Anguish

by Lillie Jayne

  “When that couldn’t get me hard…well, I still left them satisfied…I’m not a selfish bastard. I just didn’t know what to fucking do anymore. Every time I tried to sleep, he was there. I woke up from nightmares about the attack, what he did to me, the bits I can remember, anyway. It never goes away, Theo, it never…” A loud sob rips from my chest and out of my mouth. “I feel broken…I’m fucking broken,” I cry out, as he drags me toward him and holds me tight, our bodies pressed together.

  “It’s okay, Finn,” he soothes, rubbing my back with one hand and stroking my hair with the other. Tears roll down Theo’s cheeks while I sob, a soul-deep, gut-wrenching cry, my shoulders shaking. “Just let it out. Cry all you want. I got you, okay?”

  I cry until I can barely breathe. Until there are no tears left.

  Theo just holds me.

  Comforts me.

  Soothes me.

  When I stop shaking, and the sobbing subsides, he pulls back and looks at me. “What about the police, Finn? Do you want to report it? I’ll come with you. You know that.”

  I shake my head vehemently. “No! No, no. They’ll never believe me, Theo. The situation I was in…I was willing. I don’t understand why he drugged me. I was consenting. The police will never believe I was…was…” More tears drip down my face. He wipes them away with his thumbs.

  “Shh, it’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, ever again. If you don’t want to report it, we won’t. We’ll find another way to get the bastard.”

  He hugs me tight against his chest and rests his cheek on my head while I sniffle.

  “Have you considered counselling? You’ve been through a major trauma. It’s going to affect you.”

  “Yes, I have thought about it. I’m just not sure I’m ready yet. Maybe in a little while.”

  “Whatever you need. I won’t push you,” he reassures me. “Why just girls, Finn?” I draw back from his chest to consider him, our arms still around each other, anchoring.

  “I couldn’t go near guys. I was too afraid of them. I thought it would happen again, and it made me panic. I tried dancing with a few guys at the bars…” I stop and shake my head.

  “Nothing?”

  “No, nothing,” I smile a watery smile at him. “Seems there’s only one guy that can give me a hard-on.”

  Theo grins back at me, and my heart bursts.

  “You want to kiss me now?” I ask him in a playful tone.

  Without hesitation, his lips land soft on mine, closed, unmoving for a few seconds. I watch him, breathing him in, waiting for him to change his mind. His eyes stay closed as he opens his mouth and kisses me again, sucking my bottom lip. The next time he kisses me my eyelids flutter shut, and I open to him, our tongues touching gently. I gasp, and Theo tilts his head to take the kiss deeper.

  We groan as our tongues dance in a sensual rhythm, and he slips a hand into my hair as I slide a palm onto his face, rubbing his stubble with my thumb. We’re both panting and kissing like the apocalypse is imminent…like it’s the very last kiss of our lives.

  His lips are soft but unyielding. He tastes exquisite, and I can’t get enough of him. All I can see is Theo. All I can feel is Theo.

  We’re wrapped around each other, not a millimetre of space between us. Breathless, Theo breaks away first.

  “Finn, there’s something I’ve been trying to tell you, but we keep getting interrupted. I…”

  I kiss him again, needing to feel his mouth back on mine. I yearn for him to touch me, but I don’t want to rush him, he’s new to this. I must wait until he’s ready and I’m willing. I’ll wait as long as it takes, now that I know he wants me. Theo rolls me onto my back and settles between my legs, which I promptly wrap around his waist.

  “Finn, wait,” he gasps.

  “Sorry, Theo, I’m getting carried away again. I promise I’ll give you as much time as you need, as long as I have your lips.”

  “Finn.” He sighs, as he looks into my soul. “I…”

  Theo’s phone rings again.

  “Fuck! What now?” I chuckle as I dig into his pocket for his mobile, still holding tight to his hips with my legs.

  “Shit, it’s the rescue centre. There must be an emergency.”

  A guilty expression crosses his face as I unhook my legs and gesture for him to answer.

  We both sit up as Theo speaks to the vet tech on duty. “Okay, thanks. I’ll be there as quick as I can,” he says after a few minutes.

