Him

by Carey Heywood

  When Will sits back down I look at him, almost not surprised to find his eyes on me. This whole week has been so strange. I have never felt closer to that night than I do now. I never stopped loving Will. I just tried to throw myself into my work to ignore it for all these years. I just feel so confused by Will. It’s clear he still feels something, but what? Is the whole reason he made such a big deal about wanting to talk to me so he could have a chance to apologize? Well, I don’t want his apology. You don’t get to break someone's heart and think everything is fine just because you say sorry. That's just not fair.

  I turn my head back to the dance floor when the DJ announces the first dance. Christine's dress has loops and buttons to secure the train to the back of her gown so she won’t have to worry about anyone stepping on it while she dances. I'm trying so hard to be happy for my brother, but it's hard. When you're busy, it's easy to ignore couples and romance. The only days that really suck for me are Valentine's Day and June 17th, the anniversary of that night. I signal the server for another drink. With any luck, I'll be numb before the night is over. Will catches my eye when the server hands me my drink and raises a brow. I give him a half smile and take a drink. I start to second-guess my plan to get drunk when I start imagining Will's lips on mine. I push my drink away and pour myself some water. I need to stay in control tonight.

  Brian comes to ask me to dance after the father daughter and mother son dance. I'm happy for an excuse to get away from Will. Brian is so happy. I can't help but relax during our dance, until I see Will move behind him and tap Brian on the shoulder.

  "May I cut in?"

  I shake my head, but Brian has already given Will my hands. The look they exchange as Brian walks off the dance floor makes me wonder if they planned this. When Will's hand slides around my waist and he pulls me to his chest, I forget what I was thinking about. Will was always a great dancer. He leads me around the floor smoothly as he looks down at me. I want to look away, I do, but instead I drown in the sea of his blue eyes.

  He seems just as captivated yet cautious, like he knows I'm thinking of running away again. A big part of me wants to but Sawyer is right. I need to grow up. I'm not that young girl who ran away in the first place. I've changed, and maybe it's time to finally free myself of this pain that I have held onto for so long.

  When the song ends, we stand together as the next song starts before I start to pull away. I've regained my ability to think again and am fighting an internal battle with myself on whether to throw myself at Will or put as much distance between us as humanly possible. I'm scared of how I still feel for him.

  Part of what scares me so much is I don't know what he wants from me. Since I've been here, he's only said that he wants to talk, and he's asked me why I left. In the toast he just gave, when he said he let the one get away, did he mean me or Jessica? She's engaged now. He could have been talking about her. Will takes my hand, and we walk off the dance floor together. Instead of taking us to our seats, he walks us out into the lobby. He doesn’t let go of my hand.

  "Sarah, what did you mean when you said Jessica was the reason you left?"

  "I leave the day after tomorrow, Will. What’s the point in even doing this?"

  "What's the point? Sarah, you broke my heart when you left, and you tell Brian I don't get to hurt. I think I deserve to know what happened."

  I snort. "I broke your heart?" I sink into a chair behind us, talking about this is going to be harder than I thought. Will pulls another chair around and sits so he's facing me. He puts his hands on my knees, and I put my hands on his. Here goes nothing.

  Chapter 18

  Past

  Since prom, we have become even more inseparable, if that’s even possible. As excited as I am to graduate today, I am also dreading Will's trip to Italy. I twirl in front of the mirror one last time before going downstairs. I'm graduating today, and Will and I are going to Bravo's party tonight at his parents’ lake house. Will is driving me over to the school, and my overnight bag is packed. I have my gown on, but it isn’t zipped, and I'm carrying my cap. Will is being lectured by my mother about being responsible tonight.

  "Forgetting anything?" Will asks.

  I mentally go over everything I've packed before hurrying back upstairs for my phone. Will catches my eye at the bottom of the stairs and winks at me when my mother isn’t looking. I'm wearing a new dress, and it's shorter than anything else I've ever worn. I blush when I see him check out my legs. He takes my bag, and I go give my mom a hug. My parents and brother are meeting us over at the school and taking Will and I out to dinner before we leave for the party. My mom walks me out to Will's car, which annoys me because that means I'll have to wait to really kiss him. He pulls his camera out from the backseat and takes a picture of my profile as I wave to her. When we back away, he puts his hand on my thigh, making me tingle all over. He's grinning because he knows the effect he has on me. I elbow him when he turns off of my street. He pulls over onto a side street and kisses me. My hands are in his hair, and part of me wants to climb into his lap. When he breaks our kiss, his eyes are glazed, and he's breathing heavy. I'd laugh, but I probably look the same way.

