Culmination (Clandestine Affairs, #3)

by Tessa Teevan

  Three sweeter words have never been uttered in the history of the human language.

  “Then sit back, darling,” I request, although what I’d rather do is pull her into my arms. “For I have a story to tell.”

  I SIT HERE IN shock as Adrian spills out the whole story. Of his father’s madness that had descended too far into the underground for Adrian to willingly follow. Of how he tried to shield me from it all. How, every time he thought he was one step closer to being out of his father’s shadow, Theo somehow found a way to lure him back in.

  I’m reeling from it all. Everything I ever thought is now questionable, and I’m suddenly off-balance. The confounding empathy I feel for him creates turmoil I can’t quite fathom inside me. I no longer know what’s up or down, wrong or right. What I am, however, realizing is that perhaps Adrian and Rafe aren’t so different from each other.

  That implication sends me further in upheaval.

  Two men on Theo Morningstar’s puppet strings; both desperate to find escape.

  Both desperate for me.

  Perhaps that’s why it was so easy to fall for them both. I want to bury my face in my hands, tug at my hair, do something because my insides are all twisted and confused and my heart feels like it’s being pulled into two entirely different—and yet so similar—directions.

  Adrian swallows hard then clears his throat. I look up and see he’s staring at me expectantly, waiting for my response.

  It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time. Or, well, the way I saw him that first time. There’s a vulnerability on his face I’ve never seen before, and he looks just like that lost little boy he must’ve been so many years ago. Tears well in my eyes and I’m not quite sure who they’re for.

  The little boy essentially abandoned by both parents at such a young age.

  The man who, by the look on his face, feels abandoned by me.

  Or for me, the girl who loved this man so fiercely, only to lose it all because he simply couldn’t tell her the truth when it mattered most.

  The girl who maybe still loves this man, the one she’s always known him to be. The one she’s been seeking for so long, only to have given up all too quickly.

  The woman who’s fallen in love with someone else. Is starting a family with someone else.

  Where the girl ended and the woman began is now blurred to me, and I have no idea how to reconcile those two people. If I even can.

  “You should have told me,” I whisper as tears spill out onto my cheeks. “Things could have been so different.” I blink the tears away as memories flood my senses. “But…that last day. You choked me. You were willing to harm me, Adrian.”

  He shakes his head. “Think, Gabriella. Did I? Did I hurt you, even the slightest, on purpose?”

  My eyebrows furrow. Thinking back to that day… God, have I remembered everything differently? Have I misconstrued Adrian’s actions in my urge to get away from him?

  He must notice the confusion on my face. His hand cups my jaw, the touch electrifying, soothing, and all too familiar. My breath catches as his eyes search mine, unspoken questions rising between us both. The intoxication of his emerald-green gaze nearly makes me forget we’re no longer a couple.

  “Gabriella, I would never have hurt you. I will never hurt you. Despite what you may believe, you and I are meant to be. We’re two matching scars, hurt by those we love most.”

  The door to my heart, the one he closed that day just a few months ago, threatens to burst wide open to allow him back in. They’re words I needed to hear for far too long, and if I’m not careful, if I don’t keep my head, I’ll fall for them all over again.

  But with Adrian, that’s all it’s ever been: beautiful words reeling me in time and time again until I’m so utterly intertwined in all that is him that I can’t break free.

  “No, Adrian.” I take a step back, losing his touch. “We’re still so different. I did nothing to earn my scars. The one who hurt me most was you. And Rafe? He’s the only one who can heal me now.”

  Those green eyes darken with anger before he closes them and takes several deep breaths. The bitterness is gone when they open and he looks at me. “I didn’t want to believe it was true. You fell out of love with me and in it with him in eight weeks’ time?” he scoffs, scorn etched on his features.

  The flash of pain on his face nearly unnerves me.

  “I fell out of love with you a long time ago,” I whisper softly, but even as I say the words, I wonder if they’re entirely accurate.

