Craving HIM

by M. S. Parker

  “Are you ever going to start trusting me, Aleena?” he asked softly.

  I didn’t look back at him. I couldn't.

  “It always comes down to trust, doesn’t it?” I said softly. “I trust you with a lot of things, Dominic. I've had to for this to have worked at all. But look at this. Look at how you reacted. You exploded and accused me of hiding it from you. You didn't ask how I was. How I felt about it. You didn't even let me explain why I hadn't told you before jumping down my throat. You're right, Dominic. We do have a trust issue.”

  I glanced at him over my shoulder and saw that he was clenching his jaw.

  “This is how you reacted and you wonder why I was nervous about telling you? I guess a part of me expected something like this.” I shook my head and walked over to the window, staring out the broken pane of window glass. It dawned on me, then, there were sirens off in the distance. Wailing softly but getting louder.

  “The security company must have contacted the police,” I said dully.

  For some odd reason, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the shattered, jagged shards of glass jutting out from the mostly empty pane.

  Shattered, jagged…empty.

  Kind of how I felt in that moment.

  ***

  I didn't know how long it took him to get rid of the police. I didn't stay. Before they got there, I went upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to talk to them. I wasn’t surprised that Dominic managed to get rid of them without me having to talk to them right away.

  Money talks and a lot of it talks louder than you could imagine.

  By the time the door to the hallway opened, spilling in a wedge of light, I was in bed, facing away from the door with my face in the pillow and pretending the world didn’t exist. I'd taken a shower and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, needing the comfort of something decidedly unsexy.

  The bed gave way beneath me a few moments later and Dominic smoothed a hand up my spine, then down it.

  When his palm came back up and curved over the back of my neck to rest there, I closed my eyes, tears burning again. He stretched out next to me and ran his fingers through my wet, tangled hair.

  I couldn’t stop the shaky sigh that escaped me any more than I could have stopped breathing and it let him know I was awake. He gently pulled on my shoulder until I rolled onto my back. I let him, but closed my eyes again, keeping my head turned away. I couldn't look at him. Not yet.

  His fingers slid down my belly, then lower to dip between my thighs. When he cupped me in the palm of his hand, I bit my lip to keep from whimpering. I was still hurt, still confused and angry, but I wanted him. I always wanted him.

  When his hand moved below the waistband of my sweatpants, I fought to keep from squirming. He slid his fingers down through the curls, easily finding my clit. He rubbed it in slow circles as he used his free hand to pull off my sweats. Then he pushed two of his fingers inside me, and I rolled my hips against his hand involuntarily.

  He bit my neck and my eyes flew open.

  “You’re mine, Aleena,” he growled against my flesh.

  I had to squeeze my eyes closed again at the pain that went through me. His? Was I really? And was I his in the way I needed to be his? The way that meant I was his family, not just his Sub. Because we were going to have a family.

  He caught my leg and lifted it, opening me just enough and then he thrust inside me, hard and deep. Everything else flew out of my head as I arched my back, crying out, fighting to accommodate him. He kept driving into me, filling me until I was writhing, squirming on the hot, pulsing ridge of his dick. Then he started to stroke me with his fingers as well, circling the knot of my clitoris with firm, knowledgeable pressure.

  “Tell me that you’re mine.”

  Defeated, I turned my face away. “I’m yours.”

  And I was. Heart, body and soul.

  He fucked me, hard, fast possessiveness in every rough move, every driving thrust. He played my body the same way he played my heart, taking me to the edge with a single-minded ruthlessness. Then, just when I thought I was going to come, he pulled out and rolled me onto my hands and knees before he drove inside me again, his hips slapping against me. I yelped as he brought the flat of his hand down on my ass, spanking me hard enough to bring tears to my eyes.

  I didn't say a word even though my body was screaming for me to beg for release. I wanted to come, but I pressed my lips together, refusing to ask for it. I wanted him so badly, but I was done asking. I knew he thought I was just being a good Sub and I let him. He would let me come if I was good.

  Finally, he let me climax and relief swept through me as well, but he wasn't done. I was boneless with exhaustion and the muscle soreness that came from having my body thoroughly used when he finally collapsed on top of me. I was still wet from him, sweat dampening my body, as he rolled off of me.

  “How far along?” he asked, his voice gruff as he broke the silence between us.

  “I don't know. Not far. It had to have happened when I was on those antibiotics.”

  My eyes were heavy, my body lax. I didn't want to talk to him now, not about this. Not when he was still acting like I'd done something wrong. I just wanted to sleep and deal with it in the morning.

  “We should get married.” His tone was matter-of-fact as he climbed out of the bed and headed into the bathroom.

  I was turned away when he came back. Feigning sleep was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Well, next to not crying. Those were words I would have given anything to hear…if he’d truly meant them.

  Chapter 23

  Aleena

  More often than not, Dominic was the first one to get up. Especially lately. But it was easy to be up first when you hadn't slept at all. I spent the night lying awake in the dark as I tried to figure out what to do.

  Actually, there was no what.

  I knew what I needed to do. There was only one choice, really. He'd made that clear.

