Repression

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Repression Page 24

by Nataya Douglas


  Everyone would still be happy and she would’ve never cheated on him. If she still would be pregnant right now, she would know her babies belonged to Joseph for sure. The phone continued to ring back to back and she knew he wouldn’t stop until she picked up.

  “WHAT?!” she screamed after picking up the phone. The constant arguing back and forth had started to make her nauseous. Joseph was the man she was married to and not even HE upset her like Mike had.

  The whole conversation had gone opposite of how she had hoped for. She started to think that maybe she shouldn’t have called at all. Joseph was going to be there and they could’ve raised their family together without telling Mike….

  “Look, don’t hang up! I just wanted to make sure. That’s all. Love, we need to talk in person. This phone thing isn’t doing it for me. I’m going to book a flight tomorrow. We’ll talk when I get there because I’ve obviously messed this up. Okay?” said Mike. He waited a couple of minutes for a response and when he was only left with her tears, he hung up the phone.

  Lovette couldn’t speak. She had been too consumed with crying and just wanted everything to go away. This would’ve been the perfect time for her to wake up from a nightmare. Everyone was going to think she was a whore and this is something she hadn’t been. She had been unfaithful one time and this decision was going to cost her.

  But, she still couldn’t abort her babies. They were a part of her and would always be.

  Chapter 22: Push

  April 13, 2002

  “He actually has my baby out there digging in the dirt,” said Joseph. Mary had been spending more time with Eric the last couple of days and while they were grateful she had been socializing more, Joseph hadn’t been ready for Mary to find a bigger interest in boys.

  Eric was a good kid and he appreciated him making friends with his daughter…but he knew they were more than friends. Joseph didn’t know what to feel about his daughter growing up so fast. Lovette walked up behind him, peaked out of the kitchen window and laughed.

  “She’s almost 13. It was bound to happen. Pre-teens and teenagers do the things boys like to do in order to impress them. I’ve done it,” she said. She had instantly regretted saying it. Joseph knew that his wife had been referring to Mike.

  “Sorry,” whispered Lovette.

  “It’s okay,” said Joseph. And, it had been. “I think we should go visit Joey at school next week. Surprise visit,” he continued.

  “That’s a good idea. I miss my baby. He acts like he doesn’t want to come home sometimes,” said Lovette. “He hardly ever calls and when he does, it’s only for a few minutes. He better be going to class for all the money we’ve dished out.”

  “That’s because you keep using words like him being your baby,” joked Joseph. Joey had gone to college a few hours outside of Shawford in a town called Hempshire. It was still located in Alabama and for that, Lovette was grateful. He was still able to have his distance but not too much.

  “He is my baby,” whined Lovette playfully. “So is Mary. Everything is just moving too fast.”

  *********************************************************************************

  December 9, 1988

  “How did Monica take it?” asked Lovette. She was sitting across from Mike at her kitchen island. He was here. In her house. And, they had been alone. Ridding herself of the thought, she guided back to why he was here and only that.

  Lovette and Joseph had talked about Mike’s visit. The plan was for them to talk in a public setting but at the last minute, Lovette asked him to come to their house. She didn’t want to be seen in public with Mike and start up the rumors.

  But, Lovette failed to tell Joseph that he would be coming to the house. He was at work and she felt as if she could say what needed to be said and he would leave. She would tell him later and if he got upset, she would deal with it then.

  “She didn’t…” said Mike.

  “And I’m the irresponsible one?” laughed Lovette. She rubbed her stomach for a brief second. It felt as if she were already showing. She couldn’t wait for the pregnancy to be over with so that they could know what to do next.

  “I just don’t know how to tell her yet. She thinks I’m on a business trip. Another lie I have to confess. I didn’t think it would get to this point,” said Mike.

  “What do you plan on doing? Just waiting until the babies are here and we get them tested? What if they are yours? Just gonna go home and be like, ‘Surprise. Here are two babies that I made when I cheated on you with Lovette?’” she replied.

