Craving HIM

by M. S. Parker

  She was still sleepy-eyed, eyes dreamy. If I let myself, I could get distracted by the very sight of her. But I couldn’t do that. I was trying to be the man she deserved, the man she needed me to be.

  A man who wouldn’t run away from his problems or search for something just to make it easier.

  When she lifted a hand to me, I went to her and sat down next to her on the chaise lounge. She had the book she'd been reading facedown on her lap and I smiled at the sight of the cover. One of her favorite authors. I’d seen her crying while reading a different book and when I'd asked about it, she'd told me the woman had ripped her heart out. But in a good way. I'd had to admit that I had no clue how that could be a good thing, but I'd been lying, I knew. Because Aleena did that to me. Ripped my heart out.

  In a good way.

  “Nice lazy afternoon?” I asked her, my voice gruff.

  “A bit.” She shrugged then and added, “It would be a little more carefree if I didn’t know you had so much weighing you down.”

  I leaned in, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You don’t need to worry about what’s weighing me down, baby.”

  “If I don’t, nobody will.” She fisted her hand in my shirt and tugged me close. “You’re the indomitable Dominic Snow. People look at you and see a man with no cares and even fewer worries. They see a playboy with vice. But I know you. You’re as human as I am. And you deserve someone to take care of you. That's my job.”

  My heart wrenched at those simple words. Even from the beginning, she’d seen through to the very heart of me. It had terrified me. It should still.

  Yet I realized that it wasn’t terrifying. It was humbling. It was…amazing.

  I could think of no other word to describe the love she had for me, the love I had for her…and for the people we’d become together.

  No. I couldn’t hide this from her.

  She slid closer to me and pressed her lips to the corner of my mouth. “You’re unhappy,” she said quietly.

  “No.” It was honest, even as it wasn’t. “I’m happy…with you, with us. But there are some things I have to tell you. Ugly things. About...the past and where I came from.”

  “Nothing will change what I see when I look at you.” Aleena laid a hand on my cheek. Her next words all but destroyed me. “I see the man I love.”

  I tugged her hand down and pressed a kiss to it, forcing myself to think while I still could. “Nothing will change what I see when I look at you…the woman I love. The woman I need.” I stood. “Come. We need to talk.”

  ***

  We settled in the library, a room both of us loved. I poured myself some scotch, but when I offered her a glass, she shook her head. She sat in one of the armchairs, but I stayed standing. I couldn't sit down and do this.

  “Just tell me,” she said gently.

  So I did…the few things I felt safe in sharing. Even those words came out of my throat like poisoned acid. I didn’t want to reveal them, yet that was what I did.

  And Aleena just listened.

  She watched me and when I was done, she held out her hand.

  I went to her, closing my fingers around hers as I knelt in front of her.

  “Why are you blaming yourself?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not. I—l…I’m not.”

  “Liar.” She pressed a finger to my mouth. “You blame yourself for this. And I don’t know why.”

  I couldn’t pretend I didn’t understand what she meant.

  Unable to stay still with all of this restless energy coursing through me, I shoved upright and started to pace again. “I came from that.”

  “You decide who you are, Dominic. Not the people who made you, but the man you made yourself.”

  I shot her a dark look. “That's easy for you to say! You came from two people who loved you. Who wanted you. Who valued each other!”

  Aleena let out a soft breath and then looked away. “I also came from a man who was a serial rapist.”

  Those words jerked me up short and I gaped at her.

  She didn’t say anything. All she did was reach under the neckline of her shirt and tug out the necklace I rarely saw her without. The necklace that had brought us together.

  “My grandmother…” She stopped and looked away.

  For a long time, she didn’t speak. Then she lifted her chin and met my gaze dead on.

