My promise falls on deaf ears, she’s fallen asleep. I hope her consciousness still hears me because I don’t know what I’d do if I lose her because of this.
The drink must be holding her nightmares at bay, she doesn’t toss and turn like she usually does, and she isn’t crying out unintelligible mutterings. I can never quite pick up what she’s saying and it’s infuriating.
My phone buzzes from my jeans pocket on the floor and I sit up, throwing my legs over the edge of the bed and snatch it out into my hand.
The prospects number flashes across the screen and I hit answer, making my way out onto the hall landing so I don’t disturb Harper.
“What’s up, prospect?”
“I got word there were Crows based out near the city, just off the highway. I checked it out and they were right. I’ve seen at least fifteen coming and going. This has to be their base.”
Excitement runs through me. If this is true and we have their base it could mean the final true end of the Black Crows motorcycle club.
“Okay, double back and pick me up from the club.”
Hanging up, I creep back into the bedroom and quickly dress. Harper doesn’t stir and I scribble off a note for her in case she wakes while I’m gone. I leave it on the nightstand on my side of the bed and head out.
Glancing up at our bedroom window before I bring my bike to life, it brings me a level of strength knowing I’m doing this for her just as much for my brothers. I won’t rest until every last Crow has been picked off and all evidence of their existence has been wiped away. It won’t wipe out Harper’s memories of them but it’s a good fucking start.
The ride to the club is quiet and my eyes are wide open ready for anything to happen along the way.
Dad’s bike is parked in his usual spot by the garages and Cas’s is beside his. At least I can talk to them together.
The sky is black tonight, you can’t see one star above, a storm is due, you can almost smell the rain in the air.
Inside the bar, I walk into the quietness and have to look twice to make sure there are brothers here. It’s eerie when the place is this quiet when having so many people around. The twins aren’t around, and I wish they were, at least they would be making some noise, breaking the stillness in the air. You can always count on them to liven the place up.
No one tries to talk to me as I walk through the bar and head for Cas’s office. Rapping my knuckles against the wooden door, I wait to be called in and open the door when Cas hollers.
Dad is sat on the couch by the far wall and Cas is sitting behind his desk. They both look tired and their fatigue hits me like a blast of cold water.
“You good, son?” dad asks, and I nod, taking a seat by the desk.
“I got a call from the prospect, he’s sure he’s found their base with fifteen or so Crows coming and going from it. He’s on his way here to pick me up.”
Dad sits forward interested in hearing more and Cas stops strumming his fingers on the desktop.
“If we know where their base is, we can take it out, burn it to the fucking ground. I can have something special cooked up for them by the morning.”
Cas shakes his head and leans his arms on the desk. “We won’t touch the place until we have them all at the Mill. If we attack, anyone who survives could run and we’ll never find them. No, we round up the cunts and then we burn their base to the ground.” He looks to me and asks, “You say Tal is coming here for you, what’s your plan?”
“He can show me where it is and then we’ll pick off as many Crows as we can before sunrise.”
“Sparks, you go with them. I don’t want you seen, heard, shot at, nothing. You hear me?”
We both nod and he moves onto my wife. “What happened with Harper?”
Taking a deep breath, I tell him, “She was drunk at Josies’. I picked her up and took her home. She was fast asleep when I left.”
“Drunk? She hasn’t touched alcohol in a long time.”
He doesn’t need to tell me that. I know my wife and her habits.
“She can’t keep drinking-”
“It’s a one off, old man, don’t worry. She’s allowed a blow out every now and then, she fucking deserves it after what she’s been through,” I cut dad off.
“Has she spoken about her time with Ellis yet?” Cas asks.
It’s my turn to shake my head and we’re interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Yeah?” Cas hollers and Tal walks in.
“Oh, good, it’s you.” He sits back in his chair and commands the room. The prospect closes the door behind him and stays standing in the middle of the room. He knows his place and I find it strange I was never treated this way. We’re family and it goes along way during the prospecting phase. Sure the brothers pulled shit with Leo, Zach and me but it’s nothing that we didn’t go through growing up. We took it and got on with it.
