Benson Siblings Series: A Dark Romance Boxset

by Sarah Bailey

  I stared at her for a long moment. Jen wanted to talk about her therapy. It’s not like I could tell her not to, but then again, Jensen hadn’t told me anything about their sessions either. If she wanted to talk to me about them then I guess she could.

  “Oh?”

  She nodded, giving me a smile and picking up her bowl again.

  “I’ve been doing better. No more nightmares. Doctor Andrews diagnosed me with PTSD, but I didn’t want to talk about it until now. I feel like I’ve been avoiding dealing with what happened, you know? It’s not like I can forget about it, but when you block things out, they worm their way into your head again anyway. Like your subconscious bleeding into your consciousness. Least that’s how Doctor Andrews explained it, sort of. I mean he put it far more eloquently than I ever could.”

  I didn’t know much about PTSD, but I trusted Jensen’s professional opinion. And I was glad she’d been improving with his help. Dante and I wouldn’t have been able to do the same for her.

  “He’s good at that… putting things in a way you can understand.”

  “He is. He’s great, Fi. I’m so glad Dante found him. I didn’t realise how much I needed therapy until we started going. Doctor Andrews has changed my life in such a short period of time. I trusted him straight away. He has that way about him. So calm and collected. Like nothing we say fazes him. No judgement. All he wants to do is help us get better.”

  Her smile and the way her eyes lit up when she spoke of my Jensen made my stomach churn. And yes, he was my Jensen. No one else could have him. I’d staked my claim and he’d accepted it. Jen couldn’t have a crush on him, could she? Was I reading into it too much? I swallowed hard. This was my twin sister. I knew her better than anyone else. The way Jen spoke about him had all my senses tingling.

  “I’m glad he’s helped you so much.”

  My voice had got all shaky and I hoped Jen hadn’t noticed.

  “You know, I’m surprised he’s not married or anything. If he has a girlfriend, she’s a lucky woman. Imagine getting to wake up every morning to him.”

  My heart almost stopped in my chest.

  “What do you mean?”

  She grinned.

  “Come on, you must’ve noticed how hot he is.”

  I stopped breathing. This could not be happening. Jen could not have a crush on our therapist. On my boyfriend. We’d never been attracted to the same man before. Never. And he was mine. My man. She couldn’t have him.

  What the hell? Since when did I get so possessive over a guy?

  Since I met Jensen. Since I realised how deeply my feelings ran. Since he became mine.

  “Um, well, I guess so. I mean I don’t really look at him like that.”

  She rolled her eyes. I couldn’t exactly admit to staring at Jensen whenever we were in the same space as each other. He made it impossible to look away.

  “Oh well, I suppose you wouldn’t now you’re having the best sex of your life.”

  “Not to mention he’s our therapist,” I muttered.

  She shrugged.

  “Come on, Fi, it’s not like I would do anything. No harm in looking.”

  There was harm in it. Huge harm. That was my man she was turning her gaze on. Not just some random guy. My guy. I couldn’t say anything though. Admitting Jensen and I were together would be impossible.

  “He’s not some object for you to stare at, Jen. It’s his job to help you.”

  She put a hand up.

  “Okay, okay. I get it. I won’t objectify our therapist. God, you need to lighten up.”

  I bit back a retort. No one could blame me for not wanting to hear how attractive my boyfriend was from my own twin sister.

  My phone buzzed on the arm of the chair. I snagged it and checked the message.

  JENSEN: I want one of you, preferably naked.

  I could feel my face getting hot. Yes, Jensen had told me many times I was beautiful, but sending him a dirty picture was an entirely different matter.

  ME: Watching Netflix with Jen, will have to be later.

  I wasn’t going to say no to him, however, he would have to wait. I couldn’t exactly run off to snap a naked photo of myself right now. Not when Jen and I were finally having a conversation about therapy. Although I hoped to steer it away from the attractiveness of my secret boyfriend.

