseph had slammed him face first into the wall. Screaming as if he were dying, Joey tried his best to fight back.

  “Do you have any idea what kind of position you put me in? DO YOU?! I’ve had you repeat me the rules several times and you’ve looked me in my face agreeing that you understood. Frankie?! Out of all the girls in school, you just had to be caught with her?! You know better!” With that being said, Joseph spun his son around to face him.

  “Dad, I didn’t…” Before Joey could complete his sentence, his father had come down with several blows to his face and chest. Joey’s pained screams echoed throughout the house. Walking down the stairs and past the altercation as if it were nonexistent, Lovette walked into the kitchen to fix a bowl of water to tend to Mary. He was her son but the condition her daughter was in, she needed her more at the moment.

  “Don’t you move!” Leaving his son against the wall, Joseph entered the kitchen to let his wife know what had just happened. Feeling his presence and turning around to face him, Lovette had blood on her that wasn’t once there. Her eyes were red from crying.

  “I walked in on Joey attacking Mary. She’s in pretty bad shape. I just called Dr. Oar to come look at her. I’m sure she’s gonna need a few stitches in the back of her head” said Lovette.

  She had sounded and looked exhausted. Putting the bowl down and hugging her, Joseph responded. The anger he had just released had begun to consume him all over again.

  “Will’s unexpected visit was because Joey was caught in Frankie’s room,” said Joseph.

  Staring in space as if she didn’t hear what her husband had just told her, Lovette released herself from his hold and proceeded to go tend to Mary.

  Walking back out in the hall, Joey was in the same position. “Dad…” Cutting him off before he could finish his sentence, Joseph held up his hand and spoke.

  “When your sister is feeling well, you will apologize. Also, if you ever place a finger on anyone in this house again, consider that your last day on earth. Go up to your room and so help me God, if you step foot out of this house without my knowledge…”

  Staring face to face and almost nose to nose, Joey was confused but he also knew not to go against anything his father had just demanded of him. Dismissing his son to his bedroom, Joseph went back outside to get started on fixing the front door.

  Meanwhile, Lovette had been telling a story that she knew would relax her child. Out of all her children, Mary had been the most like Lovette. She had cherished these moments because childhood was very short. Before she knew it, the children would be grown and the house would feel empty without them. As soon Mary had drifted off to sleep, Joseph had entered the bedroom with Dr. Oar.

  “I’m just gonna give her something to numb the pain and she may sleep for a while with this one” mumbled the doctor. The gash on the back of Mary’s head was ugly but nothing he couldn’t fix. Placing the last stitch and slipping off the latex gloves, he sighed before talking again.

  “It doesn’t look infected and she should feel better within a couple of days. I’ll leave something for the pain in case she starts complaining. Use these to keep it covered for the next day” he said while handing Lovette some gauze pads. “If she complains of dizziness, give me a call. She needs to rest for the next couple of days, so make her stay in bed.”

  Joseph walked Dr. Oar to the driveway while Lovette went to clean up the mess in the bathroom. Getting the mop and her cleaning products, Lovette wept. Her tears met the puddle of blood on the floor and it made her cry even harder. Her son was acting out and her daughter was in pain. Letting her tears only last a minute, she refused to let it consume her. Finishing the floor, she closed the bathroom and headed to speak with Joey.

  Pushing open her son’s bedroom door, he sat on the edge of his bed with his head hung. Hearing the door open didn’t make him budge and he kept his eyes towards the floor.

  “Stand up and look at me,” demanded Lovette. Instantly standing to his feet, Joey looked down into his mother’s eyes.

  “What in the world were you thinking? How could you do something like that to your sister?! What did she say? What did she do for you to do such a thing to her? It’s been a long time since you’ve…” and stopping herself, she knew what it was.

  “Have you been taking your medicine?” Staring off as if he heard nothing she said, Lovette screamed. “Answer me!”

