The Amish Teacher's Dilemma and Healing Their Amish Hearts

by Patricia Davids

  She stared at the ground. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a distraction.”

  “That is exactly what you are.” He walked toward her, bent down and kissed her. It was every bit as sweet as he had imagined it would be.

  He moved his hand to the back of her head but she didn’t draw away. She pressed her lips against his and slanted her face just enough to make their mouths fit together more perfectly. His heart started pounding so hard he knew she must hear it. Nothing had ever felt as right and as wonderful as her fingers when she laid her hands against his cheeks and let them slip into his hair. He thought he might die of happiness when she curled her fingers in his locks and held on.

  Why couldn’t he have been smarter, more deserving of her?

  When he drew back he looked at her stunned face. She was so lovely, so kind and funny. Everything he ever dreamed of finding in a wife. Everything he knew he couldn’t have.

  He was struck with remorse. He couldn’t give her false hope. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  Eva pressed a hand to her mouth. “Don’t say that. It was nice.” She rushed away without another word.

  * * *

  Why did he have to do that? Eva hadn’t been prepared. She stumbled toward her house. He wasn’t supposed to kiss her. They were friends. Only it wasn’t friendship that drew her to deepen the kiss and hold his face in her hands. She loved him. He had to know it now.

  He wasn’t supposed to say he was sorry afterward. How was she going to act from now on? He had changed everything.

  It was her first kiss. He shouldn’t have said he was sorry.

  She could still feel the tingle on her lips. She stopped and looked back. He remained standing by the swings.

  She rushed into her house being as quiet as possible. She didn’t want Danny’s sharp eyes noticing something was wrong. She didn’t want to explain what had happened because she didn’t understand it herself.

  In her room, she sat down on the edge of her mattress and slowly took down her hair. What reason did Willis have for kissing her? She wasn’t foolish enough to think her beauty had robbed him of coherent thought. Was she reading more into it? Had he simply followed an impulse because he felt sorry for her and then regretted it? Poor Eva, never been kissed?

  That would be the most logical explanation. It didn’t help her bruised ego. Tears filled her eyes. She was in love with Willis Gingrich and he was sorry he’d kissed her.

  * * *

  The sky was overcast but the rain held off for the first day of school. Some of the children arrived early enough to play outside on the playground equipment before coming in. The air was full of excitement, childish laughter and happy voices.

  Eva greeted each of the students as they came in and introduced herself. Becca Beachy walked in with Annabeth. The little girl clutched her mother’s hand. She did not want to go to school.

  “I hope you don’t mind if I sit in today,” Becca said.

  Eva shook her head. “Of course I don’t mind. You may come as often as you wish.”

  Maddie came running up the steps, eager to choose her desk from the ones in the front row. “Morning, Teacher. Willis said Bubble had to stay at home or at least outside. He said a girl my age doesn’t need an imaginary friend. I’m supposed to make real ones. Will you be my friend?”

  Eva smiled and nodded. “I would love to be your friend. And I think Annabeth would also enjoy being your friend. Why don’t you go sit by her? She’s sort of scared today.”

  “There isn’t anything to be scared of.” Maddie tromped to the front of the room.

  Eva was as prepared as she could be. She had written out exactly what needed to be done for every part of the morning and afternoon on a long list. That sheet of paper sat squarely in the middle of her desk so she could refer to it as needed. At exactly eight o’clock she rang the bell and everyone took their seats. The murmur of voices died away.

  She wrote her name on the blackboard and turned around to face the class. She had never been more nervous in her life. Fifteen eager children watched her every move. Her mouth went dry. She wasn’t going to be able to do this. What came next? She walked over to her desk only to discover her sheet of paper was gone. She checked underneath the desk and the chair but her list was nowhere to be found.

  What next? She was going to blame Willis for making her so scatterbrained this morning. “Let’s begin the day with a song.”

  One boy in the back held up his hand. “Shouldn’t you begin with a prayer?”

  “That’s what I meant to say. A prayer. The Lord’s Prayer.”

  Two of the girls from a newly arrived family rose to their feet. “Daed said we should all stand for a prayer.”

  “Of course. Everyone stand, please.” As the class recited the prayer Eva prayed as hard as she could that she would make it through the day. What came next? Arithmetic assignments or reading with the first graders? When was recess?

  “Amen,” they all said in unison. Then they were all staring at her, waiting for directions and her mind was blank.

  * * *

  Eva sat on one of the swings in the schoolyard after the last of the children went home. She didn’t want to return to Illinois, but she might not have a choice after this. Once Samuel Yoder heard about her first day of school, he was sure to start looking for a teacher who knew what she was doing.

  “How did it go?”

  She wasn’t surprised when Willis came over and took a seat beside her. She had been hoping to see him. The need to confide her failure was overpowering as was the need to find out why he had kissed her.

  “My first day on the job was a complete and utter disaster. I don’t know why I ever thought I could be a teacher.”

  “Were the students unruly? Was Otto part of the problem?”

