One Way or Another

by A. L. Brooks

  Jessica pursed her lips and was silent for a few moments. “Well, I like reading.”

  “Oh, me too! What sort of books?”

  “Well, mostly educational. I’m always on the lookout for new recommended practices, and, of course, reading the latest developments in the subjects I teach. One can’t fall too far behind.”

  “No,” Bethany murmured, and her heart sank a little. “No fiction?”

  Jessica shrugged. “Sometimes. The odd bit of crime here and there.”

  “Oh, I like crime too. Not the very gory stuff, but more detective-type thrillers.”

  Jessica grinned. “Yes, same here. Have you read the Claire McNab ones from way back?”

  “I have! All of them. And Andrea Bramhall and Cari Hunter are my other two favourites.”

  “Oh yes, I’ve read both of them too.”

  Jessica’s eyes were bright as she launched into a detailed comparison of her favourites. Bethany chimed in with her own thoughts, and the rest of the pub faded into the background as they conversed, their hands active as they both spoke with passion about this shared interest. Bethany’s hopes rose once again. So Jessica was very committed to her work—that was a good thing, right? Now that they were off on another subject they could both enjoy, it was easy to forget the earlier sense of being let down or bored.

  This was okay. More than okay, really, because Jessica was smiling at her, and her hair was shining in the glow from the wall lights above her, and she was reaching across the table to tentatively nudge her fingers against Bethany’s on the pitted and scarred wood.

  “I hate to break up the evening,” Jessica said, her voice soft, but as she was leaning in close, Bethany had no trouble hearing her. “But it is a school night, and I need to get my eight hours or I’ll be fit for nothing tomorrow.”

  Bethany blinked, the mellow reverie of their conversation fading as Jessica’s words registered.

  “Oh, yes, of course!” She looked over at Jessica’s watch. It was eight thirty. “No problem.”

  Jessica took her hand, holding it lightly, her thumb stroking across the knuckles. “I’ve had a lovely evening, Bethany,” she said, her gaze locked on Bethany’s.

  “Me too.” Mostly, a little voice added, and she banished it to the back of her mind.

  “Can we…do this again? Soon?”

  “Yes, I’d like that.” At least, I think I would. Why am I not sure?

  “Are you free next Tuesday? I’m afraid I’m busy with school business all weekend, but maybe we could go for dinner next week, not just drinks?”

  Another weekend focused on the school?

  “Dinner sounds good.”

  Despite her doubts, Bethany felt a little shiver of excitement at the thought of dinner with Jessica. A second date.

  Jessica smiled. “Thank you. How about if we meet at the same time at Angel again? I know a lovely Lebanese place we could try?”

  “Sounds wonderful.”

  Jessica let go of Bethany’s hand, and although she missed the warmth, the letting go highlighted the fact that she hadn’t really noticed Jessica holding her hand. Nothing about her touch had really registered other than that it was warm. Which was…odd.

  They stood, grabbed their handbags, and Jessica led them out, past more admiring glances from the male population of the bar. Outside in the cool evening air, they both rubbed their arms and chuckled.

  “Should have brought a cardigan,” Jessica said. “At least you’re in a jumper.”

  Bethany shrugged. “It’s not as warm as it looks.”

  Jessica glanced up the street. “So, I’m heading to that bus stop.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, I’ll head back to the Tube.”

  There was a moment’s pause, then Jessica stepped in, leaned forward, and placed a gentle kiss on Bethany’s cheek.

  “I had a lovely time,” she murmured as she pulled back, her eyes dark as they locked onto Bethany’s.

  “Me too.”

  “Bye.” She gave that little wave again.

  “Bye.”

  Jessica walked away, and Bethany turned to head to the station. As she walked along the busy road, people weaving around her from all sides, she tried hard to tell herself that the kiss had affected her, that it had made her tremble and wonder what would happen if—when—Jessica kissed her lips. The kiss had to do those things to her, because it was Jessica Rogers, the woman of her dreams, the woman she’d lusted after for years.

