1812 How It All Began- Part 2

by Deborah E Pearson

  “I never encouraged her.”

  “Oh...” Mr Bingley thought that a reproof for his behaviour last autumn.

  “I mean only that I held myself aloof from those around me,” Darcy said, and then went on to say, “Bingley, I behaved badly and unfriendly, last autumn. I must have embarrassed you a lot – please accept my apologies.”

  “Where did that come from?” Bingley had been angry over Darcy’s interference. He had felt exasperated that Darcy had not put himself forward a bit more. but it had never occurred to him that he should feel embarrassed about his friend. Yes, he had felt angry when Darcy confessed his mistakes. But his anger had turned on himself as he had begun to understand that he should have had a greater faith in himself. He had known Jane Bennet so much better than Darcy. No, it was not Darcy’s confession that had made Bingley grow up. It was before that. At first, when Darcy had told him that Miss Bennet did not care for him he had wallowed in self-pity. Then he had become more contemplative of the whole situation. He had come to realise that it was his lack of self-reliance that had caused his and Jane's disappointment. Derbyshire and Darcy’s confession had angered him and confirmed his own conclusions. That had strengthened his determination to change. He was a better man for having gone through it. Bingley knew this with all his soul as he watched his friend shift uncomfortably. It was too early to put Darcy completely out of his misery. Bingley would eventually admit his gratitude for it all.

  “Well...” Darcy looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. Admitting that he was wrong was hard enough. He had not yet changed enough to admit it was a lady that had caused him to see the error of his behaviour. “An acquaintance of mine in Kent made me see the error of my ways.” Darcy hoped Mr Bingley would leave it at that, for if asked what acquaintance in Kent he would be forced to tell an untruth... Something that was not part of his nature, and that he avoided as much as he could.

  “Well... I wasn’t embarrassed by you, so there is nothing to forgive,” said Mr Bingley. “If I were to be embarrassed by those around me, then I would constantly have to be embarrassed about my own sisters.”

  “That may be something you should be Bingley.”

  “Whatever do you mean?” Now Mr Bingley was completely astonished. His sisters did embarrass him, but he had chosen a path of selective ignorance with them.

  “Your sisters behave abominably! Caroline especially, I’m sorry, but they have no manners. The way they treated Elizabeth last year when she was a guest in your house was terrible. Her behaviour to me is only a fraction better. At Pemberley last month they overstepped to such a degree, I almost asked them to leave my home. Bingley, if Caroline carries on like that she’ll end up an old spinster. As bad as I behaved last year, she managed to make me despise her, even then. She’ll continue to do that to all the men she meets. Not to mention that, as a tradesman’s daughter, she is below the Bennets in social standing. Both she and Mrs Hurst behave as if they are duchesses, the way they treat their betters.”

  “Yes... I see what you mean. I’m sorry, Darcy. I’ll see if I can do something about Caroline. Louisa, though I can do nothing about now.” As uncomfortable as Mr Bingley was he could see the justice of what his friend said.

  “Mr Hurst will do something there I’m sure.” The conversation moved onto other things. Darcy was uncomfortable thinking he had hurt his friend’s feelings. Mr Bingley was uncomfortable trying to work out how to deal with his sister.

  The next morning, after breakfast Bingley and Darcy mounted their horses and set off. The horses felt the nerves of the young men riding them. With a few snorts and tosses of their heads, they carried their young masters to Longbourn. Mr Bingley nervous, had an air of quiet contentment. Darcy was uncomfortable. He could only think of Elizabeth. He had only two thoughts going through his mind: Was she happy now, and would she marry him? He had to put aside his own considerations. He desired to watch Miss Bennet and see if she was in love with Mr Bingley. If she was then, he must complete the confession to Mr Bingley about what he did last winter. Once more, Darcy felt overwhelmed with how awful his behaviour had been. He did not have long to think about it because they were now arriving at Longbourn.

  The servants met them as they descended from their horses. Darcy was happy to see that Mr Bennet’s fortune was enough to keep a decent number of servants. The entailment seemed to be irrelevant now. They entered the small hallway where they waited. Bingley and Darcy were very soon announced and shown through to the morning room. Mrs Bennet was effusive with her welcome of Mr Bingley and coldly civil to Darcy.