  “I refuse to believe that.” He steps forward, taking my hand and holding it to his heart. “I am in love with you, Gabriella. I will always be in love with you. I will do anything in my power to keep you.”

  I gaze up into his eyes and can see the determination in them. My heart constricts, but not because this is the moment I was waiting for it. No, it’s because, even as he says the words, I am aware I no longer feel the same.

  “But the lies. The deception. All of the secrecy. If you’d reflect, you’d know the truth, Adrian. You and me? We were over long before Rafe came into the picture. We both know that. We can’t rewrite history now.”

  Adrian’s eyes flash at the mention of his name. “I was protecting you,” he insists.

  “By shutting me out? Lying? Coming home at all hours of the night? Sometimes not at all? By sleeping with other women when I was in your home, in your bed waiting for you? Trusting you? Loving you? Lot of good that did me when you were out fucking whoever suited you that night instead of me.”

  He reels back on that last bit, almost as if I’d slapped him. “I did no such thing.”

  This time, I’m the one reeling. Adrian’s words take me back. I thought… No, I knew there were others. The panties in his suitcase, along with the lipstick on his collar, were the catalyst for my wanting to leave him before I met Rafe. Not even the catalyst. More like the final straw.

  “The panties?” I ask, suddenly remembering mentioning them at the cemetery, but he didn’t say a word about them then.

  He leans forward, placing his hands on my thighs, squeezing as if to hold me in place. It’s smart because my first instinct is to run. His eyes bore into my own, his nose millimeters from mine, so close that I can feel his hot breath on my skin.

  “From the moment I met you, the moment I saw you, I was never unfaithful to you. Ever.” He shakes his head, not taking his eyes from mine. “You were it for me, Gabriella, and that’s why you made me vulnerable. My devotion to you is precisely why I had to act the way I did. It’s why I had to become cold.”

  “I…I don’t understand.”

  And I don’t. I came here to get answers, yet I’m more confused than ever.

  His thumbs dig into my jeans as if he wants to emphasize his point. “Appearances had to be made. You made me happier than I’d ever believed was possible, and I no longer wanted to be the man my father expected me to be. I never thought I’d be a cliché, but you changed everything for me. You made me want to be a better man. A man you deserved, and I wanted you, us, to have a life away from my father and the business. Everything about him was ugly and I had to shield you from it.”

  He takes a deep breath. “But I knew it wouldn’t be simple. You see, to him, you were a liability. It’s like he felt the change in me after you moved in. He decided you made me weak. He was prepared to use you against me, to ensure I’d continue to do his bidding. I had to show him that you weren’t worth the risk.” His left thumb loosens and caresses my thigh. “But you were, Gabriella. You are. I’d risk everything for you. That’s what I was trying to do the night I took you.”

  Oh my God. If what Adrian’s saying is true… What have I done?

  “I…I don’t know what to say,” I whisper as tears well in my eyes.

  “Say nothing. Just listen, please. Listen to me,” he pleads. Lines of tension appear across his forehead, and I can’t miss the way his hopeful eyes dance back and forth between mine in desperation.

  How is it
possible that I could have misread the situation so poorly back then? I shake the thought out of my head. It doesn’t matter. We’re far too gone now. But if Adrian is telling the truth, my heart tells me I owe it to him to hear him out.

  My chest heaves as I release my breath and nod. “Okay, Adrian. I’m listening.”

  It’s his turn to nod, and when he rises from the couch to stand near the wall opposite of where I’m sitting, I miss his warmth almost immediately—even though I no longer deserve it.

  “The last year of our relationship, it was killing me to act that way with you. I wanted to tell you the truth, but I couldn’t risk him finding out. I was quietly setting aside money, securing things overseas so we could leave and never look back. We were going to get out from under my father’s thumb. I thought I’d been doing a good job, but when Matthews showed up as the new general contractor, I knew my father was still suspect of our relationship.”

  “You think he sent Rafe on purpose?” I ask.

