by Mansi Negi
"Just that she and Daniel died in the fire. I-I'm sorry, if it's too painful to talk about, I know you loved her." I said softly, swallowing back the feeling that I had just crossed a huge line for him.
"You don't know anything about Della. I can't believe he took you there. Della was an absolute bitch. She was no mother to either of us."
"I'm sorry Tyler, Jonas told me it was the happiest times of his life. I didn't know... I'm sorry I even brought it up." I whispered.
"Yes, well, Jonas and I remember it differently." He scoffed, bringing his arms across his chest. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Della is dead, she got what she deserved. Are we done here?" He asked as more of a statement than a question. He stood in front of the door and held it open for me to leave.2
"Oh god Tyler, I'm really sorry, I didn't know..." I said as I walked through the door.
"Yes, well you don't know anything Lyla." He closed the door angrily behind me and I made my way back to my bed.
I laid there wondering what Della had done to Tyler. Why Jonas praised her and Tyler hated her.
Why did Tyler have things that had belonged to Daniel if he hated them so much? How did the fire start and why did Jonas wake up?
I wrapped my arms around myself and let my thoughts carry me into sleep.1
My dream was normal at first. I dreamed of the water hole and of the twins swimming there, both jumping from the waterfall.
They swam toward where I stood at the edge of the water on the end opposite them. It was a beautiful sunny day and the densely wooded area allowed beams of sunshine to show through in bright bits that danced across the water’s surface, making it twinkle almost magically as light glinted and glistened off of the ripples.
I smiled as they splashed each other, racing toward me. At first, they were playful, but then Jonas stopped... he looked up at me with a mischievous grin as he grabbed Tyler and pushed him under.
Tyler thrashed for a while but Jonas didn't let up. I screamed for him to let go, but he just continued to smiled back at me.
"Don't talk about him Princess." He said through his smile as he finally released him and his body floated face down on the surface of the water.
I jumped in and began to swim to him when I felt Jonas' hands grab my shoulders and push me under. I began to fight.
I woke in a panic, gasping for air. I sucked a breath into my lungs, realizing I must have been holding my breath in the dream. My heart raced uncontrollably.
I glanced at my alarm. 4:41 a.m. It was just a dream...I told myself, as I slumped against my bed and placed a hand over my heart, trying to slow the rate at which it was pumping. Thank you Jonas for scaring me half to death in my room tonight. It was no doubt what brought on this terrible nightmare.
I ran a hand through my hair. It was damp with sweat and my throat was so dry.
I wasn't going to fall back to sleep without drinking some water first. Wrapping my bath robe around myself, I padded out into the hall. Tyler's door was now open and his light still on.
He sat in his top bunk flipping the baseball glove back and forth between his hands. His eyes met mine and he stopped.
"Bad dream?" He asked, taking in my appearance.
"How'd you guess?" I asked, running a hand through my sweat soaked hair and laughing a little.
"Listen, I'm sorry Lyla. I shouldn't have treated you that way. It's just that... things were so bad there. That dream, that nightmare I was having, it was about Della." He said, looking to me for understanding.
"It's ok Tyler, I shouldn't have overstepped those boundaries. I'm not upset with you at all. You're right, I don't know anything." I hoped he knew I really meant that.
I'd never have said it if I'd have known. He gave me a forgiving smile.
"Want a drink?" I asked. He shook his head and I made my way to the kitchen. The water was cool. I always loved the feeling of the first drink of cool water in the morning.
I chugged it all and refilled the cup, just in case Tyler changed his mind.1
"I got you some anyway." I said, placing the cup on his dresser as I walked by, and sending him a wink.
"Lyla!" Tyler called for me as I rounded my bed.
"Yes?" I poked my head back out of my room.
"Can I... can I maybe come lay with you for a little while?" He asked in a small voice. "I just can't get back to sleep and you're awake too... nothing weird, I just don't want to be alone." He clarified and I couldn't say no.
"Hurry up." I said, motioning toward my parents’ room. He grabbed his pillow and hopped down, before taking a big swig of the water I'd placed on his dresser and closing and locking his door behind him.
He jumped into my bed and I closed and locked my door too. That way there was no chance of anyone seeing us and getting the wrong idea.
"So..." I losed a breath. "Don't feel obligated to answer this Tyler, but why do you hate Della so much?" I asked after we sat there in silence for a little while.
"Honestly." He started and then blew air through his lips.
"You don't have to tell me. It's really not my business." I said, wanting to give him an out if he didn't feel comfortable discussing it further with me.
"Well Jonas kind of made it your business when he took you there, Lyla. He never should have done that." He said, sounding annoyed.
"Della was a widow." He continued. "Daniel was her son, he was ten when... when the fire happened." He looked up at me before he continued.
"You can't let Jonas know that I told you this, ok?" He said, staring me in the eye. I drug my fingers across my lips like I were closing a zipper.
"At first it was great. Daniel was much younger than us, so it was like we had gained a baby brother. Our mum had been sick for as long as I could remember, so anything would have felt better than having to care for her only to watch her die, at least that's what I thought. We were ten almost eleven when we moved into Della's." He looked at me and I could tell he was hesitant to continue.