  "Do we really need to go to this?" he jokes.

  I wrinkle my nose at him, and he turns the car around. When we get to school, we kiss again before we are separated alphabetically. I'm between Jordan Mason and Russell Morgan. We shuffle along in line until all our parents and family have been seated in the gym before our class walks in. The applause is intense. I look around, wondering where my parents are sitting. I remember where we sat when Brian graduated, but I don’t see them there. I look around for Will and grin when I find him, and he blows me a kiss. Our principal and teachers are on a stage at the front of the gym. He welcomes all of us and gives a speech about hoping we all rise to the potential that is within us.

  He turns the mic over to our class valedictorian, who turns out to be a girl I have never seen. I look back to Will and raise a brow. He laughs, shaking his head. I guess he doesn’t know who she is either. Her speech is short and sweet. I still have no idea who she is, but I'm a fan of her not taking forever. I cannot say the same for the keynote speaker. I miss his name, but he apparently graduated from our school and is now a writer somewhere. I fiddle in my seat. My ass is asleep, and if I do not stand up some, I may have to hobble across the stage.

  I think the whole auditorium breathes a sigh of relief when he finishes. Row by row, our class makes its way across the stage. Our row stands when the last person from the row ahead of us heads towards the stage. Standing gives me enough time to feel blood circulate again, so I’m not walking like an idiot. I’m nervous enough that I’m wearing heels. My biggest fear is tripping onto or off of the stage. My step almost falters when I hear Will shout my name. I grin in his direction and hear a wolf whistle. I wonder if he did it. Somehow, I manage to accept my diploma and move my tassel without doing anything silly. I'm back in my seat when Will crosses the stage. He's popular, so the applause he gets is huge. I scream as loud as I can and hope he hears me. The only funny part of accepting our diplomas is when JJ goes up to get his. He pauses to kiss every female teacher on the cheek.

  Once our whole class has their diplomas, our principal declares us graduated, and we all yell and throw our caps in the air. I have my name written in mine, and somebody hands it to me a couple minutes later. Our parents empty the stands and come to take pictures. As a mass, we start to make our way outside where there is more room. I see Will across the way with his parents. I start to walk over, but his mom gives me a weird look so I find my family instead. We take a ton of pictures and then even more once Will walks over to join us. He hugs me and gives me a sweet kiss in front of my parents. This dinner is going to be torture.

  I walk over with Will to his car. We're meeting my parents at The Cheesecake Factory. When I take off my gown, his eyes widen, and he shakes his head. He's wearing a navy blue suit with a light blue shirt and patterned tie under his gown. Wh
en we're both in the car, I look to make sure my parents aren’t around before I grab him by the tie and kiss him. I can't wait to go to Bravo's. Will keeps his hand on my thigh as we drive to the restaurant, his thumb moving slowly back and forth. His touch does something to me. I wonder if he feels the same way.

  We have a short wait for our table. Will sits next to me, and I gasp when he puts his hand on my thigh again, grateful for tablecloths.

  "Are you alright, dear?" my mother asks.

  "Oh, um, my seat is cold." I shiver.

  "It is cold in here," my father agrees. "You should have brought a sweater."

  Will slips off his jacket and helps me put it on before putting his hand back.

  "What a gentleman," my mother gushes at Brian. Will moves his hand further up my leg.

  He chokes on his water when I return the favor and put my hand in his lap. "Are you alright?" my dad asks.

  Will gulps then says, "Fine, sir. Just went down the wrong pipe."

  "So polite," my mother gushes over Will. "Don't you think Sarah looks pretty tonight?"

  "Mother," I shriek.

  Will squeezes my leg. "Yes, Mrs. Miller. I think she looks beautiful tonight and every night. I’m the luckiest guy in the world."

