by Ford, Mia
“Admiral?” Is that him? I can see the back of his head and it looks like him that I can’t quite tell. “Admiral, are you angry at me? I have a feeling that you are for some reason and I can’t remember why…”
Oh, Alexa. Is he still angry about that? Has enough time not passed yet? Oh, but wait, didn’t I do something wrong again? Didn’t I… I don’t know, I feel like I saw her and things sparked up again, but the memory isn’t solid. It’s wispy and I’m not quite sure how to grasp hold of it.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… do whatever it is I did. I want to make it right again…”
But as I walk towards him and I try to grab him, he vanishes. It’s like some sort of weird magic. Or maybe I’m losing my mind, and he wasn’t actually there in the first place. I do feel a bit scatty.
“Someone help me, please?” I beg. “I need help, I need… I don’t know, I need someone…”
I jump up, my head pounding heavily, and I glance around the room desperately. It takes a few moments for the reality to sit in. I’m at home, not on base at all. Wesley and Tom aren’t around, and nor is the Admiral. Because it was just a dream. It’s okay… I just need to calm myself the hell down and think straight.
Oh God, what if I have to go back? I can’t help worrying. What if I can’t escape?
The reality is I might not be able to get away from it. I might have to go back there for a while. However much I fight and scream about it, I may end up back there. I don’t want to leave Oliver, I don’t want to leave Alexa either. I just want to be here. But there are so many issues between us. Still things we need to overcome.
I yank my arm away without thinking about it and almost roll Alexa over. Her eyes snap open and she stares at me with wild eyed panic. “What’s going on, Reece? Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost or something?”
“I… I…” I tug my fingers through my hair. “I want to stay here, I don’t want to go back.”
She pushes herself up on to her elbow and furrows her eyebrows at me. “I know, you already said that. You are going to speak to someone higher up than my father, to ensure you can stay with your son…”
“I know, and I am. But what about if your father finds out about us and he sets out to destroy me again? Because I really want this to happen between us, I love you and you know that, but…”
She reaches out and grabs my hand. “Reece, stop worrying. I won’t let it happen again.”
“But you don’t have the power over him. He can destroy my career…”
I don’t mean to say it, but I think that the message flies through anyway. Alexa has moved out now, she has her own life, she doesn’t have as much to lose as me. I still have everything here.
“We need to get this sorted,” she says determinedly. “Once and for all.”
“What… what are you thinking?” I ask her desperately. “You have a glint in your eye.”
“My dad needs to know that I’m an adult. That I can pick who I want to be with, and that person is you. I don’t need his approval, but he does need to accept it and stop torturing you and your son. It isn’t fair. Plus, this isn’t just us screwing around, this is us serious. We’re in love. This is forever.”
“You want to go and talk to him now? Don’t you think that we should talk about it first? Plan what we’re going to say? I mean, this is huge, it could get fiery again and really complicated.”
“Oh, I’m sure of it. But what choice do we have?”
God, she’s right. If we ever want to move forward, then we have to do this. Face it. Communicate. The lack of talking is what finished us off last time. I won’t allow that to happen again. I’m going to be better in every single way. And if that involves being brave and speaking to a man who hates me, who wants to ruin me, then so be it. I just need to man the fuck up and get on with it.
“Okay, let’s get ready then and do this.” If only I could get my voice to sound as brave as my thoughts.
“Yes. Let’s do it. Let’s go and tackle the big bad beast… together, as a team.”
“A team.” I reach out and hold her hand. “Me and you.”
We nod at one another and smile. Determination flooding between us both. I will just need to put in a call to Nadine, to check that she’s okay with Oliver for a little bit longer, and I hope that by the next time I see my son, I will have the rest of my life in order. I would love to be able to do that for my boy. To be exactly what he deserves.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Alexa
I wish that I could still have the same bravery as we reach my father’s house. I was all full of it at Reece’s, sure that I was going to save the day and make his life better, both of our lives better, but the reality is my father is a fucking terrifying man and he is definitely going to explode like a firework.
“We are going to make this right.” I grab his hand and smile. At least with Reece by my side, I’m not alone. Even though he was here the last time there were being yelled at, I felt alone and desperate. “We are.”
“I hope so, because the Navy contracts are iron clad, I’m scared he could really destroy me.”
“He won’t.” I shake my head hard. I need to convince him as well as myself. “He does have a heart in there somewhere. He just needs to find it, that’s all. I can help him do that.”
I hope anyway. Now that I’m really thinking about it, he’s been cold ever since Mom died. It’s almost as if that’s the moment he switched off his love. Well, it’s tough shit. He’s going to have to. I need him to. Over the years I haven’t ever asked much of him. Material things yes, but not emotional shit. Not until now. Now I need him to be understanding and to see that I want his support right now. More than ever before.
“Come on then, let’s go in. Let’s do this already. Are you ready for it?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “But I don’t think that I will ever be ready for this.”