"Are you sure you want to hear the rest?" He asked, his hands trembled a little.
"Yes, but only if you are ok with telling it Tyler." I grabbed one of his hands and held it in mine and his shaking stopped. He sighed and gathered his thoughts.
"Jonas and I shared a room. After our twelfth birthday Jonas started sneaking out of our room at night to sleep in Della's.
I thought it was just because he was having nightmares, until I went looking for him one night. I found them, together, they were... together in bed." He looked at me to make sure I was following on just how "together" they were.8
"Oh my god Tyler. That's sick, you were just kids." I wondered how Jonas could have thought those we're the best years of his life.
"I know." Tyler answered. "But Jonas, thought he was in love with her. He thought she was in love with him too." I brought my hand not intertwined with Tyler's to my heart to squelch the ache building there.
"She saw me come in and motioned me to the bed. I didn't know what to do. So, I went to her. She made me undress and watch them. I hated it, but I was twelve and she thought...she thought that my body's response meant that I was turned on. She would make me touch myself while she and Jonas..." He trailed off looking utterly humiliated.7
"Oh my god Tyler, that's sickening. Did she..." I started to ask if she'd forced herself on him too, but stopped myself, what she'd done had been bad enough.
"Jonas thought it was just him that she was with, but once she started with me, things got worse. She would sneak into my room... it was absolute hell. I hated myself because it felt so good what she did, I thought it was my fault for enjoying it. I wanted to die every day, I still can't be with a girl without going into a fit of rage and blacking out. She completely fucked me for life."
He pulled his hand back and covered his face. "I honestly thought of her as a mother until then... she tied me down, Lyla, she always tied me down." A tear ran down his face and landed on his bare chest.1
"Tyler you can't blame yourself
. That would be confusing for anyone, especially a teenage boy. Did she do it to Daniel?" I asked, curious as to how fucked up this woman actually was. He shook his head no and brought his hands down from his face.
"Does Jonas still think he loves her?" I asked, not sure what to even make of anything he'd told me earlier today. I was disgusted that he'd brought me there, to where he'd been abused and raped.
"Yes, but you can't tell him I told you Lyla. Remember when I warned you of his temper?" I nodded to him.
"Della is his trigger." He said simply, looking at me with absolute seriousness.
"I won't say anything." I told him. "So, Tristan and the twins are Della's children too?" I asked, because they looked like their brothers. He nodded and turned away.
"But they look like you." I said, a moment of realization slapping me hard in the face.30
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Tyler, rubbed his chin and let his eyes connect with mine, a look of warning in them.
"Jonas pretended to be you today." I said, changing the subject, but realizing it would only make him feel worse, I added. "But I didn't fall for it." With a wink.1
Tyler and I talked the rest of the night until my alarm went off. It was nice to have him be so open with me, but I couldn't help the gaping hole it tore in my chest.
Thinking about the absolute hell the boys had endured throughout their lives gave me a new found appreciation that they were here, safe and loved.
It was going to be hard not to mention anything to Jonas after last night's revelation, but I'd promised Tyler and I planned to stick to that, no matter how much it pained me that he believed he had been in love with his abuser.
Dream
I dragged my cheer uniform on in the morning, not that I was going to be anything more than a waste of space at cheer practice after school, having stayed up all night.
I threw my white button up dress shirt that had been ripped apart into the trash in my bathroom, making sure to bury it at the bottom so my mom wouldn't see it and ask questions.
I made no effort to communicate with Jonas at breakfast or on the ride to school.
While I felt some sympathy for him, I hadn't forgiven him for his ridiculous behaviour last night.
I wasn't ready to, and with Chad coming this weekend I'd decided avoiding my problems felt like the best solution.
Jonas didn't make any effort to talk to me either, so I hoped we were on the same page.7
I was actually relieved that I had cheer practice after school and wouldn't be riding home with him.
The less time we had to be around each other the better. Lorna and I had made up, although I still didn't necessarily love who she was as a person.
She was going to drop me off after practice and had offered to pick me up and drop me off at school for the rest of week, which was again, best case scenario.
Avoid, avoid, avoid.1
By the time eighth period rolled around I'd done a darn good job of it. I had helped Mr. Schultz grade papers during lunch, so that had been a lifesaver, and Casey had agreed to sit beside me today so I could avoid Jonas harassing me further during class. I'd talked Lorna into tutoring him. Which let's be honest... took zero convincing.
I sat at my desk, trying not to watch the door for Jonas. I didn't want to even make eye contact with him.
The things he was capable of doing to me with a look alone should have been illegal.
As mad as I was at him, I couldn't help my mind from drifting back to the water hole and to the kitchen... I couldn't deny that I'd somehow developed feelings for him.3
I doodled on a piece of paper I'd pulled from my folder trying to feign that I was uninterested in anything going on around me, when Jonas walked around my desk the long way to take the seat behind me.
I didn't look up at him though, even when he scooted his desk forward ramming my chair in the back.
"Why do I get the feeling you're trying to avoid me Miss Moore." He said quietly from behind me. I pretended not to hear, and continued to doodle as Mr. Schultz began class. Jonas' boots rested against the back legs of my chair and he started to tap them against the metal, just to annoy me. This was proving to be difficult.