  The sadness spread across his face. He had messed up and now, it had caught up to him. The saddest part was Monica had gotten pregnant their senior year in college and lost the baby early in the pregnancy. She had taken it extremely hard. Knowing that Lovette was possibly pregnant by him would tear her apart.

  But, deep down, he had a burning desire for the children to be his. He cared for Monica…but he had still loved Lovette. It was wrong of him to cheat but he couldn’t help but thinking that everything had been happening for a reason. Lovette was supposed to be his and he knew these babies would belong to him.

  “I don’t know yet. I’m still trying to sort through everything. Life is just happening so fast. We’re still young and all of this is happening. On top of all of this, Brandon and I decided to sell Con-Weigh’s. Things have been rough lately and it was just the best thing to do. It wasn’t up that long, so I guess it was best to quit now before we got way into debt. Another thing I have to tell her,” said Mike.

  “Sorry to hear. What do you plan to do now?” said Lovette.

  “Probably go back to college. Get my master’s degree. I’ll be looking for a job soon, too. Monica is going to take it pretty bad. The girl is high maintenance,” said Mike. He laughed a little but Lovette knew better. She knew this had hurt him deeply and that he was trying his best to find something to keep her happy.

  “That sounds like a good plan,” said Lovette. “Can I ask you a question?”

  Mike’s heart started pounding. He knew it would be a question that he didn’t want to answer. Nodding his head, he stared her in the eyes.

  “Do you love her? Like, really love her?” asked Lovette. She had been wanting to ask him this question ever since they had slept together but she hadn’t been ready to hear his response.

  “Not like I love you,” said Mike without even as much as a blink. The way his life had been going at the moment, he didn’t care what came about from saying this to her. He already figured Monica would leave him and at this very moment, it hadn’t been his most important care.

  Lovette’s knees began to feel as if they were made of jelly. Leaning up against the countertop, her palms were sweaty and slid off of the sides. Almost losing her balance, she stared back at him.

  “She’s smart, caring and loves me. I feel like I owe her something. But, I also feel for you. You…us…we were different. We are different,” said Mike.

  She had wanted him. At this exact moment. In her kitchen. Right on the island. He was supposed to have been with her. He was supposed to be in Joseph’s position as her husband. Joseph. Bringing herself back to reality, she had regretted asking the question.

  “Mike, I think you need to leave. This has gone too far and we weren’t supposed to meet here anyway. I can’t do this right now,” said Lovette.

  “You also can’t tell me you don’t feel anything for me, huh? Joseph isn’t me. Monica isn’t you. But, whatever. I’ll leave. Let me know when you’re in labor,” said Mike. He had been pissed off by her response.

  Snatching his jacket from the back of the chair, he stormed out of the kitchen. The sound of the screen door slamming had made Lovette jump. Fighting the urge to stand still, she unglued herself from her kitchen floor and ran after him.

  “Mike! Wait!”

  “Wait for WHAT?! I’m fighting against everything in me that wants to tell you everything about how I feel and you asked me to leave. You were right. I�
�m going about all of this wrong. I have to figure out things for myself and you should do the same because you’re obviously just as confused as me.”

  “I’ll be sending you money and checking on you and the babies but I won’t be back here until it’s time for you to deliver. You aren’t mine to have and I can’t be alone with you.” Getting into his car, Mike slammed the door and drove off.

  Lovette was stuck watching him drive away the same way she had the last time he left her house when they were teenagers. She wanted Mike…and she had wanted her family with Joseph. She wanted everything to be okay but she knew that one or both people would eventually be hurt.

  ********************************************************************************

  “Have you ever, um, kissed someone before?” asked Eric. He had been wanting to ask Mary this for a few days now but hadn’t worked up the nerve to say it. Taking his gloves off and sitting them on the ground, he stared at the side of her head waiting for a response.

