Killing Freedom

by Ryan Casey

  He stumbled towards the door and out to the torrential rain that had started outside. The weight on his shoulders that had been lifted by Raymond’s offer had returned. Someone else to be guilty about.

  As Jared opened the door, he turned back to face his uncle. ‘I am very grateful for everything you’ve done for me, Uncle.’

  Mustapha exhaled in pain as the guard rubbed his chest with oil. He didn’t even acknowledge Jared.

  Jared stepped out of the door and into the rain. Reaching into his pocket, he sneaked a wad of two grand he’d saved underneath the plant outside of his uncle’s practice and walked back towards the pickup truck.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The rumbling of Jared’s engine was the only thing disrupting the peace.

  He’d pulled over after leaving the village, turning off onto an old disused car park. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sat there. He wasn’t sure it mattered.

  He slumped onto the dashboard and worked his fingers through his hair. The back of his head stung from where Raymond’s man had knocked him to the ground. How had he ended up in such a mess? Just days ago, things were going smoothly. He wasn’t happy, but they were stable.

  Was anybody ever happy? This wasn’t the freedom he’d dreamed of.

  He smoothed out the little photo he’d found at Mustapha’s of himself and his sister playing with their parents. When he looked at photos from his past, it felt like he was looking at somebody else’s life. Someone more fortunate and worthy than him. The dark hair of his mother and the way her eyes were exactly like Faith’s. Faith’s innocent little grin. And his dad, handsome and dark-skinned, with Jared propped on his shoulders, grin across his face.

  He must have been good at faking from a young age, because the only thing he remembered from that day was the overwhelming fear of falling to the ground. The sensation was as clear as if it had happened yesterday.

  He thought about Carl, thought about the quarrels he would have had with his dad as he’d gotten older. Was Jared really any different than Carl when he was a child? Sure, his parents took a turn for the religious. His dad became a more repressive man. But he’d never been hit as a child. He’d never been bullied, not physically, or anything like that.

  He didn’t let himself think about it too often, but he couldn’t help the feeling that he’d spat the dummy out and left home too soon.

  And now here he was, pulled up on the side of a highway lay-by on the run from some past-life. And no matter what happened, the images of what he’d done would never escape him. Stuck at the side of the road, just like his parents had ended up.

  You’ll be back, Jared.

  He turned the key and wiped at his tear-stained cheeks. At least he had Faith and Cindy. It could have been much worse. They’d have to get away—find a new place away from all this—but it could work. They could make it work.

  He turned the key, revved up the engine, and indicated out onto the highway, driving into the night and towards his new life.

  He hadn’t realised how long he’d been driving until he spotted the safe house on the horizon. There was a dim light emitting from the lounge area. He slowed down as he approached and took a look around—there were no other lights nearby. Maybe they could sleep outside for the night. It was a warm evening and at least that way they could keep an eye on the house from a distance. Stay out here tonight, see how things go, think about taking off in the morning. He pulled up a few hundred meters from the entrance of the house and stepped out of his car, hopping onto the dusty road beneath. He couldn’t alarm them—he’d told them to run if they heard anyone coming. He walked towards the house with his hand resting on top of his gun. He had to be safe. He couldn’t take any chances, not anymore.

  Jared peeked through the lounge window: Cindy was curled up inside reading a book. To an outside observer, one could say she looked relaxed.

  But she was uncertain. She shifted in her seat, and her hands rubbed along the top of her legs. Unsettled eyes. Maybe she’d seen or heard his car and wondered what it was and what to do. He had to be sure. Jared tapped on the window and she leapt up, her eyes scanning the window before collapsing back onto the sofa with her hand across her chest. Jared tried to smile at her before walking to the door and turning the key, letting himself in.

  Cindy rushed out of the lounge and towards the door, which Jared locked, checking again to see he’d locked it. His head still stung and ached from the impact earlier.

  ‘Are you okay, Jared?’ Cindy asked as he turned round to face her. She was holding a steaming mug in her hand and looking up at his forehead.

