Fighting Greed

by Miller, Jennifer

  “I’m in this hospital because of you?” I seethe.

  “No! God, no. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it.” She runs to her bag and grabs it before rooting around in it. She pulls a small vial out and brings it to me. “That’s what he gave me. It never even occurred to him that I wouldn’t do it, he’s so full of himself. But it’s clear he got to you somehow anyway.”

  “Actually he didn’t.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I have a severe peanut allergy and a shake I drank had peanut butter in it and I didn’t realize it. That’s why I’m here.”

  “Ryan has a peanut butter allergy too,” she says quietly.

  My son. My son has something like me. Four years. Four years I’ve missed.

  “I want you to leave.”

  “No, please. Please don’t do this. It’s why I was so afraid to tell you, I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I don’t give a fuck what you want. Did you ever consider what I would want just once, Sutton? Just once in four years? That I would want more than anything to be there for my son? To be part of my son’s life? Get out.”

  “Zane, please don’t do this.”

  “I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!” I scream so loud I swear the walls vibrate.

  Tears gather in Sutton’s eyes and fall down her cheeks.

  The door flies open and Jax and Tyson stalk inside. Tyson looks from Sutton to me and back again. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Zane?” he asks.

  “I want her out of here.”

  “Zane, please no,” she says again.

  Looking at Tyson, I nod my head and without another word he takes her arm, “You need to leave now or I’ll have security come get you,” I threaten.

  “Sutton,” Tyson says softly. “You had to know this wasn’t going to go well. You need to leave. Give him time and space.”

  She ignores him, “Fine, then call security. I’m not leaving. Zane, please,” she drops to her knees and I force myself to look at her stonily. “We can work this out. I love you. I’m sorry. I’ve been afraid, I didn’t know what to do – I’ve been controlled by him so long, I was scared. Please forgive me.” She’s full on crying now and my heart wrenches in my chest. I grit my teeth refusing to show an ounce of emotion.

  “What happened?” Jax asks confusion all over his face.

  “I’ll be contacting you in order to get a sample from Ryan for a paternity test. Until then, stay the fuck away from me.”

  Jax’s eyes widen, Tyson looks at Sutton and I know he contemplates carrying her out of here on his own, but I don’t want that on him. I pull the nurse call cord.

  “Yes, how can I help you?”“I need security to my room as soon as possible.”

  Sutton lifts her chin and stares at me while she rises to her feet. “I love you, Zane. Thank you for the time we had together. All I can do is tell you over and over again that I’m sorry. And I am. I’m so sorry.”

  Two men walk into my room. “Is there a problem sir?”

  “I want her out of my room, now. She’s not welcome here.”

  “Ma’am, you need to come with us.”

  Her head falls. She turns to them and they escort her from the room.

  When she’s gone I realize my fists were clenched so tight I drew blood.

  “Jax?”“Yeah, bro?”

  “The doctor hasn’t been in here yet. Can you find out about that for me? I want to get the fuck out of here.”

  He nods and with another look at me leaves. He knows I’ll tell him what’s going on when I’m ready.

  Tyson stands there and stares at me. I recall the lack of reaction from him and the words he spoke to Sutton.

  “You knew?”

  He nods.

  “How?”

  He shrugs, “It was obvious to me. Maybe it’s because I haven’t known you as long as the guys but I could see it clear as day. The kid is yours, no doubt about it.”

  “How did I not recognize my own son?” I choke out.

  “I bet somewhere deep inside of you, you knew he was something special. Don’t beat yourself up over that. No one in the same position would have known either.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I was going to. I gave her a chance to do it first.”

  Jax comes back in the room, “The doctor is on his way.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So, did I hear that correctly? You may have a son?”

  Looking from Tyson to Jax, I nod. There are so many emotions running through me but one thing stands out among them all, “I have a son.”