  Walking over to the dresser next to his bed, Joey pulled out his prescription bottle. It had been full. He hadn’t taken his meds for almost two weeks. Lovette wanted to scream at him some more but she knew this would do her son no good. Instantly, she felt bad for ignoring the signs that this could’ve been a possibility.

  “I know it gets hard but you need those, baby. What do you remember?” asked Lovette. She walked over and embraced her oldest child. Pulling away from her, he did exactly what she knew he would.

  The process. Pacing. Shaking. Sit. Stand. Sit. Stand. Head drop and then, the tears. This happened every time Joey tried to remember. Sometimes he would eventually remember but when he did, it would be too late. It hurt her heart that he had to deal with this.

  He had started the medicine about 8 months ago when Lovette noticed how much he would lash out over minor things. If the girls were playing too loud or if dinner wasn’t what he had wanted, things would spiral out of control quick.

  Before Joey started the medicine, therapy had been suggested but during his second visit, Joey threatened to kill his therapist in her sleep. One morning, she woke up to her front door being wide open. After that, she had refused to continue their sessions and Lovette had been scared to make him see anyone else.

  The medicine had seemed to be working. The bi-polar episodes and blackouts had reduced significantly. Although he still snuck out of the house often, peace in the household was worth not punishing him for breaking that one rule. Somehow, trading doing what he wanted for a calm environment was worth it to Lovette.

  “I know you don’t know what all just happened but I need you to do as I say. When your sister is feeling better, apologize for hurting her. Tell her you’ll never do it again. I’m sorry I didn’t catch this sooner. Take your medicine immediately, okay? I’ll get that face cleaned up as well,” said Lovette.

  Standing in the doorway to his sister’s room, Joey watched Mary as she read a piece of paper. Looking up at him, her skin was pale and looked as if she had seen someone who had risen from the dead.

  “I’m sorry for hurting you and I’ll never do it again,” said Joey. He showed no emotion at all.

  Lovette heard the apology and watched him walk towards his bedroom. She didn’t stop her husband from attacking her son and weighed heavy on her. Joey’s condition was still fairly new and she knew that Joseph lashed out without thinking. She had been so fixed on Mary that she didn’t care for her own child who had no control over what he had just done. If she ever felt like a bad parent, today had been that day.

  Chapter 4: Joey

  July 8, 1999

  Lovette and Joseph had decided to turn in to bed early. The kids were in their rooms and only Joey was wide awake. He had plans to hang out with his friends for the night. Waiting on their signal, a rock hit the bedroom window’s glass. They were here.

  Placing his black hoodie over his short dark curls, Joey quietly exited the bedroom. It was just after 12 am and he knew his parents would be sleep by now. Finally reaching the back door and grabbing his father’s extra set of keys, he was met by Tommy and Jaxon. Both boys been his best friends since kindergarten.

  “What took you so long, slow p
oke? Your parents haven’t gone to bed yet?” said Jaxon while playfully punching him in the arm. Jaxon had been the only one who had decided to ride his bike. Tommy and Joey both were on foot and all three were headed to hang out at a nearby lake with some of their other friends.

  Lake Peele had been one of the best spots for teenagers to hang out. Most of the time, someone would sneak in alcohol for them and they would all hang out until the sun came up. Once morning time showed its face, they’d all rush back home trying to be back before their parents knew they were gone.

  “Look what I scored, fellas.” Pulling a big plastic bag out of his sweater, Jaxon held it up. Pot. Joey had done it before but he came home smelling like it and Lovette caught him attempting to sneak snacks up to his room. She made him swear he’d never do it again followed by a lecture of how it was the beginning of him being hooked on drugs, going to jail and being a criminal for the rest of his life. She had convinced him all of these things would happen if he continued to smoke marijuana. His mother sure did know how to convince him quickly.

  “I’ll pass tonight. I just want to hang out for a while,” replied Joey. Both boys shrugged their shoulders and agreed it would be more for them had he not wanted any.

