Magic and Mayhem

by R K Dreaming

  Between large mouthfuls, Nan and Percy took turns explaining what had happened the previous evening at Max Marlowe’s house.

  On hearing the news that Hank Hyde was still alive, Shara gasped, making bits of sweetcorn fly out of her mouth.

  “Sorry!” she said quickly, reaching for a napkin to tidy up the small mess she had made on the picnic blanket.

  Felix also looked astonished. He had just taken a large mouthful of his sandwich, which he now chewed hastily and gulped hard.

  “Are you sure it was him?” he said.

  Percy nodded. “Positive. We spoke to him for over an hour.”

  She and Nan told them what he had said. How he had escaped from the conclave watch wizard who’d come after him, and how he had spent the past nine years trying to dig up the lost wildmagic hoard.

  “He’ll never find it,” Percy said. “He asked us to give him a week because apparently he’s narrowed down where the walnut might be, and then he wants to apologize to Ju— to cousin Opal, and then he will hand himself in.”

  “Apparently,” said Nan. “I don’t trust him.”

  “Well he knew all along that you couldn’t use that wand you were pointing at him the whole time,” said Percy, “since you’re an underage witch, and he didn’t try anything. So he can’t be all that bad.”

  “I could have used it,” said Nan grudgingly. “I’m just glad I didn’t have to. And anyway, you still haven’t told me what Opal’s reaction was when you told her he was still alive! Was she furious?”

  Nan’s eyes were wide. And Felix and Shara were looking at Percy eagerly too, as if this was the most interesting part of anything they had discussed today.

  “Actually, I haven’t told her yet,” said Percy.

  “Why not?” demanded Nan. “You said you would!”

  “Because actually—”

  “Because what?” shouted a voice from behind them.

  Opal stepped out from behind the groundskeeper’s shed looking incensed. She was trembling with rage.

  “Cousin Opal,” squeaked Nan. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to apologize is what!” snapped Opal, “To you all for running away from you yesterday when you were only trying to help me. I went to Lucifer to ask where you were and he said you might be here because you liked to come here sometimes. And then I arrived to find you all plotting! Plotting on how to keep the fact that my ex-husband is alive a secret from me!”

  “We weren’t!” said Nan quickly. “Percy was going to tell you yesterday. Weren’t you, Percy?” She turned desperate eyes on Percy.

  Percy nodded. “I knocked on your door last night and you didn’t open it.”

  “You should have knocked harder!” said Opal.

  She was shaking so much now that she looked like she was going to fall over. She wobbled over to the picnic blanket and she practically fell down onto it.

  “Alive…?” she said in a weak voice.

  Percy nodded.

  This was too much for Opal. She buried her face in her hands and began to rock back and forth, crying. Nan tentatively patted her back and glared at Percy.

  She glared back, mouthing, “It is not my fault!”

  The four teens all sat in silence, eating their food as quietly as possible, not daring to break the awkward silence that was disturbed only by the occasional sniffle from Opal.

  Eventually she reached out blindly for a tissue, feeling around for it because her face was still covered with her other hand. Nan quickly handed her one.

  Only after Opal had mopped up her face did she look at them.

  “I must apologize,” she said in a shaky voice. “Please forgive me for my outburst. It was just such a… shock. Such a terrible shock.”

  “We’re sorry we couldn’t break it to you more gently,” said Nan timidly.

  Opal nodded like a martyr, her lips still pressed together as if she was worried she might burst into tears again. She took a deep, trembling breath and said, “Is it true, he really is alive?”

  Percy nodded.

  “And he has all the stolen wildmagic stashed away somewhere?” She looked bewildered as she asked this.

  “He’s lost it,” said Percy. “He needs a magical password to get to it, but only Fred and George Sheedy know the password.”

  Opal’s face twitched in a way that was almost anger. “So it’s not all over,” she said in a stiff little voice. “He can’t just hand the stolen goods back in to the conclave. The Sheedys will still come after me!”