“Sparky is going with you and JJ. Be sure to keep them locked tight at the Mill. I’ll be riding out in the morning to see for myself.”
“Yes, Prez.”
Nothing else is said as dad and I stand and the three of us make our way out to the prospect’s van.
We have our orders and shit is being carried out. By sunrise hopefully we’ll have so many Crows at the Mill the brothers won’t know what to do with them.
Harper
Shit. My head is splitting in two and I have vague memories of JJ showing up at the bar last night. He doesn’t come home for days on end but the one time I go to the bar, he shows his face.
I remember being in bed with him, we were talking, but when I roll over, not only does my stomach roll with nausea, I find myself alone. If I weren’t so drunk, I would have expected him gone by the time I woke up. The paranoia bubbling up whispers he probably left as soon as I fell asleep. My mouth is dry and every inch of my body hurts as I roll out of bed and drag on Jay’s hoodie.
It barely covers my ass but the chill prickling my legs is welcome. I’m burning up and I supress the urge to run to the toilet to vomit. My brain is bouncing from side to side as I take the stairs down to the kitchen and I stop short when I see JJ at the table with his dad and his mom frying bacon at the stove. Bonnie sees me first and her smile isn’t pinched or strained, it’s without worry and I’m jealous of her.
“Good morning, sit yourself down, the food is nearly ready.”
JJ and Sparky look up at the sound of her voice and JJ pushes out a chair for me next to him. He doesn’t smile but he isn’t pissed, I’m too sick to work out what he’s feeling. I sit down and he pulls the chair closer to him causing my stomach to flip. He reaches for the painkillers and silently hands me two and pours me a glass of orange juice.
I throw the pills in my mouth and drink them down until the glass is empty. A plate of bacon and eggs lands in front of me and my stomach aches for food.
“I know you like to eat a little healthier, but you need to soak up the drink. It’ll make the hangover go away.” Bonnie smiles down at me and moves on to serve JJ and Sparky’s breakfasts.
“It’s fine, thank you.”
The bacon smells amazing and I’ve eaten three rashers before a mug of coffee appears before me. Satisfied everyone has their food and enough coffee to drown in, Bonnie sits herself down and sips her drink.
“I bet you’re happy about Cas, it’s about time there was something to celebrate around here,” Sparky says, speaking for the first time since I walked in the room.
“Happy about what?” I ask and all three of them cast wary eyes at me.
“Um, he got the all clear from the hospital. He beat the cancer, just like I knew he would. He said he told you?”
I search my memories, as fuzzy as they are, and I vaguely remember him standing at the door when I went to leave yesterday. He must have told me then; I don’t quite remember but I play along. “Oh yeah, he said something.”
The kitchen goes quiet and I keep my eyes down on my plate. It’s great Cas is better, at one point, I thought gettin
g to know him would be a waste of time.
“I can take you to see him, if you like?” JJ says, around a mouthful of scrambled eggs.
I don’t like the idea of potentially bumping into Leo, Slade, Kristen, or Zachery. I start to shake my head, but Bonnie speaks up.
“What’s going through your head, Harper?”
It’s uncomfortable how she looks at you like she sees into your soul. She reaches for my hand and I let her hold me as I speak.
“It’s easier if I stay away from everyone. It’s bad enough other people are lying for me, I can’t lie for shit and I don’t want to cause any more trouble for anyone.”
Her hold tightens and her reassurance does nothing to make me feel better.
“Cas wants you around, he’s made it quite obvious in the fact he’s made it possible for you to walk around without anyone knowing your business. He done that so he can have a relationship with you, for you to hide out here and ignore him is to throw it in his face. He could have easily set you up somewhere else and visited you as and when he could, but he wants you to be family. So I suggest you get over that night, it doesn’t concern you anymore and move on and be happy.”