  Finally, I climbed out of bed and moved to the window. The glass was treated, designed to let in very little light. Not that there was much to shine in. The sun wasn't up and we weren't in the city. There were security lights, of course, but nothing compared to home.

  Home.

  This wasn’t just “the house in the Hamptons.” And the penthouse wasn't just some place we lived in the city.

  It was home. Both of them were home, because he was here.

  But I couldn’t stay.

  Tears burned my eyes and I lifted my face to the ceiling, hoping to stem the tide. His words danced in the back of my head, a mocking echo.

  We should get married.

  He took his responsibilities so seriously, worked so hard to protect me. But he couldn’t protect me from life. I was pregnant. There was a baby growing inside me and that was nothing I needed protection from. What I needed more than anything was a man who wanted to have a family with me. Not someone who hadn't even thought to ask how I felt about it. Not someone who'd turned to sex instead of talking to me. Who'd fucked me the same way last night as he had before, like nothing had changed between us. Not someone who come and then announced that we should get married before walking off to the bathroom to clean up.

  I remembered what he’d said about my parents. Two people who’d loved me, who’d wanted me. It had made all the difference in the world growing up and I wouldn't have it any other way for my child. He or she would always know that they hadn't been an obligation, a mistake to be 'handled.'

  I’d known going in that Dominic Snow was a risky bet. I’d played the game anyway and I’d lost.

  Slipping a hand down to cup my belly, I found myself smiling. It was a sad, bittersweet smile, but it was there. I’d lost…but I’d won, too.

  Neither of us had planned for this to happen, but that was okay. I’d make it work and he’d move on. I wouldn’t let myself think about what came after the moving on part.

  It would have to be enough that he had loved me in his
own way. For a while, at least.

  ***

  I checked the flight confirmation and grimaced. It was the best I could do. I’d have to spend the next day at a hotel, but that was fine. I was exhausted anyway. I’d booked the hotel under my mother’s name. Traveling with Dominic over the past few months had taught me some tricks about privacy and yeah, I might have to blur the lines of truth when I went to check in, but I didn’t have a problem with that at this point.

  I had clothes that I always kept ready to grab in case Dominic decided on a last minute weekend—or weeklong—trip and I took every last piece that came to hand, as well as anything else that I could shove into a suitcase. I’d have to do some shopping when I got home, but it wasn’t like the clothes I’d bought in the city would work back there anyway.

  Home.

  I laughed weakly as I looked at the suitcases I’d placed by the door. Where was home anymore?

  It felt like here, but home couldn’t be anywhere that reminded me of Dominic. I could raise a baby on my own, but I couldn't be near him.

  There was a gentle knock at the door. I breathed out a sigh of relief. Vincent had made good time. I’d been awake since four and I’d called him as soon as I’d made up my mind, hoping and praying Dominic wouldn’t wake up.

  Vincent stood on the other side of the door, his face somber and concerned.

  The concern got me right in the heart and I could feel myself getting all weepy so I held up a hand before he said anything. Shaking my head, I looked at the luggage and gave him a hopeful look. I could tell by the expression on his face that he wasn’t happy, but he nodded and grabbed the two big suitcases while I took my carry-on and flight bag.

  He waited until we were on our way before finally asking, “Miss Aleena, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m leaving.” I met his eyes in the rearview mirror and didn’t flinch at the shocked look in his eyes. What was the point in softening the blow? I still needed to adjust to it myself. “Please, Vincent. Don’t tell Dominic.”

  He gave me a pained look. “Miss Aleena, that will get me fired.”

  He was right. I couldn’t do that to him.

  “Okay.” Nodding, I said it again. “Okay. Look, can you just…wait until later? You usually only drive me around and…I don’t know. Hell, I’m giving you the day off once you get me into the city. I need to go by the penthouse and get some things, and then you can drop me off and take the rest of the day. You’re not due in until Monday. Can you figure things out after that?”

  “I was going to go fishing later today. I’ll just…I guess I’ll forget to take my phone.”

  “Catch a big one for me, then.”

  He caught me in a hug. I squeezed him back, my eyes watering.

  A gull squawked overhead and we broke apart. When he turned and grabbed the bags, I took a moment to wipe my eyes. I felt like my heart had cracked, bits and pieces falling out with every passing second. It wasn’t just Dominic that I was leaving. It was everything, the life I’d built here, the friends.

  But I’d build another life. A life where I would be a mother.

  Dominic would be okay, too. Okay…and probably relieved.

  I’d left him a note.

  As Vincent loaded my bags into the trunk, I found myself thinking of what I’d written. It had taken more than I'd thought I had to get through it.

  Dear Dominic,

  I know this wasn’t what you had in mind, me getting pregnant. It’s sweet of you to offer to marry me, but the last thing you ever wanted was to be tied down with a wife and kid.

  The last thing I ever wanted was to have a man with me because he felt like he had to be. If you really wanted to have a family with me, it would make all the difference in the world, but we each want something different in life. We each need something different. I saw that clearly last night.

  Love isn’t always enough.

  Thank you so much for what you’ve given me, for the world you’ve shown me.

  Be good to yourself, Dominic.