  It isn’t until I hang up the phone with Rowan to check in on Ryan to make sure he’s okay and to see if he can stay with her a little longer that I finally let the last few hours really settle in.

  And settle it does - in my heart, in my soul, in my very bones. I knew this would happen. I knew when he found out there would be no saving us. Knowing that however, in no way prepared me for the reality.

  He looked at me like I was a complete stranger. The disbelief, denial, anger that quickly morphed into fury was heart-breaking when it poured from his eyes. Especially because I know I was the cause.

  The questions he asked were many of the same I’ve asked myself over the years. Why didn’t I take a chance, ask for help, report him, run, do whatever it took to get away from Nico? I know the answer. Fear. Fear is real. It’s scary and paralyzing and crippling. I felt real fear when it came to Nico. I believed him. For a long time I believed it when he said I had no value, was weak, incapable of ever loving or being loved. And when I got even a bit stronger, he started physically hurting me or threatened me using my most important and vulnerable targets, Ryan, my work, the children I helped. There was evidence of how cruel he could be. He let me hear and see just enough to know he was one to make good on his threats. And he was controlling. He told me what I could purchase to eat, what to wear, where I could go, who I could interact with. And when he was not watching me, his goons did. I couldn’t go out of my apartment without him knowing about it. I had no doubt things would not have ended well if I had tried to sever the connection. He would not have let me choose a life without him. He truly believes that I belong to him. I am his puppet at best, his possession at worst, and not a prized one any longer. And given these realities, I don’t think things will end well now. I take solace in the fact that Zane now knows he’s Ryan’s father and no matter what happens to me, I know Ryan will be taken care of.

  When I get home, I head straight to the bathroom, take my clothes off and stand in the hot shower until my skin starts pruning. My tears mix with the water and I try to find within me relief and a bit of pride at having finally found the courage to confess the truth, but all I feel is grief. And deep loss. Loss of the present; loss of a future.

  When I get out of the shower, I wrap myself in a towel and collapse on the bed, crying myself to sleep.

  Pounding wakes me. Glancing at the clock it says eight o’clock in the morning. I slept through the afternoon and the whole evening. Clearly the release of emotions from yesterday had exhausted me.

  It takes a minute for me to realize the awakening pounding is coming from the front door. It finally stops and I close my eyes to fall back asleep, until it feels like I’m not alone.

  Opening my eyes, I practically scream when I find Nico standing in my bedroom doorway staring at me.

  “I’ve been knocking,” he accuses.

  “I’ve been sleeping. Besides, when have you knocked? You always let yourself in.”

  “True. Guess I was trying to be a gentleman.”

  “I’d laugh at that but I don’t care enough about you to do anything.”

  Sitting up I can see the sneer on his face, “Someone better check her attitude.”

  “Or what?” I bravely ask.

  His hands clench at his sides and I almost laugh.

  “What happened with Zane?”

  My heart lurches when he says Zane’s name. I don’t answ
er.

  “What happened with Zane?” he repeats.

  “None of your fucking business,” I tell him rising from my bed tightening my robe around myself and stalking past him into the kitchen. Grabbing my coffee pot, I start brewing a pot.

  Nico stalks into the kitchen. He grabs my arm tightly and yanks me to turn in his direction, coffee grounds scattering on the counter and floor. Ripping my already bruising arm from his grip, I snarl, “Don’t touch me.”

  “I’m losing my patience, amor.”

  “Don’t. Fucking. Call. Me. That.”

  He smiles knowing he’s pissing me off and all I can think about is how I want to wipe that smile off his asshole face.

  “I know Zane has been in the hospital, but if you did what you were told, that dose wasn’t enough to send anyone to the hospital, so what really happened?”

  “He ingested peanuts and he has an allergy. He went into anaphylactic shock and was rushed to the hospital.”

  He smiles and laughs, “Yes, I know.”

  “What do you mean, you know?”

