Vanilla Moon: Awakening

by Airiel Hawkins

  "It was about ten years later that Alan's family came to town. They heard about the growing population and strength and they decided to do something about it.

  "They tried to run us out, but as they grew in strength and numbers, so did we," he finished. "We've been in an unyielding stalemate for well over one hundred and fifty years now."

  "The Cold War of Adamsville," I said with a bitter chuckle.

  Wolfgang nodded and I noticed the smirk play at the corner of his mouth. He sighed and I saw that shadow of a smile fade. "Unfortunately, our cold war has become pretty hot."

  The guilt was instant and gut wrenching. I wanted to vomit and part of me wondered if that wasn't just because of the baby. Wolfgang reached for my hand as he pulled over onto a scenic view spot. I got out of the van, hearing Selena ask a question of why we were stopping and walked up to the rail. Looking out over the spectacular hills and valleys, I couldn't help but feel small and insignificant. Unfortunately, Adamsville didn't see me that way. I was the catalyst. I was the action that created the ripples that we could not stop. I braced myself against the railing and took in a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I wanted to vomit.

  I was the reason there was fresh blood on the ground.

  I felt Wolfgang approaching me before he reached me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his head against mine. "I didn't mean it like that," he whispered. "I don't blame you for any of it and neither does anyone else."

  "I'm sure your father does," I whispered in reply.

  "He wouldn't have accepted you into the pack if he thought that," Wolfgang promised to reassure me.

  I tried to smile, but I had tears in my eyes that didn't let me. "Then why does he look at me the way he does?" I asked. "It's like he's expecting magic to shoot out of my hands or for me to say, 'Never mind, I'm going to join the other guys'."

  "You were too close to Alan," he said. "He doesn't trust the connection and he's waiting for it to be the reason for something else to go wrong."

  "Just say it," I said. "If I'd never come out here, people would still be alive...."

  "Yes, but we wouldn't know that the Witches had discovered our Hunting Grounds," he countered. "We wouldn't have gotten the opportunity to do what has never happened before and unite two packs on opposite sides of the ocean."

  I sighed and closed my eyes. The bright sun above warmed the air around me, yet I still felt cold for some reason. Unfortunately, no coat could warm this kind of cold. This was the kind of cold that only warmed from the inside... and I didn't have it in me for that kind of warming.

  Wolfgang gave me a slight squeeze and I felt his breath tickle my neck. He kissed the side of my cheek. "Look, all of this is going to be over soon," he vowed. "Conflicts never last very long in Adamsville. The longest ended when I went to Moab. The only reason I stayed gone for as long as I did was because if I'd come back too soon, it would have created a thousand more problems. I know what it's like to have my father look at you and feel that he's thinking that you're the cause of all of his problems," he said. "He was expecting me to turn on the pack while I was with Abigail. He figured that they were putting me under some sort of spell or spoon-feeding me lies that made me turn my back on my people. Believe me, I know the look he's giving you. It happened to me too."

  I sighed. "I understand that," I said, "but that doesn't make this any easier. I can't shake the feeling that if I'd never come here, people would still be alive. My life wouldn't have gotten ripped inside-out. I also wouldn't have some stranger's blood on my hands because I lost control of something I don't understand...."

  "Absolument," Wolfgang replied, not making me feel any better. "You also wouldn't have met me. You wouldn't have discovered the truth about your family and friends. And, perhaps most important, you wouldn't know what you're capable of."

  "The fact that I'm capable of murdering a woman in cold blood while looking into her eyes isn't something I wanted to know...."

  "Don't think of it that way," Wolfgang replied. "You did what you had to do in order to save our lives. We had no choice, Baby," he whispered. He let his hold of me loosen so that he could turn me toward him. "We aren't given the luxury of being able to choose our battles in this world. It's kill-or-be-killed, and we have to live with that, or we might as well not exist."

