Culmination (Clandestine Affairs, #3)

by Tessa Teevan

  I can’t take his silence. I plant my feet on the carpet, my arm nearly yanking out of its socket as Rafe continues. When he notices I’m not budging, he turns back towards me, a storm brewing in his expression.

  “Rafe, talk to me.”

  I yelp when strong hands encircle my waist, twirl me around, and press me up against the wall. When my eyes peer up, I’m met with an indecipherable expression.

  “Do you love me?” he growls, his voice low and scratchy, as if he’s a parched man in desperate need of hydration.

  “More than life.”

  There’s no question. No hesitation. It’s the truth. It’s my truth. I know what Rafe must be thinking. And I can’t exactly blame him. But there’s nothing Adrian could say or do to change the way I feel. Our ship has sailed. Hell, more like it sank. And it’ll stay at the bottom of the ocean where it belongs. Rafe’s my lifeboat. All I’ll ever need.

  Rafe’s eyes close for a brief moment. I know he believes me when they reopen and his expression’s transformed. Gone is the desperation, the distress. It’s been replaced with soft, relaxed eyes, and an easy-going smile that I haven’t seen in far too long.

  “Good.”

  I could tease him for not saying it back, but something tells me this isn’t the time or the place. Rafe beats me to the punch anyway.

  “We need to talk, baby. I just don’t want to do this here.”

  We’re agreed on that point.

  “Oh… Okay.”

  As much as I want to know what he’s thinking, I get it. We’re in Adrian’s apartment. He could return any time and I can’t imagine how awkward that would be. The sooner we’re out of here, the better. So I allow Rafe to lead me down to the sidewalk, where we blend into the crowd.

  We walk in silence, hand in hand, as if we’re any other couple meandering around Chicago and taking in the sights. Except I’m not bursting with excitement. Instead, I’m trying to ward off the irritation emanating from the man beside me. Each time I go to speak, he gives me a look that immediately shuts me up. It’s apparent Rafe has nothing to say to me, at least not out here in public. I suppose I should be grateful for that, but the more time we spend in silence, the more my anxiety grows.

  As soon as we’re safely secured in our room, Rafe pushes me up against a wall, surprising me with the force of it. His hand comes up to my neck, where his thumb travels over the curve of jaw. His forehead dips and rests on mine, his blue eyes intense.

  “Never run away from me again,” he rasps.

  My heart leaps into my throat. “Rafe, I—”

  He cuts me off with a desperate, devastating kiss that threatens to knock me off my feet. When he tears his mouth away from me, his eyes are wild. “Promise me. Never again.”

  “I…I promise, Rafe. I understand the depths of the danger now. I will never run from you again. I will only ever run towards you. I promise.”

  His eyes close and I feel him exhale. “Thank Christ.” His eyes open. “You scared the shit out of me. I will not apologize for trying to protect you. You still haven’t even explained what happened to your head. You’re driving me absolutely crazy, you know that?” he asks, his voice practically a growl.

  It’s hot as hell, and my hormones must be going wild because I have an urge to put off this conversation and ask him to take me to bed.

  As much as my libido wishes for him to be inside me, I know that this has to be discussed first.

  “I’ll tell you everything about that, but first, you need to know that Adrian accepts that I’m with you now. He accepts that we’re over and he’s no harm to me anymore. This isn’t about him.”

  “I heard everything, Gabriella. And he was wrong. You know everything. I’ve told you everything.”

  I nod. “I know. I believe you.” Then I frown. “How…how’d you hear everything?”

  “I slipped inside just as he began talking about his mother.” Something flashes in his eyes, but he pushes it away.

  “You knew I was in there with Adrian and you kept your cool? You didn’t come barreling in?” I ask, almost shocked at the restraint he showed.

  He lets out a small laugh. “Oh, trust me, I wanted to.” He sobers up. “I trust you, Brie. It’s what you needed. I wanted to give you that.”

  “Wow.”

  “And now, Brie, it’s time you tell me everything I’ve missed,” he says, scooping me and taking me to the bed where, for the next hour, we do nothing but talk.

