The Case of the Lovable Labs

by B R Snow

  Or with a group of women that included someone who had already killed two people.

  I got about halfway through my strategy before Chef Claire and Josie joined me on the porch carrying big coffee mugs. The dogs stirred as they sat down, changed places and positions, then settled back down to enjoy the rest of their morning nap.

  “What time did you get up?” Josie said.

  “Around five. It’s beautiful out here.”

  “It is. Five, huh? Couldn’t get the neurons to shut down?”

  “No. They’re on fire.”

  “Suzy, I really wish you’d reconsider this whole thing,” Josie said.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said, staring out at the water.

  “Why don’t you just let the Chief and the rest of the cops handle it?” Chef Claire said.

  “That’s rhetorical, right?” I said, grinning at her.

  “Yeah. I forgot who I was talking to,” Chef Claire said, sipping her coffee. “But promise us you’ll be careful, okay?”

  “We’re just going out on the boat,” I said, glancing back and forth at them.

  “We’re not talking about today,” Josie said. “We’re talking about tonight.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I said, my voice breaking as it rose. “The Chief and Detective Williams will be in the room the whole time. Not to mention all the extra cops who’ll be outside the hospital.”

  “Okay,” Josie said, then glanced over at me. “You do know that you’re probably going to have to wear one of those hospital gowns.”

  “What?” I said, frowning.

  “Yeah, one of those open gowns that tie in the back,” Josie deadpanned.

  “No way,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not wearing one of those things.”

  “I don’t know, Suzy,” she said. “It’s probably hospital policy.”

  “I know what you’re trying to do, Josie.”

  “I’m just saying,” she said, glancing at Chef Claire. “Those things are pretty revealing. And we all know how much you like showing your goods off.”

  “I’m not wearing one of those gowns,” I said firmly. “I’ll just keep the covers pulled up.”

  I glanced back and forth at Chef Claire and Josie who were enjoying the conversation way too much.

  “I just hope for your sake you don’t have to get out of bed,” Josie said. “You should probably avoid drinking too many fluids. The last thing you want is to have to get up and pee at the wrong moment.”

  “I’m sure the Chief and Detective Williams wouldn’t mind,” Chef Claire said.

  “Just make sure you tie the gown really tight. Those things can be really drafty,” Josie said.

  “I think she’ll look cute in a hospital gown,” Chef Claire said. “Maybe she can accessorize it with a pair of those non-skid socks and a rolling IV pole.”

  “Sexy. I like it,” Josie deadpanned. “She could pose by the window with her hair down, one hand on her hip, and a come hither look on her face.”

  “She’d be, what’s the word…alluring?” Chef Claire said as she fought back laughter.

  “I’m gonna go with irresistible,” Josie said.

  “You’re really not funny,” I said, glaring back and forth at them.

  “Disagree,” Josie said, finally breaking up. “What shade of lipstick are you thinking about wearing?”

  “I’m going to go shower,” I said, gently removing Al’s head from my lap.

  “Good idea,” Josie said, calling after me. “You’re probably only going to get sponge baths once you get admitted.”

  Chapter 16

  We decided to use a mini-caravan for the short drive to Rooster’s marina. Actually, marina is a bit of a stretch. It’s more of a haphazard collection of boathouses and floating, interlocking wooden docks that contain boat slips of various sizes, a couple of gas pumps, a workshop where Rooster spends most of his time tinkering with small engines, and a tiny clapboard general store where he sells wildly overpriced sundries to unsuspecting tourists. Josie and Chef Claire both drove and split the seven dogs up between the two cars. Missy hopped into the passenger seat of my SUV, and we made the short drive to the apartment complex where Jessie, her student who worked for the catering company, was staying for the summer. She was already waiting for us on the sidewalk when I pulled in.

  “Good morning,” Jessie said, climbing into the back seat. “It’s nice to see you again, Professor McNamara. And thanks so much for the invitation, Ms. Chandler. I can use a day on the River to take my mind off what happened to Bill. I have to say that I’m really worried.”

