The Angel's Song

by Roberta Kagan

  May’s heart pounded as she waited for Caroline to take her seat and appear in the window of the train. When she saw her, May waved but she was weeping so hard that the tears poured down her face.

  “Goodbye, Caroline. Please keep your promise. Please don’t forget me. Please remember, I want to come to Nashville to be with you right after graduation. And … Caroline … please write.”

  May was still waving as the train shook and rattled and then began rolling down the tracks.

  Chapter Forty-One

  At first, Caroline stared out the window feeling certain she made a mistake. Seeing May’s face filled with tears as she stood on the platform made Caroline’s heart ache. Caroline only had a second to wave and then the familiar countryside where she grew up began fading in the distance. New and different places were awaiting her. She was terrified. The train was moving down the tracks and a part of her longed to jump off and run back home. But the miles between her and the mountain were growing too fast and before she knew it, she was too far away to walk back home.

  She had planned to forego eating in the dining car that evening as she didn’t want to spend her hard-earned money on food. But she was so hungry that her stomach hurt. So she sat down at a table and ordered a bowl of soup. It wasn’t very expensive but it wasn’t filling either.

  Mostly water, she thought. But at least it’s hot.

  As Caroline sat sipping the soup, she watched the sun setting outside the window and thought about her parents and May. A pang of guilt stung her like the barb of a wasp. But then, before she could think any more about her past, an older, well-dressed man came into the dining car. There were no tables available so he asked Caroline if he might join her at her table. She wanted to say no but she couldn’t. After all, where was he going to sit?

  The man sat down and smiled at Caroline. She looked into his ice blue eyes and an eerie feeling came over her.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  May was sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by her father, mother, Uncle Cyrus and Aunt Ashlyn. They were staring at her in disbelief.

  “What do you mean Caroline is gone but don’t worry she is all right? May, tell us where she went,” Aiden said.

  “I don’t know,” May lied to her parents for the first time.

  “Did the two of you have a fight?” Alice inquired gently. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

  “No, we didn’t have a fight. She had to go away. She is pursuing her future career.”

  “What exactly does that mean?” Cyrus asked. “It’s a dangerous world out there. If anyone knows it, I do. Now where did she go and what kind of future is she pursuing?”

  “Is she trying to get into college somewhere?” Ashlyn asked.

  “I don’t know.” May stood her ground. “All she said was to tell all of you that she’s fine and she’ll write as soon as she’s settled.”

  Cyrus hit his fist on the table. “That girl!” he exclaimed. “She’ll be the death of me yet.”

  “It will be all right,” Aiden put his hand on Cyrus’s shoulder, trying to soothe him. “God will watch over her.”

  “I just wish we knew where she was going and what she was up to,” Cyrus said shaking his head.

  “All we can do is leave it in God’s hands,” Aiden answered.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Nashville, Tennessee Winter 1952

  The odd man Caroline met on the train to Nashville told her plenty of lies. He said his name was Bart Johnstone, and he claimed to be a country music agent. Not only that, he promised her stardom. But within a few months, she learned that he was nothing but a liar.

  He was not an agent of any kind. In fact, he was a married traveling salesman who was trying to talk her into going to bed with him. And even after she learned the truth about him by finding some of his sales contracts in his jacket pocket, he still kept promising that he had connections. She wanted to believe him as she was hanging on by a thread. In Mudwater, she’d been considered the prettiest girl, a star in her own right, but here in Nashville, she was just another pretty face amongst many, many others, all of them trying to become music icons.

  So she continued to see the old man for dinner from time to time. She would listen to his lies and wish they were true until one night when he had too much to drink and tried to force himself on her. After that, Caroline learned quickly to be careful whom she trusted.

  Still, she tried to look on the bright side. The old man was helpful in many ways. When she first arrived, she had no idea how to find a room to rent. Bart was so friendly and he offered his help so generously that she allowed him to follow her to a local diner where they ordered coffee and donuts. He bought a paper and together they found her a room to rent in a boarding house right in town. He offered to pay all of her expenses until she made it big as a country star.

  But something inside of Caroline told her that, although the offer was tempting, she was best off to decline. And she did. When they were leaving the diner, she saw a sign in the window of the beauty shop a few doors down. The sign said, “Help Wanted, Shampoo Girl, No Experience Necessary.” Caroline looked at Bart then she shrugged her shoulders.

  “What have I got to lose?” she said smiling then went inside. The owner loved her pretty fresh face, her big smile, and her enthusiasm. She got the job. Caroline would have remained friends with Bart even after she learned that he had no way of helping her in her career. She could have forgiven that had he not proved to be a total cad. But after he behaved so badly and she had thrown him out of her room, she realized that she was all alone, without any friends in Nashville.

  She wrote home every week, one letter to the folks and another to May. At first, May was the only one who answered. But finally, after a month, she received a letter from Ashlyn and then a week later she got another from Aiden and Alice. She still had not heard from Cyrus. Caroline knew her father was stubborn, but she hoped that he would come around soon. She hated the feeling of being estranged from him.

