“I’ll keep my hands to myself.” He promises.
I think about it then sigh. “You’re lucky I’m in need of a drink.”
He grins. “The bar’s this way, right?”
I nod then begin to walk next to him. When we get to the bar, we order a tequila each. As usual, there’s music playing in the background. It’s Saturday night so it’s more packed than usual. Nobody pays attention to Jeremy and me as we walk to one of the tables and sit down. People don’t know that Derek and I are not speaking. Have we broken up? Is he going to make some statement about it and is that how he’s going to let me know it’s officially over?
“I really do just want to apologize,” Jeremy says looking at me.
I look at him. “For hitting on me?”
“Deliberately, yes.” He admits. “I don’t usually hit on taken women.”
“So why did you?” I ask before taking a sip of my drink.
He looks at me for a moment. “Sadie asked me to.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Of course.” I already suspected that Sadie was behind it. Dammit. I’ve been so stupid.
“She wanted to create problems between you and Derek.”
I purse my lips, trying to hide my annoyance. I lean back on the booth. “Why?”
If she wanted Derek and I to break up, she could’ve just told me the truth. She probably would’ve done me a favor.
“Because she likes to mess with people’s lives.” Jeremy answers. “It sounds horrible, but she does.”
“Why did you agree to do it then?”
He takes a deep breath. “Honestly? I find great pleasure in annoying Derek. Plus, I do like you.”
I look down. “Why do you hate Derek so much?”
“Hate is a strong word. I don’t hate Derek. I dislike him. I—” He hesitates and I look up at him. He looks ashamed and maybe even embarrassed. “I envy him.” He finally admits. “He’s had it all from the beginning. He’s so good at everything without putting any effort. He doesn’t know what it’s like to fight for something. To fight for a job, to fight for a girl. He always gets what he wants and that has always annoyed the hell out of me.”
I ponder on his words for a moment. His confession isn’t pretty, but it takes a real man to admit that he envies someone, and I admire him for that and for being honest with me.
I know he’s not lying. He’s probably right. Derek has never had to fight for anything. He had talent from the beginning. He inherited the good looks from his parents along with the family name. Jeremy is right. Derek has had it all from the beginning…but is it his fault?
Is it his fault to have been born a Collins? Is it his fault to have been born with the amazing talent that he has for modeling and acting? No. It’s not. He’s lucky, for sure though.
“Sadie told me that she spoke to you in the premiere,” Jeremy says. “Did Derek finally tell you the reason they broke up?”
I nod. “Yes, he did.”
“That’s good,” He says and I look up at him with a frown. “That’s why I’m here.” He explains. “I wanted to make sure he told you or else I would have. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and didn’t think it was fair for them to keep that from you.”
“Well, thank you, but I know already,” I say. “Sadie got what she wanted.”
Yet another way her and Derek are very much alike. They always get what they want.
“I’ve never understood their obsession for each other,” Jeremy says after a moment of silence and I look down, knowing he’s talking about Sadie and Derek. “I guess that annoys me too.” He frowns. “I sound really bitter, don’t I? I think I need to stop spending so much time with Sadie.” He takes a sip of his drink.
“Did it surprise you?” I ask slowly. “That they decided to put their engagement on pause for publicity?”
He shakes his head. “Not at all. Everything Derek and Sadie do is for publicity. Their careers are the most important thing to them.” He pauses as he takes a look at my face. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I say shaking my head. “I just wish I would’ve known how intertwined they are to each other much sooner.”
“Did you break up with him?”
“I told him I can’t be with him if he’s still skeptical about getting back together with Sadie.”
Jeremy shakes his head. “You deserve so much more, Savannah.”
There’s something about the tone in his voice…
I look at him. “You believe that he’s going to get back together with her.” I realize.
He nods. “Yes. I’m one hundred percent sure they’ll be married in a few months because that’s what Sadie and Derek do: give everyone a show.”
Married.
“I’m sorry,” Jeremy says when I don’t say anything. “I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m telling you this because I know you deserve better. I’d hate for you to fall for the guy when he’s just going to end up going back to Sadie.”
It’s too late, Jeremy. It’s too late. I’ve fallen for Derek. That’s why, despite what he just said, I’m still clinging to hope. Hope that Jeremy is wrong. Hope that Derek will choose me over Sadie. Hope that we’ll continue to be together.
“Thank you,” I say, trying to hide the pain I feel in my chest. “For looking out for me.”
He smiles. “I didn’t want to leave before having this conversation with you.”
“Leave?”
