Craving HIM

by M. S. Parker

  “What?” I demanded.

  “You asked her to marry you?”

  Oh, fuck.

  I shoved a hand through my hair. “Is that any business of yours?”

  He gave me a troubled look. “You asked her to marry you, but she still left? She loves you. Why would she have left?”

  Shit.

  This time it was my words that echoed in my head.

  We should get married.

  I glared at him and then spun on my heel and stalked back toward the doors.

  I hadn’t asked her to marry me. I’d told her that I thought we should get married. Was that the problem? Was that why she thought I didn't want her? That I didn't want our baby?

  ***

  There were only so many places she could go in New York. I’d already checked all of my hotels and she wasn’t staying at any of them.

  I’d called Molly and Molly told me she hadn’t heard from Aleena in over a week—she’d been out of the country on vacation. She’d sounded genuinely confused and angry by the time the call was over, and I hadn't even told her about Koren or the baby.

  I didn't feel bad about it though. I was still angry and worse, I was getting scared. It took me nearly half the day to get to Fawna’s house. It was late afternoon now. Aleena had almost a day’s head-start on me.

  The cute, pudgy little guy lying on a blanket on the floor didn’t even resemble the wizened creature I’d first seen lying in the hospital, hooked up to wires and tubes. He made one of those funny baby noises when he saw me looking at him and waved a fist in my direction.

  “Hi.”

  He laughed. It was a bright sound, the kind that made me want to smile back at him except I didn’t have any smiles inside me right now. Not even for him.

  “He’s a baby, Dominic. He’s not going to bite...well, unless you put your finger in his mouth.”

  Looking up to see Fawna watching me from the door, I managed a weak smile. “Babies make me nervous.”

  “Lack of practice,” she said pragmatically.

  She went over to Eli and scooped him up, settling him on her hip with the ease of experience. Then she came toward me and before I knew what she was up to, she placed him in my lap. Instinctively, my hands caught him.

  “Hey!”

  The baby jumped at my sudden outburst, his eyes going wide.

  His mouth parted as he stared at me.

  I stared back.

  He waved another chubby fist in my direction.

  “Yeah,” I said, my voice gruff. “You probably should pop me one, tough guy.”

  Feeling Fawna’s eyes on me, I looked up.

  She lowered her weight on to the couch across from me. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on, Dominic?”

  “Aleena’s pregnant.” The words came out so easily and the band that had been around my chest ever since I’d heard the words eased. I closed my eyes. “She’s pregnant.”

  Aleena was going to have my baby.

  Shit. I was going to be a dad.

  “Oh. Well…that is…interesting.”

  At Fawna’s calm summation, I opened my eyes.

  “How do you feel about it?”

  “How do I feel?” I asked. I looked backed down at the chubby little guy I held and thought about the fact that in a year, Aleena and I could have this. A girl, a boy. It didn’t matter. We were going to have a baby and that was all that counted. “I can’t wait.”

  “That’s rather lovely.” Fawna lifted a brow. “And did you tell Aleena that?”

  I winced.

  “Did you ask her how she felt?”

  “How she felt?” I echoed.

  “She's the one who has to carry this child for nine months, you ass.”

  I stared at Fawna, shocked.

  “When she told you, did you tell her you were happy? That you'd get through this together? Did you even think that she might be scared?”

  “Scared? Of what?”

  Fawna shook her head, disappointment clear on her face. “Scared that she's going to have a baby with a man who isn't her husband, who she's known for less than a year.” She gave me a pointed look. “A man who doesn't exactly have a reputation for commitment. Who, as long as I've known him, has never expressed any interest whatsoever in being married or having children.”

  Shifting the baby, I lifted him up and placed him on my shoulder the way I’d seen both Aleena and Fawna do. Eli rubbed his face against my shirt and more of those odd little baby noises emerged from his throat. I stroked his back and looked away from her.

  “I told her we should get married.”

  After I yelled at her and accused her of hiding the pregnancy from me.

  “Oh, Dominic.” Fawna huffed out a breath. “How can a smart man be so stupid?”

  Eli chose that moment to pucker up his lips and blow, sending spit all over the place.

  “Thanks,” I said. “I think I deserved that.”

  He laughed at me and reached up, trying to grab my hair.

  ***

  Fawna reluctantly hunted down Vincent’s information, admonishing me not to yell or threaten him. I didn’t tell her I’d already figured that part out with Stuart.

  It was late when I got into his part of the city.

  I’d lived in New York all my life, but once outside of Manhattan, I wasn't really all that comfortable. I’d been to Brooklyn maybe ten times in my entire life. This made eleven.

  I was just hoping I’d get through the night without getting thrown in jail. My temper was on a hair trigger and all it was going to take was one wrong look, one wrong word and I’d probably lose it.

  I came pretty damn close when I pounded on the door and nobody answered. I waited a few minutes, and then tried again. I made a quick trip around the small house. It was small, but clean and well kept. There was even room in the back for him to park a car. I allowed him use of the car he used to drive Aleena around and it wasn’t there. So maybe he wasn’t there.

  Maybe he was with Aleena.