  What Rafe tells me as we lay in the darkness is the most shocking of all.

  My future, our future, will never be the same.

  After finding Brie’s cell phone and mentally detailing what I wanted to do to her as punishment so she’d never defy me again, I got Agent Howard on the phone. He listened to me rant, demanding that every agent within five hundred miles of Chicago descend on the city and scour every corner and alleyway until she was found. Fortunately, it didn’t come to that. Unbeknownst to me, the agency had been tracking Adrian and knew exactly where his apartment was.

  And it didn’t escape me that if the agency knew where he was, Theo Morningstar probably did, too. I couldn’t get across town fast enough.

  I have no fucking idea how I kept my cool. Some invisible reins were keeping me from barreling in like the white knight I wanted to be. Something told me I had to give Brie this. Hell, she’d walked out because of my baseless accusation, and if I was going to prove I trusted her, what better way could I do it than letting her deal with Adrian as he needed to?

  It was fucking hell. Standing just inside Adrian’s apartment, watching him with her, nearly killed me. When he held her face in his hands so fucking tenderly, I almost lost it. My inner beast threatened to burst in and rip him away from her. Tempting images of tearing those arms from his body flashed through my mind. But the moment I calmed down was the moment he tried to get her to believe I was like him. A liar, using her for his own gain.

  I knew the truth, and when Brie told him everything, I knew I had nothing to worry about. She wasn’t his. Not any longer. She was mine, and if she needed this closure with him, I’d give it to her. Not that it was easy.

  When he started for the door, I ducked out into the hallway leading towards his apartment, thankful for the community board on the wall highlighting all the upcoming events residents could take part in.

  It was hard not to glance at the man. Once he’d closed the door behind him, he braced his hands on both sides of the doorframe, his forehead falling to the door. Then his shoulders rose and fell several times before he whispered an expletive.

  Anyone would’ve felt bad for the guy. It was evident, even from his side profile, that he was in pain. And knowing what I knew now? Knowing who he was, what he’d lost, and having gotten a small snippet of how his life had been dictated and manipulated from such a young age, I had the urge to reach out.

  But I couldn’t. Adrian doesn’t know about me. Who I am to him. To Theo. He couldn’t know about. That was a complication I was so not ready for, especially since I didn’t even know how to tell Brie.

  It killed me, but I waited outside in the hall for nearly half an hour before going in to find her. Part of me did it because I wasn’t sure if he’d try to return. The other knew, deep down, she needed time to process. The last thing she needed was me barging in, demanding answers.

  So, when I finally entered the room and saw her sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, her face pale and beautiful, I cursed under my breath. It was apparent she was feeling the loss, and I could be that guy, the one who gets jealous, who demands she love only me, but the truth is I’m not.

  Okay, I am, but I’m also the one she chose. The one she’s going to spend the rest of her life with. So, if she needed to spend some time getting closure on her past so we can move forward with our future, I had no problem giving that to her.

  I know I chose wisely when her somber eyes met mine. The turned-down corners of her lips lifted at the sight of me, and I crossed the room in th
ree quick strides before extending my hand out to her, desperate for her touch.

  It’d only been two fucking hours, but they’d been hell on me. I needed to feel her touch, hold her close, tell her that everything is going to be okay. Because I believe that now. Adrian’s gone. One roadblock down.

  Now, we just have his fucking father to deal with.

  I’m not claiming the man as my own. Cameron Matthews is the only father I’ve ever known. The only one I’ll ever claim. Blood or not, he was the best thing to ever happen to me. Same with the mother who raised me. They both made me the man I am today, and I will never allow someone to come along thirty-some years later to try to take their place.

  Yet I feel a little pain in my heart as I remember the woman who came to my door. My birth mother, if she’s to be believed. And I wouldn’t have believed her if it hadn’t been for the fact that staring into her face was like staring into a mirror. There was no mistaking I was her son, no matter how much I longed to deny it.

  Hell, it’s not like I’m surprised there’s another twist in this fucked-up story of my life.