  So why the heck hadn’t it done a thing for her?

  Chapter 8

  “So,” Alice said, and Bethany could picture her settling into her sofa for the call, “how was your date with Jessica? And did you call Sarah again in the end? I can’t believe how much I’ve missed in just one week away!”

  Alice had just returned from a hastily-arranged—and much-needed—holiday in Spain with a couple of friends, and although she and Bethany had texted a couple of times, she was clearly keen to get a lot more detail on all the ins and outs of Bethany’s love life given that she’d called the minute she arrived back home.

  Bethany sighed and snuggled back into one of the few spots in her sofa that didn’t dig into her backside. “Well, the short answer to those questions, in order, is fine and no.”

  “Oh. Well, I’ll confess I’m a little surprised you didn’t call Sarah, but you know what’s best for you.”

  Do I? Bethany still wasn’t sure it was the right decision, especially after the evening with Jessica.

  “Okay, so tell me about Jessica. I couldn’t believe it when you told me she was at that seminar. Must have been so strange being out on a date with someone you hadn’t seen in such a long time.”

  Bethany told her mum all about it, explaining how it had felt, and trying hard to avoid comparisons with Sarah, but knowing she really wasn’t succeeding.

  “So, if I’ve got this right, Jessica was lovely but not hugely exciting, and you’re seeing her again tomorrow. And Sarah was, um, interesting and more than exciting, but you’ve never called her back and she’s never called you? Is that it?”

  “Succinctly put, Mum,” Bethany said, and groaned. “I keep thinking I really need to give this thing with Jessica a chance. I mean, it’s her. I lost so much sleep over her back in college. I’d be insane not to try to get to the bottom of whatever it is we’re starting.”

  “But…?”

  “But despite not calling Sarah, I can’t stop thinking about her. Of course, she hasn’t called me either, so that tells me a lot.” She sighed. “I know I expressed reservations about her lifestyle, for want of a better word, but then she assured me that it wasn’t what she wanted from me and you seem to think she was honest about that, and I’m all confused every time I think about it.” Her words were racing away with themselves. “And now the fact that she hasn’t called makes me think that actually it was what she wanted from me, and because I didn’t offer it to her on a plate, she’s off to her next conquest. And if that’s true, then I really don’t want to know her, despite how bloody gorgeous she is.” She huffed out a breath, and Alice’s laughter rang in her ears.

  “Oh dear. What a pickle you’re in, love.”

  “I know.”

  God, what a pickle indeed. Bethany’s sleep had been rubbish lately, with thoughts of both women tormenting her.

  “Of course,” Alice said, sounding serious, “you could just forget about the pair of them and find someone else. You’re only just starting out again, love. You don’t have to make any rash commitments, you know.”

  “I know. You’re right.” Bethany closed her eyes and sighed. “I’ve got a second date with Jessica tomorrow, and I’m not going to back out of that. That would just be rude. And if it doesn’t, you know, blow me away, then I suppose I’ll know.”

  “And Sarah?”

  She hesitated. “I have no ide
a. Probably not.”

  It was painful saying it out loud, and with that came the almost certain knowledge that something important had been lost; missed out on. At the same time, her sense of self-preservation told her that keeping things easy and simple would lead to less heartbreak.

  “I’m sorry, love. I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns on that one. A lot of women might have called her, and that would have probably only led to trouble.”

  “Aw, thanks, Mum.”

  “Well, like you said, you’ve got another date with Jessica. You can see how that goes, and then see how you feel.”

  “Yes.” Bethany sat up straighter. Okay, she could do this. It wasn’t the end of the world if things didn’t make sense with Jessica, and who knew, maybe after their dinner they would, and she’d look back on this and laugh.

  She and her mum chatted about other things for a few minutes, and then said their goodbyes.

  “Remember, love, this is all about you. Be selfish. You need to make the right decisions for you, no one else, okay?”

  “Thanks, Mum. I’ll remember that.”

  “Night, love.”

