Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker

by Thomas Dekker

  POLITICK BANKRUPTISME, OR, THE FIRST DAYES TRIUMPH OF THE FIRST SINNE.

  IT is a custome in all Countries, when great personages are to be entertained, to haue great preparation made for them: and because London disdaines to come short of any City, either in Magnificence, State, or expences vpon such an occasion, solemne order was set downe, and seuen seuerall solemne dayes were appointed to receiue these seuen Potentates: for they carry the names of Princes on the earth, and wheresoe’re they inhabit, in a short time are they Lords of great Dominions.

  The first dayes Triumphs were spent in méeting and conducting Politick Bankruptisme into the Fréedome: to receiue whom, the Master, the Kéepers, and all the Prisoners of Ludgate in their best clothes stood most officiously readie: for at that Gate, his Deadlinesse challenges a kind of prerogatiue by the Custome of the Citie, and there loues he most to be let in. The thing they stood vpon, was a Scaffold erected for the purpose, stuck round about with a few gréene boughes (like an Alehouse booth at a Fayre) and couered with two or thrée thréed-bare Carpets (for prisoners haue no better) to hide the vnhandsomnes of the Carpenters worke: the boughes with the very strong breath that was prest out of the vulgar, withered, & like Autumnian leaues dropt to the ground, which made the Broken Gentleman to hasten his progresse the more, and the rather, because Lud and his two sonnes stood in a very cold place, waiting for his comming. Being vnder the gate, there stood one arm’d with an extemporall speech, to giue him the onset of his welcome: It was not (I would you should well know) the Clarke of a country parish, or the Schoolemaster of a corporate towne, ye euery yéere has a saying to Master Maior, but it was a bird pickt out of purpose (amongst the Ludgathians) that had the basest and lowdest voice, and was able in a Terme time, for a throat, to giue any prisoner great ods for ye bor at the grate: this Organpipe was funde to rore for the rest, who with a hye sound & glib deliuery, made an Encomiastick Paradoxicall Oration in praise of a prison, prouing, that captiuity was ye only blessing yt could happen to man, and that a Politick Bankrupt (because he makes himselfe for euer by his owne wit) is able to liue in any common wealth, and deserues to go vp the ladder of promotion, whe¯ fiue hundred shallowpoted feollwes shall be turnd off. The poore Orator hauing made vp his mouth, Bankruptisme gaue him very good words, & a handful or two of thanks, vowing he would euer liue in his debt. At which, all the prisoners rending the ayre with shouts, the key was turnd, & vp (in state) was he led into king Luds house of Bondage, to suruey the building, and to take possession of ye lodgings; where he no sooner ennred, but a rusty peale of welcomes was shot out of Kannes in stead of Canons, and though the powder was excéeding wet, yet off they went thick and thréefold. The day was proclaymed Holiday in all the wardes; euery prisoner swore if he would stay amongst them, they would take no order about their debts, because they would lye by it too; and for that purpose swarmd about him like Bées about Comfit-makers, and were drunke, according to all the learned rules of Drunkennes, as Vpsy-Freeze, Crabo, Parmizant, &c. the pimples of this ranck and full-humord ioy rising thus in their faces, because they all knew, that though he himselfe was broken, the linings of his bags were whole; & though he had no conscience (but a crackt one) yet he had crownes yt were round. None of all these lookes could fasten him to them: he was (like their clocks) to strike in more places than one, & though he knew many Citizens hated him, and that if he were encountred by some of them, it might cost him déere, yet vnder so good a protection did he go (as he said) because he owed no ill will euen to those that most sought his vndoing; and therefore tooke his leaue of the house, with promise, to be with them, or send to the¯ once euery quarter at the least. So that now, by his wise instructions, if a Puny were there amongst them, he might learne more cases, and more quiddits in law within seuen dayes, that he does at his Inne in fourtéene moneths.