  I glanced through the rearview mirror and saw her wringing her hands as she stared out the window.

  “Don’t worry. I’m sure everything is going to work out just fine,” Missy said, glancing over her shoulder.

  “We’re just glad you could make it, Jessie,” I said, sneaking another peek at her through the mirror. “And nobody calls me Ms. Chandler.”

  “Got it,” she said, giving me a friendly salute. “Suzy it is.”

  Interesting, I thought. I’d gotten the dreaded Ms. Chandler. She referred to Missy as Professor McNamara. But it was Bill for the recently deceased. But I guess if she had been sleeping with the guy, calling him Professor in the throes of passion might sound a little weird. Unless they’d been into some sort of strange teacher-student, role-playing thing. Or maybe Bill had just been on a first name basis with all his students.

  I squinted through the windshield as my neurons flared, raising all sorts of random questions that threatened to send me scurrying off on several different tangents chasing wild geese. I rubbed my forehead as I flipped my turn signal on.

  I needed to pace myself. I had a long day ahead of me.

  I pulled into the gravel parking lot and climbed out of the car. Josie and Chef Claire were already there with the dogs, and Chloe made a mad dash for me as soon as she spotted me. I knelt down to pet her. She knew where we were going, and she began to gently tug at my sleeve to get a move on.

  “Hold your horses,” I said, laughing.

  Rooster was chatting with Josie and Chef Claire, then he laughed loudly at something Josie said and glanced over at me. He shook his head in apparent disbelief then waved me over. Missy and Jessie strolled down to one of the docks and stared out at the River. I couldn’t blame them for doing that. The view was spectacular.

  “Good afternoon, Rooster,” I said, giving him a hug. “What nonsense have these two been filling your head with?”

  “Don’t worry. It’s nothing that your mother hasn’t already told me.”

  “She told you?”

  “Of course,” Rooster said. “Your mother and I don’t have any secrets. At least none that either one of us knows about.” He laughed at his own joke and shook his head at me again. “You are something else.”

  “I’m going to take that as a compliment,” I said.

  “Take it however you want,” he said, shrugging. “But I think you’re nuts.”

  “Okay, I think we’re done with this conversation. Is the boat ready?” I said, glancing at the nearest boathouse.

  “It’s all set,” he said. “I’ll back it out as soon as everybody gets here and park it next to pump one.”

  “Thanks,” I said, then noticed the blank stare he was giving me. “What?”

  “Why don’t you let someone else handle the hospital bed? Like me.”

  “No, it was my idea, and it’s something I need to do,” I said, shaking my head.

  “How about I just forbid you to do something that stupid?” he said, cocking his head at me.

  “How about you just mind your own business?” I said, glaring at him.

  “Whoa,” Rooster said with a grin. “Somebody got up on the snarky side of the bed.”

  “I’m sorry, Rooster,” I said, immediately chagrined about barking at my good friend. “It’s just that these two got me wound up this morning.”

  “Now it’s our fault,” Josie said to Ch
ef Claire.

  “I thought we were very helpful,” Chef Claire said, laughing.

  I let it pass and turned around when I heard a car pull into the parking lot. Jill, along with her mother and Faith, got out of the car. It looked like none of them were speaking to each other, and Jill watched her mother and sister wander down to the docks, then headed our way. Josie nudged me, and I followed her eyes toward Faith who was tiptoeing her way across the gravel wearing open-toed pumps with what appeared to be four-inch heels.

  “Stiletto heels on a boat?” Josie said, shaking her head.

  “Let’s make sure she takes them off before she boards,” I said. “If she punches a hole in the deck or one of the leather cushions my mom will kill her.”

  “Works for me,” Josie said, glancing over. “I’ll even be her alibi.”

  “Just try to take it easy today, okay?” I said, then gave Jill a big hug. “Hey. Glad you could make it. How are you holding up?”

  “I’m a bit better today.”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” I said, giving her another hug. “Where are your aunts?”