  He nods, his jaw tightening. “Yes. That’s why I had to leave. He couldn’t see how much I loved you. How much I have always loved you. You had the power to destroy me. To destroy everything I’ve worked for. And yet, I didn’t care. You were worth more than anything I’d ever had in my life. You were everything. You are everything.”

  When I look away, he stops speaking. It’s painful to hear this, no matter what I have with Rafe.

  “It’s true, Gabriella. I have loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you and that’s never changed. I don’t believe it ever will.”

  I struggle to wrap my brain around everything Adrian just revealed.

  He’s leaning against the wall, his shoulders slumped in defeat. The sadness radiating off him breaks my heart, even if he’d done the same to me before. So I can’t help myself. Upon crossing the room, I stand directly in front of him and stare up into his eyes. The scent of him is so different from Rafe, yet it’s comforting all the same. It’s just so…him.

  “You may have loved me, Adrian. I…I believe you did, in the only way you knew how. But your love came at a price. My freedom. My identity. Your love was ownership.”

  “Is that really so bad?”

  Is it? Was it?

  “I want you to know… After everything that’s happened—the lies, the mistruths, the deception—you were there for me when I was lonely. At my most vulnerable. I latched onto you when I needed someone most, and for that, I will always be grateful. And I won’t lie. I still care for you, Adrian. I probably always will in some way.”

  Hope flickers in his breathtaking eyes and it pains me to squash it as quickly as it appeared. But I must. It’s too late for us.

  Resting my hands on my belly, I continue. “But I meant what I said earlier. It was Rafe who brought me out of hibernation. He gave me the strength to move on. I’m sorry if it hurts you. I truly am. But Rafe owns my heart.”

  “There’s that word: owns. How is that any different than what I gave you?”

  “Because he owns my heart, Adrian,” I reiterate. “He doesn’t want to own me.”

  There it is. The vital difference between these two men. The kind of love Adrian offers is possessive, selfish, controlling, and dominating, and I know there’s a woman out there who would dive headfirst into that love willingly and without question.

  That woman just isn’t me.

  The light in his eyes extinguishes. Not with anger. This time, it’s defeat staring back at me. “Very well.”

  I blink. “That’s it?”

  It’s not that I want him to fight for me, but the Adrian I know has never given up when he wants something.

  He runs a hand through already ruffled hair, his Adam’s apple pronounced as he swallows hard. His jaw tightens. I hate this.

  “It is in my nature to throw you over my shoulder and lock you away until I can change your mind. In fact, my mind is warring with my heart and this is the greatest struggle I’ve ever faced.” He pauses, and I hold my breath in anticipation. “However, I can see I have hurt you enough. If this is what you wish, what you want, I will not stand in your way.”

  Tears spring in my eyes. This is it. This is our closure. I’ve always known I needed it, but I didn’t realize just how damn bad it would hurt.

  Before I can utter a single word in response, Adrian wraps me tightly in a tender embrace, which is all too familiar. Yet it’s entirely too foreign at the same time.

  His head dips and his warm breath tickles my ear as he whispers to me. “I thought our love would be beautiful. You were the light to my darkness. I fear that, without you, I will be forever empty. Lost and incomplete, yet somehow able to endure knowing you are happy. Protected. Loved, even if I can only do so from afar.” He lifts his head from its space near my neck and gives me a rueful smile. “It appears even the blackest hearts can break.”

  With that, he takes a step back.

  “Adrian,” I whisper, stopping up short because I have no idea how to respond.

  He may believe it’s true, but I know he’s wrong. His heart isn’t black. Perhaps a bit gray, and while it pains me that I’m not the one, I know there’s a woman out there who will one day help him realize the truth.

  When I’m greeted with silence, I glance up and find I’m alone.

  Adrian is gone.

  And for the first time since this saga began, I allow myself to experience the overwhelming grief of his loss.

