One Way or Another

by A. L. Brooks

  “Jessica.” Bethany swallowed and smiled, forcing the shape of it onto her mouth and praying she wouldn’t make a fool of herself in the next however many minutes Jessica’s presence would torture her.

  Jessica Rogers, Bethany’s long-time crush from teacher training, was standing a few feet away, eyes wide, head shaking as she grinned. She looked, of course, amazing. Her dark brown hair was longer, her face a little fuller, but she still had that…something that had tugged at Bethany all through college. Jessica had been a year ahead of Bethany, and whether it was because of that, or simply because of who she was, she’d always gone about life with an air of confidence and poise that had left Bethany both envious and breathless.

  Jessica stepped closer and opened her arms.

  A hug? Seriously? Oh, God. In all the time she’d crushed on Jessica, she’d barely even spoken to her, and had never had anything like physical contact with her. The thought of Jessica’s arms wrapping around her now almost had her hyperventilating.

  Bethany wanted to back away, but it would have been rude, so she stepped in, heart pounding, aiming to keep their contact to a minimum lest she combust. She held her breath and held Jessica loosely, scared to feel that body against hers. Scared of what she might do if she held on too long. Jessica’s perfume filled her nostrils, something light and fruity, and she bit back a moan as Jessica’s arms pressed into her back and shoulders as she squeezed.

  “Gosh, it’s been years, hasn’t it?” Jessica observed as she pulled back from the hug. “How are you?”

  Shaking, and trying hard not to show it, Bethany replied, “I’m well. And you?” How can you still look so…everything?

  “Marvellous. Life is good.”

  “That’s great. Just…great.”

  “I take it you’re still teaching, then, given you’re here?” Jessica grinned.

  “Oh, yes. Primary school. In Finchley.” Okay, two-word sentences weren’t the most eloquent, but given how disconcerting it was to actually talk to Jessica, it was the best she could hope for in the moment. She really did look amazing, and Bethany’s body was warm all over at the sight of Jessica talking to her and smiling at her.

  “Oh, lovely! I am too, but Years seven to nine. It’s…challenging,” Jessica replied with a laugh.

  Oh, that laugh. It was mesmerising how it transformed Jessica’s face—one minute serenely beautiful, the next, open and bright, and…stunning.

  Bethany swallowed hard; even two-word sentences had abandoned her.

  “So, what did you think of the seminar?” Jessica asked, reaching out to tug Bethany to one side of the aisle as a group of loudly chatting women marched past.

  Her hand was warm on Bethany’s arm, just below where her three-quarter sleeve ended. Much to Bethany’s surprise, she didn’t burst into flames at the touch.

  “It was”—her voice croaked, and she cleared it loudly—“very interesting.”

  Inwardly, she groaned. Oh yes, you sound incredibly intelligent, Bethany. Jessica will be so impressed with that erudite summing up of the presentation.

  Jessica smiled. “Yes, it was.” She glanced down at her watch. “And I would love to talk more about it with you, but damn, I have to be somewhere else.” She looked back up at Bethany. “You know,” she mused, one finger tapping at her chin, “we should meet up. Catch up on old times. I always wondered what happened to you.”

  Bethany opened her mouth to speak but no words were forthcoming. Jessica had thought about her? She hadn’t realised Jessica even knew who she was. Bethany had been perpetually shy whenever their paths had crossed, her crush reducing her to a silent, quivering mess in Jessica’s mere presence.

  “Um, sure,” she found herself responding. “We could get a drink sometime?”

  You just asked Jessica Rogers out for a drink. Who are you and what have you done with your real self?

  Well, she was supposed to be doing this dating thing again, so why the hell not carry on the quest with the biggest crush of her life?

  She almost snorted out loud.

  Jessica blushed. Actually, really blushed.

  “I’d like that.” Her voice was soft, her eyes wide. “I know it’s probably short notice, but are you free next Tuesday or Wednesday?”