I try to laugh but the sound doesn’t come out. It’s just a stupid silent weird facial expression. I need to shake it off and move forwards. So, that’s exactly what I do. I move my feet and get going as fast as I can manage. Then, once I get to the front door, I lift up my shaky hand, and I knock. I do it too quietly at first. There isn’t a chance in hell that my dad is going to hear it, but it still feels like a step in the right direction.
“You… you have to knock now?” Reece whispers to me, but I don’t answer. This isn’t the time for that.
I knock again, this time a little louder, and this time I hear my father moving around behind the door. He’s in and he’s heard me, which means he’ll be here in a moment and we’ll have to talk. My automatic reaction is to snatch my hand away from Reece’s, to act like I’m not really with him, but this needs to end. There is absolutely no reason for us to carry on like this. We’re adults. All of us, we can act that way. We have to.
It’s going to be fine, I try to convince myself. All of this will be okay. It will. It has to be.
The door flies open and my father freezes. He looks at the scene in front of him and tries to process it. It takes him a couple of minutes to go all the way from upset to furious all over again.
“What the hell is this?” he snaps. “Why are you bringing this to my door right now?”
“Dad, can we come inside, please? We need to talk to you about some stuff?”
“You think I’m going to let you in my house now? Like this?”
I glance around, knowing that his weak spot is the neighbors looking through their curtains and picking up on the drama between us. The Admiral only likes to be talked about in a positive way.
“Dad, please,” I hiss. “I’m your daughter. I think that you can spare me five minutes.”
He falls in to my trap, worrying about the rumors, so he steps to one side to let us in. But he makes sure that he blocks at least half of the door way so it’s awkward for us to get by. Especially Reece who isn’t small. Then we walk in to the room where we had our last shouting match. I guess for r
ound two…
“Dad, I want this to be a very calm conversation, if possible…”
“Alexa, you are ridiculous. Still.” He throws his hands in the air in frustration. “It’s like you have decided to pick the one man on the planet who you know is going to annoy me the most.”
“Why does Reece annoy you though?” I insist. “I don’t get it.”
“Because… because… he’s too old for you!” he snaps. “He’s way too old for you, and he’s a father. Reece was married, Alexa, and you are still a child practically. You can’t be with him.”
“But, Dad. He’s changed me. I’m better because of him. He inspired me to move out and to become an adult. To go for my fashion design dreams that you know are going well. I might have been a child once, just coasting through life working a part time job, partying with Rebecca all the time…”
I use the trump card, knowing how much my father hates that girl. I hate to admit it, but I can kind of see where he was coming from. I still like her, of course, but she wasn’t the best person for me.
“I get that. You are doing a lot better now, but do you still have to be with him? Can’t it be a stepping stone?”
My God, he’s crazy. He’s being ridiculous and I don’t get it. He hasn’t been around for a lot of my life, he hasn’t been a full on parent, so I don’t get why he would want to start now. When it’s too late and I’m an adult.
“Dad, this isn’t just a stepping stone thing. This is the real deal. Me and Reece are the real thing.”
He bangs his fists down on the table, his face bright red with temper. “No, you can’t be.”
“Why can’t we be? What is your problem, Dad? Why are you trying to make me unhappy?”
“You just can’t see that I’m the only person trying to make you happy.”
I shake my head. “Dad, you don’t know me well enough to know what makes me happy.”
“So, now you are criticizing me for not being the best parent? Even though I provided well for you…”
I suck in a deep breath of air, trying to calm the hell down. I could get in to this with my dad, we could argue about it for hours, with both of us making valid and invalid opinions and neither of us agreeing, but that’s pointless. Plus, it isn’t what I’m here for. That isn’t the row we need to have.
“Dad, please don’t be like this, please don’t change this to something it isn’t. I want to talk to you about Reece.” I gulp noisily. “About me and Reece and how we want to be together.”
“I will not have it. I will not have you two together. It’s unacceptable.”
“But, Dad, I love him,” I accidently start whining. I don’t mean to, but it happens. “I love him so much.”
“You don’t. This is pathetic. This is revenge on me for some reason.”
“Revenge?” I sneer. “No, this is nothing like that. This is serious.”
“Okay, fine.” Dad holds his hands in the air, surrendering to me. “You carry on. I will just let this happen, because I know it won’t last. You play this out, you carry on as you are, I wash my hands of this situation.”
“Oh right… okay?” This sounds like good news, but it isn’t. I can tell by his tone.
“Because it won’t last, will it? Not when Reece is back on the field. The long distance will kill you.”
He smirks, knowing that he has me in a corner. Or at least he thinks he does. He thinks that I have no attention span because of how I have behaved in the past, but I am no longer that girl. And me and Reece are forever, no matter what he does. No matter where he is in the whole damn world.
But this isn’t about my feelings. This part isn’t about me and Reece.
“Dad, you can’t send Reece away, and not because of me and him. I get that you don’t like that and you’re just waiting for the moment when it falls apart, which it won’t. But because of Oliver. A young boy who has already lost his mother and needs his father. You can’t punish a baby because of me.”