  He turns to me with an apology written all over his face.

  “It’s okay. If they need you, they need you. Lives need saving. We’ve waited this long, we can wait a little longer.” I rub circles on his back in a soothing gesture.

  “Why don’t you come with me? I might be a couple of hours, but you love helping.”

  He knows I love visiting the rescue. I love animals and always wanted a dog, but he had always said no. He loves animals, of course, that’s why he’s a vet. He’s just seen too many pet owners distraught over losing their pets and he can’t go through that. It’s bad enough when it’s someone else’s dog, cat, rabbit or whatever, but losing his own pet would be unfathomable.

  “Yeah, okay. Let’s go.”

  * * *

  Walking into the rescue centre, we’re greeted by Janice, a volunteer. Janice is in her thirties; short and skinny with pink hair to match her effervescent personality. She wears dark-rimmed glasses that suit her porcelain skin. She also has some amazing ink on her arms.

  “Hi, Janice, how are you today? The kids behaving for you, I hope?” Theo smiles at her, gesturing toward the back door. He’s referring to the animals. He always calls them kids. They are very much like small furry children.

  “Oh, hi, Theo. I’m great, thanks. Just frazzled a bit. Some of them are behaving beautifully and others not so much. It’s like a creche in here, and I’m sure I’m going deaf with all the barking.” She rolls her eyes, but she loves her job. I think she prefers animals to humans sometimes.

  “Hi, Finn.” She beams at me. “Nice to see you down here again. It’s been a few weeks.”

  “Hi, Janice, good to see you too,” I respond, happy to see her.

  “Do you have anything you need Finn to do? He wants to cuddle with some furries while we’re here.”

  “Yes,” she replies in a serious tone. “You’ve come at the right time, guys. We had a puppy brought in an hour ago, around ten weeks old…looks like she’s a stray someone’s attacked. The woman who carried her in said she saw a bunch of teenagers messing with her. She’s in a bad way. We were just waiting for an available vet. The techs have cleaned her up and put her on drip. They’ll explain her wounds to you. It’s touch and go, I think.”

  “Yeah, Moira called me. Lead the way.”

  Both of us follow Janice to the medical area.

  In one of the intensive care pens is a tiny white puppy with huge, lifeless black eyes. Her matted fur has patches of red scattered all over her torso. She’s shaking, skinny and dirty, with bandages on both her back legs, and an IV tube running from her front leg to the top corner of her cubicle. She lies on her side, depleted and despondent, the only part of her moving is those sorrowful eyes. This little girl has given up the fight.

  “What the hell happened to her? Do we know anything more?” Theo asks the vet technician on duty, Moira, a middle-aged woman with short grey hair, who’s stroking the pup’s head.

  “Theo, thank goodness. Yeah, they tied her up and shot her with an air rifle multiple times. We removed the surface pellets, but looking at the X-rays, there are some deeper ones that will need removing surgically. She has hairline fractures in her left tibia and right metatarsus, which we’ve bandaged for now, and she is severely malnourished and dehydrated. It might be too late for her, given the condition she was in before being shot, but we’re doing everything we can. Are you able to lend a hand with her?” She regards Theo, who looks beside himself.

  “Of course, Moira, anything you need. Is s
he stable enough for anaesthesia?”

  “I think so. Her heart is strong, and you know how resilient young pups can be, but I would prefer you to check her over first just to make sure. It’s been a little chaotic in here this morning and we’re short staffed because of sickness and holidays.”

  “Okay, let me listen to her chest and examine her.” Theo takes out his stethoscope to check the poorly pup.

  I feel helpless and burning with rage. This poor, defenceless little dog doesn’t deserve any of this. Why would people be so fucking cruel? What were they seeking to gain? Some sick satisfaction? I don’t have any skills to lend to this situation. I’m lost, drifting, and starting to get anxious.

  “Is there anything I can do to help? I don’t have any medical skills, but I’ll help in any way you need me to…anything?” The words slip out before I have time to think about it.