  I pulled away and walked a little bit away from him. I needed some distance. I needed some air. I needed to breathe, and I felt like I was suffocating again. "People choose all of the time to remove themselves from this," I said, looking up at him and meeting his frost-blue eyes. "You've mentioned it before. Can't we do that?" I whispered. "Can't we just run away from all of this?"

  Wolfgang sighed and I saw the heavy weight in his eyes. "I wish it were that simple," he whispered as he tucked some of my loose hair back behind my ear. "I have an obligation to my pack. I tried to leave it once and it dragged me right back into the heart of it all. I can't lose you, but I can't leave here either."

  I let out the slow breath I didn't know I was holding and buried my face in his chest. I'd known this was a possibility and I, unlike so many thousands of others, chose this path. I chose to believe Wolfgang's words when he told me about our shared heritage. I chose to fight in this war. I had no one to blame but myself for the way I was thinking and feeling. It was my fault that I discovered the depths I was willing to go in order to survive. It was my fault that I lost control of a creature I don't quite understand. It was my fault and I was bringing a child into this whole mess. I couldn't believe the stupidity of it.

  "Do you ever feel this trapped?" I asked, looking at him. I saw the pain in his eyes reflecting my own. I wondered, for a moment, if it was my pain that I saw in his eyes. If he felt everything that I felt and vice versa, how could we be sure who's emotions were who's?

  He nodded. "Every day," he confessed. He took my hand and led me to the guard rail. He leaned up against it so that he was almost sitting on it. He held my hand and played with the ring he'd put on my finger. "Trust me, I want to leave as often as you do. There are times that I wish that I wasn't the Volsunga so that I could leave. I gave it up once though, and I hated myself for it. If someone is going to kill my father for the right of ruling the pack, I would rather it be me than be anyone else, even if I don't want to do it. It's my birthright. The only thing that makes any of this easier though, is knowing that I have you by my side."

  I smiled at him before I kissed him. "How did I get so lucky?" I whispered.

  He gave me that wolfish grin of his. "The real question is how did I get so lucky," he said. He pulled me in for a quick kiss. When I straightened, he kissed my stomach. He was so happy about the baby that I knew it would be a crime if I didn't find a way to get myself there too. Something was going to have to happen for me to be as happy about this as he was. The sooner, the better.

  For a moment, Wolfgang just held me in the circle of his arms with his head resting against my abdomen. He closed his eyes and I threaded my fingers through his hair. He sighed before he gave me a gentile squeeze. "You okay now?" he asked.

  "No," I confessed. "But I am better."

  He looked up at me. "What do you need me to do?" he asked.

  I chuckled. "You wanna kill Alan for me?" I asked.

  "First chance I get," he promised.

  I gave him a smile. "Just don't go looking for him," I said. Though, to be fair, Alan always found us, not the other way around.

  "Tell me his name?" I asked, looking down at Wolfgang.

  He pointed to my stomach. "His name?" he asked. I nodded. He smiled. "Can we name him after my dad?" he asked.

  I smiled and nodded. "I like that," I said. Wolfgang grinned and I leaned down to kiss him again.

  Wolfgang stood and started walking me backwards toward the van. "Come on," he said, rubbing my shoulders. "If we don't get going, it's going to be dark by the time we get home."

  Home... What was that?

  I followed Wolfgang back into the van. He m
et my eyes before he put the vehicle into gear. "You okay?" he asked.

  I sighed before I nodded. "As okay as I can be," I said.

  Sophia hugged me from around the seat. I let her familiar scent surround me like a blanket. "I'm sorry everything has turned to shit for you out here," she whispered. "I wish you could have found yourself in New York and that we could have been there to help you through it, but if it wasn't us, I'm glad it was him. You have a great guy, Babe," she said. "He cares about you completely, which is a hell of a lot better than what Todd ever did for you. Cherish him. Be thankful for him. And trust that he's going to get you out of anything that comes your way, okay?" she whispered.

  I nodded and felt tears at my eyes. I brushed them away, but Sophia noticed.