"Please stop." I whispered back to him as Mr. Schultz turned to write problems on the white board.
"Stop what?" Jonas smiled at me, tapping faster, making my back move slightly away from the back of my seat every time. I wanted to slap him, but thought better of it.
I gathered my things, loading them into my book bag, watching the clock and waiting for class to be over. The bell finally rang and I quickly grabbed my bag and bounced out of class and down the hall.
I stopped at my locker and threw the bag in before making my way to the gym.
Jonas made no effort to follow me and although it gave me a sense of relief, I couldn't help the slight feeling of disappointment that had somehow started to blossom in my chest.
No, no, no... Chad is coming... it's just loneliness, once he's here you won't feel this way. I had to reassure myself that it was not my feelings for Jonas, but rather my missing my boyfriend that was causing me to feel bad.
Cheer went quickly, and I was every bit the waste I thought I would be, Lorna pulled up to my house afterward to drop me off and I felt the same sting of disappointment when Jonas' truck wasn't there.
There was no covering up the sting this time. I couldn't deny I was missing his company. Uuugh how did I get to this place? I was falling for my foster brother, and it sucked.
It could never amount to anything between he and I, but I wanted him all the same, no matter how much I chastised myself for it.
I made myself busy by offering to make dinner. It wasn't something I'd done since our family had practically tripled in size and I knew my mom would appreciate the break.
Tristan helped me roll dough for a pot pie, while I cut vegetables and boiled some chicken.
I was supposed to be grounded, but the look of relief on my mom's face when I'd offered to cook told me that I had the day off.
After dinner they chased the little ones upstairs and started the usual bedtime routine while I took advantage of the alone time to finish my homework and do some studying. It felt nice to lay on the couch by myself.
I hadn't had much time for myself since the home invasion and I found that I was missing the seclusion I'd once known.
I put on a Friends rerun to distract my wandering mind from Jonas, but as I began to drift off to sleep, onyx eyes looked up at me from hooded lids.
His head bobbed between my legs, making me shudder and gasp for more.
"Look at me Princess." His hot breath fanned between my legs, tickling my thighs.1
"Jonas! God, Jonas..." I woke myself moaning his name, and squeezed my legs together, realizing I'd been dreaming of him.
I don't know how long I'd been asleep, but the television had been turned off, along with the lamp I'd been using to study.
I ran my hand through my hair trying to clear my lust filled thoughts.
Reaching for the lamp, I practically screamed as Jonas' voice softly spoke from the chair adjacent to the couch.
"Leave it off..." his tone was husky, and low. I wondered how long he'd been sitting there watching me.
He'd definitely heard me moaning for him again, I'd heard it, I'd woken myself up with his name still pouring from my mouth.2
"God Jonas! What the hell?" I whisper yelled at him.
"I could ask you the same." He said, his voice still sounding breathless and full of want.
"I was asleep, don't take it the wrong way." I said, not knowing if there were any other way to take it. I hated that he'd heard that.
I hated how badly I wanted him, awake and asleep.
"What way should I take it Princess?" He stood and walked over to the sofa. I could see his large frame towering over me. "You were dreaming of fucking me, were you not?" I could hear the smile on his lips as he lifted my legs and took a seat on the couch under them.
I rolled to my back and bent my knees, drawing my legs back and resting my feet in the crack between cushions. I couldn't have him this close to me right now.
Not while I was still turned on. Not while his voice was beckoning me to jump his bones.1
"No, I wasn't." I said trying to sound annoyed.
"So, what were we doing then...in your dream?" He asked, bringing his hands behind his head and laying his head back to rest on them while turning toward me.
"Nothing Jonas. We were doing nothing." I said scooting myself away from him further so that the arm of the couch became a prop for my neck and back.
I reached for the string of the lamp and pulled it. A dim, orange, hue of light flooded the room, but I didn't look around.
My eyes fixed on Jonas who was staring at me like he wanted to eat me, his lips slightly parted, his onyx eyes made darker by his marble sized pupils.
I'm sure those eyes were fucking me 1000 different ways right now judging by the huge erection tenting his dress pants.1
"Liar, tell me what I was doing to you." He scooted closer to me and rested a hand on my knee.
"Tell me what you want me to do to you." I know he saw my breath catch in my throat.
For a moment I contemplated climbing on top of him and started to internally fight myself from doing so, but instead my fight or flight instinct kicked in and I stood and looked at the stairs, it was my body's logical response — to flee the scene.
I was thankful that my auto pilot was still flying sensibly, because my whore of a body had certainly been letting me down as of late and I could still feel her pulling me toward Jonas right now.1
Jonas stood in response. "Tell me, you dirty little slut." He smirked at me as he reached for my wrist.
"Jonas!" I pulled my brows together, and glared at him. Shaking his hand away from mine.
"What Princess?" He stepped closer to me. "My dirty little slut, my perfect little slutty princess. Is that better?" His eye brows lowered and I felt like he would pounce on me at any moment.6
"No, it's not better, you calling me a dirty slut in any fashion is equally as bad." I growled at him.1