  I just hope the damn surprises finally stop coming.

  LARGE HANDS SLIDE AROUND my waist until they’re settled on my belly. I shiver when the stubble of Rafe’s five-o’clock shadow scratches the curve of my neck and then once again when his breath tickles my ear. Today has been such a whirlwind, and all I want to do now is put it behind me.

  After my talk with Adrian, a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders. I only hope he finds the happiness he deserves. Even though I know Theo’s out there, and after learning about Adrian’s mother, I’m not allowing him to ruin my time here. Danger may be lurking on every corner, but I trust Rafe to keep me safe. And now that I no longer have to worry about Adrian, we can get back to unlocking my father’s secrets.

  Warm breath tickles my skin and I shiver accordingly. Part of me felt guilty for the emotion and confusion I felt with Adrian earlier, but now that I’m here with Rafe, I know what it was.

  I had to feel it to truly let it go. That sounds dumb, I know, but I’d have been lying to both Adrian and myself if I hadn’t been true about the way he made me feel. It’s just, in doing so, I realized that what I feel for Rafe is so much more powerful. So much more potent.

  I loved Adrian; I love Rafe. I have no doubt in my heart I made the right decision.

  My only hope is that Adrian, one day soon, will find the woman made for him. He’ll realize that, while we had something I’ll always consider memorable, we just weren’t the right fit. I wasn’t the woman he needed any more than he was the man for me. It’s a relief knowing that, and I pray it will be for him as well.

  Rafe’s thumbs rub soothing circles on my skin, bringing me back to the moment. Bringing me back to him.

  “I remember the first time I saw you. It was on a night just like this. You were standing at the kitchen counter, all pale and beautiful, begging for me to get a closer look. Looking sad. Lost. And without even knowing you, I knew, deep down in my soul, you were mine. I’d have gone to the ends of the Earth to wipe that frown off your face, and I spent weeks making it my mission to do so.”

  “Rafe—” I whisper, but he cuts me off.

  “Right now? I see that same look. You may be smiling, but don’t forget: I know you. I can tell the difference, and right now, you’re not happy. So tell me, baby. What’s bothering you?”

  I briefly close my eyes before turning in his arms and gazing up into adoring, albeit concerned, eyes. A reassuring smile curves my lips, and I hate that my thoughts gave way on my expression, which caused him to worry. “It’s nothing, Rafe. I promise. I can honestly say I’m happy. Just like that night we first met, when you made everything in my world okay, now that you’re here, nothing could possibly be wrong.”

  As soon as the words slip from my mouth, I know I’ve just put a kink in our happiness. By throwing those words out into the universe, I all but invited disaster to ensure. But instead of dwelling on it, I slide my hands around to the curve of his ass, pulling his hardness against me.

  “And it’s only been since that night that I’ve finally felt safe.”

  Cobalt eyes gaze down at me, swirling, dark and stormy. They’re always like the sea, regardless of his emotion. Sometimes they’re calm and I feel as steady as the still waters. Other times, like now, they are full of turmoil, wave after wave crashing and landing blow after blow until I lose myself in their depths.

  He swallows hard before bringing a callused hand up to cup my cheek. This time, with him, I turn into it, basking in the way he holds me close.

  “I will do everything in my power to always keep you safe. To keep our child safe. You’re everything to me. I can’t lose you, Brie. I can’t lose either of you, not when we’re only just getting started.”

  The rollercoaster my heart’s been on today takes a final turn and comes to rest on steady tracks, smooth and unfailing. “And you won’t have to. You never will, Rafe. We’re yours. Always.”

  Unspoken relief calms the tempest in his eyes. I don’t have to ask why it was there to begin with. It’s because of my time with Adrian. Sure, Rafe heard everything and he trusts me, but at the same time, he knows how easily I was swayed by the man before. But I’m no longer that girl. Pretty words mean nothing when they’re empty. And that’s all Adrian’s ever given me. I don’t mind that Rafe needed that reassurance from me. Hell, I can’t even blame him.

  “Rafe,” I whisper, hoping to draw him out of his mind, “take me to bed.”

