Anguish

by Lillie Jayne

  Those are new. I would remember her having lips that big.

  Two other women, who are applying hairspray, or mascara, or whatever that shit is, scurry out when they see the serious look on our faces, leaving us alone with Paige. I must hand it to the girl. Even though she looks like she’s shitting bricks, she straightens her spine and lifts her chin as she regards us.

  “I already told you, I saw nothing,” she directs at Lewis. “Now, this is the ladies’ room. Please leave before I call security.”

  I go to open my mouth, but Lewis throws me a warning glance, reminding me of my promise, So, I tuck my hands in my jeans pockets and leave it to him. Doesn’t mean I can’t throw eye daggers at her, though.

  “Yes, you did. Yet, some new evidence has come to light that leads me to suspect that you haven’t been altogether truthful with me, Paige.” Lewis’s voice has dropped to a deadly low level. “Now, let’s try this again, shall we? Tell me what you know of the night in question. The night someone violated an innocent man, without consent, in a booth you were working.”

  “Like I told you before, I saw nothing. The curtain was closed, and there was too much noise in the room to make out individual sounds. As far as I was aware, his friend was drunk and semi-conscious while he”—she gestures to me with her skinny hand—“was about to start a fight, so I kicked them out.” She shrugs her shoulders as if none of it affects her, but it’s all a front for our benefit. She’s scared to death. Of what, I don’t know.

  Lewis nods. “Yes, you already told me that, but now I want the truth, Paige. You see, we have footage which shows you slipping something into one of the glasses of vodka at the bar, then pointing out which glass it was to Tom in the booth. Tom then gave that glass to Finn. We also have Finn’s blood sample from the night the attack happened. Are you keeping up with me so far, Paige?”

  The colour drains from her face, and her hands shake. She looks like she’s going to either faint or puke. “That’s impossible, he said…”

  “Who said what, Paige?” I blurt out before I can think better of it.

  Her head snaps to me, mouth open as she slowly shakes her head. “I…I can’t tell you or he’ll, he…”

  “Who will what, Paige?” Lewis demands, moving toward her a step at a time; a move I know as an intimidation tactic often used by my old man.

  Her inflated bottom lip wobbles, and her eyes mist over as she tries to hold back her tears. “He…Tom. Tom said he would hurt my sister in the same way if I told anyone. She’s only fourteen, and I’m her legal guardian. If I go to prison, she’ll go into foster care. I promised I would look after her. We only have each other. He also paid me a lot of money to do it.”

  “Do what? We need to hear you say it,” Lewis urges the frightened female, sobbing openly in front of us now.

  “He paid me to roofie one of the glasses of vodka. He provided the drugs, though, not me. He wouldn’t tell me anything else…said it was on a need-to-know basis only and no one would ever know. I swear, I know only that.”

  “Did you know either Tom or Sara before that night?” I ask, earning a dour glare from Lewis.

  “Yes. I knew Sara first because she used to work here as a hostess, too. That’s how she and Tom first met. It’s also how she knew to use my sister as blackmail. She stopped working here when things got serious between her and Tom. We drifted apart and hadn’t really spoken until that night.”

  I snag some paper towels from the dispenser and hand them to her to wipe her face where her make-up ran in black streaks.

  Before I can ask anything more, Lewis interrupts. “Do you know where we can find Sara? Or Tom, even? They’ve gone to great lengths to hide themselves, and I can’t track them down using my usual methods.” I can see on his face that is painful for him to admit, as a man who prides himself on attention to detail.

  Paige dampens the paper towels and dabs under her eyes. “No, not since they got together. She moved in with him but didn’t tell anyone where. They could be anywhere, although I’m sure they’re still in London. There’s a rumour around this area that he is the go-to-guy to buy top quality gear.”

  “Yes, so I’ve discovered. I’ve yet to substantiate that, but I intend to do so. Thank you, Paige. And although I don’t justify any reason for a person to be raped, I understand your protectiveness toward your sister,” Lewis says.

