by Wendy Hudson
Alex had refused at first but relented when Stella stated point-blank she wasn’t talking on the phone so Alex might as well agree. However, now she was here, a part of her wished she had just stuck to the phone.
The farmhouse was in darkness, apart from a small light flickering at the end of the building. She approached the side door as Alex had told her, the darkness hid the figure behind the glass and Stella jumped as it opened before she knocked.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I saw the headlights.”
It was worse than Stella had thought. She could smell the booze coming off Alex and her demeanour suggested she’d had more than one already that night. Alex turned and headed back into the house without another word, her clothes hung at her hips and shoulders and Stella wondered how much she was eating, never mind drinking.
The flicker of light she had seen turned out to be a couple of large candles, centred on a coffee table littered with magazines, playing cards, and poker chips. A photo of Beth sat next to them, not far from a near empty bottle of whisky.
A dog she assumed was Frank, curled up at the foot of an armchair which Alex now settled herself into, pulling a tartan throw down over her shoulders.
“So I take it they haven’t found him?”
She sounded defeated and Stella wished that wasn’t the news she was bringing. “I’m afraid not.” Stella pulled over an ottoman and sat close, Frank separating them, his chest rising and falling rhythmically in sleep. She whispered across him. “They have found something, though.”
Alex adjusted the throw and reached for the bottle. She glanced at Stella then and must have thought better of it, instead putting her empty glass on the table. “Well?” She spoke impatiently, making Stella feel as if it was an inconvenience for her to be there.
Stella put aside her own feelings, swallowed back a retort, and gave Alex some slack. Yes, Stella was working her ass off and had travelled across the UK pulling every string possible to get on the case. But what was she expecting from Alex at this point? Gratitude? Her family were still dead and she hadn’t asked for the help. Stella was doing this for Lori.
“The dogs found a bloody handkerchief folded up inside a small tobacco tin. It was hidden underneath a floorboard in John Murray’s bedroom. It’s going to take some time to test it but we’re pretty sure it’s from that night.”
“I remember something about a handkerchief from Mum’s statement.”
“So did I. She said the man who covered her mouth did so with a hand wrapped in a bloody handkerchief. If we only find John Murray’s blood on it, it won’t be much use but there’s hope he will have picked up your mum’s DNA, maybe even Beth’s if he was involved in…” She couldn’t finish the sentence.
Alex had shuddered and pulled the throw tighter around her.
“The way we’re looking at it, Alex, is that it was either some kind of trophy or an insurance policy. Either way it’s our best chance at tying at least John to the scene that night. Our guess is it’s the latter, considering which room it was found in and, at this point, going on what your mum said, we don’t think John was part of what happened to Beth.”
“Of course he was fucking part of it,” Alex spat the words. “He was there. He was part of the plan. He tied and gagged my parents just the same as his animal son. He might not have…” She stopped, looked at the picture, and took a breath. “He might not have been the one to stab her, but he was part of it. He’s as much to blame for this.”
Frank’s ears twitched at her tone and he rose from his sleep, sniffing around Stella lazily, he seemed satisfied she was friendly and resumed his position.
The tears came then, and Stella had never felt so helpless. She was clinging to the small hope that came with the handkerchief, but she could see that all hope was lost for Alex.
She moved to the arm of the chair, put an arm across Alex’s shoulders, and tried to pull her in for a hug. Alex attempted to shrug it off at first, but then the tears came harder and she let herself be comforted. She grasped on to Stella’s jumper, burying her face in it. Stella held her, smoothing her hair and uttering promises she wasn’t sure she could keep.
Frank jumped up suddenly, startling Alex. She pulled away, wiping her face with both sleeves, unable to look Stella in the eye.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from.” Frank leant his chin on Alex’s knees and she scratched him automatically, still sniffing and wiping her face.
Stella moved back to the ottoman.
“You never have to apologise. I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling. You know I’m doing all I can, don’t you?”
Alex smiled her way. “Aye, I do, sweetheart. I know I’m not great at showing it, but I appreciate everything.”
“You know who else wishes she could help?”
Alex’s face dropped then. “Please, Stella, don’t. Look at me. How can I have her see me like this? I’m a mess. This whole thing is a mess. I don’t want her dragged into it.”
“But don’t you realise she already is in this, just by the fact that she cares about you, Alex. You’re hurting her more by not letting her in, not letting her help. And how do you know she can’t help? My girl is strong. She’s survived crap of her own, you know? Have you thought that maybe having her is what’s different this time? What can make the difference to you this time?”
“Okay, now you’re just quoting Jess. And I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. Lori just needs to forget about me, forget about all this, and move on. There have been too many tears already because of this and hers shouldn’t be added to them.”
Stella stood then. She wasn’t going to get anywhere, she knew. The vulnerability she had witnessed only moments ago was gone. The wall was back up and no one was getting in.
“I like you, Alex. I don’t profess to know you, but I can say with certainty you’re wrong about this. And it’s too late. She’s already drowning in her tears.”
