Four Steps

by Wendy Hudson

  “No. Well, maybe.” Stella glared at her. “Okay, no. You’re right. He’s just been such a big part of my life for so long. It’s strange to imagine not having him around and I still remember the good times, I miss him. Even the self-obsessed, pretentious side of him.”

  Stella threw up her free hand and chuckled. “Finally, she sees it!”

  Lori tutted. “Some friend you are. I mean, you could have told me sooner how he was. Saved me some time.”

  “Um, I think you’ll find I told you at every opportunity. But no one likes their friends telling them their boyfriend is a miserable arse, so it’s just taken you seven years to bloody listen.” She gestured to the table. “And now I’m here with pizza and wine ready to help you pick up the pieces. I’m a fantastic friend.” She got up to top up her glass, bringing the bottle back with her from the kitchen.

  “So anyway, I’m bored even talking about Andrew and I’m not allowing you to wallow over it. Tell me about your weekend and this mysterious person.”

  Lori sighed, a smile automatically forming at the thought of Alex. “Well, firstly the climb was spectacular. I couldn’t believe the views from the summit. Honestly, you need to come with me sometime.”

  “Never going to happen so stop teasing me, you can show me a picture. Who is he and how did you meet? At least give me a name.”

  “Alex,” Lori replied, not quite ready to correct Stella on her assumption it was a man.

  “And…” Her eyes widened expectantly; she wanted more.

  “Okay, well I had planned on staying in this little bothy that the guide had mentioned was at the foot of the first mountain I climbed on the Saturday. It was empty when I got there, but by the time I got back down, Alex and Frank—Frank is the dog—had claimed the other bed so we ended up sharing it for the night.” Lori smiled again, her thoughts drifting back to the previous couple of days.

  Stella, obviously noticing the wistful look, exclaimed, “Oh my God! Something happened!”

  Lori snapped back to it, “What? No! It was just a great weekend. We had a good laugh together, talked a lot, and I think we’ll be friends. We’ve exchanged numbers and agreed to keep in touch, but I don’t see how it can be anything more than that.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Well, for a start, there’s the distance. We live four hundred miles apart.”

  “That doesn’t stop you when it comes to climbing a mountain. This is the age of technology and plenty of people make long-distance relationships work until they’re in a position to settle together.”

  “We’re just different, Stella. I live in the city, Alex lives on a farm in the country. I travel all over for work, Alex works from home. Alex has a ton of pets and animals and I don’t even keep a goldfish.”

  “Wow, a farm in the country and a job working from home? That sounds amazing to me. Anyway, I thought you eventually wanted to get out of London? I thought that’s why you escape to Scotland every chance you get for the quiet?” She gave a look that Lori was sure many of London’s criminals had been on the receiving end of. “There’s more to this. Come on, Lori, do you really think you can hide anything from me?” She said quirking a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

  “I just think it’s too soon after Andrew. I mean, I only ended it Thursday night. I need time to deal with him first.” She looked down into her wine glass. “I’m not ready for this. I’m not prepared.” She finished quietly.

  She felt Stella’s eyes on her and Lori knew she was wondering what the catch was. Why she was holding back.

  “Please, Lori. You and Andrew have been over for a long time. He already knew it, which probably explains his jealous behaviour, checking your phone, the constant calls about nothing when you’re out with anyone that isn’t him. If he’s honest he’s been waiting for the day you’d leave him. It was just a matter of when you split up, not if. All jokes aside about him, because actually he’s probably going to make someone else very happy, and you’re right that he is a good bloke, just not the one for you. So forget him for now, this is about you.”

  Stella leant across to take her hand. “Lori, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be safe and loved and taken care of and excited. If you’ve found someone you think there might be a chance of having that with, don’t let what happened with Andrew get in the way. Don’t make excuses as to why it can’t work before you’ve even given it a chance. Sure the timing is off but I’m not suggesting you go jump into bed with the first guy you meet, only that you at least allow yourself to consider it.”

