The Angel's Song

by Roberta Kagan

  Throughout her early life, Caroline believed that she would marry and raise a family in Mudwater. But then, on her fourteenth birthday, something happened that changed her perspective on life. Caroline received a small handheld radio from a boy who was smitten with her. He showed her how to turn it on. Once she heard the country music, she was hooked. She now knew what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. Caroline Hunt wanted to be a country music radio star.

  More than anything in the world, Caroline wished and prayed for a guitar. But she knew it would be selfish to ask her parents for one. They were always struggling financially, always talking about selling some worthless swampland they had somewhere in Florida. In order to buy a second-hand guitar that she saw in the pawn shop one afternoon, she went to work part-time at the soda fountain.

  The owner loved having her as an employee because all the boys came in and bought sodas just so they could talk to her. Except for the money that she paid for her secondhand guitar, she saved every penny she earned. She planned to use the money to start her life away from Mudwater Creek as soon as she graduated high school. On the days she didn’t work, she and May would stop in the general store on their way home from school. She would page through magazines that featured country music entertainers. Caroline fawned over the sharply dressed handsome male singers and admired and envied the females. She read everything she could about the country music stars and learned that the place to start her career was in a town far away from Mudwater Creek. A town called Nashville.

  Nashville. Sometimes she whispered the word aloud when she was alone.

  “Nashville!” She loved the sound of the word. It sounded so exciting and full of promise.

  That’s where I want to go, she thought. I want to be a country music star. I want to marry one too. My husband’s gonna be a fella like that handsome dark-haired man who has that rugged sexy voice. And I’ll be a star in my own right, just like his pretty little wife.

  Caroline was eager to leave the stifling life in Mudwater Creek behind her. But, at the same time, she was worried about May. She knew that when she left May behind it would devastate her. May had one more year of high school before graduation and Caroline was afraid that even though May was an honor student, she wouldn’t think about her future. When Caroline left, she was pretty sure that May would follow her. Caroline was concerned with May’s future but she was also concerned with her own. Ever since Caroline could remember, May was at her side. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her cousin, she did, she loved her like a sister, but Caroline had a yearning to grow up and be away from all that was familiar. She wanted to see what it was like to be on her own.

  Graduation was only two weeks away. Caroline knew she would not leave without telling May. It would be far too devastating if she just disappeared, and Caroline knew that she could never get over the guilt. She was dreading it, but she knew that she had to tell May her plans.

  Caroline had given a great deal of thought to her getaway. She would take a train to Nashville on the Wednesday afternoon following graduation. Her mother was busy with charity work on Wednesdays, and her father would be working at the general store. She knew her parents would be hurt and upset by her leaving. There was no doubt in her mind that they would want her to tell them her plans. But she also knew that if they knew in advance, they would do everything in their power to stop her. She decided to leave and then send a letter explaining why she left and where she was. However, she would not go without talking to May. The girls had been too close for her to leave May without telling her first.

  The following Monday, the week of graduation, Caroline waited as she always did for May to get out of class.

  “Hey, I have an idea,” Caroline said as May approached. “How about we go and have some ice cream today? I’m buying.”

  “You sure?” May said.

  “It’s hot out. Wouldn’t a nice dish of ice cream taste like heaven right now?”

  “Yes, it sure would.”

  “Then come on. Let’s go. Besides, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

  May’s legs were shorter and she wasn’t able to walk as fast as her cousin, but Caroline was used to slowing down for May and so she did.

  “Hey, Carol!” It was John, the other high school student that worked at the ice cream parlor on Caroline’s days off. Caroline knew he had a crush on her but she had no romantic interest in him.

  “Hello there,” Caroline said when she saw him.

  “Looks like you’re on a busman’s holiday,” he laughed.

  “Guess so,” she said. “My cousin and I came in for some ice cream.”

  “Can’t say I blame you. Nothin like ice cream on a scorching day,” he smiled. “What flavor can I get you both?”

  The girls ordered and then took their ice cream and sat outside on the stoop.

  “This ice cream is so good. Thanks, Caroline,” May said, slurping the cool delicious ice cream.

  “It is, isn’t it?” Caroline said. But she could hardly eat. She was so worried about what her cousin’s response would be to her news.

  They were halfway done before Caroline mustered up the courage to say the words she’d been dreading.

  “I have something I have to tell you, May. You know how maw and paw have been saying that they want me to marry one of the boys in Mudwater Creek after I graduate? They are even talking about creating a career for me by setting up a school room in the church where I can teach the younger children to read and write.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve heard my parents talking about the school too. It would be good for the young ones in Mudwater to be able to get some education. You and I were lucky because your paw was working in town and he took us to school. Most of the children in Mudwater don’t have any chance of going to school at all.”

  “Yes, it might be a very good idea for Mudwater. But …”

  “But?”

  “But it’s not a good idea for me, May. I don’t want to live the rest of my days in that little backward town married to a miner and teaching the kids to read and write. I want more.”