  Exactly what I expected then. I know I don’t deserve anything more from her given my behaviour. Thought Darcy. She has not learnt to be any more sensible or polite, despite what that vile man has done to her family. Jane Bennet though does seem to still be partial to Bingley. I must put that one right. Elizabeth welcomed both him and Mr Bingley civilly enough but returned to her work. Elizabeth is more intent on her work than I remember her being at Netherfield. Were there were too many distractions at Netherfield. Was I a distraction back then- it was after all before she came under his spell? Darcy became lost in his thoughts. He kept his eyes off Elizabeth, so he could see what Miss Bennet’s feelings were for his friend. This necessitated him being intent on the floor sometimes as he composed his mind. Many times, he would think Does Elizabeth regularly sit here? Is this Elizabeth’s favourite room? How often does Elizabeth walk around the grounds? A mark on the wall, was that Elizabeth’s or one of the other girls from their growing up years? It occurred to Darcy this was the first time Darcy had been in this room. He found himself overwhelmed and he didn’t know how to get his emotions under control. He asked Elizabeth about the Gardiners and she asked about his sister. He wished that they had more to say to each other, but he could not think of anything more to say. Now, I am admitted to her company, Georgiana must come down and renew her intimacy with Elizabeth.

  Mrs Bennet’s voice now broke in with a very unpleasant reminder of why his behaviour had been poor last autumn. Now he came to think about it there was much that Miss Bingley had in common with Mrs Bennet. It was beyond the fact that they were both tradesmen's daughters. They both thought that it was only their own opinions that mattered. Both thought themselves to be superior to those around them. Both women expressed themselves in a vulgar and obtrusive manner. Mrs Bennet was superior to Miss Bingley, she wanted the best for her daughters, and others. She was not mean-spirited and was the consummate hostess. Yes, Miss Bingley could learn a thing or two from Mrs Bennet. In fact, if Miss Bingley continued as she was and became an old maid then maybe Mrs Bennet would be a good choice of companion should she lose her husband and her home...

  “It is a long time, Mr. Bingley since you went away.” Although his friend agreed it was, Darcy was looking at the floor so unaware of how he looked. “I began to be afraid you would never come back again.” That could have been better than putting up with your ill-breeding. Thought Darcy, sourly. As much he was changing and learning to live with other’s foibles, bad manners still irked him. Darcy missed most of what Mrs Bennet prattling until She mentioned George Wickham. “It only said ‘Lately George Wickham, Esq., to Miss Lydia Bennet’ without there being a syllable said of her father or the place she lived, or anything. It was my Brother Gardiner's drawing up too, and I wonder how he came to make such an awkward business of it. Did you see it?” You, ungrateful woman! At least your brother has kept my secret. I put that announcement in the two papers. They were lucky that their marriage had that much recognition from anybody! It was only your brother’s love for you that we finally agreed in that short wording. We both wanted to completely ignore that sham of a wedding! It was with difficulty that Darcy could keep his anger off his face. Only years of feigning disinterestedness could keep his countenance here. If not for his love of Elizabeth, he would regret the part he had played in Lydia's marriage. The woman seemed to think that her daughter’s wedding was something to boast of. If not for Elizabeth Da
rcy would have agreed with Wickham’s assessment that the mother thought it a joke. Bingley saved Darcy from giving any answer and gave his congratulations. Mrs. Bennet’s carried on. Darcy sat wool-gathering and missed the rest of the conversation. In fact, his thoughts were so confused, that he could not have said what he was thinking either.

  The visit didn’t last long. Darcy often turned his eyes to the two eldest girls. He didn’t manage to catch Elizabeth’s eye above an eighth of the times that he looked at her. The eldest Miss Bennet had not eyes for anyone, but Mr Bingley. She didn’t seem to notice how much Darcy had looked at her. Darcy did notice that she was pale when they entered the room. Her beauty soon returned to what it had been last autumn. All this made Darcy feel even more guilty about what he had done. Now, he began to see how wrong he had been. Why had he listened only to Miss Bingley, and Mrs Hurst’s jealous comments? The only answer he had was that he had not considered Bingley and Jane. HE had considered only his own struggles. He had confused his and Bingley's situations. That had lead him to hurt two people who were very good for each other.

  Mr Bingley didn’t say much on the way back to Netherfield and disappeared upon entering the house. It wasn’t until dinner that Darcy was in his company again. Over dinner the conversation went in this way:

  “So, Darcy, you were back to your old self, today then?!”

  “Hardly! I didn’t have much to say.”