  “It’s not that simple.” Lori replied, getting up and pacing in front of the large fireplace. She chewed her lip in thought. She stopped her pacing to grab the bottle and top up her wine while deciding how much to admit. “I’ve never met anyone like Alex before, Stella. I can’t explain the feeling I get inside just sitting close together, never mind touching. It was all so surreal.”

  “So there was touching,” Stella said a knowing smirk on her face.

  Lori glared down at her. “It wasn’t like that.”

  “Okay, okay.” She held her hands up in surrender. “Carry on, oh serious one.”

  “It’s as if after all these years of being part of a couple with a clear direction and future, I’ve been set adrift. So many things are uncertain now. For the first time since I met Andrew, I’m not sure of myself or where I’m going.”

  “So someone finally gives you those butterfly feelings and you’re not even going to give it a chance?” Stella sat forward on the sofa and emptied the last of the wine into her glass before choosing the largest slice of pizza.

  “I’m scared, Stella.” She hated showing her vulnerability, but if not to Stella, then who?

  The pizza stopped in its tracks. Stella let it drop back in the box before smiling reassuringly. “I know you are, darling. It’s a big, bad world out there. Believe me, I see it every day. None of us knows who or what is going to come along next. All I know is if I’m lucky enough to meet someone that has me speaking like you after one weekend, I’m going to grab on and never let go.”

  “But what if I’m wrong?”

  “You can’t think like that. What if you’re right but you let it pass you by because you’re too afraid of being wrong? Tell me more about Alex, have you had any contact since you got back?”

  Lori smiled and sat on the arm of the chair opposite Stella, thinking about the voicemail and how cute Alex sounded when she was nervous. “Yeah, I had a voicemail waiting when I got home last night and a couple of texts since then.”

  “Wow, so he’s keen. What else?”

  “Yeah, I guess. Why do I feel like you’re interrogating me?”

  “This is what I do, sweetie. I need the facts before I can make an informed opinion.” She put her wine down and formed a steeple with her fingers. “C’mon, tell Detective Roberts everything.”

  Lori took a large gulp of wine, wondering how to explain without giving away the fact that Alex was a woman. She didn’t want that to be a consideration just yet in Stella’s advice, besides she needed to figure out herself how she felt about that.

  “Okay, well, I told you about the farm, growing vegetables and keeping chickens and a goat.”

  “So is that the job working from home? He’s a farmer?”

  “Computer engineer,” Lori corrected. “For the police, specialising in Internet crimes, mostly the protection of children. The farming is more of a hobby and a way to keep sane, I think.”

  “Wow, so he’s clever. That’s a great way to use those kinds of skills. I work with people like him and they do a lot of good. But that’s all immaterial. I’m interested in the touchy feely stuff, not his bank balance. Come on, there must be more to him to put that smile on your face.”

  Lori slid down into the armchair and thought for a moment. She had only spent twenty-four hours with Alex but had already got an insight into the kind of woman she was.

  “Hmm, let’s see. Alex is…genuine. There’s no bullshit. Just an
honest, compassionate person, who happens to be gorgeous, and have a wicked sense of humour. Oh and did I mention the outrageous flirting?” She laughed at Stella’s raised eyebrows. “What?”

  “Lori, the way you’re talking about this guy, I really don’t see the problem. In fact, I think I’ve had enough wine to be honest with you. Do you want me to tell you what I really think?” she challenged, sitting forward in her seat.

  Lori glanced at Stella’s already empty glass. “Go ahead and enlighten me.” She sat back in her chair, crossing her arms, already defensive. She’d heard more than one of Stella’s ‘honest’ proclamations after a few glasses of wine. Though to be fair, she was normally right.

  “I think for too long you’ve hidden behind your tick boxes.”

  “My wha—”

  “Shh!” Stella held a finger up to silence her. “You know what I’m talking about. They’re superficial and meaningless and completely irrelevant when it comes to love. You’ve continued to lie to and undervalue yourself and pretend they are the things that matter.”