  The Politician béeing thus got into the City, caries himself to discreetly, that he steales into the hearts of many: In words, is he circumspect: in lookes, graue: in attire, ciuill: in diet, temperate: in company affable; in his affaires serious: and so cunningly dooes he lay on these colours, that in the end he is welcome to, and familiar with the best. So that now, there is not any one of all the twelue Companies, in which (at one time or other) there are not those that haue forsaken their owne Hall, to be frée of his: yea some of your best Shop-kéepers hath he entited to shut themselues vp from the cares and busines of the world, to liue a priuate life; nay, there is not any great and famous Streete in the City, wherein there hath not (or now doth not) dwell, some one, or other, that hold the points of his Religion. For you must vnderstand, that the Politick Bankrupt is a Harpy that lookes smoothly, a Hyena that enchants subtilly, a Mermaid that sings swéetly, and a Cameleon, that can put himselfe into all colours. Sometimes hée’s a Puritane, he sweares by nothing but Indéede, or rather does not sweare at all, and wrapping his crafty Serpents body in the cloake of Religion, he does those acts that would become none but a Diuell. Sometimes hee’s a Protestant, and deales iustly with all men, till he sée his time, but in the end he turnes Turke. Because you shall beléeue me, I will giue you his length by the Scale, and Anatomize his body from head to foote. Héere it is.

  Whether he be a Tradesman, or a Marchant, when he first sets himselfe vp, and séekes to get the world into his hands, (yet not to go out of ye City) or first talks of Countries he neuer saw (vpon the Change) he will be sure to kéepe his dayes of payments more truly, then Lawyers kéepe their Termes, or than Executors kéepe the last lawes that the dead inioyned them to, which euen Infidels themselues will not violate: his hand goes to his head, to his meanest customer, (to expresse his humilitie;) he is vp earlier then a Sarieant, and downe later then a Constable, to proclaime his thrift. By such artificiall whéeles as these, he winds himselfe vp into the height of rich mens fauors, till he grow rich himselfe, and when he sées that they dare build vpon his credit, knowing the ground to be good, he takes vpon him the condition of an Asse, to any man that will loade him with gold; and vseth his credit like a Ship freighted with all sorts of Merchandize by ventrous Pilots: for after he hath gotten into his hands so much of other mens goods or money, as will fill him to the vpper deck, away he sayles with it, and politickly runnes himselfe on ground, to make the world beléeue he had sufferd shipwrack. Then flyes he out like an Irish rebell, and kéepes aloofe, hiding his head, when he cannot hide his shame: and though he haue fethers on his back puld fro¯ sundry birds, yet to himselfe is he more wretched, then ye Cuckoo in winter, that dares not be séene. The troupes of honest Citizens (his creditors) with whom he hath broken league and hath thus defyed, muster themselues together, and proclaime open warre: their bands consist of tall Yeomen, that serue on foot, co¯manded by certaine Sarieants of their bands, who for leading of men, are knowne to be of more experie¯ce than the best Low-countrey Captaines. In Ambuscado do these lye day & night, to cut off this enemy to the City, if he dare but come downe. But the politick Bankrupt barricadoing his Sconce with double locks, treble dores, inuincible bolts, and pieces of timber 4. or 5. storyes hye, victuals himselfe for a moneth or so; and then in the dead of night, marches vp higher into ye country with bag and baggage: parlies then are summond; compositions off•ed; a truce is sometimes taken for 3. or 4. yéeres; or (which is more common) a dishonorable peace (séeing no other remedy) is on both sides concluded, he (like the States) being the only gayner by such ciuill warres, whilst the Citizen that is the lender, is the loser: Nam crimine ab vno disce omnes, looke how much he snatches from one mans, hée gleanes from euery one, if they bée a hundred.

  The victory being thus gotten by basenes & trechery, back comes he marching with spred colours againe to the City; aduances in the open stréete as he did before; sees the goods of his neighbor before his face without blushing: he iets vp and downe in silks wouen out of other mens stocke, féeds deliciously vpo¯ other me¯s purses, rides on his ten pound Geldings, in other mens saddles, & is now a new man made out of wax, thats to say, out of those bonds, whose seales he
most dishonestly hath canceld. O veluet-garded Theeues! O yea-and-by-nay Cheaters! O ciuill, ô Graue and Right Worshipfull Couzeners!