Stella turned and didn’t look back. If she’d been harsh, it was because Alex needed it. She also needed Lori. She got into her car and held down one on her speed dial. Lori answered after the first ring. “So? How did it go? How is she?”
“Oh, Lori, I don’t know what to say. I wish I could tell you she’s holding up all right but I’d be lying. She’s a mess.”
She heard Lori choke back a sob, and her heart broke for her. “Hey. Don’t do that, sweetheart. Please. She’s got Jess so I’m sure things won’t get as bad as Jess said they were before. There are stages to this and she’ll eventually move on from this one and, hopefully, it’ll get better.”
“I just want to hear her voice, Stella. That’s all I want.” Her voice broke fully then and Stella pictured her beautiful face stained with tears.
“I know, darling. I have the feeling that’s all she wants too, but she’s stubborn. She’s set on her decision and it’s going to take something more for her to pick up the phone.”
“You know my application for New York is due by the end of this week?”
“Really? So soon?” Stella felt her own voice crack. She was fighting hard not to be upset at the potential that Lori was leaving, but she couldn’t stand in her way. Besides she loved New York and combining it with her best friend was going to make for some amazing visits.
“Yeah. Adam has pretty much filled mine out. He’s knows me better than anyone professionally, our careers have run so parallel to one another.”
“Are you sure this is what you want? With things how they are with Alex.”
Lori signed down the line. “I’ve no idea. But there’s a deadline and I don’t want to regret not at least finding out if I would have had a shot. This isn’t something I can put on hold. I guess I’ll deal with it if and when.”
“You’re right.” Stella cleared her throat. She needed to be supportive, not pour more guilt on Lori for simply trying to find happiness and fulfil her dreams. “This is about you Lori and for too long that hasn’t been the case. There�
�s no harm in putting the form in and seeing what happens.”
“I knew I could rely on you. I told Adam to send it over so I can check it before Friday. I wish I could talk to Alex about it though.”
“I know, darling.” Stella felt despondent for her. She’d waited so long for this opportunity and now it was soured with uncertainty and heartache.
“But what am I meant to do when she won’t answer my calls? Text and say ‘Hey I might be moving to New York, thoughts?’ and I’m certainly not putting you or Jess in that position.”
Stella smiled to herself that Lori’s sense of humour was at least partly intact. “I think what you’re doing is best right now. I’m certain you’re going to get that interview, and I’m convinced one of the jobs is yours, but now isn’t the time to tell Alex. What do we say? One day at a time.”
Lori went quiet and Stella didn’t interrupt the silence. “I thought she was falling, the same as me. I thought I meant something to her. Have I been a fool, Stella?”
The tears were back, Stella knew, but anger was creeping into Lori’s voice. “You’re no fool, Lori. She’s the one fooling herself.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“She needs you, Lori.”
Lori was quiet and Stella heard the tears start afresh. “Do you really think so?”
“I’m positive. Call Jess. She’ll tell you the same. I think it’s time you made her realise it. Come to Scotland, Lori. Come now.”
* * *
Stella hung up and glanced back at the house. She could swear there was a shadow in the window watching her, but she didn’t stick around any longer. She texted Jess and briefly told her what was happening and that she should phone Lori for more details.
Once back at the station, she scrubbed her face with dry palms, giving her cheeks a hard pinch and a couple of slaps in a vain attempt to wake up. She glanced up at the images flickering across the TV high in the corner of the open-plan office space, the volume had been switched off and she saw a more recent photo taken from Sean Murray’s driving license appear. It filled the screen next to an old mug shot as details of the case scrolled underneath. A reporter appeared and mutely relayed what they knew. The text below stating the headlines, a nationwide alert was out on Sean Murray, he was deemed dangerous, potentially armed, and not to be approached.
Stella waited, buzzing with nerves, anticipation and frustration at every dead end they ran into. He was so far doing a good job of hiding, but he had to rear his ugly head at some point and Stella was determined she’d be the one there to cut it off.
She read the stilted subtitles of what the reporter was saying for what she was sure was more than the hundredth time that day. Her mobile vibrating across the desk pulled her attention from the TV.
She grabbed the phone and let her shoulders drop when she saw Scott’s name on the caller ID. She slipped it into her back pocket, letting it go to voicemail, tucked a file under her arm and headed for the grubby staff canteen and the last dregs of the coffee pot.
Scott had called incessantly since their argument, but she refused to even acknowledge his calls. He could wait. If he bothered to call his sister as she had suggested, she might have confided in him and he’d be aware of the situation.
But selfish arse that he was, he still hadn’t. So she’d decided he could stew in his ignorance until Lori and Alex were taken care of, and she found some breathing space to deal with him. He didn’t even know she was in Scotland.
She sweetened two cups of the tar-like coffee before taking them along the corridor to the audio-visual room. Her contribution to the case so far had been one endless shift, scouring hours of CCTV footage from in and around businesses and streets where they’d had sightings of Sean Murray called in to the hotline. Boring work, but it had to be done and she was happy to put her skills to use in any way possible.
