by Sarah Bailey
I smiled to myself as I made sure I had everything I needed after I dried my hair. I walked out into the hallway and slipped my heels on. Maybe tonight is what I needed. Drinks with my family and to let my hair down a little. Perhaps the stress of keeping all these secrets would melt away.
I needed to spend more time with Jen regardless. That way I might be able to keep her from finding out I was sleeping with our therapist. All I had to do was come up with a cover story for what happened last night.
That was easy.
Wasn’t it?
Chapter Eleven
Jensen
I’d almost forgotten tonight was my once a month meet up with my fellow psychotherapists from my course. Usually, I marked it in my calendar, but Tracy had to remind me before I left the office. Now I was sat in a swanky restaurant with the other seven who still lived in London with a whisky tumbler in my hand whilst they talked about their problematic clients. They all now worked in the private sector like me which is why we were here and not in some shitty bar.
“Andrews, you’ve been quiet,” Boysie said, waving his wine glass at me. “What kind of craziness have your clients got up to recently?”
Victor ‘Boysie’ Hayworth was a stuck up prick with rich parents. He most definitely looked down on me when we were training because I didn’t come from money. And he called his clients crazy which I hated. Everyone had problems and some were worse than others. Didn’t make them crazy. Mentally unstable perhaps, but if they were coming to therapy, it meant they wanted to get better. His patients deserved to be treated with respect inside and outside their sessions. Boysie didn’t understand that.
“Me? Nothing noteworthy.”
“Oh come on, old chap, I’m sure you’ve got something going on.”
My fingers on the glass tightened. The rest of them were now looking at me with interest.
“I’m treating twins.”
It was the first thing which popped in my head and I internally cursed myself for bringing it up. The last thing I needed to think about was Fiona and Jennifer. I’d only seen Fiona this morning. Letting her go proved harder than I expected. I hadn’t slept so well in forever. Having her by my side kept the dark thoughts at bay. Breathing in her scent of orange blossom and jasmine calmed me. Needing her wasn’t meant to happen, but I did.
I needed Fiona Benson like air.
“Twins?” the blonde haired Britney piped up.
“Yes, twins with childhood abuse leading to problems having relationships in their adult lives.”
“Interesting,” Gibson said before he proceeded to ask me further details about the nature of the abuse.
Boysie seemed to get bored with this ‘shop talk’ and turned his attention to Regina, who he’d been trying it on with for years. It started getting tragic a while ago considering she was married with kids and would never cheat on her husband with the likes of Boysie.
Obviously, I couldn’t give Gibson full details of the twin’s case, but the more I spoke of them, the worse the urge to know how Fiona was doing got. She seemed hesitant to leave the car this morning like she was scared of going another week without hearing from me. I wouldn’t let her feel abandoned again.
“So I wanted to talk to you about this client of mine who’s suffering from flashbacks, but none of the coping mechanisms I’ve recommended have worked,” Gibson said, waving his hand at the table. “It’s like he’s stuck on this one moment and—”
The sound of my ringtone blaring out of my pocket cut him off. I’d forgotten to put it on silent. I gave him an apologetic look as I tugged it out and checked the caller ID. My heart started racing immediately.
“Sorry, I need to take this,” I said, pushing my chair back and stepping away.
I hit answer and put the phone to my ear.
“Little one…”
“I have a bone to pick with you,” came her slurred voice.
What the fuck?
“Are you okay?”
“NO! Let go of me…” There was a lot of noise in the background and a voice telling her to put the phone down. “I’m talking.”
The sounds in the background began to dim and I assumed she’d moved further away from whoever she was with.
“Are you drunk?”
“Too many cocktails.”
I shook my head, putting my fingers on the bridge of my nose. Who had let her get in this state?
“Fiona—”
“You just want me for sex. It’s not fair. You’re so beautiful and I want you. Like really want you. My heart gets all funny when you’re right there. I want more. I deserve more. You, Mr Green Eyes, need to treat me better. Not a dirty little secret. You told me Liam didn’t deserve me. Do you? I want you to deserve me… I like you. You make me happy. Why can’t I have you? I want you.”
Well, this was just plain fucking wonderful. I didn’t have time to think about what she’d said. My priority now was making sure she was okay.
“Where are you?”
“I don’t know… a club. Jen insisted. I don’t feel good.”
“Where is Jen?”
“Ugh, snogging some guy in the corner. Liora and Ellie don’t want to leave her alone.”
So she was out with her brothers' partners and her sister. I was a little peeved they’d let Fiona get this drunk. There was only one thing I could do. I didn’t want to drag them into it, but I had no choice.
“Little one, listen to me, put one of them on the phone please.”
“But they’re not supposed to know about us.”
“Put Liora or Ellie on the phone.”
“Ugh, fine, don’t be so bossy.”
Never let it be said I was heartless enough not to go after Fiona when she was clearly too drunk to know what she was doing. Honestly, I didn’t really give a shit I’d be leaving my fellow therapists. All I cared about was making sure Fi was safe and where she belonged. At home with me where I could look after her.