  “I mean,” he grabs hold of my arm again and I can’t help it, this time I wince. “Did you really think I wasn’t going to have a backup plan? That I didn’t know you would end up disobeying me?”

  “Y-y-you…?”

  “That’s right. I planted someone to take care of him for me because I knew you wouldn’t. Of course, he took my instructions to ‘do whatever it takes’ too far. But, no matter, he’s been dealt with.”

  Ice-cold fear washes over me again, but there’s something else – fiery anger.

  He smiles, “So, while that was certainly an inconvenience, it doesn’t matter. The fight will be rescheduled and then you’ll be up to bat once again.”

  I rip my arm out of his grip not caring about the pain, “An inconvenience? He could have died!”

  He shrugs, “He didn’t. Besides, you’ll make sure to do it right next time.”

  “No.”

  Once again all humor falls from his face. This is getting to be quite amusing. It’s like a game. How many times can I piss off Nico to make him kill me? Looking at his face, I would say I’m getting pretty close.

  Like I care.

  “Need I remind you what happens if you tell me no?”

  “No need.”

  “Fine.” He throws me across the room and the impact of my head hitting the stucco wall makes a loud crack. “Just in case you had forgotten. “You may want to remember who’s in charge here. I’ll be in touch soon and once I hear the fight has been rescheduled I’ll let you know my next plan. And, next time I’m here I suggest you behave better.”

  “Behave?” I ask and begin laughing.

  “You think this is funny?” he asks.

  “I’m done behaving, Nico,” I confess pulling myself up off the floor and ignoring the dizziness. I walk back to him, “I’m not doing your bidding anymore. And based on what I did, I don’t think I’ll need to.”

  I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my mind. I realize I’m antagonizing a bear and it’s likely he’ll swipe at me with his claws and roar in my face even harder this time. But, with the mood I’m in, I don’t care. I’m done. This must end. And at some level, I know this is likely not to bode well for me.

  “What did you do?” he snarls at me intently.

  Leaning close to his face, holding his eyes with my own, I smile, “I told Zane. I told him everything. By now I’m sure all his buddies know too. So good luck motherfucker. If I were you, I’d be getting gone. I mean seriously, how did I not think about this before?”

  I laugh out loud – the kind of laugh that arises from release of pent up emotion and nervousness. And maybe the kind that arises when one sees that freedom is just ahead. But I’m taken off guard when suddenly my hair is in Nico’s fist and my head is being yanked back hard.

  “What the fuck did you say?”

  “I said that I told them everything. Every. Thing. So I’m done. I’m done being your bitch. Get the hell out of my house.”

  He smiles and it’s the most terrifying and evil thing I’ve ever seen. With my hair still in his giant hand and my head being pulled at an awkward twisted angle, he backhands me with his opposite hand so hard I feel blood in the corner of my lip, a tooth loosens and he drops me so as I land on the floor in front of him I feel a strong kick at first to my chest and then to my abdomen.

  Picking me back up with ease, he shakes me by the upper arms, “You fucking bitch,” he yells into my face. “You will pay for this.”

  Somehow I see the glass coffee pot within arm’s reach and I manage to grab it from the counter top and bring it up and in one quick motion, smash it against the side of his head.

  He screams as glass penetrates the side of his face and I take that opportunity to run. Before I can reach the door, he grabs, lifts, and tosses me effortlessly across the room and I hit the wood and glass-topped coffee table so hard that on the way down I hear it crack. I roll off of it and given the ensuing pain and breathlessness, I’m certain I’ve hurt a couple of ribs.

  Nico grabs my ankles and pulls. He climbs on top of me and punches me in the side of the face again. My nose and facial bones feel broken. Coughing, blood comes out of my mouth.

  When he lifts me to my feet I practically hang like a rag doll waiting for the next blow and associated pain. I feel totally pathetic. I think how sad that this is not a surprise. I somehow knew this was how it would end. In fact, at some level of my reasoning, I had been waiting for this. I reflect on how he’s certainly attacked and hit me before but never to this extent. I wonder if he is amazed that I’m still breathing, still alive. Somehow, the thought of him being perplexed and feeling out of control strikes me as funny.