  Bethany knew she had no plans for the following week but made a show of pretending to consult a mental calendar so it didn’t look too desperate when she said, “Wednesday would be fine. Where would you like to meet?”

  “Well, I work in Islington, near Angel, and I know there’s lots of great pubs and bars around there. Shall we meet by the Tube at, say, seven?”

  “Yes, that sounds easy. Great.” A date with Jessica. Holy moly.

  “Here, let me give you my number, just in case, um, something crops up and, you know, you can’t make it.”

  Jessica was stuttering, all the poise Bethany remembered her possessing seeming to have deserted her. She seemed…nervous, and that was confusing the heck out of Bethany.

  They swapped numbers, then stood staring at each other for a few moments.

  “Well, it…it was super to see you again,” Jessica gushed, the pink returning to her pale cheeks.

  “Yes, it was.” Bethany genuinely smiled for the first time since they’d bumped into each other.

  “See you Wednesday.” Jessica gave her a dinky wave that seemed so incongruous for the cool woman who had left Bethany weak at the knees for such a long time.

  As Jessica headed for the door, Bethany shook her head. Who would have thought…?

  She watched Jessica go, noting the sway of her hips in the tight black jeans she wore, the bounce of her hair on her shoulders, the perfect way she managed to walk in heels without a single stumble. Beautiful. Her body trembling, Bethany tore her gaze away from Jessica’s retreating back and sucked in a big breath.

  I’m having a drink with her next week. Yikes.

  Maybe I should just cancel tonight. Bethany stared at her reflection in the mirror and sighed. But this was Jessica. She sighed again.

  Being back in the dating world was putting Bethany’s head in a spin. Sarah hadn’t left her mind, and she was still debating whether to call and give her that second chance. After talking it through with her mum, she’d promised she would consider it, but work and Netflix had provided easy distractions from actually doing the considering, and now, of all things, there was Jessica.

  She groaned and flopped back onto the bed.

  Sarah was gorgeous, and funny, and interesting. But clearly a player who was used to women falling into her bed after she delivered those cheesy, macho lines. She was also someone who seemed to respect that Bethany didn’t want to see her, as she hadn’t made any attempt to get in contact. Or was it more that she’d realised she wasn’t going to get what she wanted with Bethany—an uncomplicated one-night stand—and had already moved on to another Kristen?

  The thought left Bethany cold, and she shifted her thinking to Jessica, the woman of her dreams. A woman Bethany actually didn’t know much about. So it would be stupid to write Jessica off before she’d even been out with her, wouldn’t it? And particularly stupid if Bethany still had doubts about the type of person Sarah was, and whether they could have a chance of something.

  Bethany threw her arms up above her head and puffed out a breath.

  Okay, you have a date—or something—with Jessica in a little over an hour, and you are sitting here thinking about Sarah. Not good.

  Hauling herself upright, she stared into her open wardrobe, agonising over what to wear. She was woefully unprepared for being suddenly thrust back into the dating limelight. Dates were, apparently, like London buses—you wait eight years for one, and two come along at once. Her gaze swept over every item on every hanger and back again before a decision was made. Cute cropped jeans, red sneakers, and a summery jumper of cream cotton with three-quarter sleeves.r />
  Once she was dressed, she felt better; a little zip of excitement ran through her at the thought of spending time with her old crush. Yet it still felt unreal too, and she’d have to try hard to not let her old stumbling self take hold in Jessica’s presence.

  The Tube to Angel only took twenty minutes, which meant she was early by about ten. Even so, Jessica was waiting for her in the ticket hall, and Bethany’s stomach did an excited back flip at the sight of her.

  Jessica’s smile was wide, and her hug of greeting warm. Bethany allowed herself a few seconds in the embrace, and almost shook her head in amazement. I’m hugging Jessica Rogers!

  “Hello,” Bethany said when they pulled apart, smiling as best she could despite the trembling in her limbs.