  “Wait, what if he finds out that I grassed him up? He’ll hurt her.” Paige is genuinely panic stricken as she tugs Lewis’s arm.

  “He’ll never hear it from us. I can assure you of that. Here is my number. If you remember anything else, or they turn up, please call me,” I say, taking her phone from her hand and entering my personal number into her contacts list.

  Lewis turns back to her. “A piece of advice, Paige…” Here we go, she was about to get Lewis’d this time. “Take your sister and move somewhere else. Another town, or city, but get far away from London and far away from this club…just in case.”

  Paige nods in response as we turn and leave her in the ladies’ toilets cleaning herself up.

  That went better than expected.

  Chapter 19

  FINN

  Dan: All sorted with Theo for tonight. Told him you would leave his ticket at the door and meet him in there at 9pm, like you told me. He wasn’t happy that the message had come from me, though, mate. I told him you’re still pissed off with him and you need more time before tonight. I hope you know what you’re doing, Finn.

  Finn: Thanks again, mate. I owe you one. I hope I know what I’m doing, too. I suppose I’ll find out tonight.

  I’m just slipping my phone into the back pocket of my jeans when Jared sidles up and plants a kiss on my shocked mouth in front of the rest of the band. We’re having our final soundcheck before tonight’s performance, and the band is between songs, working on a tuning issue with the sound engineers.

  “What the fuck are you doing, Jared? Someone might see,” I whisper with a harsh snip, then feel immediately guilty at the look of hurt on his face.

  He fixes me with a defiant stare. “Are you embarrassed to be with me, Finn? ‘Cause I didn’t take you for the kind of guy who would care what other people thought.”

  “I’m not. I just don’t want them to think my mind isn’t on tonight’s show, that’s all.”

  He takes a step closer, and I resist the urge to move back. He’s stifling me. “What they going to do, sack you? It’s your last show, Finn. Relax, and enjoy it. I’ll be here cheering you on every step of the way.”

  That’s just fucking great. Theo and Jared together in one space. Both here to see me. What could go bloody wrong?

  “Yeah? My best mate, Theo, is coming, too. It’s his favourite band, and after what you said about friends and family, I thought why not invite him? So, I did.” I’m babbling like an idiot, but I feel like I’ve betrayed both of them somehow, even though I’m only dating Jared.

  I don’t want to hurt the guy. I am into Jared. He’s easy to be around, kind, charming, and he doesn’t treat me like a victim. Probably because he doesn’t know what happened to me—I haven’t told him—but I like that he sees me as a regular person and not a wounded animal. He makes me feel safe.

  Yeah, but you’re so in love with Theo, you can’t see straight. Who is being betrayed, Finn?

  So, I’m betraying them both…I think. Anyway, the point is, I don’t have any spare time to figure out how to handle this potential problem tonight. I’ll wing it and hope for the best. I only hope they will be cool with each other.

  “Oh, really?” Jared replies, somewhat skeptical. “Is this the guy you live with?”

  It could have been my imagination, given that I’m strung tight at this very minute, but Jared uttered that with a bite in his tone.

  “Yes, the one and only. Why?”

  “Oh, no, that’s great. I’m looking forward to meeting him. He’s the one you sometimes share partners with, isn’t he?” I foolishly made the error of gushing about Th
eo to Jared after one too many tequilas, and now he knows how much we enjoy sharing.

  Wait a goddamn minute…

  “What are you getting at Jared? Are you wanting to share me with Theo? Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Theo is straight and has never fucked about with another man, not even me. We shared girls, not guys. And anyway, we haven’t even got past kissing, don’t you think it’s a little premature to be thinking about threesomes?” I’m rattled at his outrageous suggestion and haven’t even tried to disguise the anger in my voice.

  “Relax, Finn,” he soothes, as he massages my arms to warm them up and placate me at the same time. “I’ll only do a threesome if all parties are willing, which, by the sounds of it, won’t be the case. So, you have nothing to worry about. You’ll have me all to yourself.” He winks before stealing another quick kiss and leaving us to our work.