  She looked like she was about to burst into tears again.

  “But we can go to the conclave anyway,” said Shara. “They can arrest him and look for the—”

  “We can’t!” Opal said in a shrill voice. “Don’t you remember what I said about a mole? If you hand him over to the conclave then Hank will tell them where I am, and the mole will tell the Sheedys and they will come after me!”

  “We never told him where you are staying,” said Nan.

  “It doesn’t matter,” said Opal. “He’ll be able to tell them who you two are, and how long will it take for the mole to figure out where I am?”

  “But you don’t even know that a mole exists!” said Nan.

  Opal stiffened. “I am a grown witch and you are a child!” she snapped in a shrill voice. “Do you really think that you know better than me?”

  Nan looked taken aback. Her cheeks flooded with redness. “Sorry,” she muttered.

  Opal’s eyes opened wide, and she reached out an apologetic hand to Nan.

  “No, it’s me who is sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. It’s all the stress of living like this, hidden away, the burden of feeling hunted all the time. I just feel overwhelmed.”

  “It’s okay,” said Nan.

  Opal took a trembling breath. “I really don’t know what I am going to do now.”

  “I do,” said Percy, an idea suddenly popping into her head.

  Opal looked at her with wide and hopeful eyes. Trembling tears were still clinging to her eyelashes.

  “I suppose the only thing to do now is to let the Sheedys find you,” Percy said.

  Opal gasped. Nan and Shara frowned.

  A light dawned in Felix’s eyes and he said, “That’s a good idea.”

  “A good idea?” Opal said in a faint voice.

  Percy nodded. “We won’t tell them exactly where you are living, of course. We’ll need to find another house in a location that has some well-known landmarks. London has lots of places like that. We can photograph you coming out of the house, and put it out onto the internet. It’ll seem like a fan has spotted you. The Sheedys are bound to be looking out for that kind of stuff, and you can bet they’ll come to find you as soon as possible. But you won’t be there. We will, laying a trap to catch them.”

  “And once they are back in prison where they belong,” said Felix, “you’ll be safe again.”

  “But you’re only children,” she said. “I can’t let you do such a thing!”

  Percy looked meaningfully at Felix. He nodded.

  “There’s a little thing that you don’t know about Felix,” Percy explained. “He’s not just any kid. And he has access to special resources that we can use to catch these guys. These won’t be the first criminals he’s bringing down. Isn’t that right, Felix?”

  Felix nodded. “I can probably even get us access to the kind of property we need for the photograph. I’ll need to look into it, but I might be able to have something ready tomorrow after school.”

  10. The Trap

  Setting the trap turned out to be harder than Percy had expected.

  The next day at school, Percy, Nan, Felix and Shara met again at lunchtime behind the groundskeeper’s shed to discuss what needed to be done.

  Percy had brought in lamb biryani from Jeeves that Nan heated up with her wand. Percy spooned some cucumber raita over it and handed out bowls of it to everyone.

  As they all tucked into the food hungrily, Felix sai
d, “I wish I had a poltergeist in my house!”

  “Don’t we all,” said Shara. “How did you get them anyway? Do they only work for witches and wizards? Not that we could afford one, but maybe one day.…”

  Nan shook her head. “Never say anything like that in front of Jeeves!”

  “He’ll be so offended, he won’t cook for us for months,” said Percy.

  “Poltergeists don’t really work for witches and wizards,” explained Nan. “They usually come attached to particular buildings, stately homes and castles and the like. Probably because they lived there or had some kind of emotional attachment to it when they were alive. They consider it their home, and if they like the family who live there, they start taking care of them, as if they’re a part of the home too.”

  “And Jeeves is particularly loyal to mum,” said Percy. “He hardly ever does things that I ask him to do. Sometimes I think he only feeds me because he loves mum so much. He’s always complaining that I’m so thin that she is going to accuse him of not feeding me!”

  “Stately homes, huh?” said Shara glumly. “I don’t suppose I’ll ever have one then.”