“Hello?” came a tentative voice.
“Is this Liora or Ellie?”
“I’m Ellie. Who is this?”
“I’m…” What the hell did I say to that? “…Fiona’s friend. Can you tell me where you are? I want to make sure she’s okay.”
“Wait, are you this Mr Green Eyes she keeps going on about?”
As if this situation couldn’t get any worse.
“What has she been saying?”
“Nothing really, just how she had to talk to him.”
Honestly, I had no idea she even called me that. It would’ve been cute if she wasn’t wasted right now.
“Then, yes, I probably am. Will you tell me where you are, please?”
She rattled off the name of a club in Soho, which I was vaguely familiar with. Thankfully, I wasn’t too far away and would be able to get to her quickly if I left now. I asked Ellie to put Fiona back on the phone and I got her to agree to wait outside for me.
Once I hung up, I turned back to the table and pulled my wallet out of my pocket. I snagged a few notes and tucked them under my tumbler.
“I have to go deal with something,” I said to Gibson who was the only one paying any attention to me.
“A client?”
“Something like that. That should cover my share.”
He nodded and told me he’d let the rest of them know. I shrugged my coat on and left the restaurant. This definitely wasn’t how I imagined this evening going, but it couldn’t be helped. Fiona needed me and I was damned if I wasn’t going to prove to her I wanted her for more than just her body. I cared about her too much and it was clear I needed more too. I should own up to that fact. I’d told her yesterday I wasn’t going to play games with her.
I made my way to the tube station before getting off a couple of stops later. Pulling up the map on my phone, I made sure I knew where I was going before I set off. As I got closer to the club, I could see her leaning against the wall outside with one of the bounce
rs talking to her. He looked up when I approached them.
“Can I help you?” he asked, eying me warily.
Fi looked up, her eyes going wide when she took me in.
“Jensen!” she squealed before throwing herself at me.
I almost fell back but managed to keep us steady. She burrowed her way under my coat and held onto me.
“Do you know this woman?” the bouncer asked.
“Yes, she’s my… girlfriend.”
Why had I said that? He stared at me for a long moment before nodding and stepping away. I could only hope she hadn’t been listening. That was something we had to discuss when she was sober.
“Where are Liora and Ellie?” I asked, looking down at her.
“Inside,” she mumbled into my chest.
“Did you tell them you were leaving?”
“Yes.”
I wrapped my arms around her, relief flooding me. She was safe. We stayed like that for a long moment before I pulled away.
“Come on, little one, let’s get you home.”
She let me take her hand and lead her away to the tube station. When we got on the tube and sat down, she leant her head against my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“What for?”
“Calling you.”
It seemed being outside in the cold had sobered her up a little. Her speech was no longer slurred.
“It’s okay.”
She shook her head.
“No, not okay, Jensen. You shouldn’t have to deal with me like this. We’re not together.”
Hearing her say that sucker punched me in the gut.
“You’re forgetting something.”
“What?”
“You’re mine.”
“Whatever that means,” she muttered, pulling away and putting her head in her hands. I didn’t try to attempt to get her to come back. This wasn’t a discussion I wanted to have on the tube, let alone whilst alcohol coursed through her system.
We had to change tubes once before we got off. She was quiet as I led her up the road to my building. She only looked up when I opened the doors and tugged her over to the lifts.
“This isn’t my place.”
“No, I can’t take care of you there.”
I punched in the code for the penthouse when we stepped inside the lift.
“Take care of me? Why?”
I looked down at her. She was leaning up against the wall, blue eyes wide.
“Are you really asking me that?”
“Yes.”
I reached out and took her hand, tugging her closer and wrapping my free arm around her back.
“Do you think I don’t care, Fi? I assure you, I do.”
She blinked, a furrow appearing in her brow.
“But I’m just your client.”
I let out a long breath.
“You and I both know that’s not true.”
“I don’t understand you.”
Right now, neither did I. This shouldn’t be happening. She and I shouldn’t exist in the same sentence, let alone the same space like this. And yet I didn’t give a shit.
“Then let me make it very clear. You can’t tell anyone about us, but we are an us. Okay?”
Knowing this could only ever end badly because I didn’t do relationships and she was completely off limits didn’t stop those words coming out of my mouth.
She stared at me, her bottom lip trembling as the doors opened.
“I… Oh god… I feel sick.”
She put a hand over her mouth and I released her. She stumbled out of the lift with me on her heels. I took her by the arm and dragged her into the bathroom. I held her hair back whilst she threw up whatever she’d been drinking this evening. It was varying shades of orange, yellow and red, so it could’ve been anything. She groaned when she was finished, resting her head against the seat. I took the opportunity to flush.
“Alcohol is bad,” she mumbled.
“It is when you drink too much, little one.”
