The Great Hoggarty Diamond

by William Makepeace Thackeray

world, to have some lessons; or at least get up a couple of dozen

  phrases, and introduce them into your conversation here and there.

  I suppose, sir, you speak it commonly at the office, Mr. What you

  call it?" And Mr. Fizgig put his glass into his eye and looked at

  me.

  "We speak English, sir," says I, "knowing it better than French."

  "Everybody has not had your opportunities," Miss Brough, continued

  the gentleman. "Everybody has not VOYAGE like NOUS AUTRES, hey?

  Mais que voulez-vous, my good sir? you must stick to your cursed

  ledgers and things. What's the French for ledger, Miss Belinda?"

  "How can you ask? Je n'en scais rien, I'm sure."

  "You should learn, Miss Brough," said her father. "The daughter of

  a British merchant need not be ashamed of the means by which her

  father gets his bread. I'M not ashamed--I'm not proud. Those who

  know John Brough, know that ten years ago he was a poor clerk like

  my friend Titmarsh here, and is now worth half-a-million. Is there

  any man in the House better listened to than John Brough? Is there

  any duke in the land that can give a better dinner than John

  Brough; or a larger fortune to his daughter than John Brough? Why,

  sir, the humble person now speaking to you could buy out many a

  German duke! But I'm not proud--no, no, not proud. There's my

  daughter--look at her--when I die, she will be mistress of my

  fortune; but am I proud? No! Let him who can win her, marry her,

  that's what I say. Be it you, Mr. Fizgig, son of a peer of the

  realm; or you, Bill Tidd. Be it a duke or a shoeblack, what do I

  care, hey?--what do I care?"

  "O-o-oh!" sighed the gent who went by the name of Bill Tidd: a

  very pale young man, with a black riband round his neck instead of

  a handkerchief, and his collars turned down like Lord Byron. He

  was leaning against the mantelpiece, and with a pair of great green

  eyes ogling Miss Brough with all his might.

  "Oh, John--my dear John!" cried Mrs. Brough, seizing her husband's

  hand and kissing it, "you are an angel, that you are!"

  "Isabella, don't flatter me; I'm a MAN,--a plain downright citizen

  of London, without a particle of pride, except in you and my

  daughter here--my two Bells, as I call them! This is the way that

  we live, Titmarsh my boy: ours is a happy, humble, Christian home,

  and that's all. Isabella, leave go my hand!"

  "Mamma, you mustn't do so before company; it's odious!" shrieked

  Miss B.; and Mamma quietly let the hand fall, and heaved from her

  ample bosom a great large sigh. I felt a liking for that simple

  woman, and a respect for Brough too. He couldn't be a bad man,

  whose wife loved him so.

  Dinner was soon announced, and I had the honour of leading in Miss

  B., who looked back rather angrily, I thought, at Captain Fizgig,

  because that gentleman had offered his arm to Mrs. Brough. He sat

  on the right of Mrs. Brough, and Miss flounced down on the seat

  next to him, leaving me and Mr. Tidd to take our places at the

  opposite side of the table.

  At dinner there was turbot and soup first, and boiled turkey

  afterwards of course. How is it that at all the great dinners they

  have this perpetual boiled turkey? It was real turtle-soup: the

  first time I had ever tasted it; and I remarked how Mrs. B., who

  insisted on helping it, gave all the green lumps of fat to her

  husband, and put several slices of the breast of the bird under the

  body, until it came to his turn to be helped.

  "I'm a plain man," says John, "and eat a plain dinner. I hate your

  kickshaws, though I keep a French cook for those who are not of my

  way of thinking. I'm no egotist, look you; I've no prejudices; and

  Miss there has her bechamels and fallals according to her taste.

  Captain, try the volly-vong."

  We had plenty of champagne and old madeira with dinner, and great

  silver tankards of porter, which those might take who chose.

  Brough made especially a boast of drinking beer; and, when the

  ladies retired, said, "Gentlemen, Tiggins will give you an

  unlimited supply of wine: there's no stinting here;" and then laid

  himself down in his easy-chair and fell asleep.

  "He always does so," whispered Mr. Tidd to me.

