On Ice, A Hockey Romance

by Trisha Harley McCarthy

  Did my father just extend me an olive branch? He didn’t normally get his hands dirty with trivial personnel matters. I hoped so. Cami was nothing but trouble and I would love to see the last of her once and for all.

  “We got married in Vegas,” I blurted out.

  They say confession is good for the soul yet sharing with my father seemed so foreign to me. I had never confided in him. Perhaps we were turning a corner in our non-existent relationship. A warmth filled me, and a little hope flickered inside my heart. My father’s green eyes widened slightly at my news. Was this one of those moments where children shared wonderful news with their parents? Another milestone in our rocky relationship. It felt good to lean on my father instead of always being at odds with him. Were we returning to some sort of normal? I dearly hoped so. I wanted the family bond and closeness others shared. Even Jesse was close to her parents, something I had always envied about her. If I admitted it to myself, I longed for that same connection with my dad. Dad… Funny, I always referred to him as father—very formal and proper. It kept my feelings compartmentalized and hidden away deep down. Some scars never healed. I just lived with them and hoped the emotional Band-Aid didn’t come off to expose my wounds. Exposure meant I had to deal with the searing pain. I’d rather die than endure the endless agony all over again.

  “We have a lot of catching up to do but we need to get to the hospital, Tink.”

  He called me by the nickname he’d given me when I was a kid. He knew how much I loved Tinkerbell. I could never get enough of it, and the name just stuck. Affection began to erode the walls around my heart where my father, correction, my dad was concerned. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I grabbed hold of his hand. He gave it a reassuring squeeze as we made our way to the hospital in companionable silence.

  I’d been waiting for some word of Ki for what seemed like hours now. Paramedics had rushed Ki into emergency surgery after his blood pressure had taken a nosedive on the way to Good Samaritan Hospital. I had overheard the paramedic relaying vitals on Ki and the probability of hemorrhaging. My heart had sunk. Now I was sitting on a plastic chair in some dingy waiting room, drinking stale coffee and browsing outdated magazines. My stomach rebelled at the very thought of food even though I needed to eat to keep my strength up. The one thing that was giving me hope was Ki’s love. It was strong, vibrant, and all encompassing. I grasped his love like a life preserver that kept me afloat.

  “How are you holding up?” Flynn broke through my hazy despair. “Here, I thought you could use some proper food instead of the swill the cafeteria is passing off as snacks.”

  He had brought me chicken soup from Panera—my favorite. I was astounded he remembered. I gave him a slight smile. A wave of gratitude filled me. Flynn had changed for the better in the recent months. I could only describe it as a maturity. He had an aura of peace around him. It was weird to see him so content. Back when we were still together, I never thought of us as a couple, rather two people who had come together so we wouldn’t be alone. It hadn’t worked in the slightest. We were miserable and doomed to fail from the start.

  “Thanks. Where’s your other half?” I looked around to see if Jesse was lurking in the vicinity.

  “She’s at home.” His deep blue eyes darted away when I mentioned Jesse. Uh oh, trouble in paradise? I wanted to ask but something in his expression prevented me from bringing up the subject. I suspected that they had a knockdown drag-out fight. Most likely about me. I felt bad Flynn had to choose between his girlfriend and his friend. It wasn’t fair. I knew he was trying to right some wrongs. Jesse Ward didn’t deserve Flynn Austin.

  “Everything okay?” I let the question dangle between us to see if he would take the bait. At least this way I wasn’t dwelling in my own misery conjuring up the worst-case scenarios surrounding Ki. We’d been waiting for over an hour for someone to let us know his prognosis. Even my influential father couldn’t get any answers.

  “The usual.” Flynn’s flat response made my heart ache for him. He sat down beside me and let out a long sigh.

  “Not the way you expected to be celebrating our Stanley Cup win?” I tried to lighten the mood. But it was no use. My heart wasn’t in it. Then Darryl Rutkowski walked in followed by several other players. Their hulking frames filled the small waiting room to a claustrophobic extent.

  “Austin,” Rut nodded. “Zoe, how are you holding up, kid? Word on the street is you and Connery got hitched in Vegas and you’re knocked up with his kid.” His smirk was legendary. A smirk I wanted to wipe off his smug face. Cami and her damned big mouth.

