by Ford, Mia
Chapter Thirty-Five
Reece
Six Months Later…
I can’t stop myself from smiling. Grinning actually. But I’ve been like that for the last six months since my life became absolutely perfect. After suffering the worst heart break possible, the biggest trauma that any person could ever face, I assumed that nothing would ever be good again. But it is. It’s amazing. I have the job that I want, training new recruits, I have all the time that I need to see my son, I have a wonderful nanny, and I have the woman that I love. The woman who has just moved in with me and made my home even better.
I pass a jewelry shop as I walk towards home, and immediately my heart skips a beat. I’ve been thinking about buying one for Alexa for a very long time, but I haven’t done it yet and I don’t know why.
What am I waiting for? I ask myself curiously. Why don’t I just propose already?
I want to marry her, I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and she feels the same way as well. She has been very vocal about that, which is amazing. I’m glad that we’re on the same track about that. I guess the only thing that I have been waiting for is the ‘right time’ but who the hell cares about that? Why worry about some construct created by society that a whirl wind romance isn’t a good idea? I mean, I know.
Without giving myself another moment to even think about it, I head inside with my heart filling my chest. I am excited about this. I cannot wait to marry Alexa. She is everything to me. So much so that it won’t matter if anyone says to us that it’s too soon. I won’t care and I think that she will feel the same way.
“Hello,” the smart looking gentleman behind the counter says to me. “Can I help you?”
“Erm, yeah, I think so. Maybe. I just want to have a look around.”
“Is there someone special in your life?” he pushes. “Because we have a great selection here.”
“Yeah, there is someone special. Very special, actually, the best.”
God, when I think about how special she is, everything stills. She’s wonderful, the best woman ever. She’s such a great person and an awesome help as well. The way that her and Oliver love each other is everything. Of course, she will never replace the mom that Christine could have been, but she was taken away from us, and Alexa is here, loving and looking after both of us. Making our lives so much better.
“Okay, well I will let you have a look around. Call me if you need any help. I’ll be over there.”
He must think that I’m not one hundred percent committed to this situation, otherwise he would have pestered me until I handed over my credit card, but that’s good because I would rather look alone.
I scan my eyes along the rings, searching for the right one. They are all beautiful, but I will know when I see it. It needs to symbolize Alexa, and everything that she loves, and our romance as well. It’s been complicated and colorful in every single way. It’s been unexpected and special. Everything I want and more.
I’m disappointed as I get to the end of the row and I don’t see something that shows all of that. My heart sinks. I wanted to do this as an impulse thing, I wanted to just find the right one straight away, but I haven’t. I don’t want to take this as a sign from the universe that it isn’t meant to happen just yet, but what if that’s what it is…
“Oh!” All of a sudden, I see something behind the counter. Something that’s so bright and blue it reminds me of Alexa’s eyes. It’s absolutely beautiful, it makes my heart stop. “That ring over there… is that one for sale?”
I hold my breath, expecting the worst. I think that he’s going to tell me that he’s holding it back for someone and I can’t have it. But as his face breaks out in to a smile, relief floods me warmly.
“Yes, that one is for sale. It’s new stock, I don’t have it out on the shelves yet, that’s all.”
“Can I have a look at it please?” I demand eagerly.
He brings it over to me and I get that peaceful sensation that comes whenever something feels right. I can already imagine me bending down on one knee to propose and handing it to Alexa. I can picture it on her finger after she says yes - God, I hope that she says yes! She will. I’m pretty sure that she will - and I can imagine her eyes shining with glee as she sees it. This ring brings with it a perfect moment in the imperfect storm that brought us together. I could never imagine proposing to her with another ring.
“Yes, this one,” I gasp. “I want this one please. This is it.”
The man smiles at me, probably for his commission more than anything else, but it doesn’t matter. It makes me happy too. As he rings up the purchase and I pay for it, I wonder how I will do it. Will I do it on a whim, tonight when I get in, or should I plan something a bit more extravagant? I know Alexa won’t mind, she just loves the romance, it doesn’t matter how it happens, and I know that she’s going to love this.
Once she’s my wife, I really will have it all. The life that I didn’t dare to dream of. The future already looks incredible for us, but marriage will just seal that. It will show the world what we already know. That we are forever. The real deal, meant to be. I’m sure that Oliver will love it as well.
I pay up and continue walking home with a new skip in my step. Now, I can barely keep my feet on the ground as I go. I’m flying higher than air. I keep thinking about the last six months and how incredible it’s been. Maybe I won’t bother waiting, I don’t know if I will be able to control myself. I’ll probably just ask when I get in.
“Hey, honey, I’m home!” I call out as I step through the door. I check my watch. She should be back by now, she’s usually finished at this time. And it’s just before Nadine brings Oliver home so it might be the perfect time. “Alexa, are you here?” There’s a weird silence filling the air. I wasn’t expecting this. “Alexa?”
I wander through the house looking for her. I don’t know why but I can’t seem to accept that she isn’t here. I can kind of sense her energy in here, which is why I’m creeping around on the hunt for her.