He nods. “I’m going to take a break from social media. Not that anyone will notice. I’m no Derek Collins.” He jokes and I smile.
“Well, I wish you the best,” I say and mean it.
“Thank you. I wish you the same. I hope you find happiness, Savannah. If anyone deserves it, it’s you.”
His words make me sad because I know that my happiness is Derek. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do if he gets back together with Sadie, if he marries her. It would break me.
Whatever happens, I know I’ll never be the same.
45. what’s best
SADIE
I should have known Derek would be at the club. That’s what he does when life gets too real. He parties. Can’t say I blame him because I do the same.
Though I could use some dancing, so I’m glad that that’s where he is.
It’s not hard to decipher which club he’s at. I know his older brother, Colton, owns a club here in Miami. It takes me less than fifteen minutes to find him in one of the VIP tables with his co-stars.
He looks surprised to see me but recovers quickly. I can tell that he’s already drunk. Good thing I’m here to look after him. It wasn’t easy to convince Vikki to let me fly here considering I have a photoshoot tomorrow. I need to be back in LA by tomorrow afternoon.
This can’t wait.
“Hey, Sadie, you got him?”
It’s been about three hours since I got to the club. I nod at Joan, one of Derek’s friends. The music is loud, so he has to lean into my ear so I can hear him. “Yeah. I’ll get him back to his trailer.”
He nods. “Alright. Good to see you.”
After he leaves, I put my arm around Derek’s waist and pull him up. He mumbles something but it’s too loud for me to hear. Twenty minutes later, I’m following Joan's instructions to Derek’s trailer. It’s dark but it’s also a bit humid and I find myself sweating after I guide Derek into the trailer and onto his bed. He’s snoring within minutes.
Good.
I need him to sleep and sober up because we have some things to talk about tomorrow.
I take off my heels then lay down next to him on the bed and try to get some sleep.
DEREK
Everything hurts.
Fuck.
Why did I decide it was a good idea to go out last night? I should’ve stayed in bed and slept. God knows I fucking need sleep.
“Here, take these.”
I take the pills from Sadie’s palm and swallow them with some water. At least the cold shower helped a bit. I’m supposed to be on s
et in a couple hours. I really wish Sadie would go so I can sleep. I wasn’t surprised to see her in my trailer this morning because I remembered seeing her last night at the club. She didn’t tell me she was coming and I’m still wondering what she’s doing here.
The last two weeks have been busy. This show is taking all of my time. Not that I mind. I love my job. I just need to find a way to sleep.
“What are you doing here?” I ask Sadie as I sit on the couch.
We’re in my trailer so the space is obviously limited. She walks over and sits down next to me.
“We need to talk,” She says it like it’s obvious.
“Talk.” I repeat.
I’m not in the mood to talk. I’m not in the mood to do anything right now. I just want to work.
“Yes,” She says looking at me.
“Okay,” I say slowly.
She clasps her hands on her lap. “I think it’s time.”
I look down at her hands and realize that she’s wearing the diamond ring I gave her months ago when I proposed to her. I had been so proud of that ring when I finally chose one. I knew she was going to love it. It is big and expensive. Yet, she still said no to me.
When Sadie said no that night, I remember thinking: so this is what it feels like. Rejection. Ian and everyone else thought that Gin was the first girl to say ‘no’ to me. Nobody knows that Sadie said no to my proposal months ago and it stung like a bitch. Though I don’t really count it as a rejection, considering she came back the next day and said yes.
I never thought she would say no to my marriage proposal. I think we’ve always known that we would get married one day. That’s why I did it. That’s why I proposed. I remember thinking, what are we waiting for? Let’s just get it over with. We were already living together and doing everything together, might as well do it.
The publicity stunt was genius and it was Stella’s idea. Vikki was on board as soon as Stella brought it up. Many celebrities think of the media as the enemy—and they can be—but they’re also why we’re famous in the first place. It’s free publicity. Free advertising, basically. Sadie and I both knew the movie would be a hit, but we also knew that it could be an even bigger hit if we pulled this off. And it has. The movie has been doing great being at the top of the charts for another week straight.
We fucking did it…but at what cost?
“I’m doing an interview on Wednesday.” Sadie continues with a smile. “I’m going to announce it then.”
“Announce what exactly?” I ask because I’m still lost.
She rolls her eyes at me. “That we’re getting married, duh.”
I clear my throat. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.” She frowns. “We agreed on this, Derek. We agreed that once the movie was out, we would get back together and pick up where we left off. We need to stop playing around and just do it. It’s time.”