  He scratched his head with his fingers: fresh red blood on his fingertips. He wasn’t even aware he’d hurt his forehead this badly. The impact with the floor must have been worse than he remembered. ‘Nothing… nothing a cloth can’t sort out. And a few paracetamols. I’ll be fine.’

  Cindy nodded reluctantly as he walked into the lounge.

  ‘Everything been okay here? Faith?’ He stepped through into the kitchen area and poked his head around the back door.

  ‘Jared, I need to talk to you,’ Cindy said. Her eyes were still trailing along the floor as she gripped onto her tea.

  ‘Where’s she gone?’ Jared asked, pacing past Cindy and towards the bottom of the stairs, back into the hallway. ‘Faith,’ he called up the stairs. Cindy walked towards Jared and started to lift her arm to grab him before drawing it back.

  ‘Jared, listen—she’s gone. She just disappeared.’

  Jared looked at Cindy quizzically, clenching his eyebrows together.

  Then he bolted towards the front door and began to unlock it.

  Cindy reached out again, but this time, she let herself touch him. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked.

  ‘If she’s gone then I have to find her,’ Jared snapped, pulling the door open and marching back up the stones towards the car.

  ‘No, Jared, you don’t—’

  He jolted round and faced her, head on. ‘Yes. I do, okay? Do you get that?’ He looked at her with wide, bulging red eyes, his jaw tensed. She stumbled back a little. Jared saw the horror in her eyes. He didn’t like it. It reminded him of the moment before he killed people. The look of fear they always had, without exception. That knowing. That inevitability.

  No. Deep breath. One, two, three. One, two, three, four.

  And exhale.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s jus—’

  ‘She left a note, that’s all,’ Cindy said, before turning her back on Jared and walking back inside the house.

  And then he was alone with the crickets and the stars. Alone again.

  The horror in her eyes. No, forget it—just forget it.

  The fear.

  For a moment, he wished it was he who lay in Gurdit’s grave.

  ‘J,

  I know you only want the best for me and the best for everyone but this is not my idea of the best.

  I’ll be in touch.

  Love you always big bro,

  F’

  Jared’s hands shook as he sunk back into the living room chair. She’d gone. She’d walked out, just like that. Everything felt like it was falling apart. His dream. The future. And Cindy—the horror in her eyes. It was all crumbling to pieces. Maybe it’d all been a big mistake. Maybe he should have just gone back with Raymond and carried on with his life.

  There was a knock at the door, and Cindy crept in, holding a steaming towel. ‘I—I thought I’d bring this for your head,’ she said.

  Jared smiled at her and stood up. He’d been unreasonable with Cindy. She’d stayed. She was all he had, and she’d stayed. He licked his lips and cleared his throat. ‘I’m sorry for before,’ Jared said, his eyes scanning the floor.

  Cindy rested her hand against his shoulder. He expected to twitch out from underneath, but instead, he let it sit there for a few seconds. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘I know. Let’s—let’s get you cleaned up and we can talk about things, huh?’

&nb
sp; Jared sat on the sofa as Cindy dabbed the warm towel against the cut on his head. It felt strange, being cared for like this. Did she really care, or was she just doing this until she got the chance to get out of here?

  ‘Cindy,’ Jared said.

  She looked at his head and waited for him to continue speaking.

  ‘Why didn’t you run?’

  Her pupils widened as their eyes met. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘When I was out and Faith left. Why didn’t you just run?’

  Cindy squeezed the blood out from the wet towel and into the water. ‘I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it. But then I thought about what you said. About the people you and Brian were against. And I thought about what they did to the people I loved, and I don’t know. I guess I trust you. I know that sounds crazy.’

  For just a second, Jared’s chest opened. For a moment, all the pain throughout his body completely relaxed and he was in a blissful state of perfection. Was this happiness?

  She trusted him. It didn’t matter that she thought he worked with Brian. It didn’t matter that she still didn’t know what he did for a living. She wouldn’t have to know. He could be this person, he really could.

