by Ford, Mia
It’s impossible to keep my eyes down today, some instinct tells me to look, and I can’t fight it however much I want to. My eyes drag off the ground, almost out of my control, and I stare. I stare unabashedly, looking at the house as if I have a right to, as if it won’t absolutely tear me apart to see it.
What the hell? There’s a light on, I think that’s what caught my eye. However much I tell myself not to look on my walk this way, I always do a little bit, just to check that no one is inside, and there never is… but today, there’s a light on. Everything freezes around me as I try to work out what that means…
It could be the nanny. I mean, there has to be a nanny, doesn’t there? Someone looking after Oliver. The nanny could be at the house to pick something up. It doesn’t seem like anyone lives here permanently, but there could be a reason to visit. That’s a perfectly reasonable explanation, isn’t it? So, I wonder why I don’t feel like that is the case. I have a feeling that he is in there. He’s back in my life again. Much sooner than I expected.
No, it doesn’t have to mean anything, my brain gushes. Even if he’s here, I won’t have to see him.
I fold my arms across my chest protectively and pick up the speed. I need to get away from him completely. I need some time and space to seriously process this, to wrap my head around it.
Fucking hell, thank goodness it’s Friday. I only have one afternoon to get through before the weekend, because I am going to be in a very distracted state. This is utterly insane, I don’t know what to think. My heart is pounding, it’s banging hard against my rib cage, trying to break free. I don’t know how to breathe properly either. My lungs are ragged and desperate. The hunger is gone now, it’s all just fear in my stomach. I’m a mess.
Reece freaking Moore… the one person who could come along and completely up end my new amazing life. I know that he won’t mean to ruin it, but his presence makes me weak. I don’t want to be weak again.
* * *
The afternoon is a bit of a shit show, I’m pretty sure that Lisa thinks I’m sick, but I finally make my way through it. Yet, instead of going home like I probably should do, I head to my father’s house. I only go every so often, just to make sure that he cannot accuse me of shutting him out, and I’m not really due a visit, but I need to go and see him. I can’t ask out right, he will kick my ass for even thinking about Reece again, but if anyone knows what’s going on, it will be him, and if I play my cards right, I might be able to find something out.
I bang on the door before I walk in. My father made it very clear that once I left it wouldn’t be my home anymore. He even took my key from me for a while. He gave it back a few weeks later, but things are still odd.
“Dad?” I call out, the nerves lacing my tone. “Dad, are you in? Can I come in?”
I can hear him, but he’s not talking to me, he’s yelling at someone else. Intrigue gets the better of me, and I creep through the house to find out more. I did let him know that I’m here, so this isn’t my fault.
“…I don’t care if his boy is sick,” he yells in to his phone. “That’s unacceptable. Moore has been given enough special treatment, he cannot have anymore. He can’t just walk out of work like that.”
Moore… that’s Reece, and his boy must be Oliver. Thank fuck I came in and listened to this conversation, at least I now know why he’s here. He’s back because something is wrong with Oliver.
Shit, something is wrong with Oliver. He’s sick… this could be serious.
My heart races quickly, panic sets in. I don’t know how to take this. Despite everything that’s happened with Reece, I did adore that little boy. I do not like the idea of him being in any kind of trouble.
“He is going to be fired, this cannot happen. Other people don’t get to just leave because of sickness.”
My dad is still being an unsympathetic asshole, as always. Just because me and Reece had a little thing going on at one point, doesn’t mean he should be so nasty about an innocent baby. How the fuck can he not care at all? I was a baby once. A child without a mother. He should see how this is similar and have sympathy.
“The hospital? No, that doesn’t matter either. Plenty of people have hospital visits.”
Hospital? Freaking hell. The longer I spend listening to this conversation the worse it gets.
“Someone needs to find him. To get hold of him right now. I’m serious.”
I need to be the one to find Reece, before any of these people do. I don’t know how much HR will listen to my father right now, I’m not fully sure how much power he has at work, but I need to get there first. For Oliver, to see how he’s doing, and to warn Reece as well. He deserves to know the truth.
I creep backwards, wondering if Dad heard me. If not, I will be able to escape without being seen at all. I will be able to get to the hospital and warn Reece quickly. I just need to get out quickly…
“Oh, Alexa!” Damn, I’ve been caught by Dad. “I didn’t realize that you were here. Let me just end this call, then I will be in. Did you want to make us some coffee or something?”
I smile thinly and nod. It seems like I’m not going to be able to get away with this as quickly as I hoped. I’m going to have to suffer through an awkward cup of coffee first. I try to calm down the jittering inside of me as I do as he commands, almost laughing at the way he whispers the rest of his conversation, since I already heard the most important parts, and I wait for my dad to finish up and to come and join me.
“Right, Alexa,” Dad says curiously. “Is everything okay with you? You don’t usually drop in…”
“Erm, I just wanted to let you know that… I have had some design pieces made.” I decide to play it as a career thing. That does seem like the sort of thing that I would actually surprise my dad with. A desperate girl who craves her daddy’s approval. “They are going to be sold in shops soon.”