  “Is that lover boy?” Jen asked.

  “He’s not a boy.”

  “Okay, so lover man… No wait, that sounds wrong. How about… your sex god?”

  I rolled my eyes as I looked down at my phone again.

  JENSEN: Promise?

  ME: Don’t you trust me?

  JENSEN: Of course I do, little one.

  I shivered at the use of his pet name for me. Why did it make me feel special to him? I had no idea. He didn’t know I liked it so much. Jensen’s ego didn’t need further stroking anyway, so I’d be keeping that little fact to myself.

  ME: Then trust I’ll deliver.

  JENSEN: Good. I wouldn’t want to have to punish that little pussy of yours.

  “Is he sending you dirty messages or something?”

  I looked up at Jen, eyes wide.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re bright red.”

  I felt my cheeks, they were burning.

  Well shit.

  “Uh, no… maybe… I don’t want to talk about this.”

  Her smile was wide and she winked at me before turning back to the TV.

  ME: We both know that wouldn’t be much of a punishment.

  JENSEN: No? Well, perhaps you need bending over my armchair again.

  I put my phone down on the arm of the sofa, the implications of his words making me feel hot and bothered. He hadn’t attempted to fuck me there again since the day of Liora’s birthday party. But I wanted him to. Desperately. There’d been something so feral and exciting about the whole thing now I’d had time to process it. That day had been intense.

  “So you said you weren’t having nightmares,” I said to Jen, whilst trying to come up with a suitable reply for Jensen’s text.

  “Yeah… Well, at least I don’t wake up in the night screaming. You must’ve noticed.”

  “I had, just didn’t think you wanted to talk about it.”

  I snagged my ice cream bowl from the table and stuffed some more in my mouth since it was rapidly melting. I’d been home enough to know she wasn’t waking me up in the night any longer. Whilst I hadn’t asked, I’d assumed whatever her and Jensen talked about in her sessions was helping.

  “I want to talk about that day.”

  My hand froze with the spoon halfway to my mouth. Jen and I never talked about the day with Dad. Never.

  “What about it?”

  “All this time I’ve felt so guilty for not being able to protect you from him. I know I couldn’t have done anything, but it didn’t stop me hating him taking that power away from us. Away from me. He raped us, Fi. Both of us. He stole something we should’ve been able to give away freely to the person we chose. He didn’t give us a choice. I’ll never forgive him for it. I will hate Dad for the rest of my life. I just can’t allow him to ruin my life any longer. That’s on me, not him.”

  My heart felt tight at her words. I hated Dad too, but not with the same intensity my sister did. I saw him as a worthless excuse for a human being who manipulated everyone around him for his own screwed up agenda. He would always be evil, but I was safe from him now. We all were. Knowing he was behind bars allowed me to put that part of my life behind me.

  “I don’t want us to spend the rest of our lives not being able to talk about what happened. We’ve buried it for so long, at least I have.”

  I put the spoon back in my ice cream bowl and turned to her.

  “I never blamed you for what happened, you know that, right? It’s on Dad. We can’t always protect each other and that’s okay. We had each other that day though, I think being alone wou
ld’ve been worse. I kept thinking, at least Jen is with me. At least I don’t have to face what he’s done without her. It was the only thing which got me through the ordeal. I’m just sorry I wasn’t really present when he turned the tables on you. Doctor Andrews said it was a coping mechanism, my mind switching itself off. I don’t want you to think I didn’t care or that I was okay with what he did to you either.”

  She reached out and put a hand on mine.

  “I could never think that, Fi. Having you there helped me too. Kept me grounded. It was hard for both of us. I understand completely. Thank you for saying that though.”

  I squeezed her hand.

  “We’re going to come out the other side of this. I know we will.”

  She let go of my hand, gave me a sad smile and turned back to the TV. There wasn’t much else either of us could say. I was glad we’d had the conversation. We needed to. The day Dad raped us changed our lives forever and neither of us had come out of the ordeal unscathed. It was time we moved on with our lives and let go of the past so we could have a future.