  “Oh, Finn,” she breathes out in relief, closing her eyes briefly, “you don’t understand how much we appreciate your help right now. No medical skills needed, if you don’t mind getting your hands dirty, lovey?”

  “I don’t shy away from dirty work. Anything you need doing that will help you guys use your skills to fix up this little pup, I’m available.”

  “Great. Would you mind cleaning out the dog pens and walking them? We haven’t had the time to do it yet. If Theo is still busy after that, Janice can show you what else to do. We had more strays brought in this morning, so we are bursting at the seams again. You would do us a great service, Finn. Thank you.”

  “Not a problem. You just take care of little Skye…make her all better.” My Adam’s apple bobs in my throat and I swallow hard to hide my emotions.

  “Skye?” Theo asks, placing his stethoscope back around his neck, his eyebrows drawn together. Moira gazes at the puppy with sad eyes.

  “Yeah, it suits her. Skye can be her name while she’s in here. Her new owners can change it if they don’t like it.” I pet her little head and she closes her eyes. “You like it, don’t you, Skye? Yes, you do, girl,” I whisper to her.

  I stare at Theo, my eyes pleading with his. “Fix her, Theo…please? She has to survive…” I trail off, unable to speak through the blockage in my throat. My hand is still on her tiny head as I peek at her through a watery haze.

  Theo places a hand on my shoulder and gives me a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll do my best, Finn, I promise. We’ll take her for surgery now, so you keep busy while we’re in there. You can visit her when she’s awake.”

  I nod once and gesture to Janice to lead the way. She has tears rolling down her cheeks.

  Humanity can be a cruel bastard sometimes.

  * * *

  Skye came through the operation extremely well. Theo removed a further four pellets, one dangerously close to her spleen. She was awake and up on her little, shaky legs a few hours later, and even wagged her tail at me when I went to see her. She’s a lucky little thing.

  I know Theo deals with cases such as this all the time, but it’s the first time I’ve witnessed it. She’s a lovely little pup, and I’m sure she’ll be even more magnificent after a bath and haircut. Theo and Moira are tired but happy. I’m so proud of my…

  What do I call him now…boyfriend?

  He’s an amazing vet, one of the best. Well, the best in my eyes, but I’m biased. He’s also as sexy as sin with that stethoscope around his neck.

  I’m sweating and covered in dog hair but keeping busy at the rescue has kept my mind from wandering and reflecting on other things. I walk over to where Theo and Moira are settling Skye into her cubicle.

  “Do you think she has a chance now, Theo? I mean, will she live?”

  Theo sighs and smiles at Skye. “Well, she’s not altogether out of the woods yet, these things can be unpredictable sometimes. But I’m confident she’ll be okay for now. She’s a strong pup, despite her fragile condition on the surface. We were lucky to remove all the pellets without further incident, and we’ve started her on antibiotics as a precaution, along with some pain relief for a few days.

  “Her fractures weren’t too severe. Moira did an excellent job bandaging her up. She needs to stay on IV fluids until at least tomorrow, but she can have a little food in a couple of hours. If she keeps that down, we’re on the right track. I think Skye had some luck on her side today. If she hadn’t come in when she did, the ending could have been different.”

  I smile and blow out a big breath that I didn’t know I was holding.

  “Hell, that shocked me. I didn’t realise how bloody cruel humans could be. I mean, I did, but until it’s staring you in the face, you don’t get it. I was so angry. I wanted to hunt those kids down and…” Theo puts a soothing hand on my shoulder. “And I felt so helpless, not having any medical skills, unable to assist. It’s gut-wrenching to just watch on when all you want to do is help, you know?”

  His sparkling blue eyes regard me with purpose. “Yeah, I do know, Finn. I know exactly what you mean.”

  He coughs to clear his throat. “And you did help. By helping with the other important chores around here, we gave Skye the best medical attention and fast. Time is always of the essence for the animals who need urgent medical treatment, and because you took over Moira’s tasks, she could assist me. Your help was just as important as mine today, Finn. We were a team. An excellent team.” I nod my head and beam at him, wanting to kiss the shit out of his lips.

  “Okay, let’s go home and change. I have a surprise for you.” He winks.

