After what seems an eternity of taking pictures, we continue on to the interviews. I feel so fake smiling at him and everyone but it’s the only thing I can do to get through this.
“Anything you can tell us about your upcoming project?” One of the interviewees asks Derek.
Derek chuckles. “Are you trying to get me fired? I thought we were friends!”
He’s so easy going, so good at getting people to like him. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Even now, when I’m doubting everything about our relationship, I still admire how much he loves his job and how good he is at it.
After the interviews, we finally head inside the theater. It’s dark and I’m glad because I can finally take off the fake smile off my face. We sit in the front.
“Are you sure you’re alright, Gin?” Derek asks, me leaning in to speak in my ear. People are still getting settled and the room is filled with everyone talking at the same time.
“I’m fine,” I say as I look down at the popcorn in my lap.
He doesn’t look convinced but he’s tapped on the shoulder by one of his co-stars and he turns and chats with them.
When the movie finally starts, Sadie’s words come back into my head.
Hope you like our movie.
Our movie.
Her and Derek’s movie.
The stars.
The perfect couple.
I’ve been very naive and I have a feeling that it’s time to pay the price for it.
43. the agreement
I have a whole conversation planned in my head. We’ll walk into the hotel and I’ll confront him straight away and just get it over with.
That doesn’t happen.
I end up locking myself in the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. Today was supposed to be a great night. I looked good. I felt good…until Sadie decided to say those things to me. I look at the dress and suddenly want it off. I reach out but I can’t pull the zipper down. Well damn. So much for hiding from Derek.
I unlock the door and walk out of the bathroom. Derek is taking off his jacket.
“Can you unzip me?” I ask as I pull my hair to the side and turn around.
I hear him take a few steps forward and then I feel him behind me. I catch my breath when I feel his hands on my back. The room is quiet except for the sound of the zipper as he pulls it down slowly. How is he able to make something so simple, so sexy?
He leans in and presses his lips on the back of my neck. I close my eyes as he places another kiss a little lower. And another one a little lower. He places his hands on my waist and spins me around so I’m facing him.
“Thank you,” I say trying to fight back a smile.
He smiles at me. “You, uh, need help with the straps too?” He asks amusedly.
Despite all the things going on in my head, I laugh and then I bite my lip. “I think I got it,” I say as I reach out and pull down the straps. I let the dress fall to the ground, leaving me in my underwear and strapless bra.
It’s not the time, Savannah. Don’t do it. It’s time to talk.
I ignore my own thoughts and place my palm on Derek’s chest. I push him gently so he sits on the bed then I sit on his lap, straddling him. He places his hands on my hips, his hands touch my bare skin and then we’re kissing. It’s a soft, slow kiss. It’s almost sad.
After we pull away, he places his hand on my cheek and his eyes study mine. “What’s wrong, Gin?”
I love you.
I purse my lips then look up at him. “Why did you and Sadie break up?” I ask him after a pause.
He clenches his jaw and looks away at my question. “Did she tell you something? What did she say?”
I don’t like his response so I stand up and walk to the couch where my suitcase is sitting. I open it and take out some leggings and a blouse. “Just answer the question, Derek,” I say as I get dressed.
“No,” He says standing up.
I frown as I look at him. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to talk about her,” He says as he reaches for my hand.
“We have to.” I insist.
“Why?”
“Because.” I whisper as I look into his beautiful blue eyes.
I love you.
“I need to know.” I say. “I need to know why you broke up. I need to know if you still have feelings for her.”
He looks at me for a moment and then he sighs and walks away looking frustrated. He runs a hand through his hair then reaches for his collar and takes off the bow. “You have to understand,” He says as he unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt. “I’ve known Sadie since I was seventeen. My relationship with her escalated quickly from the moment we met.” He turns around and meets my gaze. “We’ve been on and off since then.”
I nod slowly. I already knew this. What is he hiding? What is he trying so hard not to tell me? I realize that it’s best that I prepare myself for the worst case scenario.
“Did you break up with her?” I ask him, getting impatient.
He turns around and paces in front of the bed. He looks frustrated. I can tell he really doesn’t want to talk about this. But why? Is it because it hurts him to talk about her? What is he hiding from me?
“Derek,” I say after a moment. “Just tell me.” I take a step forward and reach for his arm, making the pacing come to a stop. I look up at him. “Why won’t you tell me?”
He has a frown on his face as he looks down at me. He grabs my hand and squeezes it gently. “I just don’t like talking about her, Gin.”
