To Be His Lady: A Regency Romance (Finding Forever Love)

by Diana DeHaven

  “Miss Alice,” he said breathlessly.

  “My Lord.”

  “What are you doing here?” he asked.

  “I thought about what you said to me in the gardens, and here I am.”

  “Miss Alice, this is not a good time.”

  “It is as good a time as any,” she said and brushed past him.

  He sighed slightly and closed the door behind him. “Miss Alice, could we possibly speak in the morning?”

  Alice approached him and ran her fingers down his chest. “My lord, I am not here to speak with you.”

  Lord Harrison glanced at her in slight alarm as her hands created a stir inside him that he had never felt before. He exhaled slowly and cocked his head at her.

  “I am here now. Do with me as you wish,” she whispered, running her hands underneath his shirt.

  He touched her chin, tilted it upward and kissed her on the lips with an urgency and a passion he was not aware he possessed. He lowered his hands from her face and trailed down her shoulders.

  “Take me, My Lord,” she whispered against his lips.

  “Now?”

  She nodded and glanced at him, a fire in her eyes that was not to be tamed, and Lord Harrison did not wish for it to be. He was rather surprised that Miss Alice had acted upon her impulses, and under normal circumstances he would be thrilled, but this was the woman he had feelings for. She was not a cheap chambermaid, regardless if he had referred to her in such a way or not.

  “Why do you hesitate, my lord?” she asked, her breathing ragged as passion consumed her.

  “I merely think-”

  “Perhaps you should stop thinking so much, my lord,” she whispered and directed Lord Harrison over to the bed. She proceeded to kiss him, and it seemed that he had succumbed to the moment.

  What would happen when the moment was over? Would they go back to how they were before?

  “My Lord, is something the matter?” she asked as she glanced down at him. Despite the passion she felt at that moment, she felt something lacking. There was a tension in his eyes that she simply could not ignore.

  “Miss Alice, may we speak for a moment?”

  Alice straightened her back and her brow furrowed.

  “Please,” Lord Harrison practically begged.

  “Very well, but I was under the impression talking was not one of the things you wished to do when you invited me to spend the night with you.”

  “It was presumptuous of me to ask that of you, Miss Alice.”

  Alice pursed her lips in slight embarrassment. “You do not find me attractive?” she asked.

  “It is most certainly not that. You are most beautiful, Miss Alice, and quite possibly all any man could ever want.”

  “But this does not include you,” Alice said simply.

  “I did not say that,” Lord Harrison defended.

  “But you wished to,” Miss Alice muttered as she straightened herself. She was now not as certain of Lord Harrison’s feelings for her, if he ever had any to start with. She ran her fingers through her hair and noticed a crumpled piece of clothing on the carpet between the bed and the drapes. “What is that?” she asked.

  “What is what?” Lord Harrison asked as he glanced at in the direction she pointed.

  “That clothing over there. I recognize it.”

  “It is mine,” he said as he slid off the bed and attempted to retrieve it.

  Fortunately for Alice, she was closer and quicker than Lord Harrison, and she was able to grab the clothing before he even got close to it.

  “This is yours?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “Indeed.”

  “You wear a dress, My Lord?” She held it up and revealed the dress which she remembered Trudy had worn the previous day.

  “Well...”

  Clearly Lord Harrison was at a complete loss for words, because he could not think of anything to say to Miss Alice.

  Alice glanced at him expectantly and grew only more and more angry with every second that ticked past.

  “I can explain-“

  She threw the dress angrily to the floor and said, “Do not bother.”

  “Miss Alice, please listen to me,” he said.

  “I should have had my doubts about you, but when we spoke in the garden earlier, I was under the impression that you-”

  “What?” he asked. “What did you think?”

  “It certainly does not matter now. You bedded a woman in this bed. The bed on which I was to...” Her voice trailed once again, as the words were too hurtful and too ridiculous to utter out loud.

  “Please, Alice,” Lord Harrison slowly approached her.

  “You stay back,” she ordered.

  “Alice,” he insisted as he still came closer.

  “No. I do not wish to hear anything that comes out of your mouth,” she said as she backed away from him. “I thought you were different, but now I come to realize, quite harshly as well, there is nothing different about you.”

  “Alice, please listen to-”

  “Stay away from me,” she warned before she left his chambers, not even bothering to close the door behind her.

  She wished to get as far away from Lord Harrison as possible. He had fooled her, made her believe that he felt something for her. The only thing he wished to do was lie to her. He was willing to share a bed with her right after he shared a bed with Trudy.

