The Lies We Tell

by Katie Rae

  Or maybe I would follow the tunnel out to the field and look at the stars.

  I did none of that.

  Instead, I sat on Chase’s stool next to his locker and willed the locker to tell me all his secrets. I didn’t touch anything, I wasn’t that crazy, but I stared.

  He had four clean jerseys hanging up. Two changes of clothes. Athletic shorts and t-shirts folded at the top. Each locker had a safe at the top of it for personal items but his was wide open. Nothing to hide away while he wasn’t here, I guess. He had two pairs of cleats, tennis shoes, and a pair of flip flops at the bottom. On a small shelf were his deodorant, body wash, and a small picture of an older woman with his same dark eyes. His mom I assumed.

  None of this said, "Hey I have a girlfriend at home." But I tried to dissect it all anyway.

  “Creeping around?” A deep voice behind me said, startling me. I didn’t have to look to know that voice was Chase’s, so I kept my head turned toward his locker and shrugged. After all, I was kind of irrationally mad at him for having a girlfriend named Isla back at home waiting on him—maybe.

  Yeah, I wasn’t sure of that, but whatever. I needed to hate him.

  “You at my locker for a reason?” He asked. Another question I didn’t want to answer but did.

  “No,” I lied.

  “You upset about something, baby? I swear I stretched my knee when I got to my room.”

  Baby.

  “Why are you here?” I turned on his stool and asked. What were the odds he and I both ended up here tonight?

  It was his turn to shrug. “I asked you first.”

  He started walking to me, his hands in his pockets. He looked so good in his jeans and button-up top—the sleeves rolled to his elbows. His hair was perfectly coiffed, and eyes were deep with concern.

  When he got close, he squatted down to my level, much like he did every day as a catcher. His hand rested on my knee to keep himself steady and he squeezed.

  “What’s wrong?” He whispered, asking again.

  I was being ridiculous. I didn’t know for sure who Isla was, I had just decided she was his girlfriend and it really upset me. And as guilty as I would feel about sleeping in the arms of another woman’s man, I realized I was more upset that if he had a girlfriend, then that meant he was not available. He would never be more to me than he was right now.

  Maybe that was a blessing. Taking the choice away from me would make it easier to escape him because I was slowly breaking down every time I was with him. It was only a matter of time before my world blew up because of him.

  I needed to know, to settle my feelings before we had to work again tomorrow.

  “I went to get my clothes so I could change after work. When I got back to the stadium, I walked up and heard you on the phone around the corner, assuring Isla that you would see her when you got home. I didn’t stick around and that’s all I heard. But it pretty much made me think you have a woman back in Atlanta.”

  I was staring into his face, telling him the truth about overhearing him. About my assumptions. My feelings were shining like the sun.

  Jealousy.

  Madness.

  Sulkiness.

  I thought he would look disconcerted, maybe a little chagrinned.

  But he was smiling.

  Fucking. Smiling.

  I wanted to hit him. Did he really think this was funny?

  I pushed his hand off my knee and stood, walking to the door that led to the tunnel and headed to the dugout. It was a chilly night and I was in my sundress, but I needed air.

  As I expected, Chase was right on my tail, following my every step quietly. When we got to the empty dugout, Chase spun me to look at him, still smiling bigger than I thought was possible.

  “Are you jealous?” He asked.

  His pompous attitude enraged me. I couldn’t keep quiet. “Why would I be jealous when there isn’t anything to be jealous of? We aren’t a thing, Chase. We are nothing. But I am a little disappointed in you. I am disappointed that you ended up being the kind of man that takes other women to Disney World and sleeps with them in your bed when you have someone at home waiting for you to return!”

  Now he was full-on belly laughing, holding his side and shaking his head. I was so mad. I was so embarrassed. How did I let him get to me so easily?

  I stomped off again, this time onto the field. I didn’t even know if we were allowed to be out here at this time of night, but who was going to stop me?