  “My grandma was raped, Dominic. She was walking out to her car after worked and she was raped. I don’t know who my grandfather is. She was just one in a string of similar attacks and they never caught him. She ended up pregnant and she kept the baby. My father. He grew up into a great man, married my mama. They had me. My granny loved my dad even before she knew who he was, who he would be. My mama loved my dad, without knowing who he came from.”

  She inclined her head and stared at me with a look that leveled me. Everything inside of me was ready to crumple. I’d never known this. I didn’t know how to process it.

  I only knew that I wanted to go to my knees and worship her. Adore her. Show her all the love I had in me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, choking the words out.

  “Why?” She arched her eyebrow. “I’m not.”

  As I stared at her, she came out of her lounge and moved over to the window, staring outside over the beach.

  “Don’t mistake me, baby. If I had any idea who’d done it to her, I’d...” She shot me a glance, her eyes blazing. “I'd cut his fucking balls off with a rusty knife.”

  Shit.

  She continued, “She never really did trust men after that…other than my dad. What happened, it marked her. But I am who I am, because of her, because of my father.” She shrugged and looked down at her hands. “He raised me to believe that I should be loved, valued…respected. The way his mother raised him to treat women. And she wouldn’t have understood just how vital that was, maybe, if it wasn’t for a man who didn’t value or respect women.”

  “You humble me,” I said quietly.

  Then I took a deep breath and told her, haltingly, the rest of it. She watched with the same compassion I’d come to expect from her in so many ways, but there was none of the pity I’d feared.

  When I was finished, she came over to me and brushed her lips against mine.

  “Aleena.” It came out in a choked voice.

  When she eased back, I braced myself for the pity I was still expecting to see.

  What she said laid me low.

  “Here I was thinking that nothing could make me respect Jacqueline St. James-Snow.”

  What the hell?

  Not understanding, I stared at her.

  She stroked her hand up from my cheek to push into my hair. “I don’t think she had any idea what was going on, Dominic. She raised you right, baby.” She gave me a wry smile. “Aside from the bigotry and classism, she raised you right. Kids need a sense of right and wrong and she gave you that foundation.”

  Then, while I was still struggling to process, she curled her arms around my neck, arms both soft and strong.

  “You’re not him. Either of them. You’re not Solomon and you’re not JC Woodrow. You’re you.”

  My heart thudded hard and loud against my ribs. I couldn’t think past the noise of the blood rushing in my ears.

  She pressed a kiss to my mouth and I wrapped my arms around her waist.

  Then we both froze.

  Eyes only an inch apart, we stared at each other, ears straining.

  It came again.

  Glass, tinkling as it fell.

  “What is—?”

  The alarm started to go off in the middle of her question.

  “Fuck.” I caught her hand and led her over to door that led from the library to the small study next door. “Inside.”

  She gaped at me. “Excuse me?”

  “Inside.” I sucked in a breath and said, “Please, love.”

  After a moment, her shoulders sagged and she nodded, something flashing across her eyes too quick for me to catch. “Be ca
reful.”

  I kissed her quick and hard. “I will…I’ve got every reason in the world to do just that.”

  Then I left.

  ***

  The house was almost obscene in the silence.

  All of the staff had left. Aleena and I had come to the Hamptons for some quiet and privacy—not always easy when you had a household staff around. It was just Aleena and me here now and I wished I’d kept at least a few others on hand.

  I also wished I'd charged my fucking phone. When I'd pulled it out to call the cops, the battery had been dead. I'd had to sneak into the kitchen to grab the landline. The security company should've automatically called them, but I wasn't about to take that chance, not with Aleena here.

  Sure, I was all about the big, tough son of a bitch persona, and I kind of was a big, tough, son of a bitch. But I wasn’t stupid. Machismo wouldn’t stop a bullet, and I wanted to see Aleena stretched out underneath me when this was done, so I had no intention of dying today.

  I needed her.

  I punched in a number on the phone and spoke quietly. When I was told to stay on the line, I disconnected and set the phone down on the floor. Staying on the line meant staying in one place so whoever was here couldn't hear me, and no way was that happening. I would protect her.