  “Let’s stop at Frankie’s before we go there. I’ll be quick. I’m trying to convince her to come out tonight but she’s being a chicken. Her mom isn’t home and she’s being a stick in the mud following her rules. I told her I’d stop by before heading to the lake,” said Jaxon.

  Frankie was one of Joey’s friends and Jaxon’s “thing of the month.” He had warned her about him but she thought she knew best and still continued to see Jaxon. The gut feeling that Joey got from hearing her name told him not to go but he had just turned down drugs from his closest friends, so he didn’t want continue going against everything they had wanted to do tonight.

  Agreeing to take a quick stop by her house, they all headed there. As soon as they had reached her yard, Jaxon dropped his bike in the yard and knocked on the front door. With Tommy and Joey behind him, Frankie answered the door in nothing but her underwear and bra.

  “Shit, Jaxon! You could’ve told me you weren’t going to be alone!” Slamming the door and running upstairs to throw some clothes on, all three of them laughed on the porch. Frankie was a slim girl but the camel toe she had going on down south couldn’t have been more hilarious.

  Coming back to the door with an embarrassed look on her face, she rolled her eyes and let them all three inside the house. Her parents had been clearly stuck in the 70’s. The furniture had been outdated and it even smelled the way it looked. Everything was either brown, orange, green or yellow. It had definitely been sore on the eyes.

  “I hope you didn’t come to try and get me to come out tonight. I already told you I ain’t going so don’t bother asking. Oh, and y’all can’t stay long.” Rolling her eyes again and sucking her teeth, Frankie plopped down on the couch and continued eating her popcorn. She had been watching “Friends” and the episode when Ross had issues with knowing how to flirt had been airing.

  “Why are you watching this corny mess? You could be hanging out by the lake with us. Let me talk to you for a second.” Jaxon tickled her and led her upstairs. As soon as they got to the top, he hollered down at Tommy and Joey.

  “Hey, one of y’all come up here and be on the lookout just in case one of her parents comes home and sit on the steps just in case. We’ll be quick.” Jaxon winked at them, laughed and closed her bedroom door.

  “Man, hurry up and don’t take all night! I could’ve stayed home for this. Keep it in your pants!” shouted Joey. He sat in the middle of the staircase while Tommy sat near the back door. Not even 15 minutes had passed before they both heard the front door open and shut.

  “YOUR MOM IS HOME!” shouted Joey while laughing and running past Frankie’s mother, Caron. Meanwhile, Tommy had slipped out the back door and they both made a run for their own houses. They wouldn’t make it to the lake tonight and at this point, Joey no longer cared to.

  Hollering like a mad woman, Caron shouted for Frankie to come downstairs. Pushing Jaxon in her closet and motioning for him to be quiet, she put back on her clothes and ran downstairs.

  *****************************************************************************

  A few minutes into his jog home, the voices started. “Go. You haven’t been in a while. No one will know that you were there,” they whispered. Shaking his head trying to rid the thoughts, Joey knew he shouldn’t go. He had only visited a few times and that was because he had followed his dad there. This had been the reason he found out about the shed.

  “Go see her. You haven’t visited in a while. I’m sure she’d want to see you.” Joey pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one. Taking a long pull, he turned around and headed towards the open field. Finally reaching the building, he went inside and sat in the only chair in the single room.

  Still sitting in the chair, the voices told him to open the floor door. Slapping the side of his head, he began to scream.

  “Get out! I can think for myself! I don’t need you here! GET OUT!!” Accidentally hitting himself in the nose, it began to bleed and Joey blacked out.

  When he finally came to, he hadn’t been sure how long he was knocked out. The sun had come up and he had been in the chair the entire time. His lip had been covered in blood that now looked brown.

  Staring at the floor, Joey pulled the rug out of the way only to see that the door had a new padlock. Becoming anxious, he pulled his father’s set of keys out of his pocket and one by one, he tried each key. None of them had fit.