  Maybe she hadn’t left yet.

  I sent her another message and there was no answer.

  I sent Vincent another message and there was no answer.

  I threw myself down on the front steps and stared at absolutely nothing and tried to figure out where else she could be, where Vincent might be and just what the hell I could do now.

  It was now edging up on ten-thirty and she hadn't gone back to the Hamptons. I'd asked Janice to come in so she could let me know if Aleena returned there. I’d also set the alarm on the penthouse when I left and if it had been disarmed, I’d know.

  So she wasn’t at either of our homes. She wasn’t with Molly. Fawna hadn’t heard from her and I couldn’t find the one person who would have taken her wherever she wanted to go.

  I was stuck there until I got answers from Vincent.

  ***

  It was dark and somebody had just grabbed my shoulder—

  I surged upright, reacting instantly.

  Vincent was a few feet away, standing on the balls of his feet and watching me warily. He looked different in his jeans and a t-shirt.

  I sucked in a deep breath. Disoriented, I looked around. Immediately, a pain shot up my neck to set my head to pounding.

  “You fell asleep, Mr. Snow,” Vincent said politely. He looked past me to eye the small house behind me and I noticed he was also carrying a fishing pole and tackle box. At least I assumed it was a tackle box. I can’t say I had much experience with such things.

  “Is something wrong, Sir?”

  “Yeah.” Rubbing at the back of my neck, I took the two steps down to get level with him. “Where is she?”

  Vincent cocked his head, his face blank. “Sir?”

  “Where is Aleena? You would have picked her up from the North Pole if she’d called. So where the fuck did you take her?”

  “I…” He opened his mouth, then closed it, sighing.

  “Vincent…” I kept my voice low, but there was no denying the wa
rning in it.

  “I took her to the airport.” He arched an eyebrow at me, the look on his face almost daring. “She asked me to, so I did. You told me I was to take her wherever she wanted to go and she clearly wanted to leave.”

  She clearly wanted to leave…

  I felt like he’d punched me in the chest.

  Turning away, I rubbed shaking hands over my face. “What airline?”

  He was quiet so long, I turned to look at him, but all he did was shake his head. “She had me take her to the rental car area. I don’t know if she was driving anywhere or just trying to keep me from knowing what airline.” He looked amused, in a twisted sort of way. “I guess she knew you’d be asking me questions.”

  The airport.

  Vincent must have seen something on my face and he lifted his chin, shoulders set. “Look, Mr. Snow. If you’re going to fire me, then just do it. Miss Aleena was going to leave anyway, so I—”

  “I’m not going to fire you,” I snapped. It wasn’t his fault I was an asshole. I shot him a look. “She’ll need a driver once I convince her to come back anyway.”

  Vincent’s eyebrows rose appraisingly. Then, slowly, he started to smile.

  ***

  Really, there was only one place Aleena would have gone and I was an idiot for not realizing it sooner. It took me until nearly three the next morning and it took another hour to get the necessary arrangements rolling. The plain and simple truth was that even a bastard with a lot of money had to file a flight plan.

  I didn't know what time it was when we finally got going, but as soon as we were in the air, I hit the wall. I slept until the flight attendant woke me and said we were arriving in Iowa. It was late morning or early afternoon, I supposed, but I didn't care about that. I just needed to find her.

  This was my first time visiting Iowa, but hopefully not my last.

  After all, our baby would have a grandfather here and Aleena would want her dad to have a chance to know the baby. We’d visit often.

  We.

  I had to believe that there was still a we, that I hadn’t totally ruined things.

  I’m coming, I thought, sending my thoughts out to her.

  I’m coming.

  ***

  The small town of Bolin was a tiny little dot that people would drive straight through unless they were in the mood for a meal or needing some gas from one of the three gas stations. It was almost picturesque in its neatness and it was quaint and serene and old-fashioned about it.

  I felt like the streets and building were closing in around me. There was too much space.

  But I made myself park my rented Lexus on the street right in front of the Main Street Café. I sat there for a moment, staring through the window of the small café her father owned.

  I saw her.

  She was sitting at a table in the front, talking to somebody.

  I didn’t think it was her father.

  The guy looked too young and she was smiling, shrugging. Her smile turned sad and her gaze skated away, lingering outside as her mouth moved, answering something the man had asked her.

  My heart squeezed, just staring at her.

  Mine.

  When she got up from the table a moment later, I climbed out of the car. I’d come halfway across the country for her. I was done sitting in the car and doing nothing.

  Before I could get inside, a man came outside, hauling a heavy stand through the door and settling it into place. His frame blocked me and I stood there, irritated and straining to see past him.

  When he turned and saw me, all the irritation drained away.

  Pale green eyes.

  Soft, kind, pale green eyes.

  “You’re Aleena’s father.”

  He blinked at me, then his eyes narrowed, his mouth flattening. He sighed.

  “Well,” he said. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”

  “I’m sorry?” An uncomfortable sensation settled inside me and it took me a few moments to realize I was nervous. What the hell?

  He held out a hand. “I'm Mr. Davison.”