  Caroline worked at the beauty shop from eight in the morning until five thirty in the evening on Tuesdays through Saturdays. It was not a terrible job but it was also not what she had come to Nashville for. She tried auditioning at a few of the clubs on Club Row, hoping to get a job playing and singing. So far, they had all turned her down, and she was beginning to doubt that she’d made the right choice in moving so far away from her loved ones. Sometimes she felt so lonely as she walked the streets of the city.

  And then, a job opened at a coffee shop on Fourth Street right next door to the Maxwell House hotel. Caroline was eager to take the job because, although the beauty salon was fun and she enjoyed listening to the women gossip all day, the beauty shop was filled with only female clientele and she longed to meet boys her own age. Working at a coffee shop would give her that opportunity. She applied and was hired right away. They told her that she would start on a Monday on the afternoon shift.

  It was hard work. Much more difficult than shampooing hair. The plates were heavy and she had to remember everything everyone ordered. At first, it was overwhelming. In fact, she was doing so poorly that the boss almost let her go. But when he told her that she wasn’t working out at the job, Caroline began to cry. He looked at her sobbing, and she was so pretty that he gave her a second chance.

  That was the week that she met Tommy Terry. He was hired a few days later at the coffee shop to bus tables.

  “I’m only working here until my ship comes in,” Tommy said to Caroline with a wink right after they were first introduced. He was handsome and tall with curly blond hair and an open smile. But for Caroline, the most attractive thing about him was that he was a musician. He played guitar and sang and the first time she heard his country twang, Caroline was intrigued. They both had the same dreams, and so they became fast friends.

  They spent hours talking about music. Tommy taught Caroline how to write music so she could put her original songs down on paper. He, like her, came from a poor family, an
d he had all kinds of fantasies of what he would do once he became rich and famous.

  “I’m going to buy my folks a nice home, and then I am going to get me a car too. A red convertible. Yep. Definitely a red convertible,” he said smiling. Caroline smiled back.

  Two weeks later, Caroline and Tommy went out for dinner. After dinner, they went to Tommy’s apartment. Caroline brought her guitar and they played music until the wee hours of the morning when Tommy walked Caroline home.

  “We oughtta form a duo,” he said as they walked down the deserted street. The clicking of their heels on the pavement sounded loud in the silence of the night.

  “You mean a real music duo?”

  “Yep. Then we can go to Club Row and audition together. I think we have a real unique sound.”

  Caroline shrugged her shoulders.

  He is a talented guitarist. And he does have a great voice. I am not doing very well on my own. So this might just be the miracle I’ve been waiting for.

  “Okay,” she said. “Let’s give it a try.”

  “Woo hoo!” Tommy hooted.

  “Shut up down there. It’s the middle of the night,” someone yelled from a window above them. They both laughed.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Except for May, Caroline never had an easy time making friends with other girls. Her father, Cyrus, said it was because she was too attractive and girls were jealous. And since she arrived in Nashville, except for Tommy, she found the boys to be looking for a fast girl. Caroline was not a fast girl. Therefore, except for work, she spent all of her time in her room alone. But since she forged her friendship with Tommy, when she was not working she was usually busy. They spent most of their free time together working on new songs. They pooled what little money they had and shared meals. Caroline had learned to cook from Ashlyn, and she felt she was pretty good at it. But Tommy was a good cook as well. They enjoyed preparing simple, sometimes very creative, but always inexpensive dinners. When they weren’t working, they ate together. Then they rehearsed, mostly at his apartment, because the woman who owned the house where Caroline rented a room, forbid music after seven in the evening.

  Some nights, Caroline was too tired to go home so she stayed the night at Tommy’s apartment. Unlike the other boys she met, Tommy was always a gentleman. He never tried to convince her to have sex with him. Instead, when she said she wanted to stay, he would make up his room for her so she would be comfortable and have privacy. Then, without trying to seduce her, he would leave the bedroom and sleep on the sofa in the living room.

  They were the best of friends. However, sometimes when Caroline was alone at night in Tommy’s bed, she would wonder why he hadn’t tried to make love to her.

  Is there something wrong with me? Maybe he doesn’t think I am pretty. I don’t know what it is but he doesn’t seem attracted to me at all. Could it be that he likes boys? I’ve met several fellows here in Nashville who like boys instead of girls. Is he one of them? Maybe he’s afraid to tell me. If it’s true, he probably is afraid to tell me. And it would be a real shame because he is the first boy I’ve actually felt attracted to in my entire life. I would really just love to know what he is thinking. But I can’t ask him that. I can’t say…are you a homosexual? Do you think I am ugly? Do you like me? Come on Caroline, what is the matter with you? You can’t ask him those questions.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Five weeks prior to May’s high school graduation.

  It had been a year since Caroline left. In order to cope with the loss, May plunged herself into her studies. Walking to and from school alone each day, May felt an emptiness inside of her that hurt. Sometimes her stomach ached and she couldn’t eat.