  The sound of the shattering glass had come from the east wing, the dining room, where we had a big picture window, so that was where I headed. As soon as I stepped into the room, I saw the shards of glass.

  And the blood.

  My own blood went cold, but that didn't stop me from following the trail across the dove gray carpet.

  That was going to be a bitch to clean.

  Then I heard voices coming from the sitting room, a small room we didn't really use for anything. Who was there?

  Suddenly, I realized I knew the voices—both of them.

  One was Aleena’s.

  The other was Koren Norseman.

  I went cold.

  “You don’t really think you can give him what he needs, do you?”

  Shit.

  Shit.

  Shit.

  “I think I’ve got a better shot than some crazy, wannabe stalker.”

  That was Aleena. I wanted to kiss her and throttle her at the same time. What the hell was she thinking? Why hadn't she stayed in the office like I'd told her to?

  “I told Dominic this once, but it’s even more appropriate here…Koren, honey…stalking isn’t sexy.”

  “Shut up.” Koren’s voice was full of venom.

  I didn't know what to do. I had to get to Aleena, had to protect her.

  “Sure, Koren.”

  Aleena was trying to sound amused, but I could hear something else underneath the words. I didn't know what it was, only that it made my stomach clench.

  “You can be the one to explain to Dominic why his windows are busted and why you’re here, even though you're not even remotely welcome.”

  “You’re a fucking whore! Some skinny black bitch who thought she could grab what she wanted.” Koren sounded sulky now.

  I eased closer. I needed to get in there.

  Koren wasn’t…stable.

  I’d figured that out after the first time I’d topped her. That had been the reason why there'd only been one time. She was barely a hair's breathe from crazy and I preferred more stability from my partners. Aleena was taunting a bull with a red flag and it left my blood cold.

  “Welll…” Aleena drew the word out slowly. “I guess maybe I am. Not that skinny, mind you. Also, FYI, I’m half-black, mixed, biracial. However, I am most definitely a bitch who grabbed what—or rather—who she wanted. The thing you should note, Koren? He wanted me. He didn’t want you. Doesn't want you.”

  Koren shrieked.

  Mentally, I swore at her. She needed to just shut up. Koren was going to hurt her.

  Suddenly, there was a crash and I couldn’t wait any longer.

  But when I rushed into the room, Aleena was standing over Koren’s kneeling form. Even from where I was standing, I could see the red handprint on Koren's cheek. Aleena was shaking out her hand, the expression on her face fierce.

  “Try to touch me again, bitch, and I'll break your fucking arm.” Aleena practically growled the words.

  “He's mine!” Koren's voice was shrill.

  “No, Koren. He's mine.” Aleena leaned down and put her hand on her stomach. “And we're going to have a child together, so you need to just get it through your head that he's off the market.”

  I sucked in a breath. She couldn't mean...

  Aleena’s head swung around and she saw me. Her eyes widened and I saw the truth in them.

  So did Koren.

  She let out an animalistic scream and lunged for Aleena. I started to move, but Aleena didn't wait for me. I watched, dumbfounded, as she made a fist and drove it into Koren's jaw.

  Koren swayed, stumbled…and then fell.

  Aleena looked back at me, subdued.

  “Are you…” I swallowed, barely able to breathe. “Aleena. Are you pregnant?”

  Chapter 22

  Aleena

  Are you pregnant?

  Dominic's words echoed in my head and my heart started to pound. It thudded against my ribs so hard, it was a wonder it didn’t leap out of my chest. I hadn't meant for him to find out that way.

  “Dominic, I…”

  I snapped my jaw shut and braced myself as Koren shoved upright, staring at me with a mix of hate and caution. A bruise was blooming over her jaw and I was half-surprised at the sight of it. A red handprint stood-out, livid, against her pale skin. My knuckles hurt, but it was a sweet sort of pain, almost as sweet as the kind of pain Dominic brought me in bed. Not the same, but it had sure as hell felt good hitting her.

