Killing Freedom

by Ryan Casey

  As she climbed over the fence in front of the field, she turned back to face him, only for a moment, but he saw it in her eyes. Fear. There was no other option now. The lump grew heavier in his throat as the tears welled up in his eyes.

  ‘Cindy,’ he called, his voice croaky. It didn’t travel very far. It didn’t need to. He just needed to say it. He just needed to know himself. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

  He reached into his pocket, pulled out the gun, and fired three shots in her direction as the tears dripped from his eyes and rained against the floor.

  When he lifted his head again, she was gone.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The chiming of the phone cut through the living room. This was the thirty-sixth time it had rang in the last two days. Or maybe it was thirty seven. Ring. Ring. Ring.

  Then silence. Dead.

  The plates from dinner the other night were still on the side of the sink, stacked up, flies buzzing around them. Occasionally, a car would pass by, rattling the windows. Every time he thought it might be the police or Raymond coming back for him, but they just carried on driving, no idea of what was in the grave outside.

  He’d have to do something about the bodies. At some stage, he’d have to get up and get out of here. He didn’t really care what happened next. There was nothing else worth caring about. Raymond had taken away his chance. He had no choice but to go back to Raymond.

  Jared pulled himself up from the sofa, his head dizzying as he rose. It seemed like forever since he had carried the bodies across the field and into the grave to rest with Gurdit. He’d carried the man first, his head loose on his neck from the repeated blows to the skull.

  Then her. Her hair—

  No. Just a body. Just a job.

  He stepped into the kitchen, his knees aching. His stomach rumbled—he couldn’t remember when he’d last eaten or drank anything. His throat was dry and his head throbbed.

  Cartoon octopuses and carnival music.

  He crawled into the kitchen and towards the sink where the cold tap stared back at him, and he saw her there. The sun behind her silhouetted her. If he could just see her face once more, if he could just reach out and touch her, maybe he could solve this.

  When he held his hand up, the fear in her eyes shot through his skull, and then she was gone and he was alone again.

  He took a deep breath and wrapped his lips around the crusty edge of the cold tap, letting the water power down his dry throat. He’d burn the bodies. He’d go out there, burn the bodies, and then get back to Raymond and apologise. That was all he had now. Faith didn’t want what he wanted. He had no choice.

  The phone rang again.

  Was that thirty-seven or thirty-eight times now? Whoever it was wasn’t giving up. Maybe it was time to talk to him. His hand shook as he touched the receiver. One little apology, that’s all it takes. It was all he had now. It was all he’d ever had. He pulled the phone to his ear and clenched his jaw.

  ‘Jared?’

  The phone nearly slipped out of his hand when he heard the woman’s voice. Faith.

  ‘Jared? Are you there, brother?’

  ‘Sis?’ he said, struggling to get anything out, rubbing at his forehead. ‘Sis… I’m—sis.’

  ‘I’ve been worried sick about you. The news—they won’t stop talking about the murders at the house, and the police say they’re getting close. Jared, I thought they’d got you. I thought something had happened.’

  The police. Raymond still hadn’t informed them that it was him behind the murders. That was something. He still had a chance to make things right with him.

  ‘I… I’m safe. But Faith. I… I need you. I need to know what to do. I don’t know what to do anymore.’

  ‘What’s happened?’

  The images flashed back into his head again: the mumbling, the struggling.

  She was there in the fields, and then she was swallowed up into the ground below.

  ‘Look, Jared… It’s okay. I promise. Let’s… let’s meet up, okay?’

  ‘It’s no good,’ Jared said. ‘I need to just go back, Faith. You were right. I can’t do this.’

  Faith sighed. ‘Can I see you before you go back?’

  ‘I don’t know if it’s safe—’

  ‘How about… the place we were before we left home, that last time. You remember?’

  The park, the sunshine. He could meet her briefly before he went back to Raymond. It was a risk, but he just needed to see her one more time.

  Or maybe it could still work.