“Oh right.” He nods, his lips pursing together. He doesn’t look as proud as I would like. “Well, that’s good.”
Good… that has to be the closest thing to approval I have ever had from my father, which is nice actually. As weird as it is, I do feel kinda good to get his approval about at least one of my life choices.
“So, yeah.” I raise my coffee cup. “That’s it really. I wanted to tell you that things are going well.”
He chews the inside of his mouth, I can almost see the desperation in his face. He wants to ask me about my life but he seems to have made a pact with himself that he isn’t going to. Like he can’t handle it.
“And… everything else is okay? I assume…”
Ooh, that was brave of him. So, I reward him with a nod. “Yes, all is good, thank you.”
“Mhmm.” That wasn’t enough for him, but that’s all he’s getting. All is not forgiven yet.
“Right, anyway.” I suck back the rest of my drink, finishing it rapidly. “I better go, because…” Shit, where can I be going? I need to think of a good excuse. “Because I’m meeting up with some friends.”
“Rebecca?” he sneers, his expression as unimpressed as ever.
“No, not Rebecca.” Might as well keep up with the parts he’s happy about. Especially since it’s all lies. “Some people that I have met from work. We’re going out for dinner.”
“Oh, well that sounds really nice. Sounds like you’re hanging out with nice people these days.”
His comment does get my back up but I don’t let it show. “Yes, well, I suppose I am.”
“It’s good. You have spent the last couple of months really growing and changing. That’s nice to see.”
I’m blown away. Nice to see? That isn’t my father at all. He never says anything like that. Especially not when it comes to me. It’s normally all disappointment and anger. I always assumed that he hated me. But now… well, it seems that now his opinion is changing of me. Moving out was probably the best thing that I could have done.
“Hmm, well good.” I don’t know what else to say. “I suppose, I should be off then…”
“Oh right, yes of course. You get going and I will see you soon.”
We say an awkward goodbye and I try to act casual as I leave. I need to act like I’m going to dinner with friends, not racing off at the speed of light to go to the hospital. I cannot allow him to suspect anything. But as soon as I’m out of sight, I start running. I don’t even think about what the hell I’m doing, I just tear off. My legs pound hard on the ground, my feet hurt, and my knees ache. But all that I can think about is Oliver and Reece.
I’m coming, I plead with them silently, hoping that somehow my message is getting through. I’m on the way. Please just wait. I don’t know what I’m going to do, or how I’ll help, but I’ll try.
Finally, I see a cab and I flag it down. I yell at the driver that I need to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. Thank goodness that’s too much of a worrying statement for the driver to ask any questions. He simply hits the gas pedal hard and drives as fast as he can without getting in any kind of trouble.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Reece
“What the…?” I cry out as someone flies through the door to the hospital room. I just said goodbye to Nadine not so long ago, so my immediate assumption is that it’s her. But my heart stops beating as I realize that it isn’t. She’s gone home, just like she said that she was going to, this is someone else. Someone I wasn’t expecting to see. Not now, not ever again. After all, she’s the one who didn’t want to speak to me.
“R… Reece?” she stammers, her face pale with worry. “Reece, you’re… you’re…”
“You’re here.” I don’t know what to say to her, and it seems like she’s the same. “Alexa…”
We look at one another for a couple of seconds, the last few months flowing between us, questions and answers flowing through the room that neither of us can discuss right now. This is too weird for words. I don’t quite understand what’s going on and that has me on edge… but I’m still extremely glad that she’s here.
“How is Oliver?” she demands. “Is he okay? I heard that he’s in the hospital…”
She heard and by the looks of her she ran over here immediately. My heart almost explodes at the thought, that caring. Alexa is still the nicest person that I know. No wonder I fell in love with her.
Thank goodness I’m in a much stronger place now. Otherwise this would be a nightmare.
“Oliver is okay. He wasn’t, obviously, but he is now. He’s stable, and improving by the moment.”
“Oh phew.” She blows out a breath, looking incredibly relieved. “I’m so glad, I was so worried.”
“You were worried about Oliver? Still, after all of this time…”
“Of course I was.” She clutches her hands to her chest as if this is obvious. “How could I not? I love him.”
She moves over to the bed and rests her hand on my son, looking at him with such adoring eyes that make me melt. She means her words, she really does love Oliver. And it wasn’t just because me and her were a thing. She cares for him even though she clearly doesn’t like me at all… I assume since we haven’t spoken.
“Well, he’s doing well,” I continue. “This little man is a fighter. He’s stronger than he looks.”
“Yeah, he is,” she practically purrs, the love floods through her. “He’s a tough cookie.”
She runs her finger along his cheek and smiles. As I watch her all I want to do is touch her, hold her, make her mine again… but I can’t, because I don’t know what the hell is going on between us now.
“So, erm… is everything alright with you, Alexa?” I can’t help but ask. “Aside from the Oliver worry.”