  “Your mom is picking them up,” Jill said softly. “I was worried that Aunt Charlotte and my mom would start duking it out in the back seat.”

  “This is going to be so much fun,” Josie said, glancing in Faith’s direction. “What sort of mood is Beelzebub in today?”

  “Dark and cloudy,” Jill said. “I wouldn’t stand too close to the edge of the boat if I were you. But at the moment, she’s more worried about how she’s going to handle being around the dogs all day.”

  “That’s right,” Josie said, snapping her fingers. “I forgot. She’s afraid of dogs. That might come in handy.”

  “Please, don’t start,” I said, frowning at her. “Try to remember why we’re here.”

  “I thought we were here to eat and drink,” Josie said.

  “I know that’s why I’m here,” Chef Claire said.

  My mother arrived in her Range Rover, the most recent addition to her car collection, and she climbed down out of the vehicle and waved. She was wearing sunglasses and a fedora along with a color coordinated blouse and shorts ensemble that should have looked odd, but somehow worked perfectly. She had a light sweater draped over her shoulders and was wearing a pair of white, Christian Louboutin slip-on sneakers that probably cost more than my entire shoe collection. All of us stared at her as she approached.

  “She kind of takes the worry out of getting old,” Josie said, giving my mother an admiring look.

  “She certainly does,” I said, nodding.

  “She looks fantastic,” Chef Claire said.

  “Good afternoon, all,” my mother said. She gave all of us hugs and pecks on the cheek. Then she stood back and gave me the once-over. “Really, darling? Cutoff jeans? Where did I go wrong, Rooster?”

  “They’re comfortable,” I said, protesting.

  “So is being nestled in the arms of the right man, darling,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “But I don’t see you in any hurry to try that on for size.”

  “Geez, Mom. Can’t you wait until we at least leave the dock?”

  “You might want to go easy on her, Mrs. C.,” Josie said. “She’s a little nervous about her big date tonight.”

  Everyone laughed way too loud and long, and I shook my head as I headed for the boathouse.

  “I assume the key is in the ignition,” I said, glancing back at Rooster.

  “It is,” Rooster said, still chuckling.

  I entered the boathouse and untied the lines. I climbed down into the pontoon boat and fired up the twin seventy-five horsepower outboard motors. I slowly backed the forty-foot craft out of the boathouse, turned it around, and soon came to a stop at the large dock that fronted Rooster’s property. I shut the engines off, then hopped out and quickly tied the bow and stern to two cleats that were fastened into the dock.

  “You’ve done this before,” Jill’s mother said, standing nearby on the dock and giving me a nod of approval.

  “Way too many times to count,” I said, smiling up at her.

  “It’s a very interesting boat,” she said, glancing around at it. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite like it.”

  “Rooster built it,” I said. “My mom happened to mention that she would love to have a party boat, and this is what he surprised her with. Come on, climb aboard and I’ll give you the nickel tour.”

  I helped her into the boat then remembered the major con job I was playing on her. She had just lost her estranged husband but didn’t know it. She also didn’t know that she was near the top of my list of suspects for two murders. My deceit made me feel small, but I focused on the bigger picture that I was sure was going to play out later tonight and regrouped.

  “What are those things on the sides under the boat?” she said, glancing over the edge.

  “The pontoons? Oh, they’re airtight aluminum tubes that Rooster welded together,” I said. “That’s what makes it float.”

  “Interesting,” she said. “It seems remarkably well-equipped for what would appear to be a rather makeshift craft.”

  “Well, there’s not much that’s makeshift about it. The deck is a high-end reinforced fiberglass, and all the railings are brass and mahogany. There’s a folding canvas roof you can pull up if it starts to rain or you just want some shade. There are benches along the port and starboard side that pull out that can easily seat twenty-five people. The counter that runs across the stern is the bar and kitchen.”

  “You have a kitchen?” she said, surprised.