  It wasn’t sharing Jared that worried me.

  * * *

  It’s gone eight thirty, and I’m long past being angry at Theo for last night. I’m doing the exact same thing with Jared, only that’s worse because I’m dating Jared…and I’ve kissed him more than once.

  What a hypocrite I am.

  I finish warming up and tuning my guitar, and now I pace the tiny bathroom backstage, trying not to lose my lunch. Theo has seen me play and heard me sing plenty of times, but not at Wembley fucking Stadium, in front of all these people.

  With his all-time favourite band.

  Jesus, my hands are shaking, and I’m feverish with anxiety. My heartbeat pounds in my head in a warning to calm down before I rupture something. Not an easy thing to do. Tonight is huge, being our last night, and Smidge has only gone and given Theo a seat in the VIP section…among all the music industry bigwigs and other influential people.

  Not that Theo can’t handle himself among the rich and powerful. On the contrary, it’s what he’s trained for his entire life, and I’m sure he’ll charm the pants off them all. I, on the other hand, will be out of place. Teddy, Theo’s old man, always made certain he ingrained in me how useless I was and a stain on the shoes of the aristocracy. You hear something so many times, after a while it sticks.

  I’m bricking it big time.

  Those music industry fat cats could be my ticket to a recording contract, and I’m hopeless at selling myself.

  I have way too much self-doubt.

  Realising it’s nearly nine, I make my way into the main stadium toward the VIP seating. It’s time to meet with Theo and show him why he’s really here.

  I’m wearing my stage costume—black leather pants with biker boots, a Deep Red Dawn fitted t-shirt, and a grey military jacket to compete the look. I’ve also accessorised with a wide leather cuff around my wrist, an array of leather cords around my neck, and my hair is loose and product-free.

  Stalking toward a large group of surly men and their female counterparts, I hear Theo before I see him. He’s in the thick of all the laughter, holding court like he’s king of the world, looking sexy as fuck, too. His band t-shirt covers his tight body, along with dark blue jeans, Converse, and a black leather jacket, similar to mine but not the same.

  When the hell did he get a black leather jacket?

  Not that I care. All I want to do is strip him out of everything he’s wearing and devour him, right here in the middle of the pitch for everyone to see. He’s mine, and I need every person in here to know it, including his current adoring fans, already hanging off his every word.

  He spots me from his makeshift podium and disarms me with a huge, goofy grin as he bounds down the steps to meet me halfway. Before I can utter a word, he throws his arms around me in that old familiar way and hugs the shit out of me. I can scarcely breathe, but I’ll not complain. I fling my arms around his neck and hug him back just as fiercely.

  We stand like that for a few moments, locked in each other’s embrace, before Theo jumps back, giddy with excitement.

  “Finn, this is awesome. How did you get such good tickets? These seats are fucking insane. We’ll be able to see the band close up. I intended on asking you to go with me before…well, anyway, thank you for bringing me here tonight. I know we still need to talk, but I’ll never forget this. You are amazing.”

  I could listen to him babble all day and never tire of it, but I must be on stage in ten minutes, and first, I have to somehow get Theo to stay here without me.

  “Anything for you, Theo. Anything. Listen, I’ll be back with you when the band starts, but there’s something I have to do first, okay?”

  Those liquid pools of blue I’ve missed so much lock with mine, and time, once again, stands still. The chemistry between us is blinding, and if I’m not careful, I’ll be playing guitar with a boner all night.

  “Okay, no problem. I’ll wait here. Oh, and, Finn?” he says as I turn to leave.

  “What, Theo?” I smile, wondering what he wants to tell me.

  “You’re incredible. You know that?”

  I’m so choked with his gentle words my throat closes off, and I nod, in case my voice cracks. I make sure to lose myself in the crowd so Theo can’t follow my path, and I make my way backstage to where the rest of my bandmates are waiting.

  The supporting band has exited the stage, and the lights have gone out, ready for the main event. A deep, sultry guitar riff plays from the stacks of loudspeakers; the band’s most famous song to excite the audience.