  Flynn arched his eyebrow with a look I could only describe as hurt. His expression went as quickly as it had come. Meanwhile, my face was all kinds of red from embarrassment. Now almost the entire team knew my secrets.

  “What? Your ex didn’t know, Zo?” Rut chuckled crudely.

  Before I could respond, Flynn stood up abruptly, ensuring Rut took a step back from me.

  “In case you have forgotten, one of our own is in emergency surgery. I suggest you shut that goddam mouth of yours before I shut it for you. Now apologize to Zoe for your bad manners.” Flynn didn’t raise his voice as he stood toe to toe with Rut, who had enough sense to back off.

  “Jesus, man, I meant no harm.” Rut murmured a half-assed apology and flopped down in a chair, scowling at Flynn.

  I laid my hand on Flynn’s arm as a silent thank you. His gaze swept across me and a look passed between us. One of unsaid words and regret. I felt terrible how we had taken each other for granted. I now realized when we were together, our relationship was simply a Band-Aid covering our wounded hearts. Being a couple had been a temporary fix. Neither of us had benefitted from the arrangement. Flynn had been my soft spot to land on when I didn’t want to be alone. I had been selfish in hindsight. Flynn didn’t deserve my brand of self-indulgence. Our true friendship blossomed only after we had broken up. He turned out to be my rock. Why was it that in moments of struggles we didn’t appreciate the people who showed up in our lives until sometimes it was too late? Luckily for me, I was never going to take him for granted again.

  The door to the waiting room opened again and my father motioned for me to join him. Getting up to head his way, Flynn spoke up.

  “You want me to come with you?” Concern was etched in his face.

  “I would like that very much.”

  Flynn, my father, and I followed a nurse to an office.

  “The surgeon will be with you shortly.” The petite, older woman gave us a wan smile and turned to leave, closing the door behind her.

  The office was small with an entire wall covered by bookshelves showcasing various medical journals and thick binders. Medical degrees had been framed on the wall opposite of a window with blinds. Beyond, shadows of cars were passing by on the adjacent freeway. Here I was holding my breath, waiting to hear about Ki while the rest of the world moved idly by. Life was fleeting and precious, more still in a place where life and death were routine. To think this was where I was going to give birth in a few months. I closed my eyes saying a silent prayer for Ki before a sob escaped my lips. The unknown was too much to handle at present.

  “Tink,” my father whispered against my temple. “Ki is going to be all right. I can feel it in my bones. You need to have faith. He is strong and healthy. Trust me. Your old man knows what he’s talking about.”

  His words soothed me, but the fear lingered at the back of my mind waiting to make another appearance if I let it.

  “I can’t help it. My hormones are wreaking havoc on my emotions. I’m all over the map, dad. Flynn, can you get me some water?”

  He got up in a flash and walked to the dispenser. He pulled a cup out of the holder, filled it, and handed it to me.

  “Thanks,” I gave him a brave smile I didn’t really feel. My throat was parched and dry. The cold liquid slid down my throat, reviving me a bit.

  The door opened, and we all turned expecting the doctor only to see Vivienne standing at the
threshold. Her eyes were puffy and red yet the rest of her was immaculately dressed to the hilt in a coral two-piece. Her hair was perfectly styled, sprayed with not a strand out of place. The woman was unbelievable. I did my best to ignore her. Of the people I had to face today of all days, it was Ki’s mother. Ki had been on the outs with her last I heard—not to mention she was dating my father. Her unscrupulous behavior and audacity to show up as if she had a right to be here left me speechless. Clearly, the woman didn’t know the meaning of boundaries.

  “I hear congratulations are in order. Jed and I are going to be grandparents.” A tight smile spread across her taunt Botoxed face but didn’t meet her eyes. “I assume my son is the father?”

  “Vivi,” my dad’s voice warned her to behave.

  “Yes, my husband is the father.” I answered as I dropped the proverbial bomb. Now everything was out in the open.

  “Husband?” Vivienne sputtered. Her look was priceless. Finally, I had been able to throw the old hag into a tizzy.

  “Didn’t Ki tell you? Oh, that’s right he isn’t speaking to you.”

  “You little bitch,” Vivienne hissed.

  “Vivi, enough. This is not the time nor place.” My dad’s green eyes glittered dangerously at his girlfriend or whatever she was to him. I couldn’t care less at this point.

  “Are you going to allow her to speak to me that way, Jed?” Vivienne whined.