  Jared curled his head in his hands. His breathing rattled in his chest as the butterflies of hope flapped their wings around his stomach. Could it work? ‘I… you were right, Faith. You were right about everything. About Cindy, about it all. But we can still make this work, me and you. I’ve still got some of the money, and we can go someplace and get out of here, just us two. But we’ll have to go far away. We’ll—we’ll have to go this afternoon.’

  Jared heard a sniffing on the other end of the phone.

  ‘Faith, are you—’

  ‘Yes. Just meet me there this afternoon, Jared. We’ll talk about things. I miss you.’

  ‘I miss you too,’ Jared said, as the line cut out.

  He pulled the phone away from his ear, and he was on his own again. Him and Faith, they could make this work together. There was still a chance. The look in Cindy’s eyes; he didn’t have to be that monster.

  He went upstairs and packed his bags. This room, which had once felt like the birthplace of a fresh start, now felt like a tomb, with dust forming on the bedsheets. The bag of money lay in the corner.

  They could make this work, they really could.

  But there was something else he had to do first.

  The crickets sang louder today than they had in a long time.

  Jared stood over the open grave. He couldn’t bring himself to look inside. He could see it clearly enough in his head: mangled legs, pained eyes and pale skin. He’d seen it many times before.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out the spare earring he’d found in the man’s pocket. That fucking earring. If only he’d believed in her, it wouldn’t have had to be this way. If only he’d had a little faith.

  He tossed the earring down below before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a box of matches. The smell of the oil ripened in the glare of the afternoon sun. He struck a match and looked over his shoulder—nobody. There never was.

  Just him.

  He tossed the match into the grave and watched as the flames rose. It would take an hour or so to burn out and then it would be over. Cindy, Gurdit, the man—all of it, up in flames. Killing freedom.

  He walked down the road, tightening his grip around the car keys in his hand. He could see the doctor’s car up ahead, parked diagonally across the pavement, the driver’s door still half-open. When he reached it, he pushed his bag over onto the passenger seat. Faith. He didn’t have long, but this was it. This was his last shot, and he had one chance to make it count.

  He turned the keys and stepped on the accelerator. He couldn’t bring himself look at the house again.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  He pulled up near the park. Not directly in front of it, though. He wanted to know exactly where his car was in case he had to do a runner, and he didn’t want to draw too much attention towards himself. The trees were a rich green—a welcome change to the dusty greys of the wilderness. It had been so long since he had been to this park, years in fact. The sound of children laughing and screaming was a distant hum in the air, the moist freshness of water sprinklers working its way up his nostrils.

  Jared kept his head down as he walked along the sidewalk and towards the park entrance. A few hundred yards seemed like miles with all these people walking past and looking at him. One man with a beard stared into his eyes and quickly shuffled to one side as another woman smiled back at him, her green eyes glistening. He nudged his eyes back to the floor and upped his pace, edging cl
oser to the black steel gate of the park.

  He gripped the rucksack of money tightly over his shoulder. He needed to be with it at all times. If something happened to the car, they could deal with it, but the money was everything. It was their way out.

  Another man whispered something to his son as he walked past.

  Were they looking at him differently? He’d done a lot of things since he’d properly been out here, in public. Maybe his face was all over the news. A woman across the street stared at him for a little longer than was normal as he shuffled his hands, the cold steel of his trusty gun still warm in his pocket. He felt an attachment to it, a bond. He needed to be prepared.

  But it didn’t have to be that way for long. He’d meet Faith and they’d get out of here. This could be a chance, the start of something new. It wasn’t perfect, but it was something.

  Just a few more steps.

  Man in black suit watching up ahead.

  Three, two, one…

  And in.

  He saw her sitting on her own on a nearby park bench with a black handbag on her lap. She licked her lips and crouched forward, looking around at the crowds of people passing by and the kids with balloons.

  When she saw him, her eyes expanded. Her body tensed to reach out for him but she must have seen it in his eyes. Keep a low profile. Her hands tightened around her bag, and her face twitched between happiness and sadness as he approached.

  Jared sat down on the chair and crossed one leg over the other, refusing to acknowledge Faith. He looked around: mothers and children on their lunch breaks, business types with their suitcases on their mobile phones, teenagers perching in the trees and poking fun at people.