  "Don't cry," she said, giving me a little squeeze. "Lena and I can be here as long as you need us to be," she promised.

  "But your internship..." I whispered.

  "So what?" she asked. "I can be a doctor anywhere. If my sister needs me, then that's where I’m going to be."

  I smiled and squeezed her hand. "Thank you," I whispered.

  "Hey, same goes for me too!" Selena said from her spot in her seat. Sophia and I chuckled. It was comforting how easy it was for us to fall back into being around each other as if nothing had ever changed. We were no less sisters, we were no less close, we were just... something more now.

  "You're doctors?" Wolfgang asked.

  "I'm interning to be a pediatrician," Sophia replied. "I'm a doctor, but I haven't gotten all of the technicalities out of the way yet."

  "I'm a vet," Selena added. "Do you need any vets in Adamsville?"

  Wolfgang chuckled. "I think you both are going to be well received by my dad," he said. "Are you considering relocation?"

  "I'm going to see how much I like it out here first, but it's a distinct possibility," Selena replied. "Like Soph said, if Ceres needs us here, we're going to be here. We don't have anything in New York that's holding us down."

  "Not even your pack?" Wolfgang asked.

  "Our uncle is the Enkidu," Sophia replied. "If we wanted to leave for whatever reason, he would let us go."

  "Riker is an excellent Enkidu," Mom said from the back of the van. "When I served as Scythia, they were understanding, compassionate, and willing to let me be indecisive for a while. When I told them about Derek's return into my life, they both understood what was happening. They were also willing to let me take whatever time I needed away so that I could figure out what I was going to do. When I finally sat them down to tell them my decision, they already knew what I was going to say, and they were willing to release me of my bond. They even told me a little bit of what to expect," she added with a chuckle. "To be honest, if it weren't for being a Skaapie now, I would miss being their Scythia. In a lot of ways, I do miss it."

  "I missed being Volsunga when I abdicated for a while," Wolfgang said. "I can relate to missing a position in the pack. With any luck, you never have to worry about that again."

  "The only real thing we have to worry about is missing our Volsunga," Derek said. "I'm hesitant to pass the title onto Killian because we just don't know if Johnathan is out there somewhere."

  Johnathan... my missing brother.... The name itself brought a pain to my heart. I sighed and closed my eyes. If my child was a boy, I would want his middle name to be Johnathan, out of memory of the brother taken from me far too soon.

  I looked at Killian in the back seat between my parents. More so, I looked at the back of his rear-facing car seat. I could only pray that this brother didn't suffer the same fate as my other one. I didn't think my parents could handle the loss of another child.

  No one seemed to know how to respond to Derek. Mom looked through the window in silence as she kept a hand on Killian's chest. Derek looked down at their baby with a darkness in his eyes that I couldn't fathom. The twins glanced at each other before looking at me and then turning their attention to the trees. Wolfgang kept his eyes on the road in front of us. I turned in my chair and reached for Wolfgang's hand. My other hand rest on my stomach as I stared through the trees. I wondered what kind of life our baby would have.

  Chapter 27 ~Wolfgang~

  The sun set as I pulled the van up to my parents' house. The tall trees cast long shadows in the area, and completely covered the house. When my grandfather built the house, he did it with secrecy and security in mind. My ancestor didn't want anyone to find the house if they didn't know it was there. He wanted to be able to hide from the human world. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to inheriting it. I didn't want to be responsible for the upkeep that I knew the house needed. Repairs were necessary and we just hadn't gotten around to them yet.

  I couldn't ignore the beauty of the house though. The natural colors and materials made it feel like a home should. It was perfect for any creature that preferred to spend more time in the forest than in the city. It was perfect for our rustic natures.