  "Get some of that yellow-sealed wine, Tiggins," says the Captain.

  "That other claret we had yesterday is loaded, and disagrees with

  me infernally!"

  I must say I liked the yellow seal much better than Aunt Hoggarty's

  Rosolio.

  I soon found out what Mr. Tidd was, and what he was longing for.

  "Isn't she a glorious creature?" says he to me.

  "Who, sir?" says I.

  "Miss Belinda, to be sure!" cried Tidd. "Did mortal ever look upon

  eyes like hers, or view a more sylph-like figure?"

  "She might have a little more flesh, Mr. Tidd," says the Captain,

  "and a little less eyebrow. They look vicious, those scowling

  eyebrows, in a girl. Qu'en dites-vous, Mr. Titmarsh, as Miss

  Brough would say?"

  "I think it remarkably good claret, sir," says I.

  "Egad, you're the right sort of fellow!" says the Captain. "Volto

  sciolto, eh? You respect our sleeping host yonder?"

  "That I do, sir, as the first man in the city of London, and my

  managing director."

  "And so do I," says Tidd; "and this day fortnight, when I'm of age,

  I'll prove my confidence too."

  "As how?" says I.

  "Why, sir, you must know that I come into--ahem--a considerable

  property, sir, on the 14th of July, which my father made--in

  business."

  "Say at once he was a tailor, Tidd."

  "He WAS a tailor, sir,--but what of that? I've had a University

  education, and have the feelings of a gentleman; as much--ay,

  perhaps, and more, than some members of an effete aristocracy."

  "Tidd, don't be severe!" says the Captain, drinking a tenth glass.

  "Well, Mr. Titmarsh, when of age I come into a considerable

  property; and Mr. Brough has been so good as to say he can get me

  twelve hundred a year for my twenty thousand pounds, and I have

  promised to invest them."

  "In the West Diddlesex, sir?" says I--"in our office?"

  "No, in another company, of which Mr. Brough is director, and quite

  as good a thing. Mr. Brough is a very old friend of my family,

  sir, and he has taken a great liking to me; and he says that with

  my talents I ought to get into Parliament; and then--and then!

  after I have laid out my patrimony, I may look to MATRIMONY, you

  see!"

  "Oh, you designing dog!" said the Captain. "When I used to lick

  you at school, who ever would have thought that I was thrashing a

  sucking statesman?"

  "Talk away, boys!" said Brough, waking out of his sleep; "I only

  sleep with half an eye, and hear you all. Yes, you shall get into

  Parliament, Tidd my man, or my name's not Brough! You shall have

  six per cent. for your money, or never believe me! But as for my

  daughter--ask HER, and not me. You, or the Captain, or Titmarsh,

  may have her, if you can get her. All I ask in a son-in-law is,

 
; that he should be, as every one of you is, an honourable and high-

  minded man!"

  Tidd at this looked very knowing; and as our host sank off to sleep

  again, pointed archly at his eyebrows, and wagged his head at the

  Captain.

  "Bah!" says the Captain. "I say what I think; and you may tell

  Miss Brough if you like." And so presently this conversation

  ended, and we were summoned in to coffee. After which the Captain

  sang songs with Miss Brough; Tidd looked at her and said nothing; I

  looked at prints, and Mrs. Brough sat knitting stockings for the

  poor. The Captain was sneering openly at Miss Brough and her

  affected ways and talk; but in spite of his bullying contemptuous

  way I thought she seemed to have a great regard for him, and to

  bear his scorn very meekly.

  At twelve Captain Fizgig went off to his barracks at Knightsbridge,

  and Tidd and I to our rooms. Next day being Sunday, a great bell

  woke us at eight, and at nine we all assembled in the breakfast-

  room, where Mr. Brough read prayers, a chapter, and made an

  exhortation afterwards, to us and all the members of the household;

  except the French cook, Monsieur Nontong-paw, whom I could see,

  from my chair, walking about in the shrubberies in his white night-

  cap, smoking a cigar.

