For Crying Out Loud: The laugh out loud romantic comedy that everyone's talking about! (The False Start Book 1)

by J. Preston

  “And this is my friend…” I nudge the guy to my left who has just finished his drink. “John? Stan? Bob? Ludlum? Darth Vader?”

  “Mark,” he sighs.

  “Mark,” I exclaim happily. “Mark has had it pretty rough lately.” I nod my head solemnly. “Go easy on him,” I say, getting up and making my way back to where I can see Aiden, who’s just waking up.

  Mark huffs and pushes past me back to his seat. Rude!

  I jump and land on Aiden’s lap, covering his face with sloppy, energetic kisses, making him laugh in response.

  “Kitten,” he chuckles. “Please stop. I just woke up and I totally need to use the toilet!” Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are we at this stage of our relationship already? Can I burp in front of him? Are we sharing things like that?

  Aiden grabs a hold of my waist and lifts me up, placing me right next to him. He gets up, kisses my forehead, then whispers, “Don’t move. I’ll be back in a sec.” I squeeze his bum in agreement as he walks away.

  A second it is not.

  I inspect my fingernails, check my hair for split ends, pick fluff off of my t-shirt. Finally, mister, who definitely needed number two rather than number one, makes an appearance. His face is red, and he is holding back a laugh.

  “What?” I ask, curious.

  “You’ll never believe,” he shakes his head, “why I took so long.”

  “Number two?” I mutter.

  “Huh? No.” He smirks. “Jason.”

  “You locked yourself in the toilet with Jason?” I gasp, aghast. Joining the mile high club might just be on my bucket list, and this news is a mood killer.

  “What? No! Jason was in the toilet….”

  “Oh yeah, his bowel movements are unpredictable when flying. His stomach gets dodgy at high altitude,” I reply knowingly.

  Aiden bursts out laughing. Ha! I knew I was hilarious.

  “God, kitten, you’ve got it all wrong. You’re just too innocent,” he chuckles.

  Hell no! Innocent is the last thing I want him to think of me. Not when, as soon as the wheels of this plane hit the tarmac and we get back home, I want him naked in my bedroom.

  “Vagina!” I blurt out quickly, making him spit out the almond he just popped into his mouth. Ha!

  “What?” His eyes are wild as he looks around, checking if anyone heard my outburst.

  “Nothing.” I grin. “Not so innocent now, am I? Now tell me, what did Jason do?”

  But before Aiden has a chance to reply, I spot Jason, kissing and groping…Mary! And it all clicks into place. All those times when we flew and Jason disappeared in the toilet, coming back disheveled and claiming a dodgy stomach. That little whore!

  Jason saunters back towards us, looking all kinds of satisfied I do not want to know about.

  “Dodgy stomach?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. Jason looks at me, confused. I can basically see a freaking lightbulb lighting up above his head.

  Finally, he replies, holding his stomach. “Oh yes, you know me. Flying just makes it…reeeaaaally bad.” He nods gravely.

  Bastard is lying. Damn him and me for eating up his lies all these years!

  Not fair!

  It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that my boyfriend was hell bent on wearing his iron chastity belt. Locked with twenty bloody padlocks… Keys thrown away… In the moat of Edinburgh castle… Or something like that.

  That’s it.

  I don’t see any other way out of this. I am going to convince him to lose the freaking belt no matter what. I’ll use a chainsaw if I have to!

  Forgetting all about Jason, I yank Aiden to me and kiss him hard, running my hands under his shirt, nibbling his lower lip, and pulling his body closer to mine. He instantly responds, sneaking his skillful tongue in and out of my mouth, letting out a little growl. I can feel his reaction through his sweats, and it takes everything I have in me not to moan like a grade-A porn star at the magical sensation that erupts in my belly.

  “Guys, ewww! Please, stop! This is disgusting. You’re making me sick!” my brother exclaims. “Dodgy stomach over here.”

  I break away from the Deity that is my boyfriend—seriously, I’m two minutes away from building a shrine for him—and look at Jason. He’s pointing expectantly at his stomach.