  “That’s not stopped you before.”

  “I’d also forgotten how unpleasant Mrs Bennet is.” Darcy cringed when he said that as it reminded him of his old self.

  “Yes... I know. If only I could see Jane without Mrs Bennet,” Mr Bingley looked wishful.

  This surprised Darcy as he had thought Bingley not to care about Mrs Bennet’s poor displays. “I know it’s much more pleasant to see Elizabeth without her mother around,” observed Darcy

  “You were definitely more animated and more entertaining at Pemberley, last month!” This brought a smile to Darcy’s face. When he had gone to Pemberley, it was to forget Elizabeth and to recover from his recent illness. An illness that he hoped Elizabeth never found out about. Yet he didn’t know what his sister or his cousin had written or said to anyone when he was ill. He wondered if Mr Bingley knew that he was sick last May. He remembered that he had invited Bingley to stay in May, and Darcy now took the opportunity to find out.

  “Bingley, I have just remembered I invited you to stay in May – what did you do?”

  “I received the letter your sister sent Caroline. She said you were not going to be in London and that I should stay with my relations for a little longer. I stayed with my cousin until we all went to Pemberley. Why do you ask?” Mr Bingley replied

  “Oh, I just remembered that I let you down that was all” So, Georgiana didn’t mention that I was ill.

  “At Pemberley you seemed to have that look of a man who had just recovered from an illness,” said Mr Bingley

  “Bingley, I want to tell you something, but please do not laugh at me. I do not want a bit of this to be told to Elizabeth, so her sister Jane must not be told either!”

  “All right, Darcy.”

  “Last May when you should have come to London, my sister was covering for me. I was in London, but I was in fact very ill. I had a dreadful cold and believe from what I’m told I was also delirious.” Confessed Darcy

  “Why did Georgiana not say anything? I would have visited you anyway.”

  “That, I presume, is precisely why she did not, besides Colonel Fitzwilliam was helping her to look after me.”

  “Well, I’m glad that you recovered for our trip to Pemberley.”

  “So am I.”

  “Of course, you are! You got to see Miss Elizabeth without their mother!”

  “Yes, I’m sorry I’ve seen more of Miss Elizabeth this year than you have her sister.”

  Mr Bingley looked astonished, and then curious at Darcy. “Right, Darcy you definitely have more secrets to reveal.”

  “I saw her in Kent as well when I went to visit my aunt.” Darcy both smiled and winced at that recollection.

  “And what does that have to do with your illness, for if I’m not wrong, your illness was when you came back from Kent,” asked Bingley suspicious... Darcy began to realise that Bingley was a lot more perceptive than he had given his friend credit for in the past. Was this a new trait? Or had Darcy completely ignored or missed it.

  “She told me a few truths, hard to accept on the second to last night I was there.” Darcy hoped that his friend would not press the matter.

  “Hmmm,” was all Mr Bingley said in reply, then changed the subject, “Miss Bennet is an angel, is she not Darcy.”

  “She’s charming, although her beauty wasn’t showing much when we first entered.”

  “You think? I hope she’s not sick again.”

  “No, Bingley, for by the time as you left she seemed to improve in beauty, almost what she was last autumn.” Dinner being almost over, Mr Bingley didn’t reply. The conversation was not revived through coffee nor the evening. Darcy wrote to his sister. Bingley was with things that the Netherfield estate needed doing. There were a lot of repairs needed around the property, he would get his friends advice on it tomorrow.

  The letter Darcy wrote was as follows:

  Netherfield 23rd September 1812

  Dearest Georgiana,

  I hope you are well. Mr Bingley and I are now settled at Netherfield. The house feels empty. The reason I can come up with is that that I didn’t feel comfortable here last time. That is except for those few days that Miss Elizabeth spent here last autumn when her sister was ill. We saw Miss Elizabeth and her family today. I am afraid I did not acquit myself very well. I was not seated near enough to Miss Elizabeth to talk to her and I was in no mood to talk to anyone else. We are to dine with the Bennet

  s on Tuesday evening. I am writing to propose, though, that you meet me in town on Friday. I am anxious to see you. Will that make you happy Georgiana? I am missing your society. There are only two women in the world that I wish to have the society of. You and Miss Elizabeth Bennet. You seem to be the only person who does not tease me about Miss Elizabeth.

  Please come to London next week. I don’t know what to make of Miss Elizabeth’s behaviour, and I need an impartial opinion.