  “What is it? Will I like it?”

  “If I told you what it was, then it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it? And yes, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

  We say goodbye to Moira and Janice, who thank us many times, and head out to the car.

  “Okay, Doc, we’re in the car. Now tell me what the surprise is?” I hate surprises. I like to know what’s going on.

  “Nope, we need to go shower and change first, then I’ll tell you.”

  “What, together?” I reply in a sultry voice. “Oh, you wanna shower with me, honey? That’s so romantic.” I’m invigorated after all that hard work, and I love to flirt with him. Usually, he’ll call me a dick or a twat, but this time I’m not kidding.

  “Well, if you insist, Sunshine. It might be a tight squeeze in there with two of us,” he offers back with hooded eyes.

  “Oh, I don’t mind a tight squeeze, babe…the tighter the better,” I counter with a saucy wink.

  Theo’s hand slips off the gearstick, momentarily in shock, his mouth dropping open. His cheeks pink. “Um…I…er…”

  I love flustering Theo. He’s usually so self-assured.

  “Too soon?”

  “No, not too soon, but I gotta drive home, Finn.” He grimaces as I watch him adjust himself in his seat. The hunger in his eyes is clear and I squirm with desire.

  “Fuck…let’s go,” I croak as Theo peels out of the car park.

  Chapter 24

  THEO

  Jesus, I’m so turned on.

  Finn is hot as hell, and I’ve been walking around with fucking blinkers on, ignoring how I feel. Denying what I wanted. What we both wanted.

  So many wasted years.

  Closing the door to our flat, I’m on Finn before we can kick off our shoes. I capture his head and attack his lips in a demanding kiss, dragging him towards my bedroom. We separate for a few seconds by the bed, enough to remove our shirts, then continue our sensual onslaught on each other.

  I slip my tongue past Finn’s lips, tasting the peppermints he’s eaten earlier. He entwines his tongue with mine, sliding his fists into my hair and tugging me to him, crushing our mouths to get closer together. We both groan aloud as our passion intensifies, before I draw back, my breathing laboured.

  I rest my forehead against Finn’s, who is also breathless, his chest heaving.

  “Shower with me?” I whisper, hesitant, as I gaze into his vibrant blue eyes. I’m not sure if it will be too soon for him, but I want him naked under the hot, steam
y water with me.

  Finn nods and strips off to his underwear without delay, while I do the same. I take his hand and lead him to the bathroom where I kiss him again, softer this time, tugging down his boxers. I drop my boxer briefs and pull Finn into the spacious shower, turning on the hot spray.

  We stand under the shower jets; the water sluicing down our bodies as we regard each other for the first time in an intimate way. I’ve seen Finn naked all my life, but I’ve never truly seen how beautiful he is. My eyes follow the path of water over his strong shoulders, between the valley of his well-defined pecs and down over his toned abs…along that happy trail of hair towards his groin.

  His erection stands tall and throbbing against his stomach, pulsing with its own heartbeat. My cock thickens even further as I look at his balls, hanging heavy in the neatly trimmed sac.

  I can’t believe I’m looking at Finn’s dick and getting aroused. More than aroused, I want to fucking consume him.

  Finn stays silent, letting me scan his body, his stare hungry as he takes in my form. I feel my cock twitch as our gazes lock, and I clutch the base to stave off my orgasm.

  “You’re fucking beautiful, Finn,” I whisper in a reverent tone.

  Finn grabs the back of my neck and smashes his lips to mine, drinking in my breath as I curl my arms around his waist and haul him against me. Our cocks grind together and we both groan at the contact. It feels amazing and right. Something clicks into place in my soul.

  I feel whole; complete.

  I slip my hands down to Finn’s arse cheeks and pull him even tighter against me, seeking friction for our insistent erections. We shift and I push him against the wall as we grind our hips, kissing each other with fever, out of control. I never lose control, but here I am, losing it bit by bit with Finn’s naked body against me.

  Finn flips us around this time, dropping to his knees in front of me. Before I can tell him not to go where I assume he’s going—it’s too soon for him—he palms the base of my solid length and pushes his plump lips past the swollen head.