  What a wretchednes is it, by such steps to clime to a counterfetted happines? So to be made for euer, is to be vtterly vndone for euer: So for a man to saue himselfe, is to venture his own damnation; like those that laboring by all meanes to escape shipwrack, do afterwards desperatly crown themselues. But alas! how rotten at the bottom are buildings thus raised! How soone do such leases grow out of date! The Third House to them is neuer heard of. What slaues then doth mony (so pur•hast) make of those, who by such wayes thinke to find out perfect fréedome? But they are most truly miserable in midst of their ioyes: for their neighbors scorne them, Strangers poynt at them, good men neglect them, the rich man will no more trust them, the begger in his rage vpbrayde• them. Yet if this were all, this all were nothing. O thou that on thy pillow (lyke a Spider in his •oome) weauest mischeuous nets, beating thy braynes, how by casting downe others, to rayse vp thy selfe!

  Thou Politick Bankrupt, poore rich man, thou ill-painted foole, when thou art to lye in thy last Inne (thy loathsome graue) how heauy a loade will thy wealth bée to thy weake corrupted Conscience! those heapes of Siluer, in telling of which thou hast worne out thy fingers ends, will be a passing bell, •olling in thine •are, and calling thée to a fearefull Audit. Thou canst not dispose of thy riches, but the naming of euery parcell will strike to thy heart, worse then the pangs of thy departure: thy last will, at the last day, will be an Inditement to cast thée; for thou art guilty of offending those two lawes (enacted in the vpper House of heauen) which directly forbid thee to steale, or to couet thy neighbors goods.

  But this is not all neither: for thou lyest on thy bed of death, and art not carde for: thou goest out of the world, and art not lamented: thou art put into the last linnen y• euer thou shalt weare, (thy winding-shéete) with reproch, and art sent into thy Graue with curses: he that makes thy Funerall Sermon, dares not speake well of thée, because he is asham’d to belye the dead: and vpon so hate full a fyle doest thou hang the records of thy life, that euen when the wormes haue pickt thée to the bare bones, those that goe ouer thee, will set vpon thée no Epitaph but this, Here lyes a knaue.

  Alack! this is not the worst neither: thy Wife being in the heate of her youth, in the pride of her beawty, and in all the brauery of a rich London Widow, flyes from her nest (where she was thus fledg’d before her time) the City, to shake off the imputation of a Bankrupts Wife, and perhaps marries with some Galla¯t: thy bags then are emptied, to hold him vp in riots: those hundreds, which thou subtilly tookst vp vpon thy bonds, do sinfully serue him to pay Tauerne bills, and what by knauery thou got•t •rom honest men, is as villanously spent vpon Pandars and Whores: thy Widow being thus brought to a low ebbe, grows desperat: curses her birth, her life, her fortunes, yea perhaps curses thée, when thou art in thy euerlasting sléepe, her conscience perswading strongly, that she is punished from aboue, for thy faults: and being poore, friendlesse, comfortlesse, she findes no meanes to raise her selfe, but by Falling, and therfore growes to be a common woma¯. Doth not ye thought of this torment thée? She liues basely by the abuse of that body, to maintaine which in costly garments, thou didst wrong to thine owne soule: nay more to afflict thée, thy children are ready to beg their bread in that very place, where the father hath sat at his dore in purple, and at his boord like Diues, surfeting on those dishes which were earnd by the sweat of other mens browes. The infortunate Marchant, whose estate is swallowed vp by the mercilesse Seas, and the prouident Trades-man, whom riotous Seruants at home, or hard-hearted debters abroad vndermine and euerthrow, blotting them with the name of Bankrupts, deserue to be pitied and relieued, when thou that hast cozend euen thine owne Brother of his Birth-right, art laught at, and not remembred, but in scorne, when thou art plagued in thy Generation.

  Be wise therefore, you Graue, and wealthy Cittizens; play with these Whales of the Sea, till you escape them that are deuourers of your Merchants; hunt these English Wolues to death, and rid the land of them: for these are the Rats that eate vp the prouision of the people: these are the Grashoppers of Egypt, that spoyle the Corne-fields of the Husband-man and the rich mans Uineyards: they will haue poore Naboths piece of ground from him, though they eate a piece of his heart for it. These are indéede (and none but these) the Forreners that liue without the fréedome of your City, better than you within it; they liue without the freedome of honestly, of conscience, and of christianitie. Ten dicing-houses cheate not yong Gentlemen of so much mony in a years, as these do you in a moneth. The théefe that dyes at Tyburne for a robbery, is not halfe so dangerous a wéede in a Common-wealth, as the Politick Bankrupt, I would there were a Derick to hang vp him too.

