She follows suit and sits beside me, yanking her hand back.
“Babe, only we know what went down that night…” She cuts me dead before I can finish.
“Don’t tell me, get over it and grow some balls.”
Grinding my teeth together, I climb out of bed and drag my jeans on.
“Where are you going?”
“I’ve run out of smokes, go to sleep and hopefully your view looks better in the morning.”
“I’m getting real tired of you keep walking out when you don’t like what I’m saying.”
“I’m not walking out on shit, I can’t keep trying to find ways to make you see this will fucking pass. I’m not a fool to think the truth won’t ever come out, but I also know it won’t be the end, not for us, nor the club.”
I lean across the bed and kiss her swiftly and grab my gun from the nightstand. This house is too quiet to relax in and a part of me misses staying at the club. I could go down to the bar and there would always be a brother to kick the shit with.
Here, there is darkness and silence. For once, I leave the house without something being smashed or thrown at me.
Starting my bike, I roll away from the house and ride. I love her so much and I don’t regret killing Ellis. I craved to see the life drain from him for what he put Harper through, and I wasn’t disappointed when I stood over him and watched him choke on his own blood. But I also have love for the club, and it wouldn’t be right for me to walk away and not face my brothers when they learn why Cas made the call to take him out without them. I would be naïve to believe life could go on without the truth coming out. I would also be naïve to believe rounding up the remaining Crows will make up for it, but I have to believe it will help. It has to. For me and Harper, for Cas and for Slade and Leo. Fuck. For everyone. For the Lost Souls.
I don’t know any different kind of life without them. They’re more than family to me, but so is Harper and if I had to make the same call again, I would.
JJ
I ride to the store and I’m met with the twins causing havoc. Circling the lot, the cashier isn’t interested in them as I look through the window, he keeps his face glued to his phone and I shake my head. They see me and pull up behind me as I park up and kill my engine. They nod towards the pumps and I sigh. Luca is leaning against the passenger door while Victoria sits on the hood, her legs crossed and her skirts draping over the edge of the car.
It doesn’t look anything but two friends hanging out, but I’ve caught them being a lot more than friends before. I’m surprised no one else has caught them.
“You know, Luca, if we keep seeing you with our sister, we’re going to have words,” Myles hollers and I don’t think he’s messing around. The twins are all fun and games until they’re not happy and then they’re more serious than a heart attack.
Luca doesn’t bother turning around, he flips them finger over his shoulder and Victoria scowls at her brothers.
I’m not in the mood to fuck with them tonight. I need a smoke and I need to get home to my wife.
“Our dads run into a Crow tonight, apparently, there’s one less Crow in the world,” Mason tells me quietly and I nod.
Cas isn’t interested in taking all the Crows for the club, he wants the main ones who held brothers down. He has to allow a few of them to be killed on sight to appease the brothers somewhat.
“I’m here for a pack of smokes, keep your eyes open and watch your backs.”
They both nod and I head inside. I buy two packs of smokes and throw the cash on the counter. I don’t wait for my change and by the time I make it outside, the twins have vanished, and Luca is now standing in front of Victoria with her legs wrapped around him. They’re completely absorbed with each they’re not socially aware of their surroundings and that’s dangerous.
“Hey, it’s late. You two should get home. We’ve still got Crows hanging around.”
“Thanks, dad,” Luca throws at me and I inwardly cringe.
What has my life become that I’m barking out orders like a parent? Fuck me. I meet Victoria’s eyes and I feel marginally better when she takes my warning seriously.
I’ve heard about what she was put through and I feel for the kid. She slides down off the hood and pushes Luca far back enough so she can climb in the car.
“Nice one, JJ. She was just forgetting about them fucks.”
“It’s better than her coming face to face with one again.”
I shrug and carry on to my bike. “Take her home, Luca.”
I’m surprised Ricky and Pope are letting her out of their sights while the threat is still out there. I hang around until they’ve left, and I’ve finished my smoke. Shoving the pack and the lighter in my pocket. I bring my bike to my life and head for home. Harper won’t be asleep, and I’ll be glad she isn’t. She’s right, I do have to stop finding excuses to leave when our conversations become too frustrating. Only, my frustrations sky rocket when I ride onto our street and her car is gone. Coming to a stop, I pull out my phone and hit up her number. My frustration hits its limit when it doesn’t even ring, it goes straight to voicemail. My patience is wearing so thin it’s disappearing and I’m fucking exhausted.
The neighbour comes out and dumps his trash bags in the trash can and completely ignores my existence. I’m not complaining, it’s not like I want to play happy neighbours or anything. I purposefully let my bike roar as I ride away from the house and head for main street. At least I have her car to look out for as I search for her.
I head for Josie’s first and her car is nowhere to be seen. I check out the other bars in town and still, nothing. I waste nearly an hour searching and still come up blank. Fuck me. Has she driven out to the cabin to see Leo? The thought hits me in the gut and I hope she fucking hasn’t.