I left to get her a glass of water, taking my coat and shoes off before I returned. She was still hugging the seat with her eyes closed. Squatting next to her, I put my hand on her arm.
“Fiona.” She cracked an eye open. “You can’t stay here all night.”
“I feel horrible.”
“I know, but you’ll feel better when you’re in bed.”
She allowed me to help her sit up and drank when I told her to. I got her some mouthwash since I didn’t think she was capable of standing by the sink to brush her teeth. She gargled and spat it back in the cup. Once I’d cleaned that up, I picked her up off the floor and carried her into my bedroom.
Setting her down on the bed, I pulled off her heels and helped her out of her coat. My eyes roamed over her. She was wearing a very short red lace dress which revealed far too much of her skin. Not that I could say anything as she could wear what she wanted, but the thought of men seeing her like that gave me a weird feeling in my chest.
“Don’t you like it?”
“I do.”
She searched my face for a long moment.
“There’s a but…”
“No, there’s not. Now can you stand so I can undress you.”
She leant forward, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Are you taking advantage of a drunk girl?”
I sighed, shaking my head as I rose to my feet and dragged her up with me.
“No, Fiona, I’m not. I merely want to make you comfortable, but if you want to sleep in your dress then by all means.”
I turned her around and unzipped the back of her dress before tugging it off her. She shivered, her arms coming up to wrap around her waist. Okay, so I was still a man and seeing her undressed like that made it very hard to concentrate since she was wearing incredibly skimpy underwear. Didn’t mean I would try anything.
I sat her back down on the bed and went over to my chest of drawers, pulling out a t-shirt. She took her bra off and let me put it over her head. Then I got her settled under the covers, kissing her forehead.
“Jensen?”
“Yes, little one?”
“Thank you.”
I smiled and stroked her cheek. She looked so small huddled under the covers in my king-sized bed.
“Do you want me to sit with you?”
She nodded, her blue eyes cautious.
“Okay, give me a few minutes.”
When she didn’t protest, I walked out of the room. Dragging a hand through my hair, I went through to the kitchen. I refilled her glass of water and dug out some painkillers. She’d need those in the morning.
What the fuck was I doing? I’d dropped my evening plans for her. Not that I cared much about seeing them anyway. It just struck me. Fiona had dug herself so deeply under my skin in such a short space of time.
She would’ve told you to stop questioning it and let it be what it is.
I didn’t want to think about her even if that’s exactly what I should do. Just let it be. Allow myself to feel the way I did about Fiona. Let it happen. Let her in.
“I miss you every single day,” I whispered to the air.
Nothing I said would bring her back, but some days I wished it would. So I could talk to her one last time. Tell her about Fiona and the way she smiled at me like I meant something to her. I hadn’t meant anything to anyone except Josh and Sadie in a long time. It made me want to hold onto her and never let go.
Shaking myself, I took the glass and painkillers back into the bedroom and set them down on the bedside table. I stripped down to my boxers, took my contacts out, dumping them in the bin and climbed into bed next to Fiona, switching out the lights. I thought she might have fallen asleep, but she reached out and held my arm.
“You okay, little one?”
“No.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I said stupid shit to you.”
&
nbsp; Instead of responding, I shifted closer and pulled her into my arms, cradling her against my chest.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“You’re right, you do deserve better.”
“I don’t want better… I want you.”
“Why?”
A question I couldn’t help asking. She didn’t know me. Not really.
“Why not?”
“Fiona…”
She pulled back, staring up at me.
“I’m serious. We could use the excuse that you’re my therapist but we both already ignored that… or you could tell me you’re older than me, which I already told you I don’t care about. So tell me, why not? Why can’t I want you?”
“You don’t need my shit in your life.”
She reached up and held my face, her blue eyes full of emotions I couldn’t read properly because it was dark.
“Shouldn’t I get to decide if I want that or not?”
She had a point, but I wasn’t going to argue this with her when she’d been drinking.
“We’ll talk about it in the morning.”
“Jensen—”
“Please go to sleep. I promise we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
Maybe I’d have my fucking head on straight then too.
“Bossy,” she muttered, hiding her face in my chest again and wrapping her arm around my waist.
I smiled, kissing the top of her head. Still cute as hell even when drunk.
“Always,” I murmured.
It only took a few minutes for her breathing to even out and her body to relax against me. Not wanting to leave her, I stayed, closing my eyes and allowing myself to drift away into oblivion too. Christ knows I needed the sleep she’d afford me just by being here and being her.
Chapter Twelve
Fiona
My head pounded like a bass drum the moment I regained consciousness. My mouth tasted like cotton wool and my throat was scratchy. I groaned, covering my eyes against the faint morning light trying to burn me alive. Why did I drink so much last night? It was all kind of a blur. Going to dinner. Liora insisting she wasn’t drinking despite Jen harassing her. The bar with cocktails recommended by Ellie. The club where I’d danced with the girls and then… Oh god, I’d rung Jensen.