  My heels started falling deep into the grass, making it hard to walk, so I took them off and walked barefoot. I got as far as right field when Chase caught up to me.

  “Becca, wait!” He still had amusement in his voice, but his use of my actual name caused me to halt.

  “This isn’t funny, Chase. I am so embarrassed. I am just thankful that I realized this before I ruined my career and did something stupid.”

  He sobered up, suddenly getting serious. “First of all, Isla is my housekeeper. Not my girlfriend. And I will see her when I get home—every day from 6 am to 2 pm. Because she cleans my house and shit.” I started to speak but he kept going, cutting me off. “Second of all, you’re wrong. There is something between us. We are a thing. I am not completely sure what that thing is yet, but it’s been inevitable since I laid eyes on you.”

  He took a deep breath and I remained silent, debating whether I believed him. I had no reason not to believe him. I knew before I even started going crazy on him that I was jumping to conclusions. But those conclusions were supposed to save me. I needed them to be true.

  “Lastly, just stop. Stop thinking about stupid decisions. We have already made them. We are already in too deep and you know it.”

  “We haven’t crossed the line of no return,” I mumbled.

  “I have. I have been done for since your face lit up at the sight of Disney World. Or probably when you threatened my balls in the dugout. Shit, maybe it was when I held your hand, right over there,” he pointed to where we laid the other night, looking at the stars, “and you thanked me for not kissing you.”

  Chase ran a hand through his hair and he looked up at the sky, “For fuck's sake, Becca, it may not feel like it, but I have been doing everything I can to make sure you know how I feel about you without risking your career any more than I already am. I wish I could save you. But I can’t. And I’m done trying.”

  “Done?” I asked. My heart was beating rapidly. I was trembling from every word he spoke. My heart knew everything he was saying was true. It was the truth that we had been lying to ourselves about for weeks now.

  “It’s up to you now. You tell me to walk away and I will. You tell me not to kiss you and I won’t. But I am done making the decisions. You’re gonna have to save yourself now.”

  Kiss me? He was going to kiss me. I could see it in his eyes. It was my turn to walk away. Could I? Walking away was easy to do when I was mad or upset, but knowing he was going to kiss me? I didn’t think I had the strength.

  “When I shook your hand,” I said, quietly.

  Chase looked at me confused.

  “That is when I crossed the line of no return. When I shook your hand.” It was true. Maybe I thought the point of no return was being physical with him. But he had a point. The point of no return was just as much emotional as it was physical. We could deny the physical all we wanted, but it didn’t change the chemistry between us. It didn’t change the way we felt. So I answered him with the truth: I was unequivocally lost to him the moment I touched him.

  In two steps, Chase was directly in front of me, holding my neck and tilting my face up to his. “Stop me, baby.” I shook my head, surrender in my eyes. “I can’t,” I whispered.

  And without any further hesitation, his lips were on mine. His tongue finding the seam of my lips and begging for entrance into my mouth.

  I opened willingly. Helplessly.

  He held my face to his and devoured my lips like he had been starving and was finally being fed. My hands wrapped ar
ound his forearms, trying to get closer to him even though there was no space left between us.

  I hadn’t realized how close we had gotten to the outfield wall until he backed me up against the padding of the wall and pressed his body into mine, holding me up with his strength.

  He took his right hand from my neck and grabbed my thigh, pulling it up around his waist so he could rock into me and show me how hard he was for me.

  I moaned at the feeling. We often joked about his “boners”, but this was not one of those times. This was primal and instinctual. He needed me to know what I did to him.

  Unconsciously, I grinded on him, seeking his hardness between our clothing. I was trying to find the friction my body was craving. When he realized what I needed, he grabbed my other thigh and wrapped both of my legs around his waist, opening me further to feel him.

  I tore my lips from his and moaned again. I could barely breathe. The relief I felt at finally being real with him was overwhelming.

  I continued to move my body on his, my mouth close to his ear, his mouth devouring my neck and shoulders.