  “Well you can hardly call my house a stately home,” said Percy.

  Shara snorted. “Maybe not quite on the outside, but definitely on the inside. And it’s fifty thousand times statelier than my home.”

  “Speaking of homes,” said Percy, turning to Felix. “Did you find a suitable house then?”

  Felix was shoveling a large forkful of spiced rice and lamb chunks into his mouth. He nodded, and took his time chewing and swallowing with a deep sigh of satisfaction, before saying, “Found a good one. I’m a bit surprised it’s not already being used by the Eldritch Council. I think they keep it free for visiting diplomats and things.”

  “Does it face onto a main street in London? Something that’s easily recognizable?”

  Felix nodded. “Yep. It’s on Duke of York Street near St. James’s Square.”

  “That is right back bang in the middle of Central London,” said Nan. “Isn’t that too busy?”

  “Busy might be good,” said Percy. “It’ll make the Sheedys wary about causing too much of a scene. And it means it won’t look out of place if one of us is hanging around nearby standing lookout. We don’t want to be loitering on an empty street looking suspicious. Are there any landmarks?”

  “Sort of. The Red Lion Pub is right nearby,” said Felix. “And a very upmarket menswear store. Both easily recognizable. All we need to do is get one of them into the shot.”

  “And what’s about the layout of the house inside? Did you check it out?”

  “Of course,” he said, with a grin. “You trying to say I don’t know how to do my job?”

  She threw her bunched up napkin at him. “And?” she said impatiently.

  “There’s a front entrance Opal can use and a back entrance we can use. And a few bedrooms on the first and second floors overlooking the main street. We can put her as bait in the middle one, walking in front of the window and stuff, and we can wait in pairs in the rooms on either side for when the cousins get into the house.”

  Percy nodded enthusiastically. “So we’ll wait for them to creep up the stairs and come towards her bedroom, and then we’ll spring out of the rooms on either side and trap them!”

  Felix nodded. “So me in one room with a cagenet. And Percy or Shara, one of you in the other room with a cagenet too. I can get a spare and teach you how to throw it properly. It’s kind of tricky.”

  “I am sure we can manage,” said Percy.

  She had seen him throwing one once. The large circular net of magic infused silver had unfurled like a parachute or a flower. It had been effortless and impressive.

  He raised an eyebrow. “It took me months to master it,” he said. “It’s not as easy as it looks. But so long as you get it over them, you should manage to yank it closed.”

  “If one of us is throwing the net,” said Shara, “what is the other one of us doing?”

  “We’ll need a lookout outside the house. There’s a café that is open late across the street, where one of you can wait for a while, or you can pretend to be shopping. The lookout can send us a text message to alert us when the Sheedys arrive. So that will be either Percy or Shara, depending on who is best at throwing the cagenet.”

  “And what about me?” said Nan.

  “I thought you could wait hiding on the level above,” said Felix. “You’ll be able to keep watch through the banisters in the stairway. It would be good if you could disarm them to get rid of their wands before we trap them.”

  “Or I could just knock them out with my wand?” said Nan.

  Felix nodded. “It’s just that the more magic you use, the more trouble you might be in if we get caught. I thought you might just prefer to disarm them.”

  Nan nodded. “Good point.”

  “We should get Opal there tonight to do the photograph,” said Percy. “I’ll tell her to stop taking the potion doses after school finishes. That’ll give her enough time to get to the house while she still looks like Opal. Then it’ll take maybe another hour for it to wear off fully before she returns to normal for us to take the photos.”

  “I’ve brought my dad’s camera with me,” said Nan. “It takes good wide-angle digital shots, so we can get all the landmarks in.”

  “I don’t think taking the photos is going to be the tricky part,” said Shara. “What happens afterwards? Are we going to sit in the house and wait there every evening? Are we going to need er, Juliet,” she whispered, “to be there for hours walking in front of that window as bait? I bet she won’t like that.”