  “It’s about time someone set you straight, Vivienne. You brought this all on yourself, and I sat back and let you attack my daughter and break up her relationship with Ki and ruin her wedding. I will spend the rest of my life making this up to Zoe and Ki. I would suggest you do a little soul searching and take responsibility for your actions before making any further accusations toward my daughter; and maybe Ki will allow you back into his life. Until then, tread carefully.” Jed’s tone was soft yet firm.

  Vivienne patted her hair and didn’t respond. Thank god. I didn’t need any more of her bullshit.

  “Sit down, Vivi,” my father said. She complied without another word.

  A knock on the door announced the arrival of an older gentleman with silver and black hair. He was dressed in green scrubs with his mask pulled down.

  “I’m doctor Ulmer. I presume you are Mrs. Connery?” he asked as he sat down on the other side of the desk.

  “Yes. You can call me, Zoe.” I cleared my throat, anxious to hear about Ki. My knees were shaking uncontrollably, and my stomach was rebelling. Flynn reached for my hand and held it. His strength and friendship helped bolster me for what was to come.

  “I’ll put your mind at ease. Mr. Connery is sedated and in recovery. He had extensive internal bleeding from a ruptured spleen. We were able to stop the bleeding, but I had to remove the spleen in its entirety,” he said matter-of-factly. I bit my lip, urging him to continue. “There was a complication during surgery, however. Mr. Connery exhibited bradycardia—his heart rate had dipped below what we deemed safe. Our anesthesiologist had to administer a dose of atropine to return the heart rate to normal. It’s nothing to be alarmed about. Anesthesia affects people differently during surgery. We also did a blood transfusion to replenish the blood he lost. I anticipate a full recovery on his part provided there are no further post-op issues. Do you have any questions?”

  Dr. Ulmer looked at us expectantly. I digested the news of Ki’s condition. Why did his heart rate dropping scare the hell out of me? Did it mean he almost died on the operating table? My mind was racing with the worst-case scenarios. I didn’t know what I’d do if something like that were to happen to him.

  “When can I see him?” I asked, a lump forming in my throat. Ki was lying unconscious somewhere, and I wasn’t with him.

  “I will have the nurse come get you when he comes out of sedation. He will be groggy, and it may take up to twenty-four hours for him to fully wake up. Don’t be alarmed. It is perfectly normal considering the length of time of his surgery. Removing a spleen is typically a quick procedure. Given the nature of Mr. Connery’s hemorrhaging the surgery ran longer. Of course, each surgery is unique.”

  A hurried knock on the door sounded and the nurse from earlier poked her head in and said, “You are needed in the OR doctor. It’s the hockey player.”

  Dr. Ulmer looked uneasily at his nurse. He cleared his throat. “Excuse me, Mrs. Connery.”

  He left us all sitting in stunned silence.

  Chapter 16

  Zoe

  The worry set in quickly with the departure of Dr. Ulmer. A crushing weight seized my chest, taking my breath with it. Flynn instantly recognized the first signs of my panic attack.

  “Breathe, Zo.”

  My eyes went wide as I tried to calm the deep emotions welling up inside me. I clasped Flynn’s hand in a death grip for support. Inhaling and exhaling at a controlled pace, I closed my eyes and visualized my happy place—an azure blue lagoon fringed with lush grass and palm trees. I was lying on a raft in still, soothing water. The gentle rocking motion quieted my racing heart. I released my hold on Flynn.

  “I need some fresh air. It’s too claustrophobic in here.” I fled the ever-shrinking office.

  I bolted for the door and looked blindly for an exit. I headed down a corridor then another with no idea of where I was headed. Flynn was hot on my heels.

  “Zo!”

  He caught up as I finally made it outside into a quiet courtyard. I faced away from him, embracing myself to feel that safe, cocooned state. Flynn grabbed my wrist, twisting me into his arms, and hugged me tightly. I buried my head in his chest and let the tears flow from all the stress and strain of the last couple of hours. The warmth of his body felt like a safety net after what had seemed like a freefall witnessing Ki collapse after his short-lived victory.

  ‘Let it out, sweetheart,” Flynn murmured against my ear.