  Love, Aleena

  Chapter 24

  Dominic

  Be good to yourself.

  I read those words without really understanding just what I was reading.

  Be good to yourself.

  Abruptly, I crumpled the letter into my hand and spun around, hurling it against the wall.

  Some part of me was disappointed that it didn’t break into a thousand pieces on impact. I wanted to hear something shatter and fall to pieces, the way I felt my world was shattering.

  But all the paper did was fall to the floor. It didn’t make so much as a whisper when it touched and I spun around, driving my fist into the wall. It went straight through the drywall and I pulled my hand out, hit another spot. There was a support beam there and pain lit up my arm like a streak of lightning. I welcomed it and sank to the floor, staring at the blood that dripped in a red flow from my hand.

  Be good to yourself.

  Numbness crept through me as blood dripped down to splatter on the floor. The red spread and spread and spread and I blinked, almost mesmerized.

  “I asked you to marry me,” I said to the empty room.

  She’d been asleep.

  Or so I’d thought.

  Rage began to pulse inside me. I needed to scream, to hit something else. I needed to let it out somehow.

  She thought I didn't want her. Didn't want...

  Baby.

  Our baby.

  I swallowed, the knot in my throat making it hard to breathe or speak. The pain in my head made it hard to even think. The pain in my soul made it hard to do anything. She’d left me and it was like she’d taken all the color, all the light, out of my world.

  How could she think that I didn't want her? Didn't want them both?

  I saw that clearly last night.

  I'd asked her to marry me last night.

  And she'd left, taking everything good with her.

  She was taking herself out of my world…our baby.

  “No.”

  The word gave me the strength I needed to get to my feet.

  I wasn’t going to lose Aleena and I wasn’t going to lose our baby. They were my everything. My family.

  ***

  She’d taken her luggage from the Hamptons house.

  Vincent wasn’t answering the phone.

  I’d wasted precious time tearing the house up looking for her and trying to call her and I realized just how much time when I got to the penthouse. She’d already come and gone.

  Most of her things were gone. All of her luggage, her outerwear, so many of her clothes. It was odd how attuned I’d become to her, but when I was going through our closet, I could tell right away what was missing.

  The sexy red sweater dress, the sleek black business two piece. The blue shirt dress. The green evening dress. She’d taken an evening dress? Did that mean something? But then I remembered she’d kept that dress on hand for when we had a quick out of town visit.

  She’d packed in a hurry, I realized. I all but tore out of the penthouse. I had to find Vincent. He was the only one she would have trusted to take her anywhere. He was the only one who would have done this without telling me shit.

  “I’m sorry, Sir,” Stuart told me, his voice polite and his eyes clearly saying kiss my ass.

  He'd seen Aleena.

  “It’s Vincent’s weekend off. I believe he had a fishing trip planned with some friends for today.”

  A… “Did you say a fishing trip?” I asked, forcing myself not to yell.

  “Yes, Mr. Snow.” Stuart neatly folded his hands on the concierge stand in front of him and smiled at me. It was a polite bland smile, not the friendly one he’d given me for so long.

  “What do you mean he’s on a fucking fishing trip?” I half-shouted. “He’s supposed to be on hand for Aleena. What the fuck?”

  “Sir.” Stuart drew his shoulders back and I could all but see the steel slamming into his spine. “I believe Vincent was think
ing it would be a nice day to relax as he's been on-call twelve days straight and Miss Aleena specifically told him she wouldn’t need his services anymore this weekend.”

  I latched on that in desperation. “Aleena. He’s seen Aleena.”

  “I believe so, yes.” Stuart kept his eyes straight ahead.

  I moved in and braced my hands on the front of the stand, looming over him, but he still didn’t look up.

  Over the years of being a business man, I’d picked up on some things. There are people who will look at you no matter what, people who will look at you when it’s easy, people who can’t look at you when it matters…Stuart wasn’t looking at me and I knew it mattered.

  I found myself thinking that Aleena always managed to look at me, even if it was only for a little while.

  “Where is Vincent? Where is Aleena?” I asked quietly.

  “As I said, Vincent decided to go fishing today.” He looked me dead in the eye as he responded to that question. “But as to Miss Aleena…? I really can’t say.”

  I watched the way his fingers tightened on the sides of the doorman’s stand—his post. He took his job seriously and with no small amount of pride. He was a good employee.

  But he was in my way.

  “Do you like your job?” I asked conversationally.

  His mouth tightened, but he didn't pull away. “I don’t like it enough to betray somebody I consider a friend. It would appear you fucked up…Sir. Maybe you should fix it. I don’t think threatening me is the way to do it.”

  Who the hell did he think he was? I opened my mouth to tell him he could kiss his job good-bye...and the truth of his words hit me. I wrenched myself away from the stand. Turning my back to him, I scrubbed my hands over my face. Think, Dominic…think…

  Stuart wasn’t wrong.

  I’d fucked up.

  But I couldn’t understand how.

  I saw that clearly last night.

  What had I done?

  All I did was ask her to marry me.

  I didn’t realize I’d spoken out-loud. Not right away at least.

  Stuart was standing in front of me, watching me strangely.