Shattered: A Salvation Society Novel

by Bella Emy

  I love you,

  Mom

  Yeah, I already knew most of what I had read, but reading my mother’s words were confirmation of everything Kalen had told me.

  She really did push him away.

  She really did tell him to keep his distance from me and break up with me.

  I wipe the tears at the corners of my eyes and try to compose myself. The last thing I need is for Joanna to walk down the hall and see me in tears. I had told her everything that happened so she knew, but I really didn’t want to discuss it any further, especially not at the office.

  This doesn’t leave Erin off the hook though. I’m so furious at her for not telling me any of this sooner. If she knew about this and had this letter in her possession for so long, why hadn’t she ever said anything? Why? And how the hell did she end up having it, anyway? It was addressed to me, so what the heck gives?

  I need to find out. I need answers. I’m going to call her now and finally ask her these questions. It’s been two long weeks of wondering and trying to make sense of it all, but nothing does.

  Taking a deep breath, I pick up my cell phone from my desk and hit Erin’s number.

  It barely rings. “Lexi! I’m so glad you finally called, there’s something important I need to tell you.”

  I don’t care what she has to tell me. I just want to know why she hid things from me that she should never have. “Why, Erin?” is the first thing that blurts out of my mouth. I don’t even have a chance to prepare her for what I called to say.

  “Lexi, I know what you must be thinking, but you need to hear me out. I have to tell you something super important, and you’re going to want to hear it. I just—”

  “Hear you out? I don’t know if I want to.” I’m fuming. If someone looks at me right now, they’ll see black smoke coming out of my ears, I’m sure. “Look, I’m not interested in what you have to tell me. I just want answers. I don’t want sorry excuses. I want reasons, real reasons why you kept my mother’s letter a secret from me all these years. Why? Why didn’t you—”

  “Give me a chance to explain, Lexi!” Now she’s the one cutting me off. “You’re not letting me talk. If you give me a moment, I can tell you and give you all the answers you need.”

  I inhale deeply and decide to step back and hear what she has to say. Maybe there is a silver lining in all of this, but I just don’t know. “Okay, Erin. Talk.”

  She sucks in a breath. “I just found out about the letter once you left.”

  I furrow my brows, trying to wrap my head around what she’s saying. “What? How?” I don’t understand.

  “My mother had the letter. Your mother gave it to her to hold on to before you guys left California to head to Jersey. After you left us last week, my mother asked about you. I told her what happened. That’s when she handed me the letter and told me it was time for you to find out the truth. She made a promise to your mother before you guys left Cali.” She pauses, taking a breath. “I’m sorry you found out like this, Lexi, but you have to believe me that I had no idea. I would never keep a secret from you. You’re my best friend, and I would never imagine hurting you. I know what you went through after you and Kalen split up, and I would never dream of adding more pain to your heart. I’m sorry.”

  I consider her words, and yes, of course I know she’s telling me the truth. There is no reason for her to lie or to pretend like she had no idea about the letter. I know she didn’t.

  I feel my nerves beginning to calm just as Joanna passes my desk, waving. I smile at her and wave back. She mouths that we should grab lunch later today, and I nod. Sure. We can go out for lunch. She smiles and then walks back to her office.

  “Lexi, do you forgive me?” Erin asks after a few minutes.

  I shut my eyes tightly as the stinging of tears threaten to spill over. All these years, all this time, and I never knew any of these things I’m finding out until recently.

  “Yes, of course, I forgive you, girl.”

  Erin lets out a chuckle. “Good, because there is something important I really need to tell you.”

  I smile genuinely and giggle. Nothing can beat what I just found out so it can’t be bad. “Oh, yeah, that’s right… you had mentioned that when I called. What’s up?”

  Erin clears her throat. “Well, you may want to prepare yourself because Kalen is on his way over to see you.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “What?!”

  Erin giggles, but I’m not finding her little joke amusing.

  “Come on, stop messing with me. What is it that you really have to tell me?”

  “Lexi, I’m not joking. That’s what I was going to tell you. Kalen is on his way to Jersey to see you today.”

  My eyes widen. “What? You can’t be serious. And if you are, how do you know this?”

  “Because he stopped by my place last night… he came looking for you. He was hoping you hadn’t really left Cali like you said you were going to.”

  I furrow my eyebrows. “After all this time, he thought I was still going to be there? Why?”

  “I don’t know. I guess he was just hoping to see you.”

  I look around the office. It’s pretty dead for a Monday morning. But then again, it typically is around here anyway. “I don’t know if I believe you…”

  “Lexi! Why would I lie? He should be there really soon… he said he was going to take the first flight over this morning.”

  I scoff. “He’s a billionaire… if he was really trying to see me, he could’ve hopped on one of his jets and came to see me.”

  “His pilot is on a break… he wasn’t expecting to have to fly out anywhere anytime soon, so he had to book a flight the old-fashioned way.”

  I roll my eyes and chuckle. “Right, because people like us are beneath him.” Figures that’s the way he thinks. He definitely forgot where he came from.

  She lets out a gasp. “Lexi! He never said that.”