  “Hi. I’m so glad you came.” Jessica shuffled from foot to foot, her hands clasped tight around the strap of her over-the-shoulder handbag. She looked good; her dress was emerald green, with a wide neckline that showed off fabulous collar bones and a smooth line of neck that Bethany could barely tear her gaze away from. “You look great,” Jessica said, a faint blush on her cheeks.

  “So do you. I love this dress.”

  Jessica dipped her head as she murmured, “Thank you,” and then gestured towards the exit. “Shall we?”

  The bar she led them to was only about five minutes’ walk from the Tube, and while busy, wasn’t heaving or too loud. They each ordered a glass of wine and found a small table near the door which led to the smoking courtyard at the back.

  “Is this okay?” Jessica asked. “I’m worried it will get smoky near here, so we can move if—”

  “It’s fine, Jessica. Really.”

  Jessica’s lack of poise was disconcerting. It was hard to reconcile this version of her with the one Bethany had held in her mind all these years. It was endearing on the one hand, and sort of…disappointing on the other. She brushed off the thought. This was still Jessica Rogers.

  “Okay.” Jessica’s stiff posture eased, and she leaned back in her chair. “Okay, good.” She smiled brightly. “So, how was your weekend?”

  “Um, it was good. I spent some time with my mum, did some baking.” Did that sound lame?

  “Sounds lovely.” Jessica seemed genuine, which made Bethany breathe a little easier.

  “What about you?”

  “Oh, the usual. Marking, lesson planning, making sure I was up to date with my continual development. Hosted a workshop with some colleagues on recognising the signs of bullying. It’s an initiative I feel strongly about and have become somewhat of an expert in.”

  There was a hint of boastfulness in that last statement that didn’t sit well with Bethany, but she decided to push it aside.

  “Wow, that’s pretty much a working weekend, then,” she said. “No free time?” She sipped her wine, grateful for the warm buzz it was already inducing in her.

  Jessica laughed. “I forget what free time is. It’s one of the reasons I’ve had so little time for dating these past couple of years.”

  Even Bethany, far removed from the dating game, recognised that statement for what it was: Jessica making it clear she was single.

  She smiled. “No other half waiting for you at home, then?” It was bold, and possibly flirtatious—she had no idea, really—but she wanted to make sure that was where this was going.

  Jessica raised her eyebrows. “Well, no. I…I wouldn’t have suggested we meet if there was.”

  “Oh.” Bethany broke out into a sweat. Okay, so this is definitely a date.

  Before she could pursue the subject, Jessica frowned and said, “Do you have someone waiting at home?”

  “No! Definitely not. I’m only just getting back into dating myself. So, no. Definitely no.”

  “Okay. Well, that’s…good.” Jessica’s frown deepened. “So does that mean you are currently dating someone, even if just, you know, casually?”

  Oh God, she was like a terrier with a chew toy, but Bethany couldn’t lie.

  “Not exactly, but I’ll be honest, I did go on a date last weekend.”

  “Oh, really?” Something twitched just above Jessica’s left eyebrow. “Was she nice?”

  “Um, yes. It was…nice.”

  “Nice?”

  “Er, yes.” Bethany sighed. This isn’t weird. Not at all.

  “Will you see her again?” Jessica was now pushed so far back in her chair that she was practically in the courtyard, and Bethany didn’t quite know what to make of the change in body language.

  “Maybe. No. Ugh, I don’t know.”

  Jessica sipped her wine, then put her glass down with a sense of purpose that instantly put Bethany on alert.

  “Bethany, can I ask you something?”

  She nodded, then waited.

  Jessica’s fingers played with the stem of her wine glass. “Why…why did you arrange this date with me if you were already dating someone else?” The words came out in a rush, and Jessica glanced once at Bethany before dipping her head.

  “I-I didn’t know if this was a date. And my date with her was probably…well, more than likely, a one-time thing, and happened long before I bumped into you on Thursday night. So…”

  Jessica lifted her head and stared at Bethany. “You didn’t know this was a date?” she asked quietly.

  Bethany shook her head.