  “Dodgy stomach.” I shake my head in disbelief. “Can’t believe I ate that shit up all these years…”

  Jason just grins and shrugs. I’m about to punch the smug monkey when the seatbelt sign lights up and the pilot’s voice booms through the PA system, telling us that we’re about to land.

  Brilliant! All the closer to home, to my bed. The sooner we get there, the sooner I can make my ‘Take advantage of Aiden’ plan a reality, and this time I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.

  And if he thinks that I’m rushing again...well, tough. I’m not. Even through the ups and downs, my heart has been his for a long time. There’s no one else for me and, more than anything, I want him to know that. I want him to know that I am sure of us, of how strong our love is. He’s my ‘one’ and I just don’t want to wait any longer.

  I sit in my seat and buckle myself up, masterfully plotting in my head all the steps I’m going to take to seduce my boyfriend. Gah…I sound so desperate!

  “Are you okay?” Aiden takes a hold of my hand and squeezes it. What? Of course I am. I’m just planning how to get you out of your clothes, silly.

  Then it hits me. I’m ‘supposed to be afraid of flying’. Damn it, Jenny! Sloppy! So sloppy… I knew I was forgetting something. I squeeze his hand, hard.

  “Mmm-hmm.” And the Oscar goes to…

  “It’s okay,” he says, kissing my hand. “Just breathe, it’ll be over soon.”

  But breathing is hard when his emerald eyes are focused on me.

  When we land, I text my dad to let him know that we landed safely and make my way over to sit on the plastic chairs in the baggage reclaim area. I spot Jason and Aide talking, and I smile. Who would have thought that my life would turn out like this? Not me.

  This boy makes me so happy it’s unreal.

  I smile again, even though, for some reason, a sick feeling starts up in my stomach. Jason’s and Aiden’s movements are animated. I squint in their direction and notice Aiden is clutching his phone in his hand, looking down at it and then at Jason. I hope everything is okay…

  That sick feeling grows, but I ignore it.

  Jason takes the phone away from Aiden and looks at the screen. I can see it from here. His face loses all color and his eyes are ready to bulge out of his sockets.

  I stand up just as Jason leans over and whispers something in Aiden’s ear.

  They both look at me.

  The sick feeling grows and grows, and I squish it.

  I’m sure it’s nothing.

  I take another step towards the guys.

  The thing is…when you’re this ridiculously happy, something is bound to hit the fan eventually, right?

  31 Sweet Cheeks

  Some people just need a high five…in the face…with a hammer.

  - Carter

  Jenny

  The ride back from the airport is downright uncomfortable. Both of the boys are acting weird, their movements are rigid, and conversation is reduced to ‘yes/no’ answers. You know you’ve lost the battle when both your brother and your boyfriend reply ‘yes’, in unison, to whether they’d prefer to get pizza or Chinese for dinner. Seriously?

  I try not to read too much into it, even though the scene from the airport keeps playing on repeat in my head. What the hell could have happened to make both of them behave so strangely?

  I can’t take the weird silence and blank stares anymore. “Is everything okay?” I finally ask as we pull into our driveway. Jason looks at me in panic, then at Aiden, and shoots out of the car like his butt crack is on fire.

  “Thanks, man,” Aiden mutters to no one in particular before turning to me in the car. He sighs. “Kitten…”

  “Helloooooo!” A
high pitched, highly annoying, sing-song voice interrupts him while a hand taps on my door window. I turn to see Carter grinning from ear to ear, waving at me from behind the door. I screech and push the door open, throwing myself at my best friend, holding him in a tight embrace, just like a koala bear would hold its favorite, long lost eucalyptus tree.

  “Carter!” I exclaim. He’s here! He doesn’t hate me! He’s here!

  “Welcome back, grasshopper,” he says as my heart swells. He called me grasshopper, not Jenny! Grasshopper! Carter gently pries me off of his person and looks me over. “You’ve grown,” he states, patting my head.

  “No, I haven’t,” I shake my head in dismay, squirming from under his large palm. To be honest, I wish I had grown, but unfortunately, that book has been shut since I was twelve. Not even half an inch since then! Instead, I’m still very much in the hobbit-like height bracket.