  “I’LL FIND A WAY TO GET TO YOU!” he screamed. Going into a rage, he slammed his fists on the door and stormed out of the shed heading for home.

  ********************************************************************************

  The next thing Joey had remembered, his father had him pinned up against a wall just past the foyer. His face was smashed against the wall and Joseph was furious.

  “Do you have any idea what kind of position you put me in? DO YOU?! I’ve had you repeat me the rules several times and you’ve looked me in my face agreeing that you understood. Frankie?! Out of all the girls in school, you just had to touch her! You know better!”

  Joey was confused. He hadn’t touched Frankie at all or let alone speak to her. He remember that he was given a list of rules to follow when it came to his father’s business but he hadn’t gone against any of them.

  Joseph spun his son around to face him and as soon as Joey tried to tell him he didn’t touch Frankie, his father began hitting him. Between the attacks, Lovette had come downstairs. Walking past them as if she didn’t see what was happening, Joey was saddened at the fact his mother didn’t come to his rescue. His father had never come down on him so hard to the point where he had to place hands on him.

  Screaming at his son not to move, Joseph stormed off in the kitchen. Standing against the wall, Joey silently wept. He hadn’t done anything for his father to treat him in such a harsh way. He wasn’t sure what Frankie had told her parents but he need to make things clear. The hard part about everything was that he had a hard time remembering things sometimes. Sometimes, he didn’t remember things at all.

  Several minutes had passed before his father stormed back out in the hallway. “When your sister is feeling well, you will apologize. Also, if you ever place a finger on anyone in this house again, consider that your last day on earth. Go up to your room and so help me God, if you step foot out of this house without my knowledge…” threatened Joseph.

  Joey was shocked and confused. His father told him he had been physical with someone and this couldn’t be any further away from the truth. He hadn’t hurt Frankie, Tommy or Jaxon. Did he hurt his mother? Is that why she came downstairs with blood on her? And why did he have to apologize to his sister? Was she the one he had hurt? His thoughts were rushing and the faster they became, the more he would become confused. Joseph demanded he go u
pstairs at once and Joey made himself disappear.

  Entering his room, Joey sat at the edge of his bed. All he had wanted to do was go hang with his friends and come back home before his parents realized he had been missing. Instead, it turned into him being attacked by his father and having to apologize to his sister.

  Moments later, Lovette walked into the room disturbing his thoughts. “Stand up and look at me,” she ordered. Following her demand, he stood up and looked directly into her eyes. The next few moments were filled with many questions from Lovette trying to figure out what had happened between Joey and Mary. The confused look and his recent behavior had eventually set off a light bulb in Lovette’s head.

  Taking a pause from her interrogation, she whispered, “Have you been taking your medicine?” When Lovette wasn’t satisfied with his response time, she shouted for him to answer her.

  The scream made him shutter and he instantly remembered he had stopped taking the medicine a couple of weeks ago because he didn’t like the way they made him feel. He had stopped hanging out with his friends and instead, he would be sitting in his room for hours. Most of the time, the room would be dark and he would just sit there. The voices had stopped but it brought on plenty of sadness.

  Walking over to the nightstand, he handed his mother the container. The next few moments involved his mother hugging him and asking him to try and remember what had happened. It had been a fail and resulted in him he crying from so much confusion.

  Lovette told him to take his medicine and how he still needed to apologize to his sister. He and Mary didn’t get a long much but he had never hit her before. The possibility of him hurting her upset him. He did as he was told and headed to apologize.

  As soon as he got to the bedroom door, Mary was sitting up reading something. For a moment, he thought about just leaving and never coming back. The way his dad had treated him today, there would be no chance anyone would miss him.

  Staring at her for the next couple of seconds, Mary looked up at him and the shocked look on her face told him that he had done something awful to her. Doing as both of his parents had instructed, he apologized and walked away.