  I shrug. “He never had to, but even if he did, I wouldn’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth because we all know the guy is a jerk and a liar so—”

  “Lexi, that’s not fair. Kalen loves you.”

  “What?” Now I really don’t believe her. Sure, he said it to me before I left him on his boat, but as I said before, the guy is a liar. He told me he loved me years ago, too, and look at what happened.

  And then my mother’s words in her letter come crashing back to the front of my mind.

  I know you love Kalen, and when you read this, you'll be so angry at me learning that I’m the reason he pulled away from you. But one day you will understand. Kalen comes from a poor family. How will he ever make enough to help you and raise a family with you? It can’t be done, Lexi, and I’m sparing you from the heartache that would come later...

  “He told me, Lexi. He told me he loves you and he doesn’t want to lose you ever again. You should have seen his face. He was definitely telling the truth.”

  I suck in the tears. I can’t take this. “I-I just don’t know, Erin. There’s been too much hurt, too much time that passed.”

  “He’s a good guy, Lexi. Give him a chance. Now that you know the truth about everything that happened, give him the chance to prove to you that he loves you and that what you guys had is real… have is real.”

  “Nope. You were right…. had.”

  “No, Lexi. Have. Have because I know just as much as he cares about you is exactly how much you care about him.”

  I know I still love Kalen, and I know that it will take me a very long time to get over him, if that’s at all possible. Even though so many years passed, my heart still longs for him, and I know deep down inside that I love him more than anything else in the world.

  But can I give him one last and final chance? Would I freak out if we were to get together one last and final time? I don’t know. I don’t have any of these answers right now.

  “Erin, I don’t know if I can do it. If he does show up—”

  “He’s going to
show up, Lexi. He texted me when his flight touched down an hour ago. He should be pulling up to Elmers & Elmers any minute.”

  I look up at the ceiling. What am I going to do if he does show up at my job?

  It’s at this very moment that my desk phone starts ringing, and upon looking at the caller ID, I see it’s Mr. Elmers.

  “Listen, Erin… I’ve gotta go. My boss is calling me, and I have to answer it.”

  “Dammit, okay… but call me as soon as you and Kalen reunite. I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

  I chuckle, but I don’t find any of this comical. “Later, girl.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Like I said, liar. It’s after five in the evening, meaning it’s time to go home, and guess what? No Kalen.

  Can’t really say I’m surprised. The guy lies like I told Erin he does. Except now he lied to her, too. What a jerk.

  And speaking of Erin, she had to have called me about fifty times today, wondering why I haven’t called her to give her details on my reunion with Kalen. I just told her there hadn’t been a reunion because the dick hadn’t shown up yet.

  Dick.

  I hate him.

  Okay, yeah. Maybe that’s too strong of a word, but now I really don’t like him even more for getting my hopes up. Not like I really was expecting to see him, but whatever.

  Each time I told Erin there was still no sight of Kalen, she’d tell me she would be texting him, but then she wouldn’t get a response from him.

  Surprise, surprise.

  I exit the building and walk through the parking lot, looking for my car. I find it exactly where I had left it this morning and reach to unlock the door.

  “Night, Lexi. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I look over my shoulder and see Joanna walking toward me. I spin around. “Have a good night, Jo.”

  “Any plans for this evening?” she asks. I thought she was about to take off, but I guess now she wants to chat. Unfortunately, I don’t have any good things to tell her. My evening is going to be boring, eating leftovers from the previous night out of a white paper container and then passing out in front of the TV.

  I shrug. “Well, if you consider Chinese food from takeout containers and reruns of The Office a date, then I’ll be on a hot one tonight.”

  She chuckles, finding my lame sense of humor funny. It’s one of the many reasons why I love her so much and we get along so well. “Oh yeah, girl. Watching Jim on the screen while eating lo mein with chopsticks… yum, that’s hot!”

  We’re quiet for only a moment before she speaks again. “So, what’s up with Mark? I caught a little vibe from him this morning.”

  “Vibe? What kind of vibe?” Thoughts from that night at the bar come darting to the front of my mind. I shiver. I never got a chance to tell Joanna about what happened after she left the bar. I’ve seriously been trying not to think about it.

  She leans against my car and then tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, I ran into him when I went to grab a cup of coffee from the kitchen. I said hello and asked him if he knew if you were in yet, and he acted really weird… just the way he looked at me like he’d seen a ghost threw me off. Like what was up with that?”

  I look away and stand next to her against my car. “Well, I may know what that has to do with…”

  She pushes away from the car and stands in front of me. Then grabbing me by the arms of my jacket, she says, “What?! What are you talking about? You’d better fill me in!”

  I chuckle, but the memory of what had happened with him is anything but funny. “After you left that night at the bar, I ran into him. He got too touchy-feely for my liking, so I told him that if he didn’t keep his hands to himself, I’d report him to HR.”

  She lets out a gasp. “Shut up!”

  I nod. “Seriously. I didn’t appreciate his hands landing on me.”

  “Yuck, I wouldn’t either.”

  A couple of minutes go by before she adjusts her handbag’s strap on her left shoulder and says, “All right. I’d better get going. I’ve got a date.” Her lips pull into a smile.

  “You’re kidding! Seriously?”