  She kept her finger raised, continuing. “You’ve been plodding along with Andrew and wasting your time. You’re worried that if you have a list of real qualities you want in a partner, you might actually find someone who has them. And scarier still puts you first for a change. We both know what you’re really scared of is getting too close to someone who matters because you think they’ll eventually abandon you like your no-good father and brother.” She took a deep breath and waited for the defensive onslaught, but Lori was quiet.

  Stella took the opportunity to retrieve the second bottle of wine, leaving her to stew.

  Lori chewed on the inside of her lip again and looked up as Stella came back into the room. “You’re right.”

  “I’m sorry. Can you say that again?” Stella sighed with relief and moved to squeeze into the armchair beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

  “You’re right. I have an ingrained list of things my father always told me to expect from a partner. I might be old enough and ugly enough now to know he was a terrible father but when I was young, I’d take any little crumb of advice he offered. And what Andrew offered was basically someone the opposite of him. Safe. Dependable.”

  Stella stroked her hair. “Ah, my sweet Lori. So naive.”

  “I guess I found that quite quickly in Andrew and it has taken me this long to realise there was always something missing.” She turned to look at Stella. “I guess it was real love.”

  “That old chestnut called love.” Stella sighed again. “It sounds to me as if you may have at least found the beginnings of something worth exploring. It doesn’t have to be your one great love, but don’t let Andrew or your father or something as silly as geography get in the way of at least having some fun finding out.”

  “I know. I guess I have some things to figure out.”

  “Well, first things first, have you called him back?”

  “No, the last text said to call after ten o’clock.”

  Stella glanced at her watch. “Brilliant. We’ve still got time for that second bottle of wine.”

  Chapter 12

  Alex glanced at the dashboard clock for about the twentieth time, conscious as she bumped along the country road that it was nearing quarter past ten. She was hoping Lori would call and didn’t want to miss it.

  She’d tried to keep her text casual sounding, not wanting her to feel pressured into calling that night. If Lori had taken any feelings for her away from their weekend, then Alex knew she was probably feeling as confused as she was and the last thing she wanted was to rush things and scare her off. She was a little scared too, so slow and tentative worked for her.

  She braked for the sharp corner, then glanced in her mirror at Frank who was sleeping spread out in the back seat. “A lot of bloody good you are to me tonight, dog.”

  It was dead on quarter past ten when she finally headed down her driveway. She juggled her phone and keys, not wanting to miss it if Lori called. The phone rang just as she unlocked the back door and reset the alarm.

  She took a deep breath and smiled. “Hello, you,” she said into the handset.

  “Bonsoir,” replied Lori, the happiness in her voice obvious.

  “Show off,” Alex laughed. “I’m glad you called. I thought maybe it would be too late.”

  “No, it’s fine. My friend Stella’s only just left. She polished off the better part of two bottles of wine and one large pizza. All the while, laying into Andrew and grilling me about my weekend. It was fun.”

  Alex chuckled. “Sounds it.” Then she realised Lori mentioned a grilling about the weekend. “So did you tell her you’d met a devastatingly pretty Scottish girl?” she asked, mischief in her voice.

  It was Lori’s turn to laugh. “Hmm, you may have come up. Though, I wasn’t quite ready to share every detail with her.”

  “Like the small detail that I’m a woman?” Alex tried to keep her voice light to hide her slight disappointment.

  Lori was quiet. “Yeah, well you know, your name works as a bloke’s name and she assumed. I just didn’t know what to say and there are so many things going round in my head right now. I don’t want her judging me about something that might not be…”

  “Whoa! Whoa! Lori, slow down. Take a breath, it’s all right.”

  “It is? What is?” Her voice was small.

  “Listen to me. Let’s clear the air about this right now. I had a great time with you this weekend and I’d love to get to know you better. But let’s not put pressure on ourselves. I understand there are huge changes going on in your life what with Andrew and all, that’s a massive chapter coming to a close. The last thing I want to do is add to that. I’d rather be here for you as a friend. An unrelated outsider to the whole situation who promises not to say I told you so. I’ll be in charge of fun and taking your mind off it and we’ll see where it takes us. How does that sound?”