  “Ah...Dominic Snow.” I shook his hand slowly. The fact that he hadn't given me his first name didn't bode well for me.

  “I know who you are, Mr. Snow.”

  He had a firm, solid handshake. I’d judged more than a few men by that alone and if I was to judge him here and now, I’d have to say he was a force to be reckoned with. He wouldn’t lie, bullshit or back down.

  But that wasn’t anything that caught me off-guard.

  Aleena had gotten her spine from somewhere.

  He jerked his head to the side. “Take a walk with me, Snow.”

  I shot a look back at the cafe, instinctively searching for the woman inside. But I didn’t argue. There didn’t seem to be much point considering this man was her father. If I wanted any sort of future with her, I needed to talk to her father.

  This wouldn’t be anything like the stilted courtesy between my adopted mother and Aleena. They were frigidly polite and that was all I could ask for. I loved Jacqueline St. James-Snow, but I didn’t always like her and nobody knew better than me just how difficult a person she could be.

  Sometimes I couldn't even stand to be around her.

  I wouldn't be like that with Aleena's father. If she was my family, he was too.

  He and I walked in silence for a few minutes and I couldn’t help but send another glance over my shoulder at the cafe with its simple green and white striped awning, the windows that sparkled under the wide, bright blue sunny sky. I couldn’t see her. I didn't know where she went.

  I was so close now.

  Of course, I wasn’t as close as I’d been a few minutes ago.

  “Do you know...?” His soft, rather mellow voice cut into my thoughts and I looked over at him. He was staring ahead, his voice calm and easy. “My daughter has had her heart broken exactly twice.”

  He didn’t even glance at me as he spoke.

  I didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t say anything.

  “Twice,” he said again. “The first time…” He blew out a heavy breath, shoulders slumped under the weight of that burden. “She thinks I don’t know. But I’m going to tell you right now, from one dad to another...”

  I jerked my head around and stared at him.

  He laughed out-right. “Do you think she hadn’t told me? She did.” He smiled, but this time, the smile was more than a little sad. “Aleena and I are close. I’ve been the only parent she has had in a very very long time. I had to tell her about sex and I had to take her to the store to buy all those girl things when it was time.”

  As jaded as I was, it hit me at that moment that some things could still make me blush. At least over something. This man had just managed to make it happen.

  He looked devilishly amused too. “As I was saying, from one dad to another...one who has been around the block a few times to the new kind.” He grinned then. “I’m going to warn you. There will be times when it will take everything you have in you not to commit an act of ugly, brutal violence in the name of your child.”

  “Why didn’t you?” I demanded.

  I knew what he was talking about. The guy who'd been Aleena's first. The one who'd treated her...if I’d had that piece of shit in front of me, I would have torn him apart. It didn’t matter that it had been years ago. He’d hurt her and he should suffer for it.

  “Tell me, Dominic, what sort of message would I have been giving my daughter if I’d gone after a boy who had barely started to shave because he hurt her feelings?”

  I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut. He waited, and after a moment, I blew out a breath.

  “It’s not always easy,” he said softly. “He did hurt her. Emotionally. But that’s all it was. She made her decision. He didn’t force her. Now if he had...well, no force on this earth would have protected him. But I couldn’t go after a boy because he acted like a snot-nosed punk. That’s not teaching her to be an adult. And life often has its own peculiar system o
f justice. That snot-nosed punk is now married with two kids and a third on the way from a different woman. He’s paying child support out the ass because he can’t keep his zipper closed and he’s busting his ass just to keep up. And look at everything my girl's done.”

  Pride welled inside me and I slid another look back at the cafe. The need to go to her, now, all but consumed me, but he wasn’t done.

  “And then she comes back to me again last night.” His voice hardened. “Her heart was broken. Again.”

  “I know,” I said, my voice rough. I looked at him and it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I made myself do it.

  Because I’d hurt her. I hadn't meant to, but that didn't excuse it. I took a step toward him and he lifted his chin, a boxer getting ready for a fight.

  Aleena did the same thing.

  “I love her,” I said.

  “Do you.” It was a challenge more than a question.

  “Yes.” I waited a moment before I continued and then softly, “I messed up. When she told me she was pregnant, I panicked. I’ve never once thought about having a baby. You talk about being an example to your daughter and you must have been an amazing one. You, your wife, and your mother, because Aleena is amazing herself. But I...” Pausing, I blew out a breath and looked away. I ran a hand through my hair. “It’s probably a miracle I’m alive and somewhat sane. My adopted father is a miserable excuse for a human being and it’s sad, because my birth father makes him look like the poster parent for decency. My adopted mother was the only one there for most of my life, but she’s got the social skills of an ice queen. My birth mother...”

  “I know about what happened.”

  When I looked at him, he shrugged. “I may not be in New York, but I still keep my eye on my little girl.”

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I turned away and stared out over the small, bustling town spread out in front of us. “I've had two people I could say have truly loved me unconditionally. A teacher who helped me through...some things. And my birth mother, and I just found her.”

  “That's not entirely accurate.”

  The hair on the back of my neck stood on end just as I started to tell him that he didn't know my life. But before I could, I glanced back at the cafe.