  “I’m so fucking scared, Flynn. What if he doesn’t recover?” I didn’t even recognize my own voice. It sounded hollow and echoed in my ears. A sickening feeling began to take hold in the pit of my stomach. I knew something was wrong. I could just feel it. I couldn’t shake the terror filling my insides.

  “I know, baby. I’m scared too,” Flynn admitted.

  “It’s not fair.” I pounded on Flynn’s chest as the anger began to build up in me. I wanted to shout my fury and rage at the unfairness of it all to the heavens. I wanted to hurt the bastard that had done this to Ki. I wanted to see him suffer like Ki was, only worse. Flynn caught my flailing fist in his hand as I wrenched myself free from him.

  “Zo, they are doing everything they can. The team is sparing no expense.”

  His words meant nothing to me. My eyes locked with his. Their blue depths glistened with unshed tears. Not even Flynn believed the bullshit he was spewing.

  “Stop talking. Nothing you say will make me feel any better, Flynn. Ki is in serious trouble. Call a spade and spade and stop with the platitudes and meaningless words. We both know the truth. Ki’s life is in danger.”

  Flynn’s jaw clenched. I knew I was raving like a madwoman, but I didn’t care. I was mad. Mad at the monster that had hurt Ki. Mad at the world and all the helplessness I felt because I couldn’t do anything for him. My only outlet was screaming like a lunatic.

  “You aren’t helping anyone by shouting, Zoe.”

  “You don’t tell me what to do, Flynn Austin. Save that shit for Jesse.” I spat at him.

  Flynn’s expression twitched with hurt. I immediately regretted my words. I reached out to him, but he flinched at my touch. God, I’m such a bitch.

  “I’m sorry, Flynn. You didn’t deserve my attack. Talk to me, I know something is wrong beyond what’s going on with Ki. I could tell when you walked into the waiting room. You were edgy and tense. Maybe it will help if you talk about it.”

  He breathed a deep sigh. “Not everything revolves around you, Zoe. Once you realize that maybe you will appreciate my friendship. Until then, stay out of my personal life. It’s none of your damned business.
”

  I blinked at the vehemence in his voice. “Flynn, please let me in.”

  He turned away from me in embarrassment or to regain his composure—either way, he didn’t want me to witness his breakdown. I sensed the struggle in him. He was trying not to lose his shit and keep it together. My friend was in distress, and I had missed all the red flags. I was a shitty friend.

  “Jesse is sick.” Flynn let out a visible shudder.

  ‘Sick? Like a cold?” His declaration perplexed me. Had he left her home to be with me? Damn. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly feel lower than I already did.

  “No, she…she’s been diagnosed with cervical cancer.”

  I was dumbstruck. I disliked Jesse. I would even go as far as saying I hated her on more than one occasion, but I would never wish cancer on her.

  “Flynn, I’m sorry,” I stammered.

  “Don’t, Zoe” He growled. His blue eyes glittered dangerously. “I don’t want your pity or apologies. She would kill me if she knew I told you.”

  “Why tell me then, Flynn? Why risk Jesse’s wrath knowing she despises me so much and tell me something so deeply personal about her? I don’t get it.”

  His face softened. “Can’t you guess, Zoe?”

  “I don’t have a clue, Flynn. You’ll have to enlighten me.” I was genuinely perplexed by the sudden change in his attitude. A strange, tingling sensation raised the hairs on the back of my neck. A part of me wanted to know and the other half wanted to drop this dangerous subject.

  “I’m still in love with you,” he whispered.

  My mouth fell open, but no words left me. I didn’t know how to process this piece of news, knowing I was now married to his best friend. I could only imagine how much it must’ve cost him to admit his feelings for me.

  “I don’t know what to say.” My throat was tight and clogged with emotion. I felt caught between two important men in my life and dealing with the fact I could lose both of them in one day.

  “There is nothing to say, Zo. I’ve been grappling with this for the last couple of months. I just thought you should know. I didn’t realize it myself until I found out you were pregnant. I hit me really hard knowing you were carrying another man’s child. I resented the fact it wasn’t mine. Now you know all my dirty, little secrets. I hope you can live with them because I sure as hell can’t. It’s fucking tearing my heart out despite all the reasons why it shouldn’t. I die a little each time I see you so in love with someone else. I crave you in the worst way and know I am being an unfaithful asshole to my sick girlfriend and my best friend. Tell me what to do, Zo? I’m too fucking confused and racked with guilt. I need you.”