  We finished up the episode we were watching as well as our ice cream before both of us said goodnight and I headed to my room. I stripped out of my clothes and sat on my bed, angling my phone up so I could take the photo I’d promised Jensen. When I was happy with it, I attached it to a message.

  ME: Maybe you should punish me. I’ve been a bad girl.

  I pulled on some pyjamas, curled up in bed and switched the bedside lamp off before checking to see if he’d responded.

  JENSEN: Beautiful. Bad girls need to bend over and take what they’re given.

  ME: I’ll take whatever punishment you dish out.

  JENSEN: Then you better have that tight little arse ready for me.

  I squirmed in the sheets.

  ME: I’ll come prepared.

  JENSEN: Fuck, you make me so hard. I wish you were here.

  ME: Me too. I miss you.

  I’d only seen him yesterday at our session, but I’d had to leave straight after so we didn’t really get much of a chance to just hold each other. Sex with Jensen was mind-blowing, but I relished the quiet moments too. Just being in each other’s company without the need for conversation.

  JENSEN: Miss you too. Sleep well, little one.

  ME: You too.

  I popped my phone on charge and rolled over, burrowing in the covers. Knowing he missed me made me smile. Though it immediately dropped because I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact my sister had a crush on him. It wasn’t something I could tell Jensen about. I couldn’t imagine how awkward it would be knowing your girlfriend’s sister, who was also your client, found you attractive. Especially when Jen and I were twins. Why did she have to tell me that? I could’ve gone along happily without knowing. Groaning, I shoved the thoughts away. I would be seeing him tomorrow. That’s what I needed to focus on. Spending time with the man I was falling for.

  I could forget about Jen’s little crush.

  Couldn’t I?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jensen

  “You want me to what?”

  She sat up abruptly, her blue eyes wide and worry painting her features.

  “I want you to come with me to my parent’s fortieth wedding anniversary.”

  “You cannot be serious right now.”

  If only I wasn’t. We were in bed, me reading over some patient notes on my laptop whilst she’d been curled up on her side next to me watching a TV show on my tablet. It’d been a month since I’d told her about Hailey. A month since she’d turned up and told me she’d met Ben. A month since she told me I was hers. And in that month, I’d realised I couldn’t continue hiding who she was to me. Not when her sister had made a breakthrough. Jen put her trust in me. And that guilt Fiona felt for lying to her was beginning to eat me up inside too.

  “What happened to keeping our relationship a secret? If I go to that, your brother will recognise me. Everyone will find out.”

  I put the laptop down on the bedside table and turned to her. She’d discarded the tablet next to us, having paused it when I’d started speaking.

  “Everyone is going to find out eventually.”

  “What about your career? I’m not going to be responsible for messing that up.”

  I reached out, brushing my hand along her arm.

  “I don’t want the client and therapist labels any longer,” I said, my voice quiet. “We’re so much more than that and you know it.”

  She cocked her head to the side, observing me silently.

  “You want me to quit therapy.”

  Her statement rocked through me. It was the only way we’d come out of this relatively unscathed, though, in reality, things would be difficult no matter what we did. I didn’t want to outright ask her to quit. Hearing her conversation with Dante last month was like a wake up call for me. That what we were doing was wrong. Forbidden and wrong. I wanted it to feel right. Not illicit. I wanted to hold her hand in public, take her out on dates and not feel like I was treading on thin ice. I wanted the world to know she was mine. And I was hers.

  “I can continue to treat you at home.”

  She pulled away from me, putting distance between us. Those inches felt like oceans.

  “No.”

  I stared at her as she got up and started getting dressed. Why wouldn’t she want this? We could be honest then. Admit what we were to her family and mine. The lies could stop. I knew how much she hated them.

  “No?”

  “No. I’m not quitting.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Leaving.”