Riding towards the edge of town, I speed up and curse Leo lives so far out. Being this late, the roads are empty, and it doesn’t take me long to come to a stop outside his new gates at the edge of his property. I can just about see the drive and her car isn’t here either. The relief is so strong it’s overwhelming.
Digging out my phone again, I bring up Cas’s number and sigh as I hit call. It’s pissing me off that I’m running to her dad to see where my own wife is, but I get over it and wait for him to answer.
His too, goes to voicemail but before I can let the frustration topple me, he shoots me a text, and Harper is with him at his house.
I push the limits to the other side of town and find Alannah sat out on the porch swing when I arrive at their house.
“They’re around the back, talking,” she tells me, and I nod in return. “I told Cas the truth will out and the way your old lady is carrying on, it will be sooner rather than later.”
“It doesn’t help with you on her case,” I throw back at her.
“She needs to learn the club way. Don’t act like I’m on her ass for no reason. It wouldn’t matter who it was, I’d still be the same. Even if it was Leo or Luca.”
“You’ve always been the type who puts family first before the patch.”
She stands and walks to the porch rail, staring me straight in the eye, she says, “They’re one and the same. Either you get her to move on, or shit hits the fan. Either way, she needs to get straight in her head.”
With saying her piece, she walks inside, and I make my way around the side of the house and stop short when I hear Cas speaking softly.
“Leaving isn’t going to help, especially when I went out of my way to bring you home.”
I stick to the shadows and savour every word she’s going to say. She hasn’t spoken much since she came back, I don’t care who she talks to as long as she isn’t bottling it all up in her head.
“I’m exhausted, I want to just have one day where I wake up and do normal shit, where I can breathe.”
“That day will come,” Cas assures her and reaches out for her hand. “There will be days when we do shit as a family, you and JJ will come over for bar-be-ques. In time, you’l
l have kids of your own and this will be a distant memory. I know you don’t believe it, but time does help.”
He’s right, she won’t believe it, even hearing it by him. I step out and join them, pulling a chair from the garden table and place it nearest to Harper. She smiles up at me and lets go of Cas’s hand, opting to hold mine instead.
“You got my note then,” she says, and I laugh to myself.
A note.
She left a fucking note.
All that riding around, and the answer was right inside our house.
“Yeah, babe. I got your note. Why did you come here?”
I understand her need to build a relationship with her dad but it’s late, and she’s just as tired as I am.
“I needed…I wanted to smooth things over. If you’re hell bent on staying, then I need to start making peace.”
This woman. She gets me every time. She rises from the chair and leans over, pressing her lips to my cheek. She’s warm to the touch and it soars through me.
“I’m going to talk to Alannah,” she tells me and disappears towards the house.
Cas and I stay where we are, and I lean my head back on the top of the chair. My eyes are heavy, I could quite easily fall asleep under the stars.
“How you doing, Jay?” he asks and I don’t bother lifting my head to look at him.
Harper is here and safe and making peace, so I say, “Fucking tired.”
“I know how you feel, I forget how different our lives are to people who don’t live like us. If Lily hadn’t have kept her from me, this would be a lot easier for her to deal with.”
I couldn’t agree more with him. And speaking of Lily, I ask, “Where is her mom? I haven’t seen her since we got back.”
“I haven’t got a fucking clue and I hope she stays away.”
* * *
ALANNAH
I expect Cas to walk in when the back door opens but Harper steps in and gently closes it behind her. She’s alone. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before but all I see when I look at her is Cas. Lily is there too but Cas’s genes are strong and even though she isn’t mine, she still looks like she fits into our family.
“Is it okay if I join you?” she asks and the wariness on her face has me nodding.
I pour myself another measure of whiskey and reach for another glass and Harper accepts when I’ve poured her one and passed it over. It’s quiet for too long, neither of us knowing how to start. Looking at her, I see more than Cas in her features, I also see the weight of the world pressing down on her, as well as sadness, guilt, and she carries it the same as her father.
“What do you want to do in life, Harper?” I ask her.
“I haven’t given much thought beyond settling down with JJ, but all I want is to be able to breathe without the pain crushing me with every intake of breath and I want to be happy, whatever I’m doing.”
“What does happiness look like to you?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. There was a brief time in Mercy when I thought nothing could ruin my life.”
“Happiness to me is waking up to my family every day, them alive, and when I say my family, that includes the brothers, and their families too. I don’t hold anything against Cas for helping you, I’m sick of saying it, however, the fallout isn’t going to be pretty and loyalty, which is everything around here, is going to be tested.”
“I’m not expecting you to fight my battles. JJ is loyal to me, he’s the only one-”
“You’re not understanding me, it’s ripping me apart because I will fight your battles, Harper. As Cas’s daughter, I am loyal to you too, but I’m loyal to my son and your uncle. I firmly believe in an eye for an eye, it’s how our hearts continue to beat.”
A tear falls and rolls down over her cheekbone, because she’s Cas’s daughter, I grip onto her hand and squeeze it tight.
“Perhaps I’ve become jaded over time, perhaps I don’t feel the fear over certain things like I should. I’ve seen so much it would make your toes curl. Every time the club has come back stronger, but I fear for them now and it still isn’t to do with you.”