  The same bed, Alice realized with a nauseated cringe. She entered her bedchamber and washed her hands, her face and, quite frankly, every part of her body that had touched Lord Harrison. She wanted his scent off of her, his touch, and his lies.

  She was disappointed in herself that she had been so foolish as to believe his lies, and that she thought that he could feel anything for her.

  “You are such a fool, Alice,” she whispered through her sobs.

  *****

  The next morning at breakfast, Alice kept to herself but not in such a way that Emma, or the Duke, would notice. She pretended that everything was fine and blamed her lack of interest in their conversation to a lack of sleep. She had cried all she needed to before sunrise, and she certainly did not wish to burst into tears in the company of the Duke and Emma.

  Frankly, she did not wish to have a conversation with anyone. She was not only hurt by the situation, but angered and disappointed. Luckily, Lord Harrison did not join them, as he had matters to see to in town, for which Alice was ever so grateful.

  “I cannot believe the wedding is tomorrow,” Emma said with excitement in her voice.

  “Nor can I,” Alice answered with a smile. “It feels like an eternity that I have stayed here.”

  “I can understand you feeling that way, Alice.” Said the Duke. “I am aware it was not easy for you to leave your home and stay in a strange place.”

  “Or I think perhaps it was the atmosphere here that had this effect on you,” Emma pointed out gently.

  “Or perhaps it is both.”

  Emma gave her a fleeting smile and glanced at the empty chair where Lord Harrison was supposed to sit. Before she could say something however, Trudy stepped into the Dining Hall and Alice lowered her gaze. She did not wish to gaze upon the face of the woman Lord Harrison had bedded, possibly minutes prior to her entry into his chambers.

  Alice felt ashamed of herself, regardless of whether she was the promiscuous one or not. It wasn’t like her to throw herself at a man and she couldn’t imagine what had come over her.

  Trudy quietly cleared the table, keeping her own gaze lowered as well.

  They heard footsteps approaching the Dining Hall, and a middle-aged man in a dark grey formal suit stood in the doorway.

  “Pardon the interruption, Your Grace,” the man said.

  “Mr. Wheeler,” the Duke said and stood from his chair. “How lovely it is to see you.”

  “And you, Your Grace,” he reciprocated, and the two gentlemen shook hands in a polite, yet professional manner.

  The Duke turned to Emma and Ali
ce and said, “Mr. Wheeler is my attorney. This is the beautiful Miss Emma, and her beloved friend, Miss Alice.”

  “Pleased to make your acquaintance, ladies, and an absolute pleasure to finally meet you, Miss Emma. His Grace has had only wonderful things to say about his future wife.”

  “Thank you, and it is pleasant to make your acquaintance as well.”

  “Indeed it is,” Miss Alice nodded in agreement.

  “My darling, shall we?” the Duke asked.

  Emma turned to Alice and smiled apologetically. “His Grace and I must briefly meet with his attorney.”

  “Of course.”

  “Will you be alright on your own?” Emma asked.

  “Of course. Go. I will be quite alright.”

  “I promise I will make it up to you.”

  “No need, it is all part of the process.”

  “I will see you in a little while.”

  Alice nodded and watched as Emma, the Duke and Mr. Wheeler left the Dining Hall. She sighed to herself and glanced down at her empty cup. She sat alone for a short while until Trudy entered the Dining Hall once again. The two women briefly glared at one another, but Trudy was the one who looked away. She continued to clear the table and, as she reached for Alice’s cup, their eyes met again.

  Before Alice could utter a word, Trudy left the table with the crockery, but Alice was rather surprised when Trudy turned and looked at her.

  “Why him?” Trudy asked.

  “I beg your pardon?” Alice asked with a furrowed brow.

  “Why Lord Harrison?”

  “I could ask you that same question, Trudy,” Alice answered.

  “You are a beautiful woman, and after tomorrow you will be in the company of dukes, duchesses and earls. You can have any man you wish. Why did you choose Lord Harrison?”

  “I did not choose him, Trudy, and I certainly do not think I can have any man I desire.”

  “We were meant to be together, him and I, and I refuse to lose him because you wish to interfere.”

  “I see he had you fooled as well.”

  “Lord Harrison loves me,”

  “Is he aware of that?” Alice asked and stood from the table. “He loves no one but himself.”

  “That is not true.”

  Alice turned to Trudy and shook her head. “You honestly think that Lord Harrison is a good man?”

  “I used to.”

  “As did I,” Alice said, and left the Dining Hall.

  She had spent enough time crying and deliberating over Lord Harrison and did not wish to speak of him any longer. She only had to put up with his arrogant ways for one more day. After tomorrow, she would return home and her life would be back to the way it had been before. No heartache, no disappointment, and no Lord Harrison.