She glances her eyes towards me briefly, and our gaze connects for just a moment. My heart leaps up in to my mouth, it pounds heavily, and makes me feel all squishy inside. Yep, I’m definitely not in a stronger place. I’m weak, messy, raw. I yearn her, I want to be around her all the time, I crave her…
“Things have been good. I have made a lot of changes in my life.” Obviously, I know all of this since I’ve been stalking her online, but I keep my lips sealed so that stays inside. That doesn’t need to come out. I don’t want do anything to push her away. “I have been very busy with my new job in fashion design…”
“You’re finally working in fashion design? Oh, that’s amazing, Alexa. You must be so happy.”
“Yep.” She nods slowly. “I finally got the courage to just go for it, thank goodness.”
She’s trying to tell me that this is because of me and the confidence I helped her to gain, without actually saying the words. It makes me really proud. Even if nothing else comes from this situation, the fact that I have helped this wonderful person to reach for her full potential is amazing. All she needed was that confidence.
“I actually have some pieces made in to actual garments now, designs that I’ve done myself.”
She pulls out her cell phone and shows me some photos. Some of the designs, which are incredible, and some of the garments to come from the designs. They look really good! I’m impressed.
“You have a real talent, Alexa. You must be really happy with this.”
“I am.” She blushes brightly. “And I love it too, which is obviously a bonus. I’m excited to go to work each day, which is something that I never thought would happen. I always hated working before.”
“That’s great news. You must be really proud of yourself. You’ve come so far in such a short space of time.”
“I have an apartment of my own as well, quite near the office, so I don’t have to live under my father’s roof anymore…” She trails off at the end, suddenly remembering how awkward this could make it, considering the last time we were both with her father. The moment that he was destroying my life.
At least something good came from all of that. She kick started her life. So, it wasn’t a total loss.
“That’s awesome, I bet you really love having your own space.”
“Well, I don’t have as much space as I did when I lived at home, and it obviously leaves me a lot poorer as well, but yes, I do love it. It was something that I needed to do a long time ago.”
We smile at one another as I process all of this. I knew it, I’ve been watching her go through all of this online, but hearing it directly from her mouth is somehow different. It holds more weight.
“And you?” she asks me quietly. “How have you been? I know it can’t have been easy…”
“Hmm, yeah. I don’t know if we should talk about me right now. It’s been so positive.”
She touches my arm lightly, sending a sprinkling of electricity racing through my body. Every single inch of me remembers what it’s like to be touched by her and instantly craves more.
“Reece, I know it can’t have been good after what my dad did to you.” Her eyes fall, hitting the ground sadly. “If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have asked. Please, tell me what’s happening with you.”
“I hope that you don’t harbor any blame for this, because none of it was your fault. You tried to help me…”
“But it didn’t work, did it? My father sent you away anyway. He didn’t listen to me.”
I let out a little mirthless chuckle. “I don’t think that he would have listened to anyone at that point. He was so angry about everything that was going on, he couldn’t see straight. The red mist had descended.”
“But it’s been weeks now, months even, and he hasn’t calmed down.”
“Even with you?” I ask curiously. “He can’t still be mad at his own daughter about this.”
She sighs heavily. “He’s been mad at me for my entire life. It really isn’t that much of a shock. I mean, he’s all calm and collected during our brief and rare visits, but I can tell that he’s still angry.”
That doesn’t bode well for me, because I want to change jobs again so I don’t have to go back out in to the field and leave Oliver again. But I can’t get too wrapped up in that worry right now, because I have to tackle this one thing at a t
ime. I don’t want to lose my head over this, I want to remain strong for Oliver.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I reply seriously. “That’s not good, is it?”
“It is what it is.” She shrugs, trying to act blasé but I can tell this troubles her. “I can cope. I have so much else to keep me focused anyway, so I’m not too bothered. I’m no longer upset by it.”
I wonder if she’s no longer upset by us as well. If she’s completely over us. I part my lips, almost about to ask her, but I just about manage to hold myself back at the last moment. One problem at a time.
“Maybe you should try speaking to someone else about your work issues,” she finally says, reverting back to the previous conversation. “Try to undo what my father did. There must be someone with the power.”
“I sure hope so,” I agree. “Because after this, I don’t want to ever leave Oliver like that again.”
“You must have a new nanny though, right?” I nod. “And you like her? She’s good to Oliver?”
“Oh, she is. Nothing like Valencia. But I still want to be here. I don’t want to miss out on anything in his life anymore. Good or bad. This may even result in me leaving my job, but if that’s what I have to do…”
“Wow, you really are serious.” Of course, Alexa really understand this. “Bold move.”
“Maybe so, but since Oliver already has to grow up without a mom, I don’t want to leave him without me either. That isn’t fair on him. Anyone with any kind of heart should understand that.”
“Yes, well, my father isn’t exactly known for his heart,” she laughs. “Everyone knows that.”
We fall in to silence for a while, both focusing on Oliver. He still looks fine and I’m hoping that he will wake up soon. The doctor didn’t say that he definitely would, but he did suggest that he might.
You know what, before Oliver does wake up, I have an opportunity here. A chance that I might not get again. I am here, alone with Alexa, having a civilized conversation, I might finally be able to answer that ‘what if’ question, getting some closure so I can finally move on. I need that more than anything else.