The officer assigned to help her was the same one who’d picked John Murray up, Hannah Wallace. She stared watery eyed at the multiple screens, yawning already. Hannah smiled gratefully as Stella passed her a cup.
Stella pulled up another chair. “We have more on Sean Murray’s background. Want to recap?”
“Sure.” Hannah stilled the images on the screen and turned her way. “What do we know so far?”
Stella pulled the file from under her arm and got as comfy as was possible on the cheap office chairs. “We know he’s an ex-soldier with a failed building company under his belt. He’s divorced with two children but they’ve been cut off from him for the best part of a decade. He got some tour medals, the Gulf, Bosnia, Northern Ireland, and Afghanistan, that’s where it gets colourful.”
Hannah was nodding. “The assault charge.”
“Exactly. We have an accusation of assault against a female RAF officer while on tour. The charge was never proven but it forced him out after nineteen years of service and, with a man like this, that’s got to have hurt his pride. He accepted a deal to go quietly when she decided not to pursue charges and he was discharged honourably with his pension intact.”
“So we know he had previous. Unproven, but that doesn’t sound like the way to treat an innocent man.” Hannah voiced the scepticism Stella was thinking.
“Yeah, it doesn’t sound good.” Stella agreed.
“So what happened with the wife and kids? Do we have any more on that yet?”
Stella couldn’t imagine someone going home and living a happy family life with the weight of the crime they’d committed. No sane person anyway. But unfortunately she knew it happened, every day, everywhere. She’d seen it enough times herself. “Yeah we’ve got court records now on his divorce. His marriage wasn’t as lucky as his pension.” She smiled wryly and returned to reading. “Soon after his discharge, his wife took the kids and moved back south to her family in Bristol. Took a chunk of his payoff with her but it doesn’t look as if she’s claiming any other form of child maintenance. A local went to speak with her, but she claims not to have heard from him in years.”
“I’d say that’s a good thing for her.” Hannah noted and Stella agreed.
“It looks as if he moved in with his dad and got into the family business soon after she left, but the recession didn’t do the business any favours. His tax records are sporadic at best over the past five or six years; doesn’t look as if he’s held a job for more than six months. No credit cards. No savings account.”
“No trail to follow.”
Stella nodded her agreement. “He’s not exactly a ghost though. There might not be much financially but there’s a past here, links, ties, reasons to stay in the country. We’re not done with the ex-wife and kids, I can’t believe he would walk away from that without a fight.”
Hannah’s brow creased. “Is it worth having someone watch them? If he thinks he’s about to get caught, his kids might be a draw?”
“Already on it. The locals down south are helping all they can. I guess in the meantime we keep going with what we’re doing. Any joy?”
Hannah spun back around toward the screens, shaking her head. “Sorry Detective, and the list of sightings doesn’t seem to be diminishing.”
Stella ran her hands through her thick curls, resisting the urge to tug it all out in frustration. “Okay.” She picked up her coffee. “Let’s do this.” She pulled her chair under the desk and settled in beside Hannah for another long night.
Chapter 42
Lori had spent two weeks wondering. Two weeks pacing between her living room and kitchen, between the sofa and the fridge. Two weeks staring at her phone, willing Alex’s name to appear. Two weeks typing and then deleting message after message to Alex, only sending a handful. Two weeks of tears, of anger, frustration, and confusion. Two weeks of not knowing.
Through it all, one thing overrode all those other feelings, kept her awake at night, made her ache in a way she had never experienced.
She missed Alex.
Her head told her to forget it, she was a one night stand, and Alex had moved on, h
ad more important things to deal with. Her heart told her Alex missed Lori just the same, but had spent so long on her own she’d forgotten how to ask for help.
Stella’s lecture about tick boxes and settling for safe rang in her ears. Of doing what was expected rather than what she wanted. Well, this was the moment she took that advice, took a chance. Alex might decide to turn her back on Lori, but that was a risk she was willing to take.
Andrew had inadvertently helped her make the decision to head north. Listening to another message from him the night before, when she’d heard his defeated tone she’d let it play through. He had apologised for being an idiot and for the scene at her house, he admitted his ego had done the talking and he knew that’s what had pushed them apart in the first place. He still wanted an opportunity to talk, but knew it was too late to salvage anything more than friendship. She could live with that, and felt lighter knowing he had taken a step towards moving on. She felt free.
She couldn’t deny she was also sad at the loss of what they once had and empathised with him, it wasn’t only his fault. They had simply lost sight of what was important and what would make them happy together. She knew he was a good man, but he wasn’t good for her anymore, and it seemed he was coming to realise that.
At the office, she had given Adam a quick rundown of things to cover before leaving, but he’d been fussing around her, his excitement over New York growing now both their applications had been submitted. He had word from a buddy that they both had been shortlisted and would get an interview date in the next few days.
The New York opportunity was moving faster than she expected. Alex was just a daydream when Adam had first told her about the job, but now she was very real and Lori couldn’t deny she was still having second thoughts about a potential move to the other side of the ocean.