  Smiling, Jessica also shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this, clearly. Out of practice,” she mused. “Yes, I meant this to be a date. I was so excited to see you again after all this time. I…I always wanted to ask you out in college, but you were so unapproachable. I… Well, I assumed you just weren’t that interested in me.”

  Bethany didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but her body decided on the former, the chuckle starting low in her chest and blossoming into a full-blown laugh.

  “Oh, lordy,” she said, gazing into Jessica’s confused face. “I had such a crush on you in college that I couldn’t go near you for fear I’d make a complete fool of myself.”

  “Y-you did?” Jessica was wide-eyed.

  Bethany nodded.

  “Wow,” Jessica said, reaching for her wine with a trembling hand and gulping down a mouthful.

  “Indeed,” Bethany replied, swigging some of her own wine and contemplating the revelations of the last two minutes. She couldn’t get used to this shy and nervous Jessica, but it warmed her that she’d been on Jessica’s radar way back when.

  “Well,” Jessica said after a moment, “shall we start again?”

  Bethany tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

  Jessica smiled. “Hi, I’m Jessica. We met in college. I’d really like to go on a date with you.”

  Laughing, Bethany leaned forward in her chair. “Hi, Jessica. Yes, I remember you, and I’d really like to go on a date with you too.”

  They clinked glasses and sipped.

  “So, tell me all about you,” Jessica said, looking distinctly more relaxed. “Where do you work?”

  The next hour passed in a blur. They filled in the blanks since college, talking about jobs, post-grad studies, classmates, and teachers. They ordered a second round, and when Jessica excused herself to the ladies’ room, Bethany sat back in her chair and pondered how the evening was progressing.

  It was nice. It was great to catch up, and to hear stories of people from college with whom each of them still had contact. But it was weird, because that was all they’d talked about. There’d been no easy segue into conversations about food, or wine, or travel—all the things she and Sarah had discussed—and that was sort of…boring.

  Well, that’s what we’ll discuss next. When she gets back from the loo, I’ll change the subject.

  “So,” she began once Jessica had sat down again, “have you done any travelling since college?”

  Jessica chuckled. “Oh, yes, I’ve had
some lovely trips with the school. We did a wonderful visit to the Peak District a couple of years ago, and of course the Eden Project the year before that. Next year we’re hoping to take one class to Scotland, do Edinburgh and the Highlands.”

  “No, I mean, travel for you. You know, holidays, weekends abroad, that sort of thing.”

  “Oh! Oh, no. Not my thing. I’m happy being at home. I have two cats that I adore, and I can’t leave them for long periods of time.”

  “Oh. Right.” Bethany cleared her throat, and tried hard to tamp down the disappointment that churned in her gut. “Well, I travel a bit. Not as much as I’d like on our salary, of course, but…”

  “Well, yes, obviously. Did you hear about the latest moves by the NUT in that regard?”

  And she was off again, talking about school-related issues. Inwardly, Bethany sighed. This was proving far more difficult than she would have imagined. Jessica was surprisingly one-sided so far. Outside she glowed, and Bethany had noticed more than one head turn as she’d walked back from the loo, but inside it seemed things were slightly less shiny.

  Maybe it’s just nerves. Maybe I haven’t found another topic that she can enthuse about yet.

  “Gosh, sorry, I have rambled on a bit there about union business, haven’t I?” Jessica’s voice cut into Bethany’s thoughts and she narrowly avoided starting.

  “No, not at all. You’re obviously very passionate about teaching and all it entails.” Did that sound sincere?

  Jessica smiled. “I am.” She reached across the table and laid her hand on Bethany’s. “It’s lovely to finally meet someone who understands that.”

  There was warmth in the touch, of course, and something almost illicitly thrilling at being touched by the woman she’d admired from afar for so long. But it didn’t send any little jolts of electricity up Bethany’s arm, or cause her stomach to flutter. None of the things she’d expected that being touched by Jessica would do to her, after fantasising about her all that time.

  “So, um, what hobbies do you have?”