We did agree on this. Months ago. Before Gin.
She’s the one person that comes into my mind right now.
Her words have been haunting me since she said them to me that night.
I’m falling in love with you, Derek…
Fuck.
I can’t help but feel like the biggest jerk on the planet. I keep this big secret from her, and she tells me that she’s falling in love with me. Her words meant one thing: a second chance. Despite everything, she’s willing to give me a chance I don’t deserve.
I hope you choose me. I’ll be waiting for you.
The reason I kept this from her and avoided talking about Sadie at all—was because I knew that once I told her the truth, I would need to make a decision. Gin is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. She’s so real, so beautiful, so unique. I love the way she makes me feel when I’m around her. She makes me feel normal.
She was so unexpected, but I’ll always be thankful for her walking into my life.
I’ll always be grateful to Ian’s stupid app.
The moments we spent together will be the best of my life—I hope she knows that.
But now she knows the truth and she doesn’t want to play games, and she shouldn’t. I know Gin deserves better than my stupid games. Maybe that’s another reason I kept the truth from her. I was scared to see reality: she’s too good for me. She’s too mature for this. She’s too good for the sort of life that I lead. I’m sure she thinks I’m a piece of shit for choosing to pause my engagement for publicity.
And she’s probably not wrong.
I just can’t help it. My career has always come first. Being successful is all I care about. I’m ambitious and love to be the best. Gin might not understand that. I know Sadie does because she’s just like me in that sense.
“I’m in the middle of filming, Sadie, I can’t fit in an interview,” I finally say.
“You don’t have to come. I’ll do the interview and announce the happy news.” She smiles excitedly. “I’ve already been looking at dresses. I can’t wait to plan everything!”
I stand up and face the window across from the couch. I would pace if there was enough room. I feel the urge to go on a run. Or just go outside and breathe some fresh air.
“Derek?” Sadie asks standing up behind me.
I sigh as I run a hand through my hair. “I don’t know, Sadie…things aren’t the same."
“You’re not really thinking about her, right?”
I turn and look at her. “I wasn’t playing with her. I know you think I was, but I wasn’t.”
“Are you seriously thinking about staying with her?” She asks in disbelief. “She doesn’t understand your way of living, Derek. She hates cameras and interviews and being followed around. You will make her miserable. She’ll end up hating you for bringing her into our world.”
I don’t want her to hate me. I know what Sadie is saying is true. I know how uncomfortable Gin feels whenever we’re followed around by paparazzi. She doesn’t like pictures, though I don’t know why because she’s gorgeous at every angle. She doesn’t like people digging into her life. Neither do I but at least I’m used to it.
I don’t say anything and Sadie reaches for her purse.
“I have to go. I have a plane to catch. You have until Tuesday night to make a decision.” She places her hand on my arm. “If I don’t hear from you by then, I’ll announce our engagement. It’s what’s best, babe. For you and for me. We belong together.” She kisses my cheek then makes her way out.
I’m still standing there, staring out the window, when the door opens and Stella walks in.
“Just say what you need to say,” I say without looking at her when she doesn’t say anything.
She takes a step forward and looks at me. “You’re a celebrity, Derek. You’ll always be in the eye of the media. We’ve gotten this far and look at how successful you are. We can do so much more but that girl—” She pauses when I turn to look at her and give her a warning look. “She isn’t from your world. She won’t get it when you’re away for weeks or months. You’ll make her and yourself miserable.”
I clench my jaw and look away.
“Remember how much you wanted to marry Sadie. It’s because you knew that she is what’s best for you. I know you still know that.” She pauses. “You’ve always made the right decisions when it comes to your career. I know you will this time too.”
She doesn’t say anything else. She doesn’t need to. She has said what she came here to say and she turns around and walks out, leaving me alone in my own torture.
46. sixteen days
SAVANNAH
I thought that the distance between me and Derek would help me clear my head and feelings. I thought it would help me start to forget him and maybe realize that hey, I wasn’t actually falling in love! but I was so wrong.
Being away from him hurts physically and even more emotionally. Not seeing him or even speaking to him is torture. Every day, I wish he would call more than I did the previous day. And it gets even harder to fight against the urge to call him myself. I know I sho
uld most definitely not call him. I’m the one that walked away. I’m the one that told him to make a choice. I just don’t know what this silence means.
Is he still thinking about it? Shouldn’t that tell me something? It shouldn’t take him this long to choose. To choose me. Reality begins to settle in and it makes me cry every night. He doesn’t love me. He didn’t fall for me like I did for him. It was one sided.
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