“No one likes talking about their ex.” I agree.
“Then why are you bringing her up?”
I look up at him. “Because I think you’re hiding something from me.”
He looks away at my words, confirming the suspicion Sadie planted in me. I was hoping she was just being a spiteful ex making up things to make me doubt Derek, but I don’t think she was lying anymore.
“Should I ask her?” I ask when Derek doesn’t say anything. “I’m sure she’ll be more than willing to tell me whatever it is you don’t want to tell me.”
Derek sighs then looks at me. “What do you want to know?”
“Why did you guys break up?”
He runs a hand through his soft hair again. The look in his eyes is distant and maybe a bit annoyed. “I proposed to her,” He says looking at me and I try not to let my chin hang in surprise. “I was ready to get married so I proposed. She said no.”
He proposed to her. He wanted to marry her. She said no? It makes no sense. To me, it seems like Sadie is very much still into him.
“Wow,” I say then I clear my throat. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. I’m surprised I haven’t heard about this from the media. They would be all over this. “How come nobody knows?” I finally ask.
I have so many questions and this one seems the most safe, for now.
He walks past me and begins to pace. “Because the next day she looked for me and said yes.”
Something inside of me breaks at his words.
I turn around and look at him. “She said yes?”
He stops and looks at me. He nods once. “Yes.”
I look at him, feeling confused and wanting him to keep going to explain. What does all of this mean? He proposed to her. She says no. She comes back the next day and changes her mind. So why did they break up? What is happening? What happened?
My chest feels tight and there’s a knot in my throat but I fight back against my emotions. I don’t want to cry. I want to know everything. I need to know the truth.
“So then what happened?” I finally ask when he doesn’t continue.
He’s being hesitant and that’s only making me more nervous and scared.
“Stella and Vikki, her manager, knew what had happened by then. So that morning, Sadie went to my house with Vikki. She apologized and said that she panicked. Then she said yes to me,” He says looking at me. I look away so he doesn’t see the hurt
in my eyes. “The four of us had a meeting then. Stella, Vikki, Sadie and me. We talked and we all agreed that maybe a break up wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. If we broke up, it would get people talking about us and with the movie coming up…it would be great publicity.”
I stop breathing, feeling shock and pain flow through my body. I can’t believe this.
I look at him. “So all this time—” I shake my head. “You guys were never broken up? Have you been cheating on her with me?”
“No, Gin.” He interrupts taking a step forward. He places his hands on my arms. “We did break up. Sadie and I—we agreed to take this as a last break before…” He takes a deep breath. “We did break up. After that meeting, we ended on good terms. She broke up with me publicly in her Instagram and it ended.”
I frown. “But you proposed and she said yes.” I shake my head. “I don’t understand any of this.”
“We’re both career oriented,” He says dropping his hands. He shrugs. “Our careers come first. So yes, even though she said yes, we sort of put a pause in our relationship because that’s what was best for both of our careers. The success of this movie is everything. Nothing gets the media more obsessed than the break-up of two co-stars.”
He’s right, of course. It’s been months since they broke up and the media is still obsessed with their relationship. They did exactly what Derek and Sadie wanted. They care so much about their careers, that they broke up for publicity. I don’t know whether that is admirable or deplorable.
“You put a pause in your relationship,” I say slowly. “What does that mean? Are you guys going to get back together and—get married?”
He looks away. “That was the agreement.”
Something inside of me shatters. It feels like my heart is breaking into a million little pieces. I can’t hold back the tears anymore. I shake my head and they fall without my permission.
“Why would you do this to me?” I demand angrily. “Why would you start a relationship with someone when you’re on a break from your fiancée?”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t plan this, Gin. I didn’t plan on meeting you. I didn’t plan on liking you and enjoying having you around.”
I shake my head. “I can’t believe this. So what? Have I been just a pastime to you? Just someone to screw while you wait until it’s time to get back together with her? How could you play with someone like that?”
“No, Gin, it’s not like that,” He says reaching for my hand. “Please don’t think that. You are not a pastime.”
“Oh, I know.” I say cleaning the tears on my face angrily. “I’m just another piece of your publicity stunt because I sure helped you fuel the fire, didn’t I?”
“This has been real for me,” He says grabbing my arms so I have to face him. “I haven’t been faking it with you, Gin, please believe that.”
He sounds sincere, but I remind myself that he is an actor. He’s an expert at convincing people whatever he wants them to believe. I think back to the amazing time we had last week with my family, with his, and the past weeks when it was just the two of us. It breaks my heart to believe that it was all just something to pass the time for him. I was just a pawn after all. To make Sadie jealous, someone to screw during their break.