  My mother looks at me with an expression like, 'see, even Will says you're pretty.’ I roll my eyes. If she only knew. Will's hand stays on my leg our entire dinner. We are so stuffed my parents end up taking our cheesecake to go so we can eat it tomorrow. Outside of the restaurant, we all hug before Will and I take off. I notice Brian saying something to him so I ask him about it once we're in his car.

  Will cringes. "He told me he's going to chop off my hand if I can't keep my hands to myself and that he's not ready to be an uncle."

  Will laughs at my horrified expression and puts his hand back on my leg. It's a thirty-minute drive out to the lake house. I am Will's navigator and read off directions from a print out Bravo gave him. It makes me happy to know he's never been here. I've always heard these parties can get a bit crazy. I press the button to open the sunroof and tilt my chair back to look up at the sky for a couple minutes until I need to pay attention to road signs again. The driveway is already overflowing when we get there. Will parks a ways down the street. I reach into my bag and pull out some flats to change into. He carries both of our bags in one hand and takes my hand in his other. Bravo's name is really Brett, but his dad is military and is teaching him the letters for his name like Bravo, Romeo, Echo, Tango, Tango. Brett liked Bravo so much his dad started calling him that, and soon so did everyone else. I had never been to one of Bravo's parties. They are always invite only, and while Will is always invited, he never goes.

  Will finds Bravo and finds out what room we'll be staying in. Bravo gives Will a key to lock it, telling him to keep it locked so other party goers don’t try and use the bed. Eww. When Bravo leaves, Will locks the door behind him and tackles me.

  "You look so hot," he groans in my ear as he kisses my neck.

  I tug on his hair until he pulls back to look at me. "Kiss me," I demand, wrapping my arms around his neck as he lowers his lips to mine. He's on top of me, but he still doesn’t feel close enough. I loosen his tie and start unbuttoning his shirt. Once it's unbuttoned, I pull it and his undershirt loose from his pants.

  He stops me. "Sarah, why don’t you go to Gainesville or Athens Tech, and we can get a place together in the fall?"

  I wiggle out of his grasp and stare at him openmouthed. "Did you just ask me to live with you?"

  He tugs me back towards him and holds me close. "I don’t know how to be away from you."

  "I just—" I don’t know what to say. I know I love him, and I know he loves me. Will Price just asked me to live with him. What's funny is, dating or not, my parents would probably be all for it. But he's supposed to be living in the dorms this year. "I can't live in your dorm. Besides, the whole point of me staying home is to save money."

  "I'll pay for everything."

  "Alright, Daddy Warbucks. We both know that is not happening."

  "Do you not want to live with me?" He starts chewing the side of his lip.

  "Of course I do."

  "Then we'll figure everything else out." He he starts tucking his shirt back in. "We should probably go downstairs for a little while."

  "Let's just stay here," I plead.

  "Nope. You are going to that party. I just need to give you a giant hickey first."

  I swat at him and pull away, shaking my head. He gives me his best pout until I lean forward and nibble his lower lip. He looks shocked for a moment, then kisses me fiercely. I just want to stay here.

  "Let's make a deal," he suggests, rolling me over onto my back.

  "What kind of deal?" I whisper as he lies on top of me.

  "We go to the party for an hour and then hurry back here for the rest of the night."

  I press my hips against his. "Why don’t we just not go out there and stay in here all night?"

  He chews the corner of his mouth before dropping it to mine. "You drive a hard bargain."

  I'm just about to ask him if that means we can stay in when the doorknob to the room turns.

  I gasp, but Will says. "Don’t worry. It should be locked."

  Then we hear a knock and Bravo on the other side. "Are you guys coming down or what?"

  I roll my eyes when Will calls out. "We'll be down in a few." He looks back at me.

  "Well, I guess it would be rude to stay up here the whole time," I admit. "One hour?"

  "One hour," he confirms.

  It feels like everyone's eyes are on us as we walk down the stairs to the party. Will has my hand in his, and I cling to it. He has to sense I'm freaking out because at the bottom of the stairs he drops my hand and puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me flush against him. We can hear Bravo's booming voice in the kitchen and head that way.