  Both Jason and Aiden murmur ‘hi’ at Carter, then grab our bags and make their way to the house. They’re definitely avoiding something. Longingly, I look into the distance. If only I went to Hogwarts; I could unpack my suitcase magically, with one wave of a wand, Wanda the wand. I daydream for a few seconds about what could be, then look back at the front door behind which Aiden disappeared a second ago, dragging Sully behind him. I’m going to have to unpack that mother of suitcases without Wanda goddamnit. I should probably do it sooner rather than later.

  “Want to go for a walk?” Carter startles me out of my misery. Yes! I nod eagerly at the welcome distraction before I let my face fall. Sully will not unpack magically by itself, Wanda or no-Wanda.

  “I need to unpack,” I whine.

  “I’ll help you.” Carter smiles.

  “Really?” The hope in my voice is unmistakable. I latch onto it like a tapeworm to the wall of an intestine.

  “For a price, of course.” Of course.

  “What do you want?” I ask, expecting the worst. Like having to piggyback him to campus for a week or shine all his shoes or… Or… Or taste-test all his food for poison. Although that last one wouldn’t be so bad. Corky gets most of his meals delivered from nearby restaurants, so as long as it’s not that oyster place, I’m game.

  “I’ll help you…” Carter starts out slowly, visibly still deliberating. “If…” He taps his chin. “If you tell everyone that you think I’m sexy.” His finger silences my response. “But, in a natural way,” he finishes, proud of himself.

  I narrow my eyes and draw in a big breath, about to laugh and tell him to go stuff it, but something stops me. Something shaped like a massive blue suitcase named Sully. Why did God not think it wise to equip me with basic unpacking skills, why?

  “Fine,” I say with resignation. “Now, how about that walk? I want to hear all about your Christmas and all the girls you led astray. How many hearts did you break this season?” I look at my best friend with playfulness.

  Without saying a word, he puts his large arm around me and guides me away from the house. I try to fill the silence with mindless chatter about Aiden’s dogs, but Carter is somewhere far, far away, not really listening.

  “Miyagi?” I ask.

  “Hmm?” He looks at me absently.

  I touch his shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

  “Sure, little one.” He smiles, looking down at me. “So you had a nice break, eh? Professed undying love for each other with Ady-wady?”

  “Yeah, something like that.” I smile back at him. “My break was pretty good, except it was missing one suuuper special ingredient.”

  “Aah. Well, yes, that’s right. Everyone knows that the C. Kennedy component is necessary for good times. It must have been…tough… Sooo tough.” He shakes his head at me with pity.

  “Extremely.” I nod sarcastically in agreement, my lips in a thin line. I change the subject back to him. “So what did you and Jake get up to?”

  “Oh, you know…not much,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Went back home, heard your big news, went out a couple of times. Nothing special. All the special I get up to is reserved for my little grasshopper, of course.” His smile feels disingenuous. I look away, not sure how to get him to spit out whatever’s the matter.

  “Sounds like fun.” I take a deep breath. “Carter—”

  “Jenny—” he says at the same time. We both laugh. “You first,” he says, nudging me.

  “I just… Is everything okay? I mean, between us. You seem different…distant.” I look up at him in time to see his face fall momentarily just a second before he rearranges it back to his usual smirking one.

  “Of course, grasshopper!” he says, pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry if I seem distant. I just have a lot on my mind.” He kisses the top of my head and pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Three hundred and fifty six percent sure,” he replies, playfully touching his finger to my nose. I scramble out of his grasp.

  “That number doesn’t exist.” I sigh. “But I’ll take it.” He grins at me with triumph in his eyes. “So if it’s not me, what’s wrong? What’s on your mind?”

  Carter retracts into himself for the second time today. He turns around and starts walking back towards the house. His gait is so quick I have to run to catch up. “Kennedy!” I grab his arm to slow him down. He does, just a little, ever so reluctant. “C’mon, you can talk to me.”

  “Not about this,” he mutters so incoherently I almost miss it.

  “About what?” I pull on his sleeve. He looks at me in a panic and starts walking even faster. I run after him when suddenly he stops in his tracks and turns to me. His features soften and his hand reaches out, touching the side of my face and cupping my cheek. He closes his eyes and exhales.