  As each note reverberates through the sound system, the vibration soars through each nerve fibre in my body, bringing me to life. My heart keeps time with the rhythm, and I feel it everywhere, ready to flow out through my fingers and into my guitar.

  How can I go back to my old job after experiencing this? This was a rare, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a session musician, and I appreciated I had been extremely lucky the band didn’t cancel the rest of the tour.

  As a medley of the band’s greatest hits play out into the stadium, I know one person out there will wonder where the hell I am. A huge smile blooms on my face as they usher us out onto the stage, where we take our starting positions in the pitch black.

  The crowd goes mental as coloured lights dazzle me from every direction. I can’t see Theo, but I know he’ll now see me, standing here instead of sitting next to him.

  “Good evening, Wembleyyyy!” Mase, our lead singer, yells into his mic. “Are you ready to rock with us tonight?”

  The crowd roars in unison as Mase paces the stage pointing his microphone out into the audience.

  “I didn’t quite hear you guys. I said, are you readyyy?” The screams are at fever pitch, riled up and ready to roll.

  “Okay, that’s fucking better. Since all you lovely people are ready to rock out with us tonight for our last gig on this tour, what say we introduce you to the rest of the band?”

  More screams and flashes come from every direction, and thousands of phones record our every move. It’s overwhelming and amazing, and I love every fucking second.

  “Okay, first up is Jules, our extraordinarily talented drummer, everyone.” Jules plays his drums, and the crowd eats it up.

  “Next we have our amazing bass player, Riley. Show them how it’s done, Riley.” Riley plucks some strings causing a deep sound to resonate within the stadium.

  Mase walks over to me next as I strum a basic riff and brace myself for my introduction. I never know what is going to come out of that cheeky git’s mouth, so I’m ready. He grins at me with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and I know I’m in for it.

  “Now, at this point I’m usually taking the piss out of Arrow, who as you know, is our lead guitarist,” he directs to the audience. “But that daft fucker went and broke his leg when he was pissed, so it left us without a lead guitarist.” A huge Ahh resonates throughout the stadium, all of them Arrow fans, I would guess.

  “But fear not, friends, for not only did we find a replacement for Arrow for the rest of this tour, so you lovely lot could come watch us play, we found someone better.” The crowd whoops and cat
calls as my jaw drops open in shock.

  My eyes are on stalks as he carries on. “Ladies and gentlemen, and all you other fuckers out there, please give a warm Wembley welcome to Finn! Isn’t he beautiful?” I step forward and play a tiny but complex solo; just a few bars, but the audience goes nuts. Then they chant Finn…Finn…Finn…Finn. I’m gob-smacked.

  I mean, I’ve had no complaints so far, and the crowds have always welcomed me warmly, but this is something else. As Mase makes his own introductions, I can still hear some of the crowd chanting my name, and I’ll be lying if I say that doesn’t make me proud.

  I’m dizzy with adrenalin and knowing Theo is out there watching all this. I’m so glad I invited him now. I only hope he won’t be too angry at me for keeping this from him. Time to do my own thing was the reason I left, and that was just what I got. Now, I want both this and Theo, and I’m not giving either up without a fight.

  The set runs like clockwork.

  We don’t stop for a break, except for five minutes to use the bathroom and have a drink, change our instruments or whatever, so I don’t get to see Theo. But I have a little surprise planned. When Smidge and the band asked me earlier if I wanted to do it, I declined, but it’s the last night, so fuck it.

  “Well, people of London, it’s almost time to close the show. But before we do, we just wanna slow it down a little before we come back to take the roof off,” Mase roars, and the audience nearly does just that with their screams alone.

  “So, we have a little surprise for you and for our delicious Finn over here,” Mase hedges, as he swaggers over to me and grins in that knowing way.

  Sly fucker. I knew he couldn’t get through one show without busting my chops.

  “See, we told Finn here that, as a leaving gift from us, he could sing a solo to one of our songs.” More cheers and chanting. “And that is true, he will sing a solo…only not one of our songs.”