  “Tell him you have,” whispered Joyce. Shrugging off her sister’s voice, Mary answered with honesty. She had lied to him before and ended up almost looking stupid, so she had refused to put herself in that position again.

  “Well, no. Have you ever kissed a girl before?” she asked. The whole conversation had started to make her nervous. She couldn’t tell if it were a good nervous or a bad one.

  “Yea, a few times. So, you must be a virgin too, huh?” asked Eric. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Ignore it. It was stupid.”

  “A virgin is someone who hasn’t had sex yet,” said Joyce.

  “How do you even know?!” replied Mary.

  “Huh? I don’t. I shouldn’t have asked that. My bad. Want to go get something to drink?” asked Eric. Mary had her weird moments but he really did like her. A few girls from school had told Eric things about Mary talking to her deceased sister but he didn’t mind. She was nice and didn’t act like the other girls. The other girls put lip gloss on all day, bragged about who had the nicest clothes and only wanted to talk about themselves.

  “Sure.” Getting up from the ground, both of them brushed off their pants. Before heading into his back door, Mary caught a glimpse of her parents staring at her through the kitchen window. Rolling her eyes and throwing up her hands, she followed Eric into the house.

  “She’s going into his house,” said Joseph. Bill had been home but he decided he would head on over to make sure he was awake and monitoring their every move. “I’ll be right back.”

  “No, you won’t! Leave them alone. Trust her a little. They are probably just going inside to wash up or something. See, look. They went inside to grab drinks and are coming back out. Don’t you feel foolish?” laughed Lovette.

  ***********************************************************************************

  June 11, 1989

  Lovette had Iris call Mike’s house posing as a potential business partner. She knew Monica loved money and would deliver the message to Mike. When she called, Monica had told Iris that he wasn’t home and she was expecting him home shortly. When Mike called back, she delivered the news about Lovette being in labor.

  Everything had been rearranged in the living room for her comfort. In the middle of the floor, Lovette was in a pool of water with only a bra on. Joseph was sitting on one side of the pool beside Lovette and Iris was sitting on the opposite side. There had been a lady standing over Lovette with light blue scrubs on. Another woman in the same outfit came from the kitchen area and placed a washcloth on Lovette’s forehead.

  Joseph had finally told his parents about the situation with the babies and Sarah had been distraught. Joseph had called her one last time and she still had refused to attend the birth of the children. Calling him all types of foolish and naïve, she had refused to be a part of the birth. The only thing she had agreed to do was keep Joey for a few days because “he was actually her grandson”.

  “I’m going to check your cervix now,” said one of the birth coaches. “Feels like you’re right at 5.”

  “You sure? Because it feels like I’m about to shit out these humans any minute now,” whined Lovette. Contractions. She had felt them what seemed to be all over her body; especially, in her back. Joseph reached in the water and rubbed her stomach.

  “Want me to get in there and yank those things out? It’ll cut this middleman business out” said Iris. Lovette chuckled a little and returned back to her low and deep groaning.

  “Breathe, babe. Breathe. You’re doing so good,” said Joseph.

  Lovette couldn’t take her mind off of Mike. She had felt weird the night before and thought it was just the usual throw down between the babies. Seemed like they fought one another every night before she could fall asleep. Had she had Iris call last night, he probably would be here by now.

  “What time is it?” she asked.

  “Almost 4’ o clock,” said Iris. “Why? I hope you didn’t make any plans.” Iris and her jokes. Even in the middle of Lovette holding it together trying to prevent herself from having a mental break down, Iris always had jokes.

  “Shut up,” replied Lovette. Focusing back in on her thoughts, Mike better had been on the way. Iris had talked to him this morning and he told her that he was booking the next flight out that was departing at 1 o’ clock. He should be there within the next hour or two but Lovette had the greatest feeling that he wouldn’t make it in time.

  “Can someone check me again?!” she said just a level about a whisper. The pressure in her bottom had her easing lower in the water.