  Every morning on week-days, punctually at eight, Mr. Brough went

  through the same ceremony, and had his family to prayers; but

  though this man was a hypocrite, as I found afterwards, I'm not

  going to laugh at the family prayers, or say he was a hypocrite

  BECAUSE he had them. There are many bad and good men who don't go

  through the ceremony at all; but I am sure the good men would be

  the better for it, and am not called upon to settle the question

  with respect to the bad ones; and therefore I have passed over a

  great deal of the religious part of Mr. Brough's behaviour:

  suffice it, that religion was always on his lips; that he went to

  church thrice every Sunday, when he had not a party; and if he did

  not talk religion with us when we were alone, had a great deal to

  say upon the subject upon occasions, as I found one day when we had

  a Quaker and Dissenter party to dine, and when his talk was as

  grave as that of any minister present. Tidd was not there that

  day,--for nothing could make him forsake his Byron riband or

  refrain from wearing his collars turned down; so Tidd was sent with

  the buggy to Astley's. "And hark ye, Titmarsh my boy," said he,

  "leave your diamond pin upstairs: our friends to-day don't like

  such gewgaws; and though for my part I am no enemy to harmless

  ornaments, yet I would not shock the feelings of those who have

  sterner opinions. You will see that my wife and Miss Brough

  consult my wishes in this respect." And so they did,--for they

  both came down to dinner in black gowns and tippets; whereas Miss

  B. had commonly her dress half off her shoulders.

  The Captain rode over several times to see us; and Miss Brough

  seemed always delighted to see HIM. One day I met him as I was

  walking out alone by the river, and we had a long talk together.

  "Mr. Titmarsh," says he, "from what little I have seen of you, you

  seem to be an honest straight-minded young fellow; and I want some

  information that you can give. Tell me, in the first place, if you

  will--and upon my honour it shall go no farther--about this

  Insurance Company of yours? You are in the City, and see how

  affairs are going on. Is your concern a stable one?"

  "Sir," said I, "frankly then, and upon my honour too, I believe it

  is. It has been set up only four years, it is true; but Mr. Brough

  had a great name when it was established, and a vast connection.

  Every clerk in the office has, to be sure, in a manner, paid for

  his place, either by taking shares himself, or by his relations

  taking them. I got mine because my mother, who is very poor,

  devoted a small sum of money that came to us to the purchase of an

  annuity for herself and a provision for me. The matter was debated

  by the family and our attorneys, Messrs. Hodge and Smithers, who

  are very well known in our part of the country; and it was agreed

  on all hands that my mother could not do better with her money for

  all of us than invest it in this way. Brough alone is worth half a

  million of money, and his name is a host in itself. Nay, more: I

  wrote the other day to an aunt of mine, who has a considerable sum

  of money in loose cash, and who had consulted me as to the disposal

  of it, to invest it in our office. Can I give you any better proof

  of my opinion of its solvency?"

  "Did Brough persuade you in any way?"

  "Yes, he certainly spoke to me: but he very honestly told me his

  motives, and tells them to us all as honestly. He says,

  'Gentlemen, it is my object to increase the connection of the

  office, as much as possible. I want to crush all the other offices

  in London. Our terms are lower than any office, and we can bear to

  have them lower, and a great business will come to us that way.

  But we must work ourselves as well. Every single shareholder and

  officer of the establishment must exert himself, and bring us

  customers,--no matter for how little they are engaged--engage them:

  that is the great point.' And accordingly our Director makes all

  his friends and servants shareholders: his very lodge-porter

  yonder is a shareholder; and he thus endeavours to fasten upon all

  whom he comes near. I, for instance, have just been appointed over

  the heads of our gents, to a much better place than I held. I am

  asked down here, and entertained royally: and why? Because my

  aunt has three thousand pounds which Mr. Brough wants her to invest

  with us."

  "That looks awkward, Mr. Titmarsh."

  "Not a whit, sir: he makes no disguise of the matter. When the

  question is settled one way or the other, I don't believe Mr.

  Brough will take any further notice of me. But he wants me now.

  This place happened to fall in just at the very moment when he had

  need of me; and he hopes to gain over my family through me. He

  told me as much as we drove down. 'You are a man of the world,

  Titmarsh,' said he; 'you know that I don't give you this place

  because you are an honest fellow, and write a good hand. If I had

  a lesser bribe to offer you at the moment, I should only have given

  you that; but I had no choice, and gave you what was in my power.'"