  When he sees us in the doorway, he smiles. "Wasn’t sure if you guys were ever coming out of that bedroom. Damn."

  I turn my face into Will's chest as I feel my cheeks redden. Will lifts my chin with his fingers and drops a sweet kiss on my lips. His expression so vulnerable, I put my arms around his neck and pull his lips down to mine once more. Will gets a beer and grabs me a cola. We walk around for a bit, his arms never leaving my shoulders.

  In each room we walk into, Will makes a point to talk to everyone and ask about their plans for the summer. I shake my head, trying not to laugh at him, but I love it. He's only doing it so they'll ask what his summer plans are, and when they do, he pulls me closer and tells them he plans on spending every spare second with me.

  Vanessa, a girl from my calculus class, chimes in. "Are you guys going to stay together once you leave for school?"

  Will doesn’t hesitate. "Yes, and don’t worry about us. We’ll make it. Plus, I'm trying to talk her into coming with me."

  After he has made sure every person at the party is crystal clear that we are together, we make our way out onto the back deck. It has a wooden walkway built off of it that leads to a dock. We walk out on to it and sit together on a bench. There is a clump of trees off to the right of the deck, and Will points out the occasional firefly. There is a full moon out, and we watch its reflection dance across the surface of the lake. It is beautiful with the exception of some bugs, intent on making a meal out of me.

  "Has it been an hour yet?" I joke.

  He rolls his eyes, and we head back towards the house. I don’t know why I feel so out of place. I know almost everyone at this party. It’s just that I know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Will. He had always offered to take me parties when we were still just friends, but it never appealed to me. Before kissing him was an option, I'd rather just hang out with him at my house or go get ice cream. Will is talking to a couple of guys he had played lacrosse with. I excuse myself to find a bathroom. He asks if I want him to come with me, which makes me laugh because I'm pretty sure I can handle it.

  I find Bravo and ask hi
m where the bathroom is. Once he tells me, I'm glad I asked. I never would have found it on my own. The bathroom had been a later addition to the house and built in underneath the staircase. I’m washing my hands when someone knocks on the door. I hurry to dry them and open the door to turn the bathroom over to whoever knocked.

  "Well, if it isn't SPT."

  I don’t say anything, and Jessica rolls her eyes. "So where's Will?"

  I shrug and turn to walk away. The last thing I want to do is get into it with her tonight.

  "Did Will tell you?"

  I look back. "Tell me what?"

  Just then, I feel an arm wrap around my waist and look up to see Will glaring at Jessica. She smiles and goes into the bathroom.

  I nudge him with my shoulder. "What was that about?"

  He shakes his head. "Ignore her."

  I laugh. "I try. She just makes it hard to."

  Will's arm is back around my shoulder, and we walk into the living room. A couple girls from our class come up to say hi to Will. One of them, Jordyn, seems to be almost flirting with him right in front of me.

  She rests her hand on the forearm of the arm not around me. "Will, I can't believe you and Jessica broke up." She glances at me.

  He lifts his arm and rubs the back of his neck so she isn’t touching him anymore. "We did. You know Sarah and I are together now, right?"

  She plasters on a fake smile. "I always thought you guys were just friends."

  "Definitely more than friends."

  "Aren't you going away to school, Will?"

  "I am." He pulls me closer to him.

  She nods. "I just always heard that long distance relationships never work."

  He feels me stiffen against him and looks down at me. Keeping his eyes on mine, he says, "We'll be fine."

  Bravo comes up behind Jordyn and rests his chin on her shoulder. "Dude, Will, you need another drink. Sarah, you drinking?"

  I shake my head and walk with Will so he can grab another beer. There are a couple of guys doing keg stands. I've never done one, not that I have any plan to, especially in a dress, but it's fun to watch. When one guy drops down, I turn my head to say something to Will, but before I do, his lips are on mine. I turn in his arms, coiling mine around his neck as he straightens, lifting me. Even though we are in a crowded room, all of that noise and distraction just falls away. His lips, his tongue, his hands gripping me all overwhelm me. My eyes open and look into his as he slowly lowers me till my feet are back on the ground.