  “Whoa, mama. Somebody jumped up to 7 centimeters. You’re moving fast,” said one of the coaches. Removing the plastic gloves, she tossed them into a nearby trash.

  Lovette tried her best to hide her disappointment. She wasn’t even sure if the babies had belonged to Mike or not but she couldn’t help feeling like he needed to be there. Hearing the screen door shut, Lovette sighed in relief that he had finally made it.

  “Hey, everyone! I came as soon as I could! I’m sorry that I’m late. Catch me up to speed.” Lovette instantly began to cry. It was Caron. She loved her friend and totally forgot that she had called her but she had hoped it was Mike walking through the living room.

  The disappointment of her voice followed by Lovette’s tears, was also followed by a strong contractions.

  “Ahhhhhhhh…oooohhhhh,” she moaned.

  Joseph was staring at Lovette concerned. He had been dealing with her labor this time better than he had the first time. Saying little reassurances here and there, Joseph didn’t say much of anything else. He had actually been somewhat glad her labor was moving along kind of fast and that…Mike hadn’t made it yet. He didn’t want to see him and he didn’t want him in their house. But, he agreed because it had been what Lovette wanted.

  They hadn’t talked about boy names because Lovette had been set on the babies being girls. She told Joseph that she had felt they were going to be girls. They were naming them Joyce and Mary. The oldest being Mary.

  “I don’t think I can hold on anymore. I feel like I have to push now!” shouted Lovette. Both birth coaches were by her side and was soon as one slipped her hand under the water, her eyes widened.

  “I feel the head. It’s time. Do what we taught you. Push as hard as you can when you feel that contraction,” she said.

  “AHHHHHH!” she screamed. Most was due to pain and some had been due to Mike missing this moment. He was supposed to be here.

  “Come on, push!” chanted both of the birth coaches.

  After 20 minutes of pushing, one of the ladies pulled the first baby from the water. The area between Lovette’s legs gushed with red liquid and she tossed her head back in relief.

  “It’s a girl!” one of them squealed. “Dad? You want to cut the cord?” Reaching for the scissors, Joseph made the snip and she handed the baby off to the other life coach. The very first cry had been heard. Another relief.

  As quick as she had just saw her baby, she st
arted screaming again. Baby number two was coming. A couple of minutes later, the baby was out and Joey had cut the cord again.

  “It’s another girl!” she squealed. Both nurses rushed to tend to both babies and before anyone could get anything settled, Lovette began screaming right along with the baby she had just pushed out. Caron dropped down by her side to see what was happening.

  “Is she pushing out the placenta already?!” she asked.

  “AHHHHHH!” screamed Lovette. Handing the babies off to Iris and Joseph, both of the ladies rushed to be by her side to see what was happening. Something was wrong.

  “The placenta shouldn’t be coming out just yet. Something isn’t right,” said one of the coaches. Placing her hand in the water to feel under Lovette, her eyes looked as if they were about to fall out of her face.

  “It’s another baby!” she shouted. Pointing to Caron, “You! Go get more towels and supplies! Come on, Lovette. Push!”

  Everyone had been stuck in their spots with their mouths hung open. Twins. They had been expecting twins and now, there was another one coming.

  “NOW!” she shouted at Caron.

  Caron rushed around the house to gather more supplies while Iris and Joseph had been stuck with their mouths wide open watching their sister and wife deliver another baby. They had been told how dangerous it was to deliver twins at home but now, Lovette was about to push out a third. A couple more pushes and screams, the birth coach lifted the baby out of the water.

  “It’s…a…boy!”

  Lovette had been exhausted. She knew that she heard someone say that another baby was coming and she knew that she had just pushed something out but she was out of it. How did the doctor miss this?! They constantly told her that she was carrying bigger than normal but from her understanding, this had also happened the more pregnancies a woman had.

  Everything seemed as if it went into fast forward mode and before Lovette realized, she had been holding two babies in her arms and one on her lap. All four of them were now fully dressed in the middle of her king size bed.

 

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