  “Jenny…” he whispers. My heart is beating fast from all that running and I breathe in harshly, trying to steady the crazy rhythm. Carter’s thumb gently rubs my cheek, and I’m no longer sure that my galloping heart is due to that running. My breath catches, and I dare not exhale.

  “We’re heading out to get some food!” Jason exclaims from behind me. Carter’s eyes snap open, and he snatches his hand away like my face is on fire and I just burnt him. I start coughing and bend over, putting my hands on my knees, trying to bring oxygen back to my clearly not functioning brain. Word to the wise? Don’t hold your breath after you just ran a marathon. “We’ll be back in a bit,” Jason continues, oblivious to my almost-death. I turn my head to see him and Aiden jump into the jeep and pull out of our driveway. How did Carter and I get back home so quickly? Must have teleported without my knowledge. I straighten back up and look at the boy in front of me. His fists are clenched and his whole body is rigid. I feel tears prickle in the corner of my eyes.

  “Carter, what is it?” I almost whine. What is going on? Why is he acting so weirdly? Carter looks to the side where Aiden just stopped the jeep beside us.

  “Nothing.” Carter looks down, then back at the jeep, then back down before his eyes snap up again and they light up. “It’s just that Reagan received her early admission letter to Starwood and is hell bent on starting this semester,” he says suddenly with…triumph?

  “Your sister is coming to campus?” Jason stage-whispers from behind me. I don’t even have to turn around to see the joy on his face. I can hear it.

  Oh. Oooooh.

  “And you’re worried…” I say, motioning my head in my brother’s direction.

  Carter nods. “How the hell am I supposed to keep the both of you out of trouble?”

  “I can take care of myself!” I exclaim, aghast. As if I need a protector! I’ve got Jake, thank you very much!

  “We need to get going,” Aiden interrupts our little exchange. Okay… Thanks for the information, I guess? I look at him expectantly. Nothing.

  “Aaand?”

  “Err, do you want pizza or Chinese for dinner?” My brother asks. Are they freaking serious? I huff and stomp away towards the front door. “Jen!” Jason shouts after me. “Which one is i
t?”

  “Whichever.” I throw my hands up in the air.

  “Must be that time of the month.” I hear Jason’s whiny voice. It takes everything in me not to run to him and punch a hole in his stupid face. Instead, like the class act that I am, I turn around and put my hands on my hips, lifting my chin up.

  “Carter is sexy,” I shoot. Silence. Complete silence. Even the birds stop singing. Aiden’s jaw is on the floor of the jeep; Jason goes wide-eyed. Only Carter is grinning at me, showing the full set of his perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth.

  “Why, thank you.” He nods in appreciation. “On that note, byee,” he says, wiggling his fingers in the direction of the jeep. I shrug my shoulders at the confused expressions in the car and make my way inside the house. Carter better be a damn good unpacker.

  “What the hell is this thing?” Carter exclaims from behind me as I drag Sully towards my room.

  “Sully, the monster suitcase,” I explain patiently. Some guys really are like twinkle stars…nice to look at, but not that bright. Not bright at all.

  “You got that right,” he mutters, taking Sully out of my hand and pulling it to my room. I let the muscle boy take over and look around, making a kissy sound. Nothing. I go on all fours and whistle. “Are you feeling okay?”

  Getting up, I brush the invisible dust off of my knees. “Where’s Jake?” I narrow my eyes.

  “Oh, he’s out for a walk with Hayley. They should be back soon—” As soon as the words leave his mouth, the front door opens and a bundle of fluff comes barrelling down the hall towards me. I drop to my knees and cuddle Jake to me. He yelps tiny yelps of happiness as I scratch behind his ear and give him kisses.

  “Wow. I never get treated like that.” Hayley smiles down at me. I get up to Jake’s disapproval and give her a hug.

  “Want me to scratch your ear and lick your face?” I ask.

  She laughs, hugging me back. “No thanks, babe. God, I missed you.”

  “Missed you too!”

  Carter clears his throat. “As much as I’m enjoying this, and as much as I have at least a thousand scenarios in my head of how this develops,” he motions between Hayley and I, “I really need to get going.”