  Long after Adrian has left me, I’m still here in his apartment. I have no idea how long I’ve stayed in the room. I’ve slid down the wall and spent this time staring blankly, reeling from Adrian’s emotional whiplash. He was so insistent that he was devoted, that he’d do anything, but he must’ve seen the truth in my eyes when I told him we weren’t meant to be. He might have tried—and perhaps with good intentions—to turn me against Rafe. It didn’t matter. While I feel for Adrian, my heart belongs to another.

  So why does my heart hurt so immensely? It’s as if a piece of me has been ripped away, and knowing I’ll never get it back, I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again.

  “Hey.”

  The greeting comes out of nowhere and my shoulders jump. My pulse races, and then it calms when I see Rafe standing in the doorway, his arms folded over his chest. His expression is unreadable as he crosses the room, and I wonder how long he’s been watching me.

  “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised you found me so easily,” I say wryly, accepting his extended hand so he can help me to my feet.

  He wraps his arms around me and pulls me in close for a warm embrace. “You scared the shit out of me,” he whispers, smoothing my hair out.

  My hands find his back and I clutch him tightly, reveling in his calming embrace and wanting to always have this source of comfort in my life.

  Just like that, my heart is whole again. That’s how I know. This is right. This is true. I’ve made the right decision, and as of this moment on, I will never look back again.

  I pull back and Rafe’s fiery expression catches me off-guard. “Rafe…” I whisper, unsure of what to say.

  The anger in his eyes is palpable and I want to extinguish the flames.

  Oh God. Did he see my embrace with Adrian? Did he hear my words? Has he read the situation all wrong?

  The fear and the immediate need to explain everything are more than enough to know Rafe owns my heart. He’s the one I’m meant to be with, the one I want to be with, even if letting Adrian go was possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

  “We need to talk,” he clips, placing his hands on my shoulders and pushing me back from his chest.

  “Rafe, I need to explain. This was a good thing. Necessary, even.” When his expression doesn’t change, I continue quickly. “It’s done. With Adrian. He understands.”

  His Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he swallows hard. “I know.”

  “You know?”

  He takes a deep breath and then exhales. “I had an unexpected visit at the hotel and was told
where he’d been staying. I checked the Basilica first, but you were already gone.”

  My eyes narrow, and he notices immediately.

  He holds up my phone. “You knew I had a tracking device on it?”

  My cheeks flush with sheepish embarrassment. “I suspected. I know I should apologize, but I’m not sorry, Rafe. While I’m sorry I worried you, I needed answers. I had to know.”

  He runs a hand over his face, scratching the two-day-old beard that’s been forming since we landed in Chicago. “I have half a mind to take you over my knee and teach you what’ll happen next time you defy me.”

  A shiver runs down my back. I shouldn’t be turned on at a time like this, but God, when he threatens me like that? I can’t help but be aroused.

  His expression softens. “However, I understand the closure you sought. And did you find it?”

  I cross the room and wrap my arms around his neck. “I did. I need to tell you everything.”

  If I’ve learned anything—and, hell, I’ve learned enough to last me a lifetime—it’s that open communication, honesty, and trust are vital to having a successful relationship. And with Rafe, that’s what I want. He’s the man I plan on spending the rest of my life with. The man I’ll grow old with. The man who has my heart and will have my forever, so from here on out, I vow to be an open book with him.

  “It’s okay, Brie. You don’t have to say anything. I already know. I heard everything.”

  I’m taken aback by his words. Frowning, I ask, “How?”

  It’s not that I’m upset that he heard everything somehow. It’s more than I’m shocked he could standby and listen without barging in, coming to what he thought was the rescue. And that’s why I love him so much. He always knows what I need, and regardless of his feelings on it, he gives it to me.

  Okay, so maybe I have snuck out a time or two against his wishes, but I have a feeling that’s also behind us now.

  Rafe takes my hands from around his neck and places them at my sides. I squirm under the intensity of his cobalt gaze. His lips part as if he’s about to say something. Instead, he clamps them shut and entwines our fingers. I stumble along as he pulls me down the hall and towards the door.