“Alexa? Are you about? I wanted to talk to you about something…”
I find her sitting on the bathroom floor, panting like she’s just been throwing up or something. My heart stops, I freeze, I feel terrible. I was just yelling at her like she’s an idiot, and she’s ill.
“Oh, Alexa, I’m sorry I didn’t realize.” I fall to the floor beside her and wrap my arm around her. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? I can head out to the drug store to pick you something up.”
She looks up at me, her eyes filled with desperate sadness. She must have been in a state all day long. I wish that she had called me so I could have come home to look after her.
“I’ve already been to the drug store,” she gasps while rubbing her lips hard. “I got what I need.”
“Okay, so maybe you need to go to bed and have some rest.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t need to rest. That’s not… it won’t help things.”
“Alexa, what is going on? You’re freaking me out a bit here.”
She rises to her feet and staggers across the room. She’s unsteady on her feet and I want to reach out and grab her, to make sure that she doesn’t fall, but instinct tells me that I shouldn’t.
“Reece, look at this. I need you to see this because I… I don’t know what to say.”
Everything inside of me clenches, I feel stressed and panicked. My mind races, immediately considering a million different possibilities. None of them good. Alexa is usually calm so this cannot be good.
She hands me something. I instantly recognize it, this isn’t the first time I have seen one of these, but it takes me a couple of moments to wrap my head around what I’m looking at. A white stick with a blue cross.
“P… pregnant?” I stammer. “P… pregnant. You’re pregnant?”
This shouldn’t be such a surprise, but it is. We haven’t always been careful. Sometimes in the heat of the moment we get carried away, so I should have known it could happen
, but I haven’t been worried. Not until now.
“Yes, Reece. I’m pregnant,” Alexa replies. “I have been feeling a bit sick for a while, but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t suspect, not until Lisa made a bit of a comment about it and I panicked.”
“Pregnant.” I should be excited. I know that I should be. This is good news. I love Oliver and I would love to have more children, especially with Alexa, the woman who I want to marry, but all my brain is filled with is images of what happened last time. Of Christine in that hospital bed, dying. I can’t go through that again, I can’t lose Alexa. I won’t do it. I can’t. I love her… I don’t deserve to lose someone else. I don’t.
“I know that it’s soon, and we will need to talk about it, but… this is what’s happening.”
My breaths are loud and ragged, the sheer terror is consuming my brain, I can barely handle it. I can hear Alexa still talking to me, but I cannot make out a damn word that she’s saying to me. It’s all just buzzing noises, too loud for my brain, actually making me ache all over.
“I need… I need to go…” I gasp out. “I can’t… I can’t be here… sorry, I just can’t…”
“Reece, don’t go. Don’t leave me, I need you here with me. I can’t do it alone.”
Those words do manage to break through my shock barrier and sink in, but they aren’t enough to change my mind. The air is too thick, the walls are closing in on me, I need to get the hell outside. I stagger backwards, reaching out for the door behind me. I’m weak, a coward, crumbling, I can’t let Alexa see me like this.
“It will happen again,” I mutter. “It will. I can’t go through it a second time, I can’t.”
I don’t know if she gets it. I’m not sure if Alexa understands my reaction, but I turn and run anyway. I tear away from the most horrifying situation I could face right now. As Christine’s face fills my mind, and she withers away to nothingness, and I recall the horror of the funeral, tears stream down my face. I cry for everything that I have already lost and everything that I’m not going to. I brought a ring today, for someone who I’m going to lose.
No, no, no, my brain screams at me. No, no, no.
I can’t go through it again, I won’t survive it. I’m not strong enough. It’s a miracle that I made it after last time. It won’t happen another time. And not with Alexa. I need her to live, she’s so important to me. I can’t cope if she’s gone.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Alexa
“Shit,” I groan as he flies out of the house, running in a freaking state of panic. “Fucking hell, Reece.”
I knew that this wasn’t going to be good news, there was no way it could be. And not because it’s soon, because we both know we’re in it for the long haul, so that isn’t something to worry about, but because he lost Oliver’s mother in child birth. That’s the first thing I thought when I saw that blue cross in front of me.
Did I tell him wrong? Should I have been more sensitive somehow? I wasn’t sure how to get that message across, I wanted more time to plan it all out, but then he came in and I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t not tell him just because I’m freaked out and I knew that it would be hard for him too…
“Oh God.” I grab my cell phone and try to call him. He doesn’t answer, but I didn’t really expect him to. I guess for now I just need to give him his space to get his head around it. “Okay, well that’s it…”
I blow out a breath and pad around the house, not quite sure what to do with myself now. I feel a bit at a loose end. I keep trying to tell myself that it’s going to be okay, that it will all work out, but it’s hard. It’s hard to let my insides settle when I know that he’s out there, probably a massive mess.
“He has his friends,” I remind myself. “He has Cory. He has people that he can speak to.”