  Instinctively, I took a step back, my hand on my belly. Jutting up my chin, I gave her a glare of my own. If she wanted to try me again, I'd put her on her ass.

  Again.

  Koren’s gaze fell away from me and she reached out toward Dominic.

  He didn’t even notice. He was staring at me, his face white, an unreadable expression on his face.

  Her face fell and she turned away, pausing only to shoot me a look of pure hatred. I thought about how she’d broken into my house, come after my lover, tried to attack me.

  “Try it and see what happens.”

  She shot me one last glare and stumbled from the house.

  I couldn’t avoid it any longer.

  Slowly, I turned my head to meet Dominic’s gaze.

  He hadn’t looked away from me even once, I didn’t think.

  He stared at me with shock stamped across his features. Shock…and hurt.

  “Answer me,” he demanded, striding toward me.

  As his hands closed around my upper arms, I tried to brace myself for the anger, but when I met his eyes, there wasn’t any. Just that shock…and the hurt.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  His hands fell away from my arms and he stumbled backward, reaching up to rub at his eyes. When he looked back at me, it was with a dazed expression. “I need to turn off the alarm.”

  I hadn't even realized it was still going.

  I followed him into the dining room, stopping when I saw the glass on the carpet. Glass and blood. I stared at it until the blaring stopped and I heard Dominic's voice again.

  “Were you even going to tell me?”

  “Of course!” It wasn’t a lie. I had planned to tell him, but I just hadn’t figured out how to do it. How he would handle it. “I just...I just found out. I was feeling so awful and I…” I struggled to find words. “I don’t know how it happened. I never missed one of my birth control pills and when I started feeling bad, I thought it was just the stress or maybe the ear infection had gone into a sinus infection or something.”

  Dominic’s gaze sharpened. “What did the doctor give you for your ear infection?”

  “Antibiotics,” I answered automatically.

  Shit.

  I coul
d see it now in my head. Scrawled across the bottom of the bag the pharmacy had put my antibiotics in. May cause BC to be less effective.

  Shit.

  I knew better.

  His gaze slid to my belly, still flat. “You’re pregnant.” The words came out flat.

  I nodded. “Dominic…” What did I need to say? Did I need to apologize? Maybe. For one thing, at least. “I’m sorry you found out that way.”

  His face twisted in a savage snarl. “You’re sorry?”

  “Yes.” The knot in my chest was getting larger, making it harder to breathe. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. “Look, I didn’t plan this. I didn’t plan to get pregnant and I didn’t plan for you to find out that way…I just…”

  “You just what?”

  He stared at me, his face skeptical and hard. Cold, even. “You planned on telling me when?”

  “When I knew how to!” I refused to flinch or back down. I’d messed up, there was no denying that, but it wasn’t like I’d set out to hide this from him. I'd just found out and I was trying to figure out how to tell him and how he was going to handle it.

  Judging by the rage in his eyes, I was starting to realize the dread I’d felt over the past few days had been justified.

  “I just found out,” I said slowly, forcing myself to be calm. “Yesterday. I didn’t even realize it might be a possibility until a few days before that when I started feeling so tired and run down.”

  He opened his mouth to say something.

  I jutted up my chin. “Are you going to let me talk or just yell at me?”

  I hated the way my voice cracked. I didn’t consider myself to be a crier, but I couldn’t stop the burn of tears any more than I could have stopped the knot in my throat. Damn hormones.

  Dominic closed his eyes, some of the anger draining out of him.

  “I found out yesterday,” I said again. “I’m still wrapping my head around it. I know you never wanted anything like this and I was trying to figure out how to tell you because I didn't want to lose you.”

  Slowly, his eyes lifted and he stared at me. But he said nothing.

  My heart twisted. I supposed that was my answer. I turned my back and started to walk away.