  Lori was quiet so long that Alex would have thought she’d been cut off only for her quiet breathing. “That sounds perfect. Thank you.”

  “Hey, don’t thank me. I’m being completely selfish here. I’ll say anything to get you to come visit me again.”

  Lori laughed then, sounding more at ease. “Oh yeah, well, you know you do live where the mountains are. I guess I could swing by before my next climb.”

  “Swing by to pick me up?” Alex asked hopefully.

  “Only if you bring Frank. I’m missing his kisses already.”

  Alex pictured Lori pinned on the floor by Frank not just once but twice. “I think that can be arranged. Although I have a bit of a different proposition for you that doesn’t include mountains or a cold bothy if you’re up for it?”

  “I’m listening.”

  “My friend Susie is passing through this weekend on her way to Norway. She’s my oldest friend from school and, despite being a pain in the arse sometimes, she’s always kept in touch and I thought I’d have a little get together for her at the farm. Some of the guys are coming through from Glasgow to stay for the weekend and I thought you might enjoy it. We could maybe hit a hill on Sunday?”

  Alex felt the nerves churn her stomach as she waited for Lori’s response. Not only at the thought of seeing her again so soon, but also introducing her to her friends. “Yes. I’d love to!”

  She was glad to hear the excitement in Lori’s voice when she replied. “Really? Great, that’s great. It’ll be great.”

  Lori chuckled and Alex kicked herself for letting her nerves get the better of her again.

  “Yes, I’m sure it’ll be great,” Lori reassured her. “So what’s the plan? When do you want me?”

  “It’s entirely up to you. If you can get away early on Friday, you could come up then so you’re rested for Saturday? I’ve plenty of room. Otherwise, just be here by Saturday afternoon.”

  Alex hoped she’d take her up on the offer to arrive early when she realised the grin on her face was at the thought of seeing Lori as soon as
Friday.

  “I’ll see what I can do about getting away Friday. Can I let you know later in the week?”

  “Sure, of course.” Alex relaxed a little. “Okay, well I guess I should let you get to bed, being a nine-to-five person and all.”

  “Rub it in, why don’t you. Although, aren’t farmers meant to be up with the sun?”

  “Not this farmer. Why do you think I’m my own boss? I’ve trained Frank well enough to collect the eggs for my breakfast, then feed the other animals.”

  Lori laughed loudly. “You know I can actually imagine that. Does he wake you with the daily newspaper and breakfast in bed, as well?”

  “What’s so funny? I’m serious.” Alex teased. “And you’re only half right. I don’t read the paper. It’s too depressing.”

  “Wow. I need to get me a Frank. I don’t remember the last time I was brought breakfast in bed.”

  “Score one for Frank. It’s no wonder Andrew didn’t make the grade.” It slipped out before Alex could stop herself. “Sorry that was uncalled for, Lori. It’s not for me to say things like that.”

  Lori chuckled.

  Alex let out a breath of relief.

  “Don’t be sorry, Alex, you’re right. Maybe if he’d taken a leaf out of Frank’s book he’d still be around. Although, after the lecture I had from Stella tonight, I’m beginning to realise he probably could never have done enough for it to work.”

  “Phew.” Alex let out a breath. “I’ll remove my foot from my mouth, then. We can talk about that more when you get here, if you like.”

  “Sure, maybe. Anyway, I guess I had really better go before I talk myself into dreams of Frank bringing me breakfast in bed.” She sighed at the thought. “Oh God, is that what my love life has been reduced to?”

  Alex tutted. “Hey, don’t diss the Frank. Trust me, there are worse dreams to have.”

  “Oh really? Like what?”

  “Well, for one, I have this reccurring dream where I’m in that episode of Tom and Jerry when they’re at a bowling alley…”