  Ceres and I led her family up to the house. As soon as I'd had confirmation from Lynn about the twins joining us, I'd informed my father that they would be coming. The only person who hadn't known that they were coming was Ceres herself. I'll never know how we'd gotten away with the surprise. Perhaps her emotions about being pregnant and fighting with Lynn had her so upset that she didn't notice any scheming. Of course, she didn't talk to me about the trip as much as she had Lynn. It's a thousand times easier to lie to a Lycan over the phone than it is to do it in person.

  My father, mother, and sister were waiting in the foyer when we entered the house. I smiled at them as Ceres introduced everyone. Once she finished with names, we stood aside as the greetings between our fathers began. It had been a long time since I'd seen two Enkidus greet each other.

  Dad and Derek gripped each other's forearms and locked gazes. They focused on the other man's wolf and I felt the energy build between them in that moment. They were doing what all Lycans did. They were testing each other. The first one to back down would be the weaker man.

  My father couldn't afford to be that man because this was his territory. An outsider could come in and usurp it if he showed any sign of weakness. Derek couldn't afford to back down for similar reasons. This wasn't his territory, but it was his life and if we saw him as too weak to lead, my father could kill him. I didn't think it would come to that if he and Lynn were both here in peace, but that didn't negate the all-too-real possibility.

  Derek smiled and let go of my father's arm first. With it, the pressure building around us dissipated. That showed that Derek had enough respect for my father to back down first. I don't know which of them was stronger, my father or hers, but the fact that there was no fight meant that they agreed. "Thank you for allowing us to visit your territory for a short time," he said with a bow of his head.

  My father smiled, but I saw that there was still a great deal of caution in his eyes. I had a feeling that Derek was the stronger Lycan. "You are most welcome," he replied. "Wolfgang and Ceres will be your liaisons to the pack, so if you should need anything, seek them out first. You will stay here with us; there are rooms in the west wing that we have prepared for you. Again, Wolfgang and Ceres will show you to them. We hope your visit to our lands will be a pleasant one," he finished. There would be time for the 'we're the in-laws' meeting later.

  Ceres and I led them all to their bedrooms. Lynn and Derek's room were three total rooms. They had their bedroom, a smaller room with a crib for Killian, and a bathroom. They could choose to move the crib into the main bedroom if they wanted him closer, but this way they had the option of privacy. They smiled at us before they started setting themselves to the task of getting comfortable.

  The bedrooms we had picked for the twins were right next to the one Ceres and I would be staying in. They would share a bathroom that connected the two rooms and was private from the rest of the house. The twins decided which one of them got which room and spent a moment bickering over which one would be closer to Ceres. Selena finally won the argumen
t because Sophia decided that it didn't matter. For a moment, I'd thought it was reverse psychology, but then I realized that Sophia was just the more mature of the two of them. She knew that it didn't matter how far apart they were, she and Ceres would always be close at heart.

  Ceres and I retreated to our room. We had already brought our things over from the apartment, so we didn't have to worry about unpacking or settling in. I knew that she wanted to be alone after the scene on the side of the freeway. I also knew that she felt obligated to spend time with her parents and the twins. They had just traveled a long way to see her.

  She stood in the middle of the room, looking at the doorway with a forlorn expression on her face. I gave her a sympathetic look before I hugged her and kissed her cheek. "You don't have to go out there yet if you're not ready to," I whispered in her ear. "You're allowed to take time to yourself."

  Ceres shook her head, just as I'd known she would. "I can't," she said. "I can't just ignore them. It's been more than five years since the last time I saw my parents and the twins and I have a lot of catching up to do," she said. "I haven't been talking to them that much lately because I didn't know that they were Lycan."

  I admired her strength at a time like this. She was dealing with so much on the inside, but no one knew it. When she put on that brave face, you didn't see that the recent events had disturbed her. I kissed her. She started to pull away from me, but I held her back. We weren't going to get a whole lot of alone time while they were in town, so I was going to soak up a last little bit of her time and attention. Before we would be ready for it, we were going to have even less time for each other because the baby would be demanding all of it. I wasn't ready to lose her just yet. We hadn't had each other long enough yet.