  *****

  That night, Alice lay in her bed, listening to the sound of the rain falling against her window. She had kept herself occupied the entire day, not wanting to dwell on Lord Harrison at all. Now, as she lay in the dark, silence surrounding her, she could think of nothing but him.

  The mere idea of him now repulsed her, but her heart still longed for him. She heard a coach outside and sat up in bed. Through the window she could see it was Lord Harrison’s coach, so she slid out of bed and walked to the window. She gazed out and watched as Lord Harrison climbed out of the coach, carrying a wooden box. Alice’s brow furrowed as she wondered what was inside and she crossed her arms against the chill in the room.

  The floorboards creaked outside her room and, as she glanced over her shoulder, the door of her bedchamber opened.

  “Alice,” a voice said to her in a whisper.

  “Who is there?”

  The door opened all the way, and Emma stood in the doorway, carrying a small lamp. “It is me.”

  Alice let out a breath of relief and approached her. “You should be asleep. You have an important day tomorrow.”

  “As do you.”

  “I am alright. I just heard a coach outside my window.”

  “It is Lord Harrison returning from Belton.”

  “He was in Belton?”

  “Indeed.”

  “Doing what?” Alice asked.

  “I am not quite certain. His Grace told me Lord Harrison was in Belton attending to errands.”

  “Do these errands have names?” Alice muttered.

  “What is the matter?”

  “Nothing,” Alice sighed as the two women sat down on her bed. “I am perfectly fine.”

  “I will not pretend to be unfazed by the way you have been acting the last few days. Your demeanor has been very confusing to say the least. Even His Grace wondered what was going on.”

  “I have been rather confused lately.”

  “Why?”

  “Promise me that you will not think that I have lost my mind,” Alice said with urgency.

  “I promise,” Emma answered.

  “Despite the horrendous way Lord Harrison had treated me, I saw something good in him,” she admitted, “or I thought I did.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I have feelings for him, Emma, but...”

  “But what?”

  “But he has none for me.”

  “How do you know this? Did he say so?”

  “He did not need to.”

  “Tell me what happened.”

  Alice inhaled sharply and glanced at Emma. “There was a moment in the garden when he invited me to his chambers.”

  “Oh my,” Emma whispered.

  “I declined him.”

  Emma nodded slowly and waited for Alice to continue. Of all the things Alice adored about Emma, the way she did not interrupt her when the situation developed on an emotional level, was Alice’s favourite trait.

  “I was not certain if what I had felt in the garden was true, but the more I pondered it, the more I realized how strong my feelings for him were.”

  “That is wonderful news, Alice.”

  “It was at the time. I went to his chambers, and-”

  “What?”

  “Nothing happened. I found a dress on the floor beside his bed and he lied about it.”

  “What?” Emma gasped.

  “He had bedded one of the maidservants and she had left her dress behind.”

  “Did he say who?”

  “It does not even matter,” Alice said, throwing her hands in the air. “I thought he would never lie to me. I thought I saw it in his eyes, the sincerity and the honesty, but that was ruse as well. I was foolish to think he could possibly be the perfect man.”

  “Alice, I am truly sorry.”

  “It is not your fault.”

  “It most certainly is. I should have never allowed him anywhere near you. His Grace informed me of his ways, but I gave him a chance to prove him wrong.”

  “As did I.”

  “This would have never happened if I had opened my mouth.”

  “Emma, this is not your doing,” Alice said and took Emma’s hands. “You have been a wonderful friend to me, and this is my own fault. No one else is to blame.”

  Emma nodded, but still sighed miserably.

  “Do not fret, Emma. This time with you at the estate was wonderful, despite that man’s despicable behaviour.”

  “Will you be alright tomorrow?”

  “Of course. I agreed to do this for you, as you are my dearest friend. I made a vow and I will under no circumstances break that vow. I am a woman of my word, unlike Lord Harrison.”

  “I adore you, Alice.”

  “As I adore you, Emma.”

  The women embraced and Emma smiled. “We must go to sleep now. Tomorrow is a very big day.”

  “Sleep well, Emma. Tomorrow you will be the Duchess of Leyton.”

  Emma giggled nervously and nodded as she stood from the bed. “Sleep well, my friend.”

  Alice smiled slightly as Emma left her chambers and closed the door behind her.

  “One more day,” Alice whispered to herself as she lay down on the bed ag
ain pulling the covers up to her chin, breathing in the warmth of the woolen blanket, hoping it would warm her aching heart.