Dad breathes heavily, my words circling his brain. He’s still mad as hell, but I might be getting through to him just a little bit. Now he might be able to see the similarities here and the damage he might be doing.
“Alexa, you do not know what you’re talking about. Just because you’re working now, you think you understand things now. But you don’t. You have no idea how this works.”
“I don’t understand how family works?” I demand. “Or how the Navy works? Or human decency?”
“Keep out of it, Alexa. In fact, I think you should just go so I can talk with Reece alone.”
“Why? So, you can just destroy us again? No way. We’re a team.”
I glance towards Reece, wondering when he’s going to start being a part of this team and join in. But he’s back to being pale and fearful. I do get it, because he has much more to lose than me now, but still…
“I am sending Reece back to the field. Today,” Dad continues. “The baby is okay, isn’t he?”
“No. You aren’t. Have some humanity, Dad. For God sake.”
“Moore,” he speaks over my head as if I’m nothing. “Go back. You left work unauthorized.”
“No, I didn’t. I got permission to go.”
“Not from me, and that’s all that matters. I’m your boss, you should have spoken to me.”
“Dad, if you send Reece back, then I will go too,” I blurt out. “I will go and give up my job to look after Oliver. Yep… that’s what I will do. I’ll become his new nanny, if that’s what you want.”
I expect this to send Dad over the edge. I think that he’ll yell and scream, but that he’ll eventually understand my point of view and all of this will work out as I want it to. Because right now, I’m willing to say whatever I need to, to get this back on track. He won’t want me leaving and becoming a nanny.
“Fine.” He shrugs and turns away from me. “Then go.”
He doesn’t care. That actually hits me like a thump in the chest. My father doesn’t care about me at all. He’s happy for me to leave, to give up my dreams, to become a nanny.
“You want me to just leave? To go? Because if I go, I won’t come back. You’ll lose me as well.”
He doesn’t even turn back to face me. He continues staring towards the kitchen as if there is something fascinating in there. Something more important than losing his daughter, the only damn family that he has left. My eyes fill with water, I really try to fight them so they don’t spill out, but they trickle down my cheeks anyway.
Shit, I’m crying and my father doesn’t give a shit. He doesn’t care at all. I’m a fool.
I stomp out the room and race towards the front door just needing to escape. I know that I’m leaving before this is sorted which isn’t the plan at all, but I can’t stay. I cannot reason with a man who doesn’t care at all. I assumed that he had a heart in there somewhere, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Reece
It hurts to watch Alexa walk away like that, knowing how much she’s hurting, but I don’t blame her. She is crying out from love for her father and he doesn’t seem to know how to give it to her. Is that because he had to raise her alone while holding down a full time job? She probably had a better bond with the nannies than him.
Is that why he doesn’t want me around my son so much? Because of his mistakes? That’s his punishment, to drive a wedge between me and my child because he has one? That’s insane… unless I’m reading too much in to it, in which case I am the one who’s making a mess of this. Either way, it’s up to me now.
“I know that you hate me,” I start calmly. Or as calmly as I can manage anyway. “And I get it. I don’t blame you for hating me, but you shouldn’t take this out on Alexa. She isn’t to blame here…”
“Don’t you dare come at me with information about my own daughter,” he growls. “Don’t you act like you understand this at all. You have no idea what’s going on between me and Alexa.”
“No, I know, I understand. I shouldn’t get involved, I just wanted to…”
“No, Reece,” he snaps angrily. “I don’t want to hear what you want to do. I’ve spent enough time worrying about what you want to do. I just want you out of the picture. That’s why I sent you away. You need to go back.”
“And who was that best for? Seriously. You? Because I do have a baby…”
“It was best for everyone. Alexa especially. She is young, she doesn’t know any better. She is only young, and she doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t realize that it can’t work out yet.”
“She isn’t that young, she’s an adult. I think she has shown that recently with all her life changes…”
“Yes, I’ll admit that’s good, so I suppose it’s great that you helped her with that, but that doesn’t mean the two of you should be dating. I mean, it’s sick, isn’t it? You’re so old compared to her. It’s wrong.”
“Pulling the age difference card is ridiculous. You know that it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a number. If me and Alexa are happy together, does it matter my age? I’m only a few years older than her anyway.”
“Almost a decade. Seriously. Almost a decade. That’s a long ass time, Reece.”
I roll my eyes, starting to get annoyed. He isn’t even trying to be reasonable. He has his mind made up and he isn’t going to change it. It doesn’t matter what me and Alexa say, how in love we are. He really doesn’t care. I can see why Alexa walked out now, she already knows that this won’t go anywhere.
“Okay, well if that’s how you feel about things, then so be it. This conversation is over.”
“So, you’re just going to walk out? Because you won’t have a job if you do…”
“Well, since you keep holding my job over my head like a freaking axe, then maybe that’s for the best.” I shrug. “Maybe I shouldn’t work for the Navy anymore, even though I love it, I work hard, and I’m good at it, but if it’s going to be used for black mailing me, then I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. I have to put my son first.”