  I don’t have to ask twice. Without hesitation, he scoops me up and holds me against the solid wall of his muscular chest. Butterflies swirl about in my belly as he swiftly crosses the room, gently lowering me down on the luscious mattress.

  Rafe covers my body, gliding his hard cock into me the moment my back hits the fresh sheets. His hands find mine and he entwines our fingers, holding them over my head as his weight bears down on me. His eyes don’t leave mine as he makes love to me. The way he moves—cautious, gentle—feels as if it’s his first time in forever. As if we hadn’t just made love this morning. As if he’s trying to remind himself of what I said. That I’m his. That I always will be.

  Or perhaps he’s trying to remind me.

  With all the strength I can muster, I pull my hands out of his grasp, brace them on his hard chest, and roll us over until he’s the one flat on his back and my hips straddle his waist. He’s still buried deep inside me, but he’s peering up at me in confusion. I hold my hips still and take hold of his hands. Then I kiss each fingertip before tracing my lips with one finger.

  “This,” I tell him, “is yours. My mouth will only ever kiss you. Will only ever taste you.”

  He swallows hard and watches with hooded eyes as I place his hands on my breasts. His thumbs slide across each nipple as he remains silent.

  “These breasts will always be yours to do with as you please. Only you will ever kiss, taste, lick, or suck them.” I pause before I slide one hand down to where he’s tightly locked inside me. “And this, Rafe?” I lock my eyes on his. “This connection? Us joined in the most intimate way? It will only ever be you. No one will ever have this part of me again. So when I say I’m yours? Believe it. Because it’s true. You own all of me. You always will. I love you and I promise to spend the rest of my life showing you, starting now.”

  The words barely leave my lips before Rafe knifes up from the bed and wraps his arms around me. One around goes my waist, and the other tangles itself in my hair. His lips capture mine in a heated kiss that has our tongues sealing the deal in a passionate dance, both of us vying for the number-one position. He rocks his hips, surging up into me, and I match his pace, our frantic thrusts in perfect rhythm until I feel him swell inside me. I know he’s ready to burst.

  Just as I feel my orgasm begin to crest, Rafe tears his mouth from mine and locks our gazes. The hand in my hair comes down and rests around my neck. Not squeezing, but gripping just enough to send shivers do
wn my spine when he growls, “Mine.”

  And on that one word, we not only find release together.

  We find us.

  Hours after Brie and I made love, I’m still awake, even with her sprawled out on top of me. We’ve made loved, fucked, screwed—whatever you want to call it—hundreds of times in many different positions and places. But this was different.

  It felt like the first time all over again. Yet I feel like a shit about it. I shouldn’t have cared that she was with Adrian. She wants answers, and he’s a legitimate source. But the more I uncover, but more unsure I am that he’s the bad guy in all of this. He’s a product of his father, but I can’t deny that he cared for Brie in whatever way he could.

  For so long I’ve wanted Adrian to be the bad guy. I’ve needed him to be the bad guy. If he wasn’t, then was it possible he truly did love her? I told myself I didn’t care, that it didn’t matter what his motives were, because he hurt her regardless.

  And in a few short hours, everything I thought I knew flew out the window with three fucking words.

  He’s your brother.

  For hours, it fucked with me. Through listening to the jackass plead with my woman, to her wrapping her arms around me and reassuring me we were finally well and rid of him, to walking back to the hotel and spending an hour in bed to talk it all out, I was still in a fucked-up head state. No matter what good had come from their afternoon spent together, I couldn’t shake the truth from my brain. So, when we finally returned from his apartment, I was nearly panicked. I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t lose our baby.

  It was dumb to think that was even a possibility, and Brie read the situation, albeit only mostly correctly. Yeah, I’d fucked up about everything Adrian had told her. Especially when he’d brought up our mother.

  Does he know about me?

  I mean, he obviously knows about the baby she had, but does he know it was me? Hell, does Theo? Or, most likely, he believes the baby she carries is Adrian’s. No wonder he doesn’t seem to care whether his son survived the accident.