  “What’s wrong with being married to a miner? The men in Mudwater are good men. They are courageous, some of them are really handsome, and well …”

  “I know all that. But when you’re married to a miner, you have to worry all the time about his safety. And besides, how boring would my life be if I was teaching all day for free at the church? I know it would help the kids. But my husband and I would always be struggling financially just like our folks are always struggling. I just want more …”

  “I don’t know what you mean. You want to continue your education?”

  “No. I don’t have the grades to do that. But you do. And I hope when you graduate next year, you’ll think about going on to a university.”

  “Me? Where will our folks ever get that kind of money?”

  “You have the grades to get a scholarship.”

  “Oh, I doubt that,” May said. “I’m just hoping that one of the fellows in Mudwater asks me out on a date soon. I’d be more than happy to marry one of these wonderful boys. I’m fifteen already and I haven’t had a single suitor. You know, the sad thing is nobody wants me because of my condition. You know that’s it, don’t you?”

  Caroline looked at her cousin who was the most adorable person she knew. However, she had to admit that May did have a very childlike appearance due to her short little legs and her tiny feet and hands.

  “I don’t believe that,” Caroline lied. She couldn’t tell May she was right. It would hurt too much to acknowledge the truth that people were affected by May’s condition. “But anyway … what I want to tell you is that … after graduation I am going away. I’m leaving for Nashville.”

  “Where? Nashville, Tennessee? You’re kidding, right?”

  “No, I’m not. This is what I have been saving for all the years that I have been working. I want to be a country music star like the folks we hear on that transistor radio. Rem
ember that boy gave me a radio and it didn’t work right so you rebuilt it for me?”

  “Yeah, I do remember, and I should never have rebuilt it,” May said scowling.

  “Oh, come on. I thought it was broken for good. Then when you brought it back to my house on Christmas Day, well, May, I have to tell you that it was the most amazing Christmas present I ever got,” Caroline said. “And I still can’t believe you were able to fix it. You are so talented. It’s a great little machine. All the kids love it.”

  “I know, but if I hadn’t fixed it, you might not be leaving.”

  “Oh, May. I would be miserable living the rest of my life here in Mudwater. I just want so much more.”

  “Can I come with you?”

  “I would love to have you. But you have another year of school to finish.”

  “I don’t care. I’ll drop out.”

  “No, I don’t want that. But how about this? You stay in school and graduate. Then after you graduate, I’ll send you the money to come to me in Nashville,” Caroline said. She could live with that. At least she would have a full year on her own and by the time that year passed, she was sure she would be missing May like crazy.

  “I would love that. I would really love that,” May said. “I could even try to get a job so I could save some money over the coming year.”

  “Yes, that would be great,” Caroline said. Although she didn’t give voice to her fears, she was afraid that no one would hire her because she was a dwarf.

  People can be so damn small-minded. And, for sure, no one will hire May to work around food. The stupid oafs would be afraid that her condition might be contagious. So the restaurant and the ice cream/soda shop are out.

  “But maybe it’s best you don’t get a job. You should probably concentrate on your studies then you might be able to get a scholarship to a university near Nashville.”

  “Is there a university near Nashville?”

  “I don’t know. But we can sure try and find out.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  The night before Caroline was to leave she could not sleep at all. She lay in her bed, her stomach twisted in knots as she watched the wind rustle the trees outside her window.

  This little section of the world is all I have ever known. My family is here, my cousin is here, my life is here. I am about to get on a train to a place I have only read about in magazines and start a life so different than the one everyone expects me to live. I’m scared and yet I’m excited too. I’ve never been all alone in a strange city before. In fact, I’ve never even seen a city outside of West Virginia. I’ve always had folks around me who loved me. Tomorrow night at this very time, my whole life will be different. I’ll be riding on a train on my way to a new place. I’ll be laying my head on the seat cushion so far away from the pillow my mother made for me and the bed where I have slept my entire life.

  I haven’t left yet; I can still change my mind. The only person who knows of my plan is May and she would sing for joy if I decided not to go. Poor May. I know she loves me but sometimes I feel like she is so needy that she is drowning me. It would be so much easier to just give in to everyone else’s expectations and stay here in Mudwater Creek. But if I don’t go, I’ll never know what I could have done with my life. I’ll never know who I might have become. Two years from now, if I stay here, I would most likely find myself married and pregnant and going to paw’s church service every Sunday with my husband. I’d be praying for my husband’s safety every night. And with God’s help, he would be all right. I wouldn’t be miserable. But I wouldn’t be happy either. I want to be a country star more than anything. So I am going to have to swallow my fear and step forward into the rest of my life.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  A thousand feet away in the little cabin where Aiden and Alice lived with their daughter, there was not a sound to be heard save for the song of the night birds. May laid in her bed, drifting in and out of a restless sleep. Tomorrow was a day she had been dreading. It was the last time she would see her cousin Caroline for a while. Until now, the girls had spent every day of their lives together. In fact, May could not remember a day when she had not seen Caroline. Even when one of them was sick, the other came to the house to visit. Caroline had been her best friend and her protector. She saved May from ridicule countless times. And although May was envious of her cousin’s beauty and ease in life, May loved Caroline fiercely. Their friendship wasn’t always roses, they’d gotten into arguments over the years, but they always made up and their closeness was an important part of May’s life. As she tried to sleep, she dreaded the future. What would her life be like without Caroline in Mudwater? Caroline was her only real friend. Who would she walk to and from school with? Who would she giggle with when they had sleepovers at one another’s homes on weekends? And most of all, who would she share her deepest secrets with? No one would ever take Caroline’s place. And right now, May wished she could die rather than face a life in Mudwater without her beloved cousin.