  ‘Well, thanks, I guess.’

  Cindy nodded and submerged the towel back into the water. ‘Where did you go before?’

  Jared watched her swill the wet towel around in circles. ‘There was someone close to me in danger.’

  ‘And are they still in danger?’

  Jared thought back to the scars on Mustapha’s chest. ‘Not right now. But I can never be sure. Cindy—we aren’t safe here any more. We need to find somewhere new. I know you want to go back to the city and I know it’s confusing, bu—’

  ‘Just do what you’ve got to do, Jared,’ Cindy said, looking him in the eye for a second before pressing the hot towel onto his forehead again. ‘I believe you.’

  He winced as the steam worked itself inside the raw flesh.

  After she’d cleaned his wound up, they sat in the lounge in different chairs and listened to the silence, watching the sky grow bluer and bluer as morning approached. Neither of them were in a mood to go to bed. There was something nice about the way they sat there, no matter how tired they were. It was something Jared felt like he could get used to.

  As Jared was drifting off into a dream-state, he turned to Cindy. She was curled up on the cushion, her eyes shutting and fluttering open again every few seconds.

  ‘Cindy,’ he said.

  She mumbled and tried to pull her partly sealed eyes open again. ‘Mmmhm?’

  Jared felt the guilt and frustration work its way up his body and into his chest again. ‘I’m sorry— about your family—I’m so sorry. But we’ll make this work. You and me, we’ll make this work. I promise.’

  Cindy was silent for a few moments. Jared looked over at her again—her eyes were closed. She mumbled something inaudible that sounded like words at first but drifted off into nonsense.

  Jared shut his eyes and wrapped his arms around his chest as the birds began to sing in the deep blue sky outside. Tomorrow was a new day. Tomorrow, they get out of here and start a new life, free from the past. It would’ve been nice if Faith could’ve been a part of it, but maybe she was just another tie to the past too. Maybe what he really needed was a completely new start.

  His eyes sealed shut, and he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The first thing Jared noticed when he woke was that the chair Cindy had been sleeping in was empty.

  He stretched his neck, which ached from the funny position in which he had slept, and looked over at the clock—eight AM. Fuck. He wanted to leave earlier than that, preferably before anyone had a chance to start their day. He pulled himself up from the chair and stepped towards the kitchen.

  Something metallic clattered against the floor.

  He pushed the door open reluctantly, poking just his nose through the crevice, and saw Cindy bending down to pick up a fork that she’d been washing. Jared allowed himself to enter the kitchen. It was just a fork. She was fine.

  Cindy turned round and gasped. ‘You shouldn’t creep up on me like that,’ she said, smiling, before placing the fork on the side.

  ‘Sorry,’ Jared said. ‘Wasn’t sure if… did you sleep okay?’

  Cindy gestured towards the lines ingrained on her cheeks from where she had lay and rolled her eyes. ‘Still, it was nice to sit up like that. I guess I can sleep some more in the truck.’ She hung the towel on a hook next to the window, sunlight peeking through.

  ‘Have you packed?’ Jared asked.

  Cindy raised her eyebrows at Jared. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve got things packed whilst you’ve been lazying around. Gone and lost one of my earrings in the process though. The stuff’s just at the bottom of the stairs. I thought I’d let you take it to the truck.’

  Jared smiled. ‘Right.’ He walked out of the room and into the living room. There was a mugginess in the air, like there always was when too many people had been in a warm, enclosed room for too long. Yet another undesirable consequence of sleeping with someone to add to the list. STIs, unwanted pregnancies, and fucking muggy rooms. He grabbed Cindy’s bag as the cutlery continued to clatter in the background.

  He paused for a moment as he reached towards the front door; it was slightly ajar. He stood and stared, completely motionless, as the birds tweeted outside. Why would it be open? She said she hadn’t gone outside.

  ‘Cindy,’ he shouted.

  She continued to clatter away at the cutlery.