  She buttoned her blouse hastily, her fingers fumbling with the buttons. I leapt off the bed and put my hands over hers, stilling her movements. She looked up at me, her blue eyes hard.

  “You can’t leave because we’re having a disagreement.”

  She ripped her hands from mine and tried to push me away, but I wouldn’t budge. I gripped both her wrists, holding her arms down by her sides.

  “Everything in our relationship is on your bloody terms. Every single thing.”

  “You know that’s not true.”

  I might demand things of her in the bedroom but outside of it, that wasn’t the case. Making Fi happy by giving her the things she needed was my only motivation. I saw her as my equal. A woman in her own right who made her own decisions. I might not want to let her go but I wasn’t keeping her here against her will. Ultimately if she truly wanted to leave me, she could.

  She didn’t struggle in my grasp although her eyes told me she wasn’t happy I’d stopped her from leaving.

  “Isn’t it? You made me keep this a secret and now you’ve decided it’s time to stop lying to everyone. You just expect me to agree with your timescale. What about my feelings? Don’t those matter to you?”

  “Of course they matter. You matter to me, Fi. More than anything.”

  “Then let me go.”

  I couldn’t. If I did that, she’d walk away from this conversation. We needed to have it. Needed to get this out in the open. What she’d said wasn’t the whole truth. She was keeping something from me and I was damned if I wasn’t going to find out why.

  “Why don’t you want to quit?”

  She shook her head, keeping her mouth firmly shut.

  “Tell me.”

  Taking a step back, she struggled against my grip. My hold on her tightened as I stepped right back into her space.

  “Just fucking tell me why you don’t want to quit.”

  She struggled harder, her feet backing away, but I was right there with her until she bumped against the wall.

  “Stop it,” she whimpered, raising our hands and shoving at my chest.

  “No. Tell. Me.”

  Her blue eyes filled with tears, but I wouldn’t let them move me. I steeled myself against the ruination they brought on. The way my gut twisted and knives dug into my heart. Making her cry was the ve
ry last thing I wanted.

  “Stop pushing me.”

  “I won’t stop until you tell me.”

  She shoved harder against me, struggling before I took her hands and pinned them against the wall.

  “Jensen, please don’t do this.”

  “I’m not fucking doing anything. You’re the one who won’t talk to me.”

  Her chin dropped to her chest and she let out a small choked sob.

  “Jen will hate me if she finds out we’re together.”

  I let go of her hands and tugged her into my arms. She gripped my t-shirt, burrowing her face in my chest.

  “What happened, little one?”

  “Jen likes you,” she mumbled into my t-shirt.

  “What do you mean?”

  I wasn’t quite sure how to take what she’d just said. Did she mean like me as a therapist or… as a person? The latter didn’t sit well with me at all.

  “She has a crush on you. I can’t blame her for it, but that’s my sister,” she choked out, pulling away and staring up at me, her blue eyes full of misery. “Jen and I don’t have the same taste in men, like ever.”

  She pushed at my chest and I dropped my arms from around her, a little shell shocked by what she’d told me. She paced away, her hands tugging at her blouse buttons agitatedly. My eyes tracked her and my body twisted to follow her around the room as she moved.

  “It made me feel sick when she told me. I wanted to scream at her for it because you’re mine, but I couldn’t. I had to stay quiet. And it killed me inside.”

  She tore off her blouse and threw it on the floor. Her eyes were full of unshed tears.

  “I can’t do this. I can’t tell her because she’ll hate me and she’ll hate you too. I can’t do that to her, not when she trusts you to help her get better. I can’t quit, not whilst she still needs you. You should’ve seen how happy she was when she told me about how she was doing. How can I be responsible for ripping that away from her? How? She’s my twin.”

  She slumped on the bed and put her head in her hands.

  “I don’t want to live a lie. I hate pretending I feel nothing for you. It’s not fair. All I want is for it to be out in the open, but she’s made that an impossibility.”