  Bethany dropped the phone onto the sofa beside her and leaned her head back against the cushions. Her mum was right; she knew that. Bethany’s brief relationship with Michelle, in that first year of college, had been a disaster because she’d compromised on everything. Now, more than ever, she knew she couldn’t do that with the big things that mattered to her. Her integrity, for one thing—she deserved to be with someone who knew her value and appreciated her for who she was. And someone who gave her that spark, both mentally and physically; someone who made her laugh, and made her think, and made her go weak at the knees. She was entitled to it all, and she was going to get it.

  She slapped her hands down on her thighs and said “Yes!” to the empty room before standing and heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed. It was early, but she’d take a book and read before she slept. Maybe something a little sexy, perhaps get herself in the mood to try the new vibrator out. Bizarrely, thanks to her nerves over the dates, she’d yet to use it, although she had gone as far as pulling it out of the box and washing it in preparation.

  Chuckling, she stripped off her clothes and dumped them in the laundry basket, then wrapped herself in her silky summer robe before reaching for her toothbrush. As she brushed, she inspected herself in the mirror and liked what she saw; there was a determination in her eyes that looked good on her.

  After retrieving her phone from the living room, she switched off all the lights on her way to the bedroom. She pulled back the duvet and sat on the bed, and was about to set the alarm on her phone when it rang. She gasped in surprise, nearly dropping it to the bed. After juggling it a couple of times, she managed to get it under control, just in time to see the caller ringing off.

  Bugger. She swiped open the screen into her missed calls list and her heart jumped in her chest.

  Sarah.

  She waited a few moments to see if a voicemail notification appeared. Nope. So, now what did she do? Call back? Or was the call merely a case of mistaken dialling and therefore calling back would be a mistake? Did she want to call Sarah back? And if so, what did she want to say?

  She knew it was a no-brainer. Now that Sarah had reached out, Bethany couldn’t ignore her. Sitting back, pulling the duvet up to her chest, she exhaled a deep, long breath.

  Okay.

  Sarah answered on the first ring. “Bethany?”

  “Hi, Sarah.”

  “I’m sorry,” Sarah said in a rush. “For screwing up that date, and not calling you since, and—”

  “It’s okay,” Bethany said, chuckling despite her doubts and confusion. Sarah in a panic was sort of endearing. “Breathe, please.”

  Sarah barked out a laugh, then sucked in a breath. “Sorry,” she said again, her voice sounding sheepish. “I am normally better at this.”

  “What, talking?”

  This time Sarah guffawed. “Um, yeah, that too.” She sighed. “So, how are you? Is it too late to chat?”

  Bethany leaned back against her pillow. She had no idea why Sarah was suddenly calling, but now that she had, Bethany wanted to hear her out. “No, not too late at all.”

  “Good. Good. So, um, how are you?”

  “I’m fine. Working hard, of course.” Should she? Yes—she’d been honest with Jessica, so Sarah should get the same treatment. “And I had an evening out with someone I knew from college. Well, a date, actually.”

  “Oh?” Sarah paused. “How…how was it?” Her voice shook, and that gave Bethany a thrill.

  “It was nice. We’re…well, we’re going to see each other again tomorrow.”

  “Oh. Oh, well, I’ll, um, I’ll say goodbye then.”

  “Sarah, why didn’t you call?” Bethany asked quickly, before she could hang up.

  There was a long sigh. “I…I needed to get some stuff sorted. About me, and what I want, and how I want to change some things.”

  “And why did you call tonight?” Bethany had no idea where this strength was coming from, to ask the tricky questions, but it felt really good.

  “I, um. Well, I was calling to see if you wanted to get together again. I meant what I said on our first date, Bethany—somehow with you I don’t want to do the one-night stand thing. I would like…” She cleared her throat. “…to date you. To spend some time getting to know you.” The intensity in her words sent goose bumps careering over Bethany’s skin.

  “Why? I mean, why me?” Her voice came out stronger than she’d dared hope; inside she was a quivering mess.