  "That's fair enough; but what can make Brough so eager for such a

  small sum as three thousand pounds?"

  "If it had been ten, sir, he would have been not a bit more eager.

  You don't know the city of London, and the passion which our great

  men in the share-market have for increasing their connection. Mr.

  Brough, sir, would canvass and wheedle a chimney-sweep in the way

  of business. See, here is poor Tidd and his twenty thousand

  pounds. Our Director has taken possession of him just in the same

  way. He wants all the capital he can lay his hands on."

  "Yes, and suppose he runs off with the capi
tal?"

  "Mr. Brough, of the firm of Brough and Hoff, sir? Suppose the Bank

  of England runs off! But here we are at the lodge-gate. Let's ask

  Gates, another of Mr. Brough's victims." And we went in and spoke

  to old Gates.

  "Well, Mr. Gates," says I, beginning the matter cleverly, "you are

  one of my masters, you know, at the West Diddlesex yonder?"

  "Yees, sure," says old Gates, grinning. He was a retired servant,

  with a large family come to him in his old age.

  "May I ask you what your wages are, Mr. Gates, that you can lay by

  so much money, and purchase shares in our Company?"

  Gates told us his wages; and when we inquired whether they were

  paid regularly, swore that his master was the kindest gentleman in

  the world: that he had put two of his daughters into service, two

  of his sons to charity schools, made one apprentice, and narrated a

  hundred other benefits that he had received from the family. Mrs.

  Brough clothed half the children; master gave them blankets and

  coats in winter, and soup and meat all the year round. There never

  was such a generous family, sure, since the world began.

  "Well, sir," said I to the Captain, "does that satisfy you? Mr.

  Brough gives to these people fifty times as much as he gains from

  them; and yet he makes Mr. Gates take shares in our Company."

  "Mr. Titmarsh," says the Captain, "you are an honest fellow; and I

  confess your argument sounds well. Now tell me, do you know

  anything about Miss Brough and her fortune?"

  "Brough will leave her everything--or says so." But I suppose the

  Captain saw some particular expression in my countenance, for he

  laughed and said -

  "I suppose, my dear fellow, you think she's dear at the price.

  Well, I don't know that you are far wrong."

  "Why, then, if I may make so bold, Captain Fizgig, are you always

  at her heels?"

  "Mr. Titmarsh," says the Captain, "I owe twenty thousand pounds;"

  and he went back to the house directly, and proposed for her.

  I thought this rather cruel and unprincipled conduct on the

  gentleman's part; for he had been introduced to the family by Mr.

  Tidd, with whom he had been at school, and had supplanted Tidd

  entirely in the great heiress's affections. Brough stormed, and

  actually swore at his daughter (as the Captain told me afterwards)

  when he heard that the latter had accepted Mr. Fizgig; and at last,

  seeing the Captain, made him give his word that the engagement

  should be kept secret for a few months. And Captain F. only made a

  confidant of me, and the mess, as he said: but this was after Tidd

  had paid his twenty thousand pounds over to our governor, which he

  did punctually when he came of age. The same day, too, he proposed

  for the young lady, and I need not say was rejected. Presently the

  Captain's engagement began to be whispered about: all his great

  relations, the Duke of Doncaster, the Earl of Cinqbars, the Earl of

  Crabs, &c. came and visited the Brough family; the Hon. Henry

  Ringwood became a shareholder in our Company, and the Earl of Crabs

  offered to be. Our shares rose to a premium; our Director, his

  lady, and daughter were presented at Court; and the great West

  Diddlesex Association bid fair to be the first Assurance Office in

  the kingdom.

  A very short time after my visit to Fulham, my dear aunt wrote to

  me to say that she had consulted with her attorneys, Messrs. Hodge

  and Smithers, who strongly recommended that she should invest the

  sum as I advised. She had the sum invested, too, in my name,

  paying me many compliments upon my honesty and talent; of which,

  she said, Mr. Brough had given her the most flattering account.

  And at the same time my aunt informed me that at her death the

  shares should be my own. This gave me a great weight in the

  Company, as you may imagine. At our next annual meeting, I