  “I was the only problem. I had made a list of all the things I needed to do throughout the day and I lost that list five minutes after I rang the bell. I looked at all those faces waiting on me to do something and I panicked.”

  “That doesn’t sound like the Eva I know.”

  “Before the first hour was up, two of the boys were involved in a paper wad fight, Annabeth was crying because she didn’t want to be there and Sadie kept running into the room and barking at everyone.”

  “Keeping the door shut might have kept the dog out.”

  “Oh I tried that, but someone kept opening the door when my back was turned.”

  Tears stung her eyes. “I thought I could do this. I thought it would be easy. School was always easy for me. I never had to struggle over a problem the way Otto has to struggle. I don’t know how to help him.”

  “You help him just by caring about him.”

  “I wanted all the children to love school the way I loved it.”

  “I hate to say this but maybe it’s not about you.”

  She turned to gape at him. “I was the only one at the front of the schoolroom. How can it not be about me?”

  “Shouldn’t it be about your scholars? About what they need and not about what you used to do? Maybe your expectations were too high.”

  She pushed back and began swinging. “Well, they’re not too high anymore. I’ll be thrilled if any of the parents let their children come back for a second day.”

  “I think you’re being too hard on yourself. Every big change takes some getting used to.”

  “I’m afraid I will give the children a disgust of education. I can imagine how the public school teachers will laugh at me when they hear about this. They go to four years of college or more to become teachers. I thought I could do it with a sharp pencil and a book of hymns.”

  He started swinging back and forth. “Maybe you’re looking at teaching from the wrong angle.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “What’s the big picture?”


  “I want Otto to be able to read. I want Maddie to learn her letters and numbers. I want the Yoder twins to stop shooting paper wads at each other and the other children.”

  “Those are all the little parts. You are looking at the cogs. You aren’t looking at the driveshaft.”

  “Now you’re talking over my head. What is the driveshaft?” She had been afraid she couldn’t talk to him anymore but they were right back where they had been before the kiss. Or almost.

  “A driveshaft is the big piece that turns all the small ones. Our Amish faith is the driveshaft. The Amish want to educate our children to be good stewards of the land and to care for each other. We want God first, family second and our community third. You need to look at your students in that light.”

  She stopped swinging. “How do I become a driveshaft?”

  He chuckled. “First, you need a backbone of steel. The driveshaft has to be strong or it breaks and the whole machine becomes useless.”

  She wrapped her arms around the chains and rolled her eyes. “I can talk a good game but I’m not tough enough to say I have a backbone of steel.”

  “You’re going to have to get one.”

  “Do you have a spare in your junk pile?”

  He stopped swinging. “If I did I would give it to you in a heartbeat. I’m afraid you’re going to have to forge your own. It takes heat, time and patience before metal can be shaped. I’m going to guess it takes the same thing to shape scholars. You can’t do it in one day. Just as I can’t turn out a horseshoe with a single mighty blow of my hammer. It takes a lot of small strikes in just the right places to bend steel. You didn’t have your iron hot enough today. It’s a mistake all new blacksmiths make.”

  She drew a deep breath, buoyed by his words. “I’m going to find my list and stick to it tomorrow.”

  He got out of the swing and stood in front of her. He leaned down and tapped one finger against her forehead. “The knowledge you need is already in here. Your list is a useless crutch that can blow away in the wind. Your scholars need to believe you know more than they do.” He stood up straight.

  She nodded slowly. “I think you should be the teacher and I should go pound metal into crooked horseshoes.”

  He laughed. “If I find a horse with a crooked hoof I will call on you.” He stopped laughing and grew somber. “Eva, about last night.”

  “I was wondering when that would come up.”

  “Can we forget it happened?”

  “No.”

  He arched one eyebrow. “That wasn’t the answer I had hoped for.”

  “You shocked me beyond belief.”

  “I shocked myself. I value you as a dear friend. You are an attractive woman and I got carried away. It won’t happen again. You’ve heard me say I don’t want to marry and that is true. I didn’t mean to give you false hope or treat you poorly.”

  “Then I will say that I forgive you.”

  “Danki. Good night, Teacher.”

  “Good night.” Eva was sorry to see him leave. She sat on the swing until the moon began to rise. Somehow, everything seemed better when she could talk it over with Willis. He had quickly become important in her life. That one kiss had opened her eyes to what she wanted and it was much more than friendship. She wanted his love in return. Foolish or not, she wanted to be held in his arms and kissed without an apology to follow. Was it possible? Or would she be gone before that happened?

  Chapter Fourteen

  The next school day Eva faced the classroom with new determination as she kept Willis’s advice in mind. “Good morning, students.”

  “Good morning, Teacher,” they said in unison.

  “Let us stand and pray.” She bowed her head.

  When she finished she smiled at the classes. “Yesterday wasn’t the best start to your new school year. Today will be better. Jenny Martin is going to be my helper. Jenny, I’d like you to assist the third and fourth grade students to do page one and two in their math workbooks. And make sure Sadie stays outside today.”