  “And what if the Sheedys decide to lie in wait watching for hours and hours to make sure that it really is her going into the house and walking around inside it?” said Nan. “What if they see Opal go in, and then suddenly Juliet appears inside the house? They might get suspicious.”

  “I’ve thought about that,” said Percy. “You know that’s the part she’ll hate most. She might even chicken out if we tell her she has to go out into the street looking like herself. Maybe it should be one of us who goes into the house every evening wearing a brunette wig and big old sunglasses as if we’re her. Nan is too short, but Shara and I are around the right height. Shara wouldn’t even need the wig.”

  Shara snorted. “Yeah, I will. My hair might be brown, but even with a ton of product I couldn’t make it look as sleek as hers.”

  “No,” said Felix firmly. “It’s far too risky. What if they decide to snatch you off the streets? The rest of us will be too far away or inside the house waiting to trap them, and you’ll be gone out of our reach in a heartbeat. Especially if they decide to snatch you and etherhop!”

  “But what’s our alternative?” said Shara. “I don’t mind wearing the wig. I can be careful, and I can run quite fast.”

  She looked worried even as she said it, as if she was thinking of her mum losing her daughter after weeks of worrying about her sick son.

  “It has to be me,” said Percy. “I’ll do it.”

  “We’ll take turns,” said Shara stubbornly.

  “Actually,” said Percy, grinning. “I’ve just thought of a better idea.” She tried to tell them, but she started laughing so hard that she couldn’t get the words out.

  Nan slapped her sharply on the back. “What is it? Are you going to tell us or not?”

  Through gasps of mirth, Percy said, “Jeeves! We can dress him in the wig and big sunglasses and put white powder on his face and muffle him up in so many furs and things that they won’t be able to tell he’s not alive!” She shrieked with laughter as she pictured it in her mind.

  Nan’s mouth had dropped open and she was staring at Percy. “He’ll never agree to it. He’s too pompous!”

  “But he’s got a sense of humor,” said Percy. “And he loves a bit of intrigue. I bet he’ll jump at the chance to be involved! And it’ll be so much fun, that we can swear him to secrecy. He’ll agree, I know he
will. He loves Juliet. And the best bit is that we could do with a poltergeist as an extra pair of hands to help us out in case things go wrong!”

  Felix was nodding enthusiastically, a big grin spreading over his face. “That’s perfect! A poltergeist won’t mind floating around for hours in front of the window, and they won’t even be suspicious if he arrives all bundled up like that, because Juliet is supposed to be in hiding after all!”

  “Imagine if they actually decide to try and snatch him!” said Percy, rolling around on the picnic blanket, clutching her sides. “Imagine their surprise when they land themselves just a bunch of fancy clothes and an angry poltergeist!”

  “Imagine what a waste of our time that would be,” said Nan with disgust. “They’ll know it was a trap all along, and then we’ll never catch them.”

  Percy wiped her tears away, saying, “At least we’d have had a good laugh.”

  That day, after school ended, Cousin Opal met them at St. James’s Square as planned, and they all went to the house together.

  The outside of the house was grand, with neat evergreen bushes in pots on the doorstep. The inside of the house was full of tasteful furniture and had a somber air, as if it had been decorated to suit the tastes of people who took themselves very seriously indeed. Everything was precisely positioned for perfect functionality, and appeared to have been dusted and waxed and polished by an army of servants.

  Felix handed out spare sets of keys to everyone.

  “Don’t lose them,” he said. “I have to return them or they’re bound to notice I’ve snitched them.”

  Saying she was tired, Opal went up to the middle bedroom and took a nap while the potion wore off.

  Percy, Felix and Shara familiarized themselves with the layout of the house, and practiced what they would do when the Sheedy cousins got inside.

  Nan went to the second floor landing to see whether she could get a good view and be able to point her wand right down at the middle bedroom door on the first floor. She nodded to them from there, to indicate that she was happy with things.

  They all returned downstairs, where Percy and Shara both practiced throwing the large circular cagenets and found that Felix had not been joking when he said it was much more complicated than it looked.