Shattered: A Salvation Society Novel

by Bella Emy

  “You will always be part of our family, and should things not work out for you at your new endeavor, know that you are always welcome back and we’ll take you in with open arms…”

  And now, I know exactly what I have to do.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  “Girl, I’m so happy you called and came back! I missed having you around the office so much!” Joanna throws the vodka to the back of her throat, swallowing hard. Then she cringes. “Sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

  I shake my head. “No, I know you didn’t mean it like that. It’s okay, really.” I tip back my own glass of Mojito and look toward the right.

  Somehow, after calling Mr. Elmers back and explaining the whole situation to him, I was rehired. He didn’t make a big deal about it. He knew about the fire, of course, who didn’t? He was hoping I’d call and come back, but he didn’t push me or call first because he wanted to make sure this is something I wanted.

  While I love my job at Elmers & Elmers, it’s not something I was hoping to be doing for the rest of my life. But somehow, that’s what it looks like it will be now. And although this is not a bad thing, it still makes me so sad to think that my dreams didn’t work out.

  Joanna pats me on the back. “I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you, girl. I was really happy for you finally getting to do what you really wanted… even though I missed the hell out of you around the office!”

  We giggle at her statement. I don’t start back until Monday, but after I got off the phone with Mr. Elmers, Joanna was the first one I called to let her know of the news. Of course, I would have told Erin, but she was not returning any of my missed calls.

  “I know. So, you wanted to talk? How’s everything else been going? Michael and the papers?” I ask about her upcoming divorce. Michael, her soon-to-be ex-husband, has been difficult to say the least. After she caught him tangled up in a messy affair with one of his female co-workers, she threw him out and began the divorce process. He refused to admit it was over, but it’s coming to an end, and sooner or later, he’s going to have no choice but to accept what’s done is done.

  And Joanna is done with him.

  Jo grimaces. “That piece of shit… I’m going to need another one for this conversation. Excuse me a sec.” She turns her head the other way and raises a finger. “Bartender, may I please get a refill?”

  The bartender nods, walks over and refills her glass to the brim.

  She tilts her glass higher. “Thank you.” Then turning back to face me, she says, “So, where were we?”

  I smile. “Michael and the papers?”

  Her eyes widen. “Ah, yes. Hold that thought.” She tips the cup back, draining the glass in one sip. Swallowing, she then slams it down onto the counter. “He’s still not signing but claims it’s my fault. Can you believe that?”

  Now I’m the one whose eyes are widening in disbelief. “What? Why? How is this your fault?” I take another sip of my drink.

  She pushes two thick strands of her blonde hair out of her eyes. “He said if I would have slept with him every night, he wouldn’t have felt the need to cheat and get it elsewhere.”

  I gasp. “What a jerk.”

  “The worst. Can you believe him? Like working forty plus hours a week, going home to make dinner, doing the dishes, the laundry, and keeping the house clean is an easy feat. He’s an asshole.”

  I shake my head. “Unreal.”

  She shrugs. “I’m just glad there are no kids involved. Now I see the reason why God never blessed us with them.”

  I frown. It’s sad, and I know she had wanted children for a very long time, but she and Michael were never able to have them. She’d been pregnant a few times before, but each one ended in an early miscarriage.

  She pushes back the tears, but I had already seen them forming in her eyes. I place an arm around her and embrace her. “Aww, I’m sorry, Jo. I know it’s not easy.”

  She lets me comfort her and lets herself cry it out for a bit before pulling away and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Thanks, Lexi. I don’t know why that reality still hurts after all these years.”

  “Because it’s something you’ve dreamt of your whole life… I know how that goes,” I say, thinking of my own misfortunes. Yes, I’ve dreamed of owning a lounge for a very long time, but I’ve also wanted a family—the whole husband and kids thing—of my own someday. Somehow, it seems without having a serious relationship, this dream won’t be possible.

  Serious relationship, listen to me. I sound like that’s the only thing I can’t manage. I can’t even keep a fuck buddy on the side before I blow up and scare him off without thinking of the past.

  Yeah, so maybe I hadn’t scared Kalen off. Maybe I had scared myself away, but I know for a fact it would just be a matter of time until he’d take off once more like he did way back when.

  After Joanna and I head our separate ways, I decide to use the restroom before I head back home. The last thing I need after drinking this much is to pee on myself while I’m on the ride home. No, I’m not too far from home, but still. I don’t want to take that chance.

  I head inside the stall and relieve myself. How long had I been holding that in? I shrug, wiping myself, and then walk up to the sink to wash my hands. I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror and cringe. Did I really leave the house looking the way I do?

  I’ve got on a black shirt that looks like it belonged to my grandmother. All the women my age in the bar are showing at least a little bit of cleavage. Me? I’m covered all the way up to my neck. I look up and stare at my face. Not terrible, but could be better. At least my hair is still in place.

  I leave the ladies’ room, head back to the front of the bar, and pull my cell phone out of my back pocket. Still no calls or messages from Erin. Damn, I must have really messed up this time for her not to return any of them still. I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to leave though. How could I stay any longer when I was feeling the way I was?