  “Yes, Teacher.”

  Eva looked to the two boys in the very last row. “If the dog comes in today we will all forgo recess. Do I make myself clear?”

  The twins looked at each other and nodded. She smiled “Goot. Take your places for our singing.”

  * * *

  Willis dropped by after school the next day to see how Eva was getting along. Maddie was playing with Sadie and Jenny in the schoolyard. He found both his brothers still inside at the blackboard. Eva looked up and smiled when she caught sight of him, and it warmed his heart. “How did things go today?” he asked.

  “I took your advice and the day went better. It’s going to take more than a few days for everyone to learn their schedules and to behave in a single classroom while I’m busy with other students.”

  She quickly changed the subject. “Have you contacted the cabinetmaker I told you about yet?”

  “I spoke to him on the phone this morning. I have a meeting with him tomorrow. He has asked me to visit his businesses in Portland and bring samples of my work.

  “That’s wonderful.”

  It was and he was going to do his best to secure a new line of income to support his family. The thought of being away from Eva for two days was already depressing him. How was he going to go through life without kissing her again?

  He cleared his throat. “Dale has agreed to drive me. We leave this afternoon. I’ll be home late tomorrow night. I’ve arranged for the children to stay with Michael and Bethany while I’m gone and don’t say you will keep them. You have enough to do.”

  He watched a wry smile curve her pretty lips. “I would happily take care them, but it would be a bit crowded with Danny here.”

  She was kind and generous, and he loved her. If he told her that he couldn’t read would she react with compassion or recoil from his stupidity?

  He needed to tell her. He didn’t want any secrets between them.

  He gazed at her sweet face and knew he would do it. He would find the courage. When he was back from Portland with a contract for more work and a chance at a future together he would tell her when they were alone.

  “I appreciate that you want to help,” he said softly and pushed his hands into his pockets to keep from touching her face. She gazed intently into his eyes and then looked away as a faint blush rose to her cheeks. Was she remembering that evening? He wished he knew how she felt about him. When he found the courage to tell her about his problem, would she be as understanding and as kind to him as she was with Otto? How could he doubt that?

  “I have work I must get done.” Eva left his side to go back to her desk.

  Harley was helping Otto write letters in colored chalk on the blackboard. The sound of someone calling outside caught his attention. Willis walked to the door.

  “Who is it?” Eva asked from her desk.

  “I don’t know them. Two Englisch women.”

  Eva moved to stand beside Willis. “The shorter one is Mrs. Kenworthy. She teaches at the public school. I don’t know the other woman.”

  Mrs. Kenworthy waved when she spotted them standing in the schoolhouse door. “It’s good to see you again, Eva. This is a friend of mine, Janet Obermeyer. She’s with the Early Learning Center. I was telling her about the child we believe has a learning disability and she wished to speak to you.”

  Janet was tall and slim with short, straight red hair. She wore a lavender pantsuit and carried a briefcase. Willis turned to Eva. “Is she talking about Otto? He doesn’t have a learning disability. It doesn’t help the kid to have folks tell him he’s not as good as everyone else.”

  “You are right, sir,” Janet said. “Labels are not useful. A proper diagnosis is.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with my brother. He’s as smart as anyone. Maybe smarter.” He glanced at Otto. The boy looked ready to b
olt.

  “From what Mrs. Kenworthy has told me, I suspect your brother may be affected by dyslexia. Many people with dyslexia are of above-average intelligence. I have brought some educational materials with me.”

  She looked directly at Otto. “The problem isn’t a lack of intelligence. The problem lies in the way the brain fails to interpret the connection between letters and words with the sounds that they should make.”

  “So I’ve got a bad brain. Is that it?” Otto scowled at her.

  Willis heard the pain in his voice and wished he knew how to help. Had he been blind to Otto’s struggle because of his own shame?

  “Not at all,” Janet said. “Some children excel at math, others don’t. Some children are good at art, others are not. Those are only a few examples of how our brains function differently. None of which are bad.”

  “Exactly what is dyslexia?” Danny asked from behind Willis. He hadn’t heard him come in.

  “A good question but one without an easy answer,” Janet said.

  “This is my brother Danny,” Eva said.

  Janet handed several books to Eva and then turned to Danny. “Reading isn’t natural. Speaking is. Reading requires our brain to match letters to sounds, put those sounds together in a correct order to create a word, and then form words together into the sentences we can read, understand and write again. People with dyslexia have trouble matching the letters they see with the sounds the letters and combinations of letters make.”

  “Can it be cured?” Eva asked.

  Janet shook her head. “It can’t be cured. It is a lifelong problem, but with the right supports, dyslexic children can become highly successful students and adults.”

  Eva leaned forward eagerly. “How do I accomplish that?”

  “The first step is by having a dyslexia-friendly classroom, one that encourages dyslexic students to find their strengths and follow their interests.”