  ‘How long you been here?’ he asked, still refusing to look Faith in the eye.

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Faith said. ‘We’ve got to get away as soon as possible. They—’

  ‘It’s okay,’ Jared said. He turned to face her now, the emotion filling his body. ‘I know. That’s why I’m here. We’re gonna get away. Go somewhere where maybe someone will find us, but we can deal with it. There’s no other way, Faith.’

  She continued to stare at her handbag. She was dressed rather formally, in a knee-length skirt and black boots. ‘Did you bring the money?’ she asked.

  Her eyes flickered up towards him before returning to her legs. Something wasn’t right.

  ‘Why would you ask about the money?’ Jared looked around. The teenagers were looking at him and sniggering. The business type stopped by a tree and stared at Jared for a few seconds. The pigeons wrestled over a last piece of bread. Jared rubbed his knees.

  ‘I’m just asking,’ Faith said.

  ‘Of course I have the money,’ Jared said, tapping two fingers against the bag on his shoulder and turning his shout into a whisper. ‘How else would we get away? Now come on. We don’t have much time—’

  ‘Jared, I’m sorry,’ Faith said. ‘I tried to get away, believe me.’ She raised her left arm and clicked her fingers as her head slumped into her chest.

  From the hedges in front, two bodyguards emerged. They were dressed in blue suits and were wearing glasses.

  And then, in the distance, next to the slides and the swings, he saw him holding some ice lollies. He was dressed casually in a pink shirt with the top button undone, wearing summery shorts and sunglasses. He walked towards Jared and waved.

  Raymond.

  Jared grabbed his sister’s hand and pulled her from the seat. ‘Come on,’ he said. She shook him off as the men and women in the distance watched Jared trying to get away. It looked suspicious, and with the police and everything that had happened, he couldn’t draw any attention towards himself. Faith continued to stare at her bag as the two guards perched themselves either side of them. The blonde-haired one on Jared’s side he recognised from Mustapha’s. He forced Jared to budge up and squeeze against his sister. He felt her elbow protrude into the side of his chest.

  Raymond paced towards them, a big grin across his face. He opened his arms. ‘What a lovely day for a little family reunion, eh? So glad you could join us, Jared. Want an ice-lolly?’

  Jared froze in his seat. This could not be happening. It couldn’t end like this.

  ‘Agh, screw you then. I try to be generous, and he throws it back in my face. Faith, you’ll have an ice-lolly won’t you, babe?’

  ‘Don’t call her—’

  Jared felt the grip of the bodyguard on his neck as he tensed up in his seat. Raymond watched him as he wrapped his lips around the lolly. ‘Jared, I’m gonna level with you. Don’t hate your sister for organising this little meeting—I didn’t give her much of a choice. But there’s no need to be awkward now, huh? You’re here, I’m here, and that’s all that matters, right?’ He looked at Faith again and grinned as she reluctantly took the ice-lolly from Raymond. It dripped down her hand and grew sticky in the sun as she held onto it.

  ‘How did you like my friend, hmm? Did you get on nicely? He took a bit of persuading, but stick a gun to someone’s wife’s head, and you’ll be surprised what they’ll do. Or rather, you won’t be surprised, will you, Jared?’

  The man he’d killed. The doctor. Just a pawn in a bigger game. Perhaps he was somebody who owed Raymond for something or another. His final performance the defining role in his career.

  ‘Of course, I understand, but I’m not sure the police will take so kindly to finding the body.’

  ‘And he left the letters?’

  Raymond laughed, almost dropping his ice-lolly to the floor. Faith was completely still. ‘Jared, although I do have a certain power, I’m not sure I could get a fucking boogeyman to lurk around your place for days. I think you need to look a little… a little closer to home, let’s say?’

  Jared froze. Closer to home? He turned to Faith, who stared at her knees. She couldn’t look him in the eyes.