  Empty.

  Devastated.

  Heartbroken.

  I was heartbroken all over again. Not because of something new Kalen did, but because of all the memories that being with him brought back. How could I possibly move past them and disregard everything that took me so long to forget?

  But had I ever really forgotten if everything came rushing back the minute I set eyes on him once more?

  “Lexi, what a pleasant surprise!” I hear a familiar voice calling from behind me.

  Spinning around, I’m greeted by a handsome smile and deep blue eyes that even the dim setting of the bar can’t hide.

  I swallow hard. “Mark. How are you?”

  He walks up to me and pulls me in for a hug. “Come here, girl.”

  I suck in a deep breath but let him greet me in a very tight embrace.

  I feel his hands start running down the length of my body, and that’s when I decide to pull back. “So how’ve you been?” I ask once more, trying to divert the conversation into safer grounds.

  He stands back and lets his eyes scan my body. I’m suddenly glad I decided on a shirt that covered my cleavage. If I could shudder right now, I would. Why does he always make me feel this way? He’s not a bad looking guy at all. He’s actually very cute. But something about the way he acts and the way he carries himself just turns me off completely.

  “Good,” he almost whispers but continues assessing me. “Damn, it’s so good to see you again. You here alone?”

  “I was with Joanna… she just left, and I was on my way home.”

  He nods, still smiling at me. “A little birdie told me you were coming back to me.” A wicked smile forms on his face.

  “I’m sorry? What?”

  He chuckles, looks down at the ground before him, and then once his eyes meet with mine, his hand shuffles through his messy blond hair. “You’re coming back to work for me… my little sexy receptionist.” He licks his bottom lip and takes a step toward me.

  Can I hurl now?
<
br />   “I don’t work for you, Mark. I work for Mr. Elmers. And yes, I made the decision to come back to the office. The lounge didn’t work out.”

  He frowns and tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “Yes, I heard about that. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can make you feel better though.” He pulls me closer to him so that my body is flush with his.

  Should I let him comfort me? Maybe sleeping with him would make me forget how awful I feel about everything that happened out in California. Maybe if I lose myself with him tonight, it will take away all the pain and stress I’ve been feeling each time I relive my memories with Kalen.

  He leans closer to my ear and whispers. “Damn, sexy. Your curves feel so nice on me. Even though your tits are covered, I know how amazing that cleavage looks, and this ass…” he grips my backside, squeezing hard and adds, “is so damn tight…”

  I shake my head. I can’t do this. I can’t sleep with Mark. It wouldn’t be right.

  I push away from his hold on me. “I’m sorry, Mark. I’ve got to go, and you hitting on me will get you reported to HR. Good-bye.”

  “Wait, Lexi!” he calls out after me, but I’m already heading out the door, dashing for my car.

  “Ow… never again.” I lift my head off of the pillow but immediately decide that was a bad idea.

  Did I say bad? I mean terrible. The worst.

  It pounds. Like a damn stampede of elephants and other jungle animals running through it. Why had I decided to go out drinking last night?

  Ah, yes. Because Joanna had asked me. Because after I told her I’d be coming back to work, she had told me she needed to talk.

  But when the hell had I gotten home last night? I don’t even remember leaving the bar.

  “Ugh… how could I?” But I do remember Mark, and me almost considering to sleep with him. What the hell had I been thinking? Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe that was the crazy amount of alcohol I had consumed that evening.

  I flip over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling just long enough to realize this was yet another bad decision. Now, along with my head pounding, I feel like puking.

  Beep. Beep.

  Notifications are popping up on my phone.

  Without thinking, I snap my head to the left, looking over to my nightstand where my cell phone is sitting.

  Smart move, Lexi. Now I’m dizzy on top of everything else I was already feeling.

  Forcing myself, I sit up and grab my phone. “Holy shit…”

  There are six missed calls from Erin and two text messages, the last one all in caps:

  ERIN: CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I hit the send key and clear my throat, waiting on her to respond.

  “Took you long enough,” she answers on the second ring.

  “Sorry, rough night. What’s going on?” I want to ask her more, but I need to know what all her missed calls and texts are about.

  “So, look. I’m sorry I didn’t call or text you sooner. I was mad.”

  I let out a breath, relieved. She just wants to apologize, and I’m so thankful for it right now. I can use my best friend more than anything else in the world right now. “It’s okay. I understand. I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I was just so upset.”

  “I know. I was angry.”

  I nod, even if she can’t see me. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “I was pissed.”

  “Again, I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Lexi, you’re not hearing how upset I was.”

  “I think I am. I’m sorry, Erin.”

  “I’m sorry, too.” She sniffles.

  I want to let out a soft laugh, thankful things are good now, but I guess I should just double-check with her and make sure she doesn’t want to tell me yet again that she was cross with me. “Okay, so we’re cool?”

  She pauses for a moment. “Yes, but there’s something I need to tell you.”

  My stomach does somersaults, landing in knots. Why does her statement feel like this is not a good thing or like something she’s been avoiding? “What is it?” I take another deep breath and prepare myself for the worst.