  Sarah chuckled. “Because somehow, ever since I met you at the shop, I cannot get you out of my head. And that never happens to me, so I don’t think I should waste that feeling.”

  “Oh.” Bethany’s entire body had turned to jelly.

  “Look, I respect that you have another date with your college friend, but would there be any way we could spend some time together at the weekend?” Sarah’s voice had dropped to that lower, husky tone she’d used a couple of times at the shop, but somehow Bethany knew it wasn’t deliberate this time. It was simply the level of emotion coming through. And that made her tremble. “We don’t have to call it a date,” Sarah continued, “if that makes it easier. And if your date goes well tomorrow, you just let me know and we’ll forget our plans. But if there’s any way I could get a second chance with you, I’d really like to—”

  “I’d love to. I’m free all weekend.” Bethany slapped herself on the forehead. How bad did that sound?

  “Really? Oh, that’s great! Well,” Sarah rushed on, “I was wondering about lunch on Saturday somewhere along the South Bank, perhaps Gabriel’s Wharf?”

  “That sounds lovely,” Bethany said quietly. Was she capitulating too easily? Should she wait, and go on the second date with Jessica first before she made plans with Sarah? Could she really trust what Sarah was saying, about wanting to change? She decided she’d know for sure very soon, one way or another. Either she’d have had an amazing time with Jessica and want to pursue that, or she’d be really looking forward to spending time with Sarah because whatever was happening with Jessica wasn’t going anywhere.

  And if Sarah really was into one-night stands and nothing else, surely she wouldn’t have suggested lunch, would she? Lunch meant saying goodbye before the evening got underway, so was that Sarah’s way of showing that she wasn’t expecting anything more from the day?

  “Brilliant.” Sarah sounded relieved now. “We could meet in front of the Festival Hall, if you like? Say, around one?”

  “Perfect.”

  Don’t get ahead of yourself. All of this planning could be for nothing if Jessica blows your mind tomorrow evening.

  “Great!” Sarah sighed. “And Bethany, I meant what I said. If your date goes well, just message me to cancel.” She chuck
led. “I’m torn between wishing you well for that date—because if she’s right for you then that’s wonderful—and wanting you to have a crap time so you’ll come out with me again.” She sighed. “God, I can’t believe I just said that out loud. Forgive me.”

  “You know,” Bethany said, “there’s nothing to forgive. I appreciate your honesty. And I won’t lie to you, Jessica is someone I’ve liked for a long time, so I can’t help but be hopeful about tomorrow.”

  “Ouch.” Sarah’s voice was soft.

  “I know.” Bethany closed her eyes and breathed out slowly. “But I really like you, Sarah, so if I’m totally honest, I’m torn too.”

  “Oh. Wow.”

  “I’d better go,” Bethany said in a rush, as guilt over somehow betraying Jessica with that last statement flooded her. “I need to be up early.”

  “I understand.” Sarah sighed. “Good luck for tomorrow, Bethany. I mean that.”

  “Thank you. I’ll let you know about Saturday.”

  “Okay.”

  The line went silent and moments later the call disappeared from her phone’s screen. Bethany dropped sideways onto the bed, groaning loudly.

  How the heck is this fair, universe?

  Sarah. How she’d sounded on the phone, kind of nervous and excited and…upset when she thought she might not see Bethany again. How she had looked in that red top last week, her deep brown eyes sparkling in the low light of the bar. How those eyes had stared deep into Bethany’s and held her captive.

  Bethany moaned; she was throbbing, and any thoughts of Jessica had fled. There was nothing but Sarah on her mind and stirring her blood. And she suddenly knew exactly what to do with the rest of her evening. Every inch of her skin was tingling in anticipation, enhanced by the feel of the silken material of her robe caressing her body with every move she made. She opened the drawer of the bedside cabinet and pulled the vibrator from where it lay nestled on the tissue paper its box had been wrapped in. She set it on the bed, her gaze never leaving it as she peeled off her robe and let it drop to the floor. Would it feel odd, maybe a bit alien to use something other than her own fingers? Only one way to find out.