  “Please,” I whispered into his ear, causing him to groan. He brought his forehead to mine, his breathing erratic.

  “Now, please,” I said against his lips.

  That was all he needed to hear to take one of his hands and start loosening his belt. With just one hand, he was going too slow for me, so I reached down and helped him. I pulled his zipper down on his jeans and loosened his pants just enough to allow him to free himself from the confines of his jeans.

  I wrapped my hand around his thickness and squeezed, eliciting a wild growl from his chest. Thank God he wasn’t wearing boxers. I didn’t have the patience for more layers. Without needing more prompting, and just as one-tracked minded as I was, Chase reached under my dress and slid my panties to the side. He slid one finger inside of me, just to make sure I was ready, and then without any more preamble, he entered me—hard and fast.

  I practically screamed with relief, but Chase stopped, “You ok?” he asked.

  “Oh God yes.”

  He brought our faces together, our lips only a breath apart as he slowly moved inside of me. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.

  “You’re not,” I whispered back.

  “Promise me you will stop me if I hurt you,” he started pounding into me, faster and faster.

  I nodded my agreement, knowing he wouldn’t hurt me. Chase was huge, but I wasn’t a virgin. So, as he sped up, I welcomed the pleasure he sent through me. I understood what he meant though. Virgin or not, Chase was fucking me with unbridled passion and a roughness I hadn't been expecting. A desperation that was finally being met with our connection.

  Before long, I was struck with a release so powerful, I nearly blacked out. And Chase was right there with me, warning me he was about to come. I felt him growing inside of me and his jerky motions started to reignite my desire instantly. Never had I come twice like this. Never had I thought I could. But I knew I was close again. And I knew he could feel me clenching him from inside.

  “I have to pull out, Princess,” he strained.

  But I shook my head, begging him not to leave me, begging him to stay inside of me. “No. Please. Don’t.”

  With one last slam, he let go and I went with him. Our voices echoed in the empty stadium as we came together, drifting off into the open air until we were able to come down from the high.

  We stayed connected, our foreheads together again, our arms wrapped around each other. Our breathing started leveling off but still, we stayed there, intertwined and connected.

  After waiting a few more minutes to get the blood back to our brains, Chase slid out of me, my panties falling back into place as he did. He tucked himself back into his jeans and looked up to me, a lazy smile on his face.

  I leaned back on the wall, my arms behind me to keep myself steady. “I’m on the pill,” I blurted. Not very romantic I guess but it was very reasonable knowledge.

  Chase just smiled and nodded, “I trust you.”

  His words made me flinch ever so slightly. Not enough that he even noticed, but enough I had to calm myself.

  I had just lied to him—again.

  I wasn’t on the pill.

  And I had never had sex without a condom.

  But Chase did that to me. He made me lose all reason and responsibility. And I wasn’t even mad about it.

  He leaned into me again and kissed me. I kissed him back, letting him know that my need for him didn’t stop once we came. I needed more.

  “Let’s get out of this stadium,” he said. I nodded and took his hand, letting him guide me back through the dugout and down to the locker room. He grabbed a few things from his locker and ordered us a ride back to the hotel.

  We went in separately but not before I asked him to come back to my room with me. He was 10 minutes behind me. Just long enough to not raise suspicions if anyone saw us.

  I had just enough time to change before he would be up, but I opted for a towel wrapped around me, instead of actual clothes. I felt like I owed him a towel show.

  But the show didn’t go according to plan. Because with one soft knock, I pulled the door open and had my lips back on his before the door even had a chance to close.

  I dropped the towel, completely naked for the first time for him. When he pulled back to look at me, his eyes got darker and darker with each pass.

  “Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he said, before coming back to my lips. I tore at his shirt, working the buttons as fast as I could while he worked his belt off again—our lips never leaving each other.