  “I sent you an email. Read it. Call me after you do… once you forgive me. I have to run. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner.”

  Chapter Thirty

  “Good morning, Lexi.”

  “Good morning, Mr. Elmers.” I smile as my boss walks into the building on a typical Monday morning.

  He stops at my desk to pick up the mail left over for him from Friday. He and Mrs. Elmers had taken a long weekend down the shore. “How was your weekend?”

  “Good, thanks. And yours? Did Mrs. Elmers enjoy herself?” I ask after checking another one of my emails.

  He stashes the mail under his armpit and takes a sip of his own cup. “She did. We decided to go parasailing.”

  My eyes widen. “Parasailing?” My boss is in his sixties, his wife is not far behind. Granted, they’re both known for liking to do adventurous things of the like, but I seriously was not expecting that. I guess they really do like to live on the wild side.

  Mr. Elmers winks at me. “She’s quite the youngster. You should see her when she’s really on a kick, living dangerously on Sunday afternoons.”

  I furrow my brows. “Why? What does she like to do on Sunday afternoons?”

  “Gardening.”

  I can’t help but chuckle. He’s such a character.

  He taps my desk three times with his right hand. “It’s good to have you back, hun.”

  “Thank you. I’m glad to be back.” It’s not a total lie, but then again, it’s not the complete truth. If things had gone my way, I’d still have my lounge.

  He smiles, but somehow, it’s not genuine and I think he knows how I must be feeling. I wonder if he’s ever felt defeat with his business. I watch him as he spins around and then takes off toward his office.

  It’s nice being back to work and not have to worry about Mark harassing me, either. After that evening in the bar, he didn’t even give me a second glance anymore. I guess he got the message loud and clear.

  And thinking back to that night, it’s been two weeks since I last spoke to Erin. I haven’t been able to call her back and ask her why. Why hadn’t she told me sooner about the email? Why in the world had she kept something so important like that a secret from me?

  I’ve been so mad that I’m afraid if I do call her now, I’ll say something I may regret later on. Because upon reading it, all I’ve wanted to do was curse her out.

  I think back to that dreaded email that morning I was hungover. I still can’t shake the nerves.

  I had pulled open my laptop to find a handwritten letter scanned into an email. I’ll never forget the handwriting; the way one letter curled into the next, the way the capital letters took two lines… It’s just one of the things I’ll never forget about my mom.

  Dear Alexa,

  By the time you read this letter, I’ll most likely have been long gone for a very long time. Let me start by saying how much I love you, sweetheart, and how sorry I am for not being there for you. I’m sorry I won’t be there for you when you say “I do” to the man you love. I’m sorry I won’t be there for the birth of your first child or for the day when you finally open your own business because I know it’s coming. Lexi, I know that’s a dream of yours to have some kind of restaurant or bar, and I know you will have it one day in the future. You’ll stand back tall and proud of all that you’ve accomplished and smile. Just know that I’m so proud of you, too, and that I’m standing right next to you, holding you tightly. I love you. You will always be my little Lexi Bug.

  With all this being said, I know that by now, you know the truth of what happened with your first love, Kalen. Even though I won’t be around much longer after I sign this letter—it’s cancer, and I know you know this by now. But it’s eating away at me, and I’m so sorry, sweetie—I know what real love looks like, and I know you’ve found it with Kalen. Did I send him away? Yes, yes, I
did. Am I sorry for it because I knew it would hurt you? Absolutely, but at the same time, no. I’m not sorry because I need you to be taken care of, my sweet girl. Since the day that I knew your father and I were getting a divorce, I knew he wouldn’t be around to help raise you. Hell, he wasn’t around much when we were together because of work, why would he step up once it would all fall on him? He’d be a single parent. There would have been no way he would have taken the responsibility, even though you were already sixteen years old.

  So, knowing he wouldn’t be in the picture by choice and me being gone by fate, I knew you would need to find someone who could take care of you and love you the way you’re supposed to be treated. I’m not saying you won’t be able to take care of yourself. I know you’re a strong, determined young lady, and that’s why I know one day your dreams of owning your own business will take off.

  But I need someone there with you along the way. Someone strong who will be your backbone when you need them should things get hard, because in life, there will always be hard times. I just want you to not feel alone like I did for most of my marriage to your father.

  I know you love Kalen and when you read this, you’ll be so angry at me, learning that I’m the reason he pulled away from you. But one day, you will understand. Kalen comes from a poor family. How will he ever make enough to help you and raise a family with you? It can’t be done, Alexa, and I’m sparing you from the heartache that would come later when you’re married, struggling to pay the bills. I don’t want you to struggle. I want you to have an easy, wonderful life, and that’s why I made the choices I made.

  Anyway, I could go on about this forever, but time is not on my side. I hope one day you’ll forgive me, my sweet Lexi Bug. I love you with all my heart always. Please know I’m so proud of you, and I’ll always be with you in your heart.

  A mother’s love is forever, and mine for you will never go away.