  The Russians haue an excellent custome: they beate them on the shinnes, that haue mony, and will not pay their debts; if that law were w•ll cudgeld from thence into England, Barbar-Surgeons might in a few yéeres build vp a Hall for their Company, larger then Powles, only with the cure of Bankrupt broken-shinnes.

  I would faine sée a prize set vp, that the welfed Usurer, and the politick Bankrupt might rayle one against another for it: ô, it would heget a riming Comedy. The Challenge of the Germayne against all the Masters of the Noble Science, would not bring in a quarter of the money: for there is not halfe so much loue betweene the Iron and the Loadestone, as there is mortall hate betwéene those two Furies. The Usurer liues by the lechery of mony, and is Bawd to his owne bags, taking a fée, that they may ingender. The Politick Bankrupt liues by the gelding of bags of Siluer. The Usurer puts out a hundred pou¯d to bréede, and lets it run in a good pasture (thats to say, in the lands that are mortgag’d for it) till it grow great with Foale, and bring forth ten pound more. But the Politick Bankrupt playes the Alchimist, and hauing taken a hundred pound to multiply it, he kéepes a puffing and a blowing, as if he would fetch the Philosophers stone out of it, yet melts your hundred pound so l•ng in his Crusibles, till at length to either melt it cleane away, or (at the least) makes him that lends it thinke good, if euery hundred bring him home •iue, with Principall and Interest.

  You may behold now in this Perspectiue piece which I haue drawne before you, how deadly and dangerous an enemy to the State this Politick Bankrupusme hath bin, & still is: It hath bin long enough in the Citty, and for anything I sée, makes no great haste to get out. His triumphs haue bin great, his entertainement rich and magnificent. He purposes to lye héere as Lucifers Legiar: let him therefore alone in his lodging (in what part of the Citty soeuer it be) tossed and turmoyled with godlesse slumbers, and let vs take vp a standing néere some other Gate, to behold the Entrance of the Second Sinne: but before you go, looke vpo¯ the Chariot that this First is drawne in, and take speciall note of all his Attendants.

  The habit, the qualities and complexion of this Embassador sent from Hell, are set downe before. He rides in a Chariot drawne vpon three whéeles, that run fastest away, when they beare the greatest loades. The bewty of the Chariot is all in-layd work, cunningly & artificially wrought, but yet so strangely, and of so many seuerall-fashiond pieces, (none like another) that a sound wit would mis•rust they had bin stolne from sundry worke-men. By this prowd Counterfet ran two Pages; on the left side Conscience, raggedly attirde, ill-fac’d, ill-coloured, and misshapen in body. On the right side runs Beggery, who if he out-liue him, goes to serue his children. Hipocrisy driues the Chariot, hauing a couple of fat well-coloured and lusty Coach-horses to the eye, cald Couetousnes and Cosenage, but full of diseases, & rotten about the heart. Behind him follow a crowd of Trades-men, and Merchants, euery one of them holding either a Shop-booke, or an Obligation in his hand, their seruants, wiues and children strawing the way before him with curses, but he carelesly runnes ouer the one, and out-rides the other; at the tayle of whom (like the Pioners of an Army) march troopewise, and without any Drum struck vp, because the Leader can abide no noyse, a company of old expert Sarieants, bold Yeomen, hungry Baylifs, and oth
er braue Martiall men, who because (like the Switzers) they are well payd, are still in Action, and oftentimes haue the enemy in execution; following the héeles of this Citty-Conqueror, so close, not for any loue they owe him, but only (as all those that follow great men do) to get mony by him. We will leaue them lying in Ambush, or holding their Courts of Gard, and take a muster of our next Regiment.

  THE SEUEN DEADLY 2. LYING. OR, THE SECOND DAYES TRIUMPH.