  However, May always loved science and when a science fair was announced, she entered immediately. She had only one month to come up with a unique idea, something that would wow the judges. May agonized over several subjects, especially dwarfism but that was not the route she took. She didn’t want to win out of pity. May imagined hearing the judges talk about her: “Oh poor little thing. She has a terrible condition; we should let her win this.”

  NO! she protested in her mind. I want to win, of course I do. But I want to win because my project is the most advanced of any that are being presented, not because I am a pitiful dwarf.

  She went to her science teacher to discuss ideas for projects that May found interesting. Her teacher mentioned America’s exploration into space and when he did, May felt as if an entire galaxy of exciting and new ideas for projects opened up for her.

  She sat outside her cabin and gazed at the stars. The very idea that a man might travel up into the heavens by rocket fascinated May. What would they find when they passed through earth’s gravity and entered the infinite darkness? And what place did God take in all of this? All of these questions fascinated her and made her skin tingle with wonder. Once she decided to focus on space exploration, she began to research everything she could find on the subject. It captivated her so much that she was too busy to mourn Caroline’s absence.

  Five weeks before her high school graduation, May finally felt that she was coming alive. Working closely with her teacher, May fashioned a model rocket ship using whatever data she could find. There was not much available because so much was kept secret but she learned what she could. The rocket was not meant to launch, however, some nights May had dreams of her tiny rocket flying all the way to the moon. Building the rocket was painstaking and tedious work. She spent countless hours creating tiny parts for her model out of metal hangers and wood and carefully fit them together. Mr. Henry, who was the head of the science department as well as the school principal, told her he was genuinely impressed with her tireless efforts.

  The day came for the science fair. It took place in the high school gymnasium, which also served as the school’s auditorium. The large space with its shiny wood floor and bleachers in the background was filled with people milling around looking at the projects.. May sat at the end of a long table with her project in front of her. Sweat trickled down the back of her neck as she waited for the judging to begin. Soon everyone was asked to take their seats and the judges began to walk around and ask the exhibitors about their projects. There were three judges—two men and a woman. They slowly walked down the aisle, asking each student to explain their project. When they got to May, she was so nervous that she shot up out of her seat and began to recite everything she had memorized about the space program and the building of the rocket. One of the judges frowned at her.

  “Slow down,” he said. “We can hardly understand you.” He was wearing a microphone and everyone in the auditorium heard him.

  “I’m sorry,” she stuttered. A female student who had been watching the judges giggled then another followed. After that there was a roar of laughter that came from the group of girls who had always teased May. They were sitting together like a pack a wolves ready to tear her dreams to shreds. May glanced at them and felt sick. She wondered why she’d ever come to this thing in the first place. Why had she set herself up for such humiliation? One of the girls covered her mouth with her hand and May knew for certain that they were laughing at her. Her heart sank and any confidence she had when she had first come into this room had now slipped away.

  “It’s all right,” the female judge said. May could see the pity in the judge’s eyes. “Go on dear. Don’t let them bother you. You just go ahead and tell us about your project.”

  May took a deep breath and began to speak again but the looks on the judge’s faces were discouraging. She didn’t believe she could ever win. All she could think about was her small stature and how foolish she must look. She forgot most of the speech that took hours to write. Instead, she couldn’t stop stuttering.

  “Time is up,” one of the male judges said looking up at the clock.

  “I’m sorry,” the female judge said. “I know you weren’t finished. But we are only allotted five minutes per person.”

  The judges walked away. May knew
she hadn’t done very well and she could hardly hold back the tears as she watched the judges move down the line to the person sitting next to her who had made an exploding volcano.

  Another half hour passed, and the judges finished meeting with each of the contestants. The female judge went to the microphone and said, “We would like to thank all of you for these wonderful entries. It’s going to be difficult for us to decide on a winner because, quite frankly, they were all excellent. We look forward to seeing you all back here after lunch.”

  The three judges walked out of the auditorium to decide on the winner. The school principal walked up to the microphone. He smiled and said, “You are all excused for two hours. When you return, the winner and the runner-up will be announced.”

  May ran from the room. She felt humiliated and couldn’t bear to be surrounded by people. She desperately needed to be alone. The only person she wished she could talk to was Caroline. May ran as fast as her short legs would carry her up the hill and back home to the safety of her bedroom in the little cabin.

  “What you doin home? I thought you was at the science fair?” Her mother asked

  “They sent us home for lunch.”

  “Want something to eat?” Viola asked. “I put up a nice stew this mornin. Should be done by now.”

  “No thanks, Maw. I’m not hungry.”

  “When you gotta be back by?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know when they want us to come back, and I don’t care,” May lied. She knew that she was supposed to return in two hours but she never wanted to see those people again. She was wishing she could get away from her mother and go to her room alone. But Viola seemed to know something was wrong.

  “You’re gonna go back, ain’t you? You’re gonna see if’n you won?”

  “No, Maw, I’m not going back.”

  “You at least gotta pick up your rocket, don’t you?”