  Jared edged towards the door with Cindy’s bag thrown across his shoulder and worked his fingers up the crevice at the side. Had she been outside? Or… no. He couldn’t consider the worst case scenario. Maybe they’d just forgotten to lock it. There was no-one else who could get inside, unless…

  Jared dropped the bag and sprinted outside towards the hole he’d dug for Gurdit. He still hadn’t covered him up properly yet, so his body lay staring up towards the sky, with only a panel of wood to protect him from the sun. Jared clenched the piece of wood with his fingers and tensed as he pulled it away. The smell hit him first. He jolted back as a party of bluebottles buzzed up into his face, away from Gurdit’s paling body.

  He covered his retching mouth with his hand and reached down into Gurdit’s pocket. His body felt like stone. He wasn’t sure why he was so disgusted by it—he handled dead bodies all the time. He should be able to deal with this.

  As he worked his way through each of the pockets, his stomach sank. The key. Gurdit’s house key had gone. Had it been in his pocket when he’d buried him? He could’ve sworn he’d left it in there.

  He slipped the lid back over Gurdit’s grave. As he did, something glistened from below, a slight movement near Gurdit’s motionless leg.

  Maybe an animal had eaten the key.

  Or maybe they hadn’t.

  They needed to get away from here, fast.

  Jared paced back towards the front door and pushed it open. Maybe Faith had taken the key. Maybe an animal took off with it. They were reasonable possibilities, but they weren’t worth the risk.

  ‘Cindy,’ Jared shouted.

  Pots clattered in the kitchen.

  ‘Cindy,’ Jared repeated, rushing through the lounge.

  Cindy stepped out of the kitchen with a bewildered look on her face. ‘Everything okay?’

  Jared’s chest loosened with momentary relief. ‘Yeah, yeah. Listen, did you leave the door open last night?’

  Cindy frowned and looked around the room in thought. ‘No… no I’m pretty sure I… What’s happened?’

  ‘Right,’ Jared said, grabbing Cindy by her hand and walking back into the hallway. ‘You get in the car. We have to leave right now. It’s not safe here anymore.’ The walls felt like they were closing in, wrapping themselves around them. He couldn’t take any more risks.

  ‘You’ll be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life.’
>
  Jared ran upstairs and grabbed the bag of remaining money from under his bed. He unzipped it, checking it was all still there, then zipped it shut and threw it over his shoulder. He looked around the bedroom one last time, taking in the empty photo-frames and white cotton sheets. This place had served its purpose, but now it was time to move on.

  ‘Jared!’ Cindy shouted from outside.

  Jared’s heart raced. She was in trouble. Something had happened. He pelted down the stairs with the money bag in one hand and pulled the gun out of his other pocket before throwing himself through the front door.

  Outside, Cindy stood next to the pickup truck with her case in her hands. She looked at Jared, who scanned the area with his gun. Cindy pointed at the vehicle.

  The tyres were completely flat. There were large slashes in the sides, the air still hissing from the front tyre as the heat of the sun burned against them.

  He looked up at Cindy. ‘How did this—’

  ‘It was just like this when I came out,’ Cindy said. ‘Something’s not right is it?’

  Jared thought back to his sister’s comments and Gurdit’s hesitations. ‘Keep an eye on her…’ She couldn’t have, could she?

  He looked around. There was no sign of anyone on the horizon, no one in the fields out front.

  ‘We’re going to have to go by foot. We’re going to have to get out of here as soon as we can.’

  Jared dropped the bag of money to the floor and threw his hands onto the back of his neck. He wandered over to the side of the house, checking for any signs of an intruder or a potential hiding spot.

  Then, it caught his eye.

  Gurdit’s grave lid was slightly ajar. He had been sure to close the lid properly. Someone was fucking with them. Someone was fucking with him.

  He stepped over to it, his hands sweating around the gun. He pushed his finger against his lips as he crept across the dusty yellow stones, crunching beneath his toes. Someone was in there. Someone was hiding in there.

  He crouched down next to Gurdit’s grave and heard the movement—the shuffling. His heart raced. Got you, you fuck.