Get over it? I see Sparky’s lips moving, I hear the words pouring from his mouth, but they don’t mean anything to me. I go by what I see and all I see are lies. They’re everywhere and I’m not the only one choking on them. Sparky might mean well, but I wish he wouldn’t try.
“What my dad is trying to say,” JJ says, jumping in before I lose my mind. “What’s done is done and there is no changing it. You can finally get to know your dad.”
My dad. I smile, relishing in the peace shooting through my chest at a future I never thought I’d have. It’s still taking some getting used to, but I have a father.
“Will anyone else be there?” I ask as they’re clearly not giving up.
“I doubt it,” Sparky says.
Half of me wants to go, to spend time with him. But the other half, the more dominant half, is paranoid someone will show up. It’s true, I suck at lying and who knows how I’ll be if I’m around the people hurting the most.
Cas’s house comes into view and I cling tighter onto JJ as he slows his bike, ready to park. I haven’t been here before and it’s nothing like what I was expecting. I heard he lived in the middle of nowhere, but I expected there to be gates and more security. A long dirt drive is surrounded by grass and a white veranda wraps around a freshly painted white house. I spy Cas’s bike parked by Alannah’s car and sigh with relief when I don’t see Leo’s machine. Jay already told me he wouldn’t be here, but you never know, people’s plans change all the time. I know that better than most.
We come to a stop and my stomach becomes a mix of nerves and then nothingness. On first glance, the house represents everything I’ve missed out on during my childhood and everything I could be included in during my future. This is a proper family home; you can tell by looking at the row of boots and shoes lined up on the porch. All different shapes and sizes. Beautiful, exotic plants are perched on the porch rails. I can totally see Alannah out here watering them and tending to them, caring for them like she does with her family. Lily barely kept me alive, let alone a plant.
“Are you ready?”
Blinking, I loosen my hold from around his waist and he’s the first to climb off. Holding his hand out, I take it and join him on the firm ground. My legs still go numb after a long ride on his bike. I doubt I’ll ever get used to it.
“Do you know who’s here?” I ask, checking for a second time, not letting go of his hand.
“Cas said it was him, Lana and Luca.”
Apart from him beating the crap out of the guy in Mercy on my behalf, and saving his ass at the hospital from Ellis, I haven’t spent any time with Luca. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s changed his mind about getting to know me, especially if he ever finds out the real reason why India died. I wish the voices would shut the hell up. Walking up the porch steps, I clench my free hand into a fist to try and release my nerves, and my stomach flips when Jay knocks on the door. He doesn’t wait for someone to answer; he pushes through and we walk inside to music coming from one of the rooms upstairs and a radio blasting in the kitchen. I’ve always envisioned their home to be perfectly arranged, the furniture modern and pristinely placed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all still neat and lovely, but the furniture is homely, and throws cover the couch and chairs. There are framed photos everywhere, hanging on the walls, sat on dressers, lining the fireplace. Everywhere.
“Aunt Lana?” JJ calls out and my nerves grow stronger and dance flippantly all through me.
Her head pops out the doorway to the kitchen and I’m immediately envious of her smile. For starters, it’s bright and strengthens her beauty and secondly, it’s carefree, just like Bonnie’s this morning.
“It’s good to see you out and about, Harper,” she says, and I desperately want to believe she’s being genuine. I mean, we spoke a little in Mercy and everything was good between us. However, a lot has gone down since we returned to Willows Peak and much more is being kept a secret on her husband’s behalf for me.
“Have you eaten yet?” she goes on to ask and JJ’s hand slips from mine as he strolls through to the kitchen. I hang back and step into the living room. Everything screams home here, and I’m drawn to the photos. Family is the main theme, and Leo and Luca are in most of them. Leo as a child with Alannah, Luca when he was young, also with Alannah. Cas doesn’t strike me as someone who would like his picture taken, but he’s in quite a few of them with the boys and with Alannah. A picture of Leo and India in the hospital with Rayna catches my eye. I pick up the frame and study it closer. India is sat on the bed holding the baby and Leo is snugly sat beside her with his arm around the two of them. His face is a multicoloured blur of bruises, but they look so happy, starting a new chapter in their lives with their child. It’s still surreal she’s gone, and this photo is all that is left for Rayna of her mother.