  ‘Why? Why, Faith? Why woul—’

  ‘I didn’t give her much of a choice,’ Raymond said. ‘After you—sorry to bring this up, old pal— but after you shot yours truly in the knee, I was kind of in a good position to pull my cellphone out of my pocket and call for backup. Apparently, she was behind some crates when two of my boys found her.’

  Jared’s throat welled up as Faith continued to stare into the ground, unable to make eye contact with anyone, the ice-lolly dribbling down her leg.

  ‘All this time,’ Jared said. ‘All the time, at… at Mustapha’s. And you—you said it was her. You said it was her that… Why, Faith?’

  Faith’s lips remained sealed.

  ‘To be fair to the girl,’ Raymond said, ‘I thought her half-cooked story about hopping on the back of a truck was a pretty lame one. Surprised you bought it. You must really have liked that girl. Shame.’

  The letters, the notes in the pad, and… the video.

  All Faith.

  Jared turned to the ground and shook his head. His dream of freedom, of starting afresh, a farce. Faith never believed in it for a moment. She knew about it all along.

  ‘Just why? Why would you do it?’

  Faith turned to look at Jared, tears rolling down her rosy cheeks. ‘I did it because he offered me security, Jared,’ she said. ‘I… I could see. I could see what was happening to you, and I knew where it was going to go. Raymond told me about what you’d done. He told me about the job and that there… there was only one way out. He’s the only one who’ll give you a shot, Jared. There is no freedom for you out there. I’m sorry.’

  They held their stare for a moment as Raymond tapped his foot. He’d compromised her from the start.

  ‘Why Cindy, though? Why did you have to blame her?’

  Faith’s jaw wobbled. ‘Raymon—he, he told me I couldn’t let you trust her. He told me it was the only way, or both of us, we’d… Jared, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’

  Jared turned away from Faith and looked up at Raymond, who had his hands behind his back and a smile on his face. ‘What do you want from me?’ Jared asked.

  Raym
ond grinned and widened his eyebrows. ‘What do I want? What do I want… remember that conversation we had at your old uncle’s? Fine chap, he was. But yeah, I told you that you had a choice. Well, I changed my mind. Come home, Jared. Come home and come back to doing what you do best. There’s no reason anyone else should get hurt.’ He sucked on the lolly as it dribbled down his chin.

  Jared’s chest tightened as Raymond’s eyes flickered to Faith momentarily. He couldn’t let him hurt her, not after everything. ‘Why?’

  Raymond twitched his eyebrows in bewilderment. ‘‘Why’’ what?’

  ‘Why can’t you just let me live a normal life?’

  Raymond laughed, a piece of ice falling out of his mouth. ‘Why can’t I let you live a normal life? Jared, get real. It wasn’t me who came to me for help as a teenager. It wasn’t me who went to Burma and slaughtered a bunch of innocent families. It wasn’t me who pulled that trigger. Jared, it’s not me who can’t let you live a normal life—it’s you.’

  Jared lowered his chin to his chest. He’d made the choice to kill Cindy, even after he’d run away with her. He’d killed the warden simply because it seemed like the easiest thing to do. That wasn’t Raymond’s call—it had been his.

  Raymond smiled. ‘Just come back, Jared. And if you don’t, at least give me back what’s rightfully mine.’ He nodded at his two bodyguards, who grabbed the rucksack from Jared’s limp fingers and tossed it over to Raymond. He poked his head inside the bag. ‘Ah, how I’ve missed you.’

  Jared’s heart thumped. Raymond had said he could have the money and start again. He could feel freedom crumbling away in front of him.

  ‘But I’m a reasonable guy, Jared. And because I’m a reasonable guy, I have a proposal for you.’

  Jared shrugged his shoulders. ‘Go on then.’

  ‘In case you’d forgotten, tomorrow is election day. Now, Dwight’s man Callum is starting to pick up a bit of… a bit of momentum, what with all these crimes you’ve committed. People are starting to feel like the city just isn’t a safe place, questioning Iain’s competence, all that. So I need you to take Dwight’s candidate out. Our mayor gets to be the hero again, you go down for the crimes, we get you a cushy cell and a privileged sentence and you’ll be out in no time.’