  If only Caroline would change her mind, she thought, but she knew that Caroline would not. Even if she’s afraid to go, she’ll go anyway. She’ll give it all a try because Caroline is confident. Not weak and scared of life like me.

  There was a secret part deep inside of herself that May hated. Not only did she hate this aspect of her self, but she was terribly ashamed of it. It had been inside of her for years, a gnawing thing that made her hope that Caroline would finally fail at something. It wasn’t that she wanted to see Caroline hurt. It was just that it seemed as if no matter what Caroline did, she always shone. And May? Well, May never shone. Now that evil side of her was wishing that Caroline would find it too hard to live in Nashville and that she would return to Mudwater Creek. And she also secretly hoped that once Caroline finally failed at something, Caroline would be too afraid to leave the safety of Mudwater Creek again. It would be satisfying to see Caroline a little less confident. Maybe then Caroline would understand May a little better.

  I don’t know why I have these hateful feelings. I love my cousin more than I can say. But sometimes, I can’t stand the way she is so self-assured. She thought nothing of getting up on the stage and singing at the school talent show last year. That was a crazy day for me; I had such mixed feelings. I was so proud of her with her beautiful face and her lovely voice. I was so excited to tell everyone that she was my cousin, and yet I didn’t want the audience to love her. And for some odd reason, I didn’t want her to win the contest. Why am I so ugly inside and out when she is so beautiful both inside and out?

  Every boy wants to marry her and I can’t blame them. Even my own paw and maw joke that she is the catch of Mudwater Creek. They can’t know how it makes me feel when they say that. But I guess it’s because I know the truth and the truth is that she is the catch of Mudwater Creek. And me? Well, I would be lucky to find anyone willing to have me as his wife. Life is so unfair.

  Chapter Forty

  After Caroline gathered her suitcase and guitar, she and May walked in silence side by side toward the train station. Caroline’s heart was heavy as she looked down at the top of May’s head. Even though May had not yet begun to cry, Caroline could feel the title wave of emotions coming. And she knew she was going to board that train not only with a suitcase and guitar but also with a heavy load of guilt on her shoulders.

  “Well, this is it,” Caroline said as they stood on the platform. The train was boarding. It was to pull out in ten minutes.

  “Yes, it is,” May said. “I feel like I am never going to see you again.”

  “Please don’t feel that way, May. I told you, I will write to you. And if either of our folks ever gets a telephone, I promise I’ll call too.”

  “But you won’t come home.”

  “I don’t know how our families are going to feel about me leaving. I’m not sure that there will be an open invitation for me to ever come home after they get my letter telling them where I went and why.”

  “But if they forgive yo
u?”

  “Of course then I will come. I don’t want to leave Maw and Paw behind forever.”

  “And me?”

  “Of course and you. Didn’t we decide that you will be coming to stay with me when you graduate? So don’t worry, we will be together again soon. And I will send you money to come to me. May, you and me will never lose touch, even if my folks don’t welcome me back again.”

  “I’m going to talk to them tonight like you asked me to. I will tell them not to worry but I won’t tell them where you went. Just like you want me to do.”

  “Oh, May, I love you, my sweet little cousin. And I am really going to miss you.”

  “Then don’t go. You don’t have to go.”

  “I do. I have to see if I can make it as a country singer. And if I stay here in Mudwater, I am certain I will never be anything but a wife and mother.”

  “Is that so bad, Caroline?”

  “No, it’s not. But my dream is to be a country western star and I have to see if I am good enough.”

  The whistle blew to alert the passengers that last minute boarding had begun.

  “I have to go,” Caroline said feeling an imaginary chain pulling her back to May and Mudwater Creek. She leaned down and planted a kiss on May’s cheek that was wet with tears. “Don’t cry, please. Keep your school grades up and be a good girl, all right?”

  May nodded, hugging Caroline tightly. “I’m going to miss you so much,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

  “I know. I’m going to miss you too. But I’ll write. Watch for my letters,” Caroline said. Then she lifted one foot after another and pulling against the imaginary ties that held her prisoner, she broke free and boarded the train.