  “You’re new here, right?” I said, laughing.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. “Yeah, the kitchen was a must have. It’s got a stove and a mini-fridge. And a built-in cooler. It all runs on propane.”

  “Fascinating,” she said, taking it all in. “And you say that your friend, Rooster, built all of this?”

  “He did,” I said, nodding. “In fact, he probably uses it more than any of us.”

  “He looks like a very interesting man,” she said, glancing in his direction. “Will he be joining us today?”

  “No, it’s just us girls,” I said.

  I couldn’t miss the look she was giving Rooster and immediately felt a bit better about lying to her. Apparently, my initial assumption of her being estranged and heartbroken missed the mark, and she was coming across as a woman on the prowl rather than a grieving divorcee with a dead boyfriend and an ex-husband lying in a coma. My neurons flared as the question of whether or not she was the one who killed Roger and Bill again began bouncing around in my head. I got as far as a definite maybe, then got stuck in a loop. I shook it off and continued the tour.

  “The structure near the bow is the head,” I said, pointing.

  “Head means bathroom, right?” she said, frowning.

  “It does,” I said.

  “It’s not something I expected to see,” she said, glancing around the exterior of the fiberglass structure.

  “Trust me, after a couple of drinks and a few hours out on the River, you’ll be very glad it’s there.”

  We both glanced at the dock when we heard the sound of everyone making their way toward the boat. The dogs led the way, and our four expertly hopped into the boat and began exploring their options about where to sit. Missy’s three labs were less experienced but nonetheless excited about the prospect of a boat ride. They stood at the edge of the dock wagging their tails furiously. I laughed at the sight, then gently lifted them one at a time and set them down on the deck. All seven dogs were soon clustered in the bow, obviously anxious to get started. My mother was chatting and laughing with Jill’s aunts as they made their way onto the boat and sat down. Jill was chatting quietly with Jessie, and I extended a hand to help both of them climb aboard. I glanced back at the dock where Faith was slowly wobbling her way down the dock. Her bright red stiletto pumps were gorgeous but about as appropriate to wear on a boat as it was to use a te
nnis racket to go fishing. Josie and Chef Claire were walking behind her, each holding a handle on the large ice chest they were carrying between them.

  I stared at Faith’s shoes, then looked at Josie and Chef Claire who shrugged and shook their heads. Moments later, Faith came to an abrupt stop when one of her stilettos got wedged between two dock planks. She tried to free her leg, but the shoe wasn’t going anywhere. She muttered and cursed under her breath, and her face was flushed red with anger and embarrassment. She noticed Josie staring at her predicament and glared at her.

  “You got something you want to say?” Faith said.

  “You don’t spend a lot of time around boats, do you?” Josie said, kneeling down.

  “It’s never been high on my list of priorities,” Faith snapped.

  “And boaters everywhere thank you,” Josie said, examining the situation. “You’re going to have to take your shoe off.”

  Faith exhaled loudly then stepped out of the shoe. She hobbled around on one heel for a few seconds, then removed her other shoe. Josie tugged at the wedged shoe, then pulled harder. Josie grunted and jerked hard, and she fell backward onto the dock when the shoe finally came free. But Josie lost her grip, and the shoe floated through the air. Faith let out a shriek, dashed toward it, and snatched it out of mid-air. But her momentum carried her forward, and she teetered on the edge of the dock, frantically waved her arms to catch her balance, then toppled forward into the water with a loud splash. Everyone in the boat stared over the sides at her as she surfaced and gasped for air.

  “This water is freezing,” Faith gasped as she tried to find her bearings and catch her breath.

  Captain, concerned with her safety, climbed up on top of the bow and jumped in. He landed right next to her and grabbed her sleeve and began to pull her toward shore. Faith, not convinced that rescuing her was what was on Captain’s mind, screamed at the dog and tried to free her arm from his clutches. Captain misunderstood her movements and assumed she wanted to play. He barked loudly, then placed a paw on top of her head and dunked her. He continued to bark and swim in small circles around her.