  Your loving brother,

  Fitzwilliam.

  P.S. Could you bring the bandbox from my room with you when you come to London?

  Events were to play into Darcy’s hands, and he would not need Georgiana’s opinion. At this moment Darcy did not know that. What he did know is that he was going to leave Bingley's relationship to take its natural course. If Bingley had his way, then the eldest Miss Bennet would very soon be the next Mrs Bingley. Darcy also knew that if Elizabeth again rejected him, he could not cope with his friend's joy. Once he was sure of his friend's happiness, he would take himself out of the way.

  “Darcy, I need you to ride the estate and help me tomorrow.”

  Darcy looked surprised, "I thought you wanted to run this estate to yourself without any help.”

  “Oh, I’ve already taken notice of what the needed repairs. I need you to advise me on how to do it without overspending.”

  “Use good quality materials. Not top of the range, and nothing over cheap, otherwise you will have to redo it too soon.”

  “Thank you, but will you ride the estate with me?”

  “Yes, I will.” Both Darcy and his horse needed the exercise. Estate business would help Darcy to keep his thoughts away from Longbourn. He kept wondering if the thoughts of both the eldest Miss Bennet’s were at Netherfield. “Bingley, how about a game of billiards?”

  “No thanks Darcy, I’m not in the mood for billiards.” At this reply, Darcy took up a book and realised that it had taken him more than a year to finish the book that he was reading. He berated himself for being so foolish about letting a woman interfere with his life. A life that he had been content in before he met her. Th
e next few days estate business occupied both Bingley and Darcy. Both men had their thoughts more at Longbourn than on the business that engaged them. The business distracted them so much, that Tuesday arrived very quickly. They were both eager for their dinner engagement. They were ready to leave for their dinner engagement a full hour ahead of time. This time, Bingley passed in praising Miss Bennet, and in conjecturing if he might make an offer soon. These reflections, Darcy shared about Elizabeth. He was not yet ready to make another offer. Instead, he listened to his friend talk. At length, Bingley ordered the carriage, and within a an hour, they were at Longbourn. Not having arrived much before the time for dinner, there was not much chance of conversation. Darcy wished to sit next to Elizabeth. Instead he found himself requested by her mother to sit next to her. He realised that if he were in a place where he could talk to Elizabeth, he would say too much in front of others. He longed for the intimacy of Pemberley. If he were at home with Elizabeth as his guest, he could order things in his own way. Home where his wishes and happiness could be secured.

  Being seated next to Mrs. Bennet was not to his liking at all. Throughout the meal, she showed her ignorance and bad manners. Darcy was determined to be civil and attentive, and not the rude man he had been last year. He complimented the haunch of venison and the partridges which were well done. He wondered why everyone assumed he had French cooks and an appetite to match the Prince Regent’s. He managed on those occasions to keep up appearances by keeping his portions down. He remembered twelve years ago when he had first entered Society. He had been invited to dine with one family. He had not realised that they had three courses planned. On the first course, he ate normally. When the second course arrived, he managed to eat that. When the third course arrived, he still had to eat and reached the point of nearly throwing up. Somehow, he had kept his food down and had learnt to eat less than normal on the first and second course. His father, when the ladies withdrew, had openly made sport of his mistake. When the teasing had stopped his father warned him that others would do the same thing. Mrs. Bennet had only planned two courses. She had provided two of his favourite dishes in the first course. He was content. Civilities were what Darcy contented himself with. He filled the void of conversation by looking at Elizabeth as much as he could. He noticed that she too seemed to have a lack of discussion. By her conduct Mrs. Bennet showed Darcy she still believed Wickham's lies. Elizabeth, still, had not betrayed his secret. Despite the fact it would have lessened Lydia’s guilt in the affair. At times, Darcy wished to tell Mrs Bennet it was him who had saved her precious daughter from disgrace. No, he would not put Elizabeth in the position of explaining why he had become involved. That woman kept running on about how proud she was of her ‘married’ daughter. That was a marriage which had taken place under such disgraceful circumstances. Darcy was ashamed to have had anything to do with it. His consolation was that it had restored Elizabeth to respectability. He did admit to himself that he hoped Elizabeth would not insist on seeing her family very often. He could not deny Elizabeth anything. The thought of being in company with Mrs Bennet made him shudder. The thought of Wickham's company was sickening.