“You asked me about happiness, a family is happiness to me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” she says, pulling her hand from mine.
“Oh, sweetheart, we are a family, we’re just a little fucked up right now. You think me, Cas, Leo and Luca have lived in perfect harmony all these years? Fuck no.”
A mix of a sob and a chuckle bursts from her and she wipes her eyes.
“We may not be on each other’s sides all the time, we will fight, and we will annoy each other, but when it comes down to the bone, we’ll be beside you all the fucking way.”
“Even if you don’t agree?”
“Especially when we don’t agree, if you let outsiders see tension within, the fight’s already over. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I have to remind myself you don’t know our ways, how we think, how we do. I’m so used to this life it’s so easy to forget.”
She throws her whiskey back and a shudder runs through her from the burn. The back door opens, and JJ is the first to walk inside, he sees her tear stained cheeks first and scowls at me. As if he can intimidate me, I’ve seen that boy grow from a baby to the man he is today and all the embarrassing shit in between.
Cas tips his head fractionally, silently asking me if we’re good, and I tip my head fractionally in return, silently telling him it is.
“It’s late, we should head home,” JJ says to Harper and holds his hand out for her.
He isn’t asking her as such, they’re going home and as much as I want her to believe I’m not her enemy, I will be happy to spend some alone time with my husband, even if it is nearly one in the morning.
“I’ll swing by your place tomorrow and see how you’re doing,” Cas tells her as she stands beside JJ.
“That’ll be nice,” she tells him, and I push out of my chair. “Thank you for putting up with me tonight.”
I watch my husband and it’s hurting him that she feels like she has to thank him. I know he’s struggling to earn her belief he’s here for her. He’s so used to the boys doting on him and taking his word, it’s getting to him that Harper isn’t so quick to believe him from the off.
“Anytime, and I mean anytime you need me, I’m here for you,” he tells her.
“Okay, let’s out of here,” JJ grunts and they head for the front door.
Cas and I follow behind, standing on the porch while she climbs on the back JJ’s bike, leaving her car here.
“Where’s our son?” Cas asks, looking around for Luca’s truck.
“He text not long ago he was staying at the club tonight.”
Snorting, he pulls his phone out and shoots off a message to god knows who. A short beat later his phone pings with a reply and he nods reading the message.
“So?”
“He’s there.”
Jay’s bike roars to life and we’re left standing on the porch as they ride away and out of sight.
“You’d tell me if you weren’t happy, wouldn’t you?” Cas murmurs, winding his arm around me and pulling me against him.
“I always do, don’t I?” I ask, smiling sweetly.
“Yeah, you do,” he says with a sigh. “But I’m serious, babe. I couldn’t stand it if you ever begin to resent me.”
Lifting my hand, I place it on his cheek, his beard tickling my skin. This man doesn’t do insecurities but deep down in his heart, it’s me who causes his nerves to stir.
“There is nothing that can ever come between us, I love you beyond reasoning and as much as I fear for the future, it will always be us, no matter how ugly it gets.”
He leans down and his mouth meets mine and I soak in every touch he offers me.
“I can get through anything as long as I have you.”
“Always.”
JJ
There’s something different about Harper. I went out for smokes and now here we are, everything has changed, all in a few hours. She sits b
ehind me the way she always does when we’re riding, but she isn’t clinging to me like she has been lately. She’s relaxed. I smile to myself and speed up. Flinging her arms in the air, her laugh echoes around us as the wind whips past us. This is all I wanted, for her to be happy and carefree again. Whatever she spoke about with Alannah seems to have had a good effect. She winds her arms back around me and latches her thumbs into the top of my jeans. I place my hand on hers and she feels like home. My home.
I slow a little and she squeezes her thighs against my hips. This is a night I’ve been dreaming about for a long time, just her and me on the road with nothing weighing us down. The moon is shining over us, casting a soft glow as we near town. Just as we’re about ride by the first streetlamp, the bulb blows and darkness surrounds over us.
I flick my high beam light on but it’s too late. A stinger lines the road and before I can try and do anything to avoid it, we’re sliding across the tarmac and rolling onto the grass. I keep the momentum going and roll straight onto my knees, searching for Harper. I felt her body fly over mine and I find her face down, her legs and arms flown about.
“Harper,” I yell, and she doesn’t move.
Nothing is out of place around us and the purring of my bike is the only noise I can hear. Kneeling on one knee, my hip kills me as I drag myself up to my feet. Putting pressure on my left side when I walk over to Harper takes some of the pain away. A whoosh of breath escapes me when she rolls onto her side and lets out a moan. Her hand roams up to her head and she pulls it back to search for blood. Thankfully, there isn’t any and she leans up on her elbow and our eyes meet.
We both relax seeing we’re both still alive and I hold my hand out for her to take and help her up. My bike is down on its side and the chain of spikes across the road gleam under the headlight still shining. My head whips back and forth searching for the culprit who put them there, there are no cars or bikes I can see.
“Well, well, well, look who we have here.”
His One Choice Page 9