“Are you—” I stop then I look up at him. “Are you getting back together with her, Derek?”
He looks at me dreadfully. He almost looks tortured by my question. “I don’t know,” He answers after a long moment of silence.
I hate his answer.
It’s the wrong answer and it shatters my heart.
I nod sadly. “Okay,” I say then I walk past him to the couch where my bag is and look for my shoes. I slip them on then begin to put everything back in.
“What are you doing?” Derek asks behind me.
“I can’t be with you when you are so uncertain about who you want to be with, Derek,” I say as I zip my bag. I grab it and reach for my phone on the bed. Then I look at him. “You can’t have both of us.”
“No, please, don’t leave,” He says as he crosses the room and stands in front of me. “Please, Gin. I’m sorry.”
I look at him for a moment because I know this might be the last time I’m alone in a room with him. This might be it. This might be the last time we speak. I know it won’t be the last time I see him because he’s literally everywhere, but it might be the last time we’re in front of each other.
This is why I get on my tip toes and press my lips against his. He seems surprised at first, but his arm goes around my waist and he kisses me back. It’s a slow, sad kiss. Nothing like the one we had earlier on the bed.
“Derek, I’m falling in love with you,” I say after we pull apart. I look into his eyes when I say this so he knows how hard it is for me to say this. I know I’m throwing my dignity out the window but I have to say it or I know I’ll regret it. “I feel pathetic saying this, but I hope you choose me. I’ll be waiting for you.”
Then I turn around and walk out of the room without another word.
44. the best match
“Three beef tenderloin, all day!”
“Heard!” I call back at Jim as he continues running the line.
It’s a usual Saturday night at work. I haven’t stopped since I came in earlier in the afternoon. My mouth is dry; there hasn’t been time to even have a drink of water. I wasn’t scheduled to work today, but I’ve been picking up shifts for the past two weeks; working whenever I can.
That’s what my life has been for the past two weeks: work and sleep.
I exhaust myself so I can sleep quickly at night because the last thing I want to do is think. Though I still manage to think about Derek.
I’m thinking about him now as I cook the beef medium rare. I think about him as I plate it then move on to the next order.
I haven’t spoken to him since the night of the movie premiere. His movie came out last Friday and from what I’ve heard, it’s been doing really well. I wish I could tell him how happy I am for him, but there’s also sadness because I know what he’s done to make sure the movie has the success it’s having.
I still can’t believe that both he and Sadie would put their professional careers before their personal lives. They chose to break up despite already being engaged, technically, just for publicity. It hurts to think about it, but they’re very much alike. Maybe they do belong together. Personally, I wouldn’t do something like that. I would’ve been devastated if Derek chose to break up with me just for publicity. Maybe that’s why I’m not the best match for him. Maybe that’s why Sadie is. Maybe he already knows this. Maybe he has already chosen her and he’s dreading to tell me.
I still wonder if he loves her. It hurts to think that he might do.
I feel for him too fast and now I’m paying to consequences.
I knew the other night was probably the last time I saw him. I might never see or talk to him again. That might’ve been it.
I haven’t allowed myself to cry. I think it’s because I keep waiting for him to appear at my doorstep and tell me that he chooses me, that he feels the same way.
At least there haven’t been stories about him and Sadie together. He’s in Miami filming and she’s back in New York, according to her Instagram. I’m back on stalking the Instagram of my ex and his girlfriend, fiancée in this case. I’m even worse than how I was before him but I still wouldn’t give up the time I got to be with him for anything.
It’s pathetic but I find comfort in knowing they’re not in the same state.
It’s just before midnight when I finish mopping the kitchen. I’m one of the last ones to leave.
I wish Kim would’ve worked today because I could really use a drink.
“Hey, Savannah.”
I’m stepping out on the sidewalk when I hear someone say my name. I stop and turn and see Jeremy standing a few feet away. He’s wearing jeans with a black hoodie. I haven’t seen him since the last time he came to look for me here, after work. What
is he doing here?
“Jeremy,” I say slowly looking around though I don’t know why. Derek and I aren’t together anymore. Sadie could be making wedding plans right now for all I know.
He raises his palms up with a smile on his face. “I come in peace.”
I offer him a small smile. “What are you doing here?”
“I was hoping we could talk? Maybe you can let me buy you an apologetic drink?”
I hesitate. “I don’t know…”
DEREK'S MATCH Page 30