  When I finally had his shirt open, I pushed it off his shoulders and stood back to look at him. Even though I had seen him shirtless plenty of times, this was different. This was for me. I wanted to soak him in the way he did me.

  While I admired him, he slipped his jeans off and toed his way out of his socks and shoes as well. He was completely naked for me. Standing there like a statue, like a gift.

  I had just had him inside me, possessing me. I had had my hands on him, my mouth on him. But that was quick and intense, a need we had to fill before we could even move.

  Now we were here, and I wanted to slow down, soak him in.

  We each took two steps toward each other, reconnecting our lips and bodies in a fit of lust and desire. I didn’t know what would happen tomorrow. I didn’t know what any of this meant. But I did know this would destroy my career and I still couldn’t stop.

  And I didn’t want to.

  Chapter 19

  Chase

  I devoured Becca within an inch of both of our lives. It was like once we opened that door, there was no stopping us.

  I hadn’t intended on this being the outcome when I went to the stadium looking for her. I just knew I wanted to be around her.

  I needed her.

  Did I mention I found my dad?

  Technically, he found me. Or the cops found me.

  The call from the Atlanta Police Department was a little blurry because I spent most of that time, outside of the bar I was at, yelling, “What the fuck, Dad?” But I posted his fifty-thousand-dollar bail for his drunken bullshit, had Isla go get him, and tried to enjoy the rest of the night with my friends.

  I had gone back to the opposite side of the bar and ordered 10 sweet teas and told the bartender to just keep them coming. There was no way I could enjoy a buzz from alcohol after that call. Of course, I didn't want the guys catching on so they thought it was whiskey. At the rate I was downing that tea, I'm surprised they didn't wonder why I wasn't passed out on the floor yet. After my ten sweet teas, I couldn't take it anymore so I made up a lame excuse about turf toe and left before they could question me. I bailed, knowing they could find their own way back. I couldn't be around people in the mood I was in.

  Becca didn’t count as “people”. She was the one person I did want to be around.

  I needed her.

  Maybe even see if she wanted to slee
p upstairs with me again. In a purely platonic “we sleep well next to each other” way, of course.

  Yeah, I knew that didn't exist, but I had plans to convince her it was a thing. I just wanted to be near her. I had no intention of telling her how my night ended, but I knew her presence would comfort me.

  After I realized she wasn't in her room, something in my gut told me to head to the stadium. I’m not even sure why that was my first instinct. An invisible pull? So I wasn’t shocked to find her there.

  What I didn’t expect was to see her sitting on my stool, in front of my locker, looking at the contents bitterly. And I was especially thrown off by her sour disposition.

  I didn’t know what I had done or why she was so upset. But I sure as fuck forgot about my dad quicker than I had imagined possible.

  I had a whole new problem.

  Her attempt to escape to the field was fruitless. I followed behind her, determined to handle whatever she needed from me to feel better. But when she finally snapped and ranted about Isla, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

  I wasn’t happy she was upset; I wasn’t happy she thought I had a girlfriend. I wasn’t even happy that her concerns were unsound and an assumption she jumped to without even asking me first.

  But I was damn elated that she cared. That the idea of me having a girlfriend sent her into a frenzy.

  Jealousy.

  I was happy to see her jealous; to see her frazzled over me. Because it's exactly how I felt when I saw Kace walk into her room. Or when she touched Ethan. And it made me feel like we were finally on the same playing field.

  Neither one of us could go on like this. It didn’t matter if we never touched one another, the damage had been done. We were officially fucked. So, I didn’t see any need to backing away and pretending we were friends.

  We never were.

  And when she didn’t stop me from kissing her, I was done for. Something had come over me and I snapped.

  I didn’t exactly anticipate fucking her against the right field wall in the middle of a dark stadium. But consequences be damned, I got inside her and came inside her.

  Trusting her.

  Now I had fucked her two more times; once in her bed, once in the shower. She was asleep on my chest and I was savoring the quiet moment as I ran my fingers through her hair.