I could do with talking to someone as well, but I don’t. I know that I could discuss this with Lisa, she is a great person and she’s become a good friend of mine, but I don’t want to tell her yet, to confirm what she already suspects, because it will affect my job at some point. Even if it’s just for some time off.
I can’t call Rebecca either, not about this. We don’t really talk a lot anymore anyway, we have definitely drifted apart even more. So, I guess I’m pretty much alone with this one until he comes back.
“He will come back,” I remind myself. “He will. He’ll get his head around this soon.”
My heart races fast though, anxiety zig zags all the way through me. My brain flickers with images of terrible things happening to him, like him being hit by a bus when he’s in a state. But then I clutch my hand to my belly and I remember that I have a baby growing inside of me, and I can’t get too lost in stress.
“Just make a drink,” I tell myself. “Just act normal. Things will be normal soon.”
There’s a knocking at the door which makes my head snap around. Is it him? Is he back already? Perhaps he forgot to take the keys with him because he rushed out in such a hurry…
“Oh, Nadine.” Of course! She’s due to bring Oliver back now. “Hey, come in.”
Nadine brings Oliver in and all of his stuff. She has a wide grin on her face, like she always does after a day with Oliver. He makes her happy, she loves her job, she’s so much better than Valencia in every single way.
Thank goodness I haven’t had to see Valencia since that day. I don’t know what I would do to her…
“How are you, Alexa?” Nadine asks. “How is everything going with… are you okay?”
She seems to see my face and realizes that something is going on. I shouldn’t say anything to her because she works for Reece, but we do have something of a friendship between us. I’ve liked her for a long time and we have shared things with one another. I already know that she’s trustworthy. Plus, I need to talk to someone.
“I have just found out that I’m having a baby,” I confide quietly. “And Reece panicked.”
“You told him? Today?” Her eyes widen in surprise. She gets it. “And he’s gone?”
“He ran. I kinda knew that he would, but it was still really sad. I don’t take it personally because I know that it’s more to do with Christine than me… but that’s hard as well, because I don’t know how to make it better.”
Nadine rubs my arm and smiles sympathetically at me. “There isn’t anything that you can do. All you can do is give him space when he needs it and be there for him too. There really isn’t anything else. Oh, and take care of yourself, try to show him that he doesn’t need to worry about you at all because you got this.”
I burst in to tears without even realizing that they are coming. “What would I do without you, Nadine?”
“Well, I can stay here with you, while you wait, if you want? I don’t have any plans tonight.”
“Oh no, I couldn’t ask you to do that…” I want her to, so I’m not alone, but it isn’t fair.
“No, you know what, I want to be here. For you and Oliver. Then, if you need to go in a rush in the middle of the night for any reason, you don’t need to drag Oliver out of bed as well.”
“Okay yeah, that might be a good point actually. You’re very wise, Nadine.”
“I know I am.” She grins. “Plus, if I was going through this, I wouldn’t want to be alone, so I’m not going to leave you by yourself. This can’t be easy for you; however strong you are.”
I impulsively wrap my arms around her and hug her tight. I’m so damn grateful for her. I have been for a very long time, but now more than ever. She is the best friend I have in my life right now.
We stay up talking for a while, but eventually, we both need some sleep. Thankfully, there is a spare room in our home, the room where Valencia used to live once upon a time, so that’s where Nadine stays. I have to admit that it’s brilliant having her here, because I am on edge thinking that I will need to leave at some point. I keep my cell phone close to me, fearing that a phone call will come while I’m sleeping. I need it to wake me up.
Tomorrow
, I try to convince myself as my head leans back on the pillow. He will be back by tomorrow.
* * *
But by the time morning comes around and I give up the pretense of sleep, I’m in an even worse state because he isn’t back. Nor has he contacted me at all. I have tried texting him a couple of times and calling him too, but nothing. It’s fucking annoying, I just want to know that he’s okay.
It hasn’t been long enough for me to call the cops either. He has to be missing for at least forty eight hours before I can report it. But I don’t think I will be able to wait that long. I’ll eventually go insane.
“Oh, good morning,” I mutter as I head in to the kitchen. “I didn’t realize that you were already up.”
Nadine smiles and hands me a coffee. “Oliver woke up before, so I got up then. But he went back to sleep.” She runs her eyes over my face. “No sign yet? Nothing from Reece?”
“No, not yet. I’m starting to get a bit worried. I didn’t think it would take this long.”
“Do you want to go out and look for him? Because I can wait here with Oliver.”
“I can’t ask you to stay again, that really isn’t fair…”
“Alexa, I am worried too. Please, I want to do this for you.”
“Are you sure? Because I don’t want to take advantage…”
“You go out there, and you find him.”
With a renewed sense of energy, I bound up and I run up the stairs to get dressed. I would much rather be out there, being proactive, and looking for him, than sitting around and waiting. I don’t think that I would be able to do that, I’m much too impatient. At least this way, I can be on the move.
This would never have happened with Valencia, I think with almost a laugh. Not a chance.
“Will you call me if he comes home?” I ask as I run back downstairs in my seat pants and tee shirt.