  I begin laughing softly.

  “What’s so funny, bitch?”

  “I don’t think makeup will cover this up,” I say but I’m not sure if it comes out sounding like anything other than a jumble of words because my mouth feels so swollen.

  “I can’t believe I put up with you for so long. You were a fair cunt and a great card counter, but that’s it. You lost your appeal long ago. Especially when you closed shop on that pussy of yours. This is my bad. I should have gotten rid of you already.”

  While he’s ranting I manage to lift my hand up and I claw at his face, “Let go of me!” I feel his skin adhere to my nails as I scratch.

  He simultaneously drops and forcefully pushes me away from him and I fall into the coffee table again, and am acutely aware that it shatters and that little slivers of glass pierce me. I try to quickly scan my body and see thin, steady streams of blood flow from various places on my legs and arms. I feel something slice into my skin at my back and shoulder. The pain is agonizing. Nico crawls on top of me and his hands wrap around my neck.

  “What’s going to happen to your son now with you not here? You think that he’ll be safe from me even when he’s with his dad? Guess again. He’ll never be safe from me. I’ll watch and I’ll wait and when they least expect it, I’ll take him. I’ll run with him and I’ll raise him myself. Just to spite your memory.”

  The edges of my vision start to go black. I flail and claw at his hands and arms and reach for his face, attacking him as much as possible with my sharp nails. Realizing I’m not going to budge him I drop my hands and search frantically around the floor trying to find anything I can use to hit him with.

  Just as I find something, there’s a knock on the door, “Sutton, is everything okay in there? I hear some banging around.” It’s Vanessa’s mom. Part of me feels scared for her, but the other part of me is grateful because it distracts Nico enough to loosen his grip on my neck as he turns his head toward the door.

  What happens next seems to occur in slow motion. As I lift a piece of glass up intending to use it to slice at his hands so they are removed completely from my neck so I can scream, Nico turns around and throws his body down to tighten his grip. The glass that I’m holding enters his body so swiftly and easily that I do
n’t realize what’s happened at first.

  Blood is pouring down my hands, Nico’s eyes widen as he stares into my face then collapses on me with all his weight. I strain to push at him and he finally rolls off of me. I gasp over and over again for breath trying to fill my lungs again.

  Expecting the need to defend myself from Nico again, I turn toward him, but find his eyes remain wide and frantic. Blood gurgles out of his mouth and my eyes move to his chest to see the glass protruding from him.

  “Oh my god,” I try to sit up and my hands flutter over him unsure of what to do. Somewhere in my mind I know that I’m in shock because I’m staring at him unable to move not knowing if he is taking his last breath or if I am imaging it as my lungs fill and expand. My mind strains to make sense of the scene and at some level I know there is nothing I can do, but coldness enters my body from head to toe when I realize I’ve killed him.

  I don’t know how long I lay there. I think I pass out at some point because when I open my eyes I’m on the ground again blood all over me and around me.

  Somehow I manage to reach down to my robe pocket where I remember I had placed my phone what seems like hours ago when I got out of the shower. Bringing it to my face, it takes a couple times to enter the password as my blood-covered and stained hands tremble.

  Bringing it to my ear, I listen as the phone rings once, twice, I wonder if he sees my name and isn’t answering. I can’t say I blame him. It rings a third time.

  “Look, Sutton. I know you want to see and talk about Ryan, but can I have a little more time this morning? Please?”

  I try to respond, but only a wheeze comes out.

  “Sutton?”

  I still can’t talk and concentrate on breathing.

  “Sutton, answer me,” he demands.

  I breathe harshly. “H-h-help me.”

  “Sutton? What’s wrong?”

  “Please. Help.”