I put the frame back in its place and move along. The next picture I see is one of Cas and Alannah and it’s old. They look so young. Cas is his usual sullen faced self and Alannah is sat on his lap smiling at the camera. If you ignore his straight face, there’s so much more you can see in the picture, like the way his arm sits around her shoulder and his hand is splayed over the top of her chest. It’s possessive and screams she’s his. It’s his way of loving her. His love isn’t only smiles and puppy dog eyes.
I sit on the armchair and sink into the soft cushions and I’m hit with pure jealousy. On a small table between the two chairs, a picture of Cas and Alannah with both their sons sits proudly. Luca is a toddler and Leo looks around eight or nine years old. He hangs off Cas’s shoulder and it’s the first picture I’ve seen where Cas is smiling. I run my finger across the glass, and I wish I were a part of that day.
The only other photo on the table is one of Leo and India, arm in arm, again, smiling for the camera. The very two people Ellis made me choose between.
“In time, your photos will be around here too.”
His voice fills the room and I put the picture back and jump up to my feet.
Cas stands in the doorway and his presence fills the room without having to step one foot inside.
“I don’t think Leo will appreciate seeing my face around here when he learns the truth.”
“Harper,” he murmurs, stepping over the threshold into his living room. “You need to let this go. He won’t hear it from me, and the only other two people who know is your husband and your father-in-law.”
“I saw someone else there that night, he has no loyalty to me.”
A slow smile creeps upon his face and sits himself on the arm of the couch.
“He has loyalty to me; some men need the patch more than they need air in their lungs. The prospect is nothing for you to worry over. You’re forgetting who your father is, sweetheart. If he were to breathe a word of that night, I would slit his throat, for you.”
&n
bsp; He should scare me; I definitely shouldn’t feel an overwhelming sense of protection coming from him. I lean on the back of the armchair and brace the numbness creeping up my legs.
“It gets too much more often than not, and I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s pathetic to admit this out loud and to you, but I depend on JJ to fall back on. He hasn’t been around that much lately, and it’s been so hard without him. My thoughts are laced with so much guilt and they are so loud, it makes me blind to everything surrounding me.”
The words pour from my mouth and I’m unable to stop them. The more I unleash, the lighter I feel. I just hope it’s not temporary.
“You’re strong when it counts,” he urges and rises from the couch arm. He manoeuvres around the furniture and comes to sit on the coffee table before me. He grasps my hands in his and a tear falls from my eye at the contact.
“I have lost so many people over the years, and I hold guilt over each and every one of them. Choices I’ve had to make because I wear the president’s patch haunts me most nights. When there is nothing but darkness around me and everyone sleeps, my thoughts are loud too. They’re full of what-if’s and I-should-have’s, they don’t help. I will do what I can to help you through this, but one thing you have to do, is live with this knowing it won’t ever go away but it will get easier.”
“How do you do it? How do you get up each day and face what you’ve done?”
He squeezes my hands and his gaze holds me, waiting for his answer.
“For all the wrong I feel I’ve done, there is still so much good around me. I have my family; I have my brothers and they are both the reason I get up in the morning and carry on. You have us, you have JJ and he loves you very much. You also have the rest of your life to live, choices to make, and to be happy.”
Nodding, I agree with him, but it’s easier said than done when it comes down to getting on with life.
“Before Lily and I came here, before I knew the truth, before JJ, I shut myself off and felt nothing. I got on with the shit and I had never been so lonely. Now, I feel everything and it’s worse because I have so much more to lose.”
His One Choice Page 3