  She nods. “Yeah. I decided it’s time to think about me.”

  “Definitely.” Thank God she’s not letting her douchebag ex-husband bring her down.

  “Well, go on then, and have a great night.”

  She lifts a hand and waves. “I hope so. I’ll see you in the morning. Night, Lex.”

  “Night, Joanna.”

  After she gets into her car and drives away, I’m about to do the same. It’s already a quarter to six, and it would be a damn shame to keep Jim Halpert waiting on me.

  “Lexi!”

  I freeze right as I grab the door to my car. That voice. I’d recognize it anywhere. I want to spin around, but it’s as if I’m stuck, immobilized right where I am.

  “Alexa Tracy Alderidge…” The voice is closer now, literally about ten feet behind me. My heart races. My breath catches in my throat, and I’m not finding the words I want to express.

  But somehow, I manage to slowly turn around. Somehow I manage to bring my gaze up to meet him. I’ve always been a sucker for his beautiful emerald green eyes. “Kalen.”

  He moves closer to me, now just mere inches away. I get the feeling he wants to take my hands in his, but he doesn’t.

  “Lexi, I’ve been trying to get here all day… I’m sorry it’s taken me forever.”

  At his words, I don’t know what to say. What does he expect me to say anyway?

  I smirk.

  “Hey, you’ve got to believe me when I say I’ve been fighting so hard to get to you.”

  Oh, do I now? And who are you, Mr. Starling, to tell me what I have to do? I fold my arms in front of my chest and raise an eyebrow. “Really? Because Erin said you texted her when you touched down… that was at like nine o’clock this morning…”

  He chuckles, but it’s void of humor. “Yes, I did touch down at nine-ish, but that was in Chicago… there were no last-minute direct flights. I had to catch a connecting one… everything was delayed.. But I finally made it to you. I wouldn’t have missed seeing your pretty face for the world…”

  Smirking again, I drop my arms and place one on my hip. I’m not buying his story. “Erin said she kept texting you to see where you were, but you didn’t respond after that time…”

  He shakes his head. “My phone died, Lexi. See?” He pulls out his phone and holds it out in front of me, pressing on the home screen to show me it’s not going on. What does he think, that I was born yesterday? He could have easily turned it off before he got here to make me try to believe him.

  I guess the look on my face is telling him he needs to try harder. “Lexi, I wouldn’t lie. I have no reason to lie. I came all this way to tell you I,” he looks down momentarily before meeting my gaze once more, and then continues, “I love you. There is nothing else I want more in this world than to be with you.”

  “You came all the way out to Jersey just to repeat the same words you told me while I was out in California, the same words you used years ago before you took off and left me…”

  Okay, yes, I know what the letter from my mother said, but for some reason, I just can’t let him off the hook that easily. If he wants to be with me and loves me like he claims he does, he’s going to have to work for it. I went through too much without him, trying desperately to mend my shattered heart all on my own. I need to know and feel deep within the depths of my heart that he means what he says. I need to be sure that he’s not going to leave me lonely once again.

  He gazes down at the ground before him once again, and then as his eyes lock with mine once more, he looks defeated. He reaches forward and grabs my hands in his. “Lexi, I was a kid back then… I didn’t know any better.” He lets out a deep breath. “And I hate to bring your mother back into this because I don’t want you to think I’m being disrespectful to her, God rest her soul, but it’s true what I said before. She wan
ted me to keep away from—”

  “I know it is. I know it’s true. Erin told me about the letter she wrote to me before she passed.”

  He furrows his brows, looking confused. “Your mother wrote you a letter?”

  Tears begin to fill my eyes, and the anger I felt for him begins to fade. I nod. “Yeah. She came clean and told me her reasons and that it was her who sent you away, making you think that if you truly cared about me, you’d leave me alone. You’d walk away without asking any questions and just let me live my life… if you truly cared about me…”

  Kalen squeezes my hands tighter in his. “I did, and I do… I love you, Lexi.” He lets my left hand go and wipes a tear that’s falling down my cheek.

  He shakes his head. “Still, I should have said something. Of course I loved you then and wanted the best for you, but I didn’t know then it meant that me leaving you wasn’t it. I didn’t know how to stand up to your mother and tell her there was no way I was leaving you, no way I was going to let you go.”

  I nod but don’t say a word to interrupt his speech.

  “I was immature and thought I was doing the right thing by you, by me, by her… I didn’t know that no matter what, love conquers all, and if you love someone, you work through it and make it work. I was just a stupid high school kid then. Please don’t hold that against me. Don’t punish me because of my naivety. Give me a chance to love you and prove to you I’m no longer that young boy, the one who let the girl of his dreams walk away, or rather, be the one who walked out on the best thing that ever happened to him because, Lexi, you… you are the best thing that ever happened to me, the greatest experience of my life, and I don’t want to lose you. I love you, Lexi. I love you so damn much, and I’m ready and willing to show you every day for the rest of my life just how much you mean to me. Please. Please come back with me to California and let’s start our life together.”

  My eyes light up through the tears, and I can’t believe what he’s telling me. “What? But how can I leave and go back to Cali with you? I just got my job back here and—”