by Nikki Ash
“Ugh,” Ashlyn groans when she sees me. “You're always such a showoff.”
Emery walks up next to her as I place the Jeep down. I haven't seen her since I walked out of her apartment that day, saying I needed some time to think. Think on what exactly, I'm not sure. But in that moment, that apartment was way too small. I needed to breathe, and I knew the mood I was in right then was not the mood I want to be in when I meet my son.
“You didn't have to do that,” she tells me.
I arch a brow at her in a silent message she clearly understands, but my sister is here and I'm not trying to throw her under the bus. “It's no problem.”
“Whoa!” a little voice says in awe. “Is that for me?”
Turning my head, I see Hollis standing here with wide eyes as he stares at the Jeep. I squat down until I'm his height.
“It is, little man,” I tell him. “Happy Birthday.”
He lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree, and my chest aches at the sight. Hollis walks up slowly and carefully looks it over, running his hand across the custom paint job I had a friend of mine do on it. It says his name on the side in graffiti letters, and a teal paint job Ashlyn said is his favorite color.
“What do you say, Hollis?” Emery asks him.
Looking at his mom for a second, he rushes over and gives me a big hug. “Thank you!”
I close my eyes and try to hide the fact that I'm breaking under the surface as I hug my son for the first time. “You're welcome, buddy.”
It only lasts a minute before he runs off to drive it around with his friends, but my world is changed by that single minute. I stand up and look at Emery, who murmurs a quiet thank you. I nod in response, because I'm not sure I know what to say to her yet.
Sitting on a picnic table, I can't seem to take my eyes off Hollis, except for when it's to look at his mom. It's one thing to watch what an incredible little kid he is, but it's another to see her with him. He looks at his mom like she's the greatest thing in the world, and she treats him with a level of care I've only seen from one other person—my own mother.
Ashlyn comes over and climbs up next to me. “Don't even think about it.”
I look over at her in confusion, and she laughs.
“I see the way you're looking at her. Don't do it.”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
She chuckles. “Yeah, okay.”
It's quiet for a second as we both watch Emery cut the birthday cake and hand it out to all the guests.
“She's been through a lot,” my sister tells me. “With her parents abandoning her and her having to raise Hollis on her own. She plays it off well, and does an incredible job, but it's been hard on her.”
Her words strike a nerve, because she didn't have to do this on her own. She chose to. She chose to raise him on her own. She kept me from my damn son.
“I'm just saying,” she continues when I don't answer, “you've both been through a lot, and while you're older now, I don't think it's a good idea.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat. “Still have no idea what you're talking about.”
“If you say so.”
Hollis finishes his cake in record timing and comes running this way with Emery in tow. “Aunt Ashlyn, Mommy won't push me on the swings!”
Ash giggles and pretends to be mad at Emery. “Mean Mommy!”
Em rolls her eyes. “I told you. Mommy needs to start cleaning up.”
My sister jumps off the table and puts out her hand for him to hold. “Let's go swing.”
“Thank you,” Emery tells her as they walk off.
I try to leave it alone. Really, I do. This isn't the time or the place, but I'm so sick of the women in my life making choices that fuck me over. And this? This is a massive fuck you.
Emery goes back to clean up the tables, and I make my move, coming up behind her as she leans over a picnic table to grab some trash.
“Do either of them know how legitimate that name is?” I growl with my lips pressed to her ear. “Aunt Ashlyn.”
She sighs. “Harland, please. Not now.”
“Then when? Huh?” I'm trying to reign in my anger before people hear us, but it's so fucking hard. “When?”
“I don't know,” she answers and runs her fingers through her hair. “I just need to figure this out. I need some time.”
Time. “You mean the past four fucking years weren't enough?”
For a second, it looks like I hit my target, but it's quickly masked over with a hardness I've never seen in her.
“You don't get to talk to me like that,” she hisses, shoving her finger into my chest. “You're the one who ruined this. You're the one who hurt me. You're the one who took my virginity like it was yours to have, and then got back with your ex while I was still in your house.”
Wait, what? “Took your…”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Don't act like you didn't know. And I may have made some shitty choices since then, but I did what I thought was right and worked with what I had. So, if you're going to stand here and yell at me, you can just leave.”
Turning back, she resumes what she was doing like nothing happened, but my mind is spiraling. I had my suspicions that night, especially with how tight she was, but I assumed I was overthinking it. She was eighteen and seemed so sure of herself.
I'm such an asshole.
No matter where I drive to, I can't seem to get my mind to stop reeling. So, I pull up to the lake I always used to come to, and dial Vance—hoping Rhys isn't with him this time. I don't need his fucking shit right now.
“I figured you'd call me as soon as you left,” V tells me. “How was the party?”
I smile at the memory of Hollis. “He's incredible. He's so smart, and probably one of the happiest kids I've ever seen. And he’s polite.”
He snorts. “Spoken like a true father.”
“Fuck, you're right. I didn't even realize.”
“So, if it went well, why do you sound so messed up?”
I lean my head back against the headrest and sigh. “I really fucked up, V. Ashlyn made a comment about Em raising Hollis alone, and I saw red. I cornered Emery about it.”
“Shit,” he groans. “Did anyone hear you?”
“I don't think so, but she gave it right back to me.” I run my fingers through my hair. “She was a virgin that night.”
He goes quiet for a minute before answering. “Are we pretending you didn't know that?”
“I didn't know that.”
Chuckling for a second, he takes a deep breath. “You did. You may not have wanted to believe it, but you did. I mean, you saw how her parents were. Who did you expect her to sleep with?”
“Well, Ashlyn was fucking the neighbor kid.”
“Oh, so clearly if her best friend is having sex, that means she is, too.”
Fuck. “Don't do that.”
He huffs humorously. “Do what? Tell you you're being a dumbass? I'm your best friend, H, but I'm not going to beat around the bush here. Everyone could see that girl was in love with you. It doesn't surprise me at all that she gave it up to you without a second thought.”
“And then I went and fucked her over.”
“Yep.” No sugar coating.
“Still, that doesn't make it right that she didn't tell me about Hollis,” I argue.
“You're right,” he agrees. “It doesn't. But imagine what your life would have been like if she had. Do you really think our band would have gone as far as it did? I mean, I'm not saying it wouldn't have been worth it to give up everything for your son. I'm sure it would have. But everything would be different if she had.”
He's right. If she had told me she was pregnant, I would have done the right thing. I wouldn't have gone on tour, and I probably would have sold all my instruments just to help her pay for things for the baby. But now...now I'm in a place where I can take care of them. I can give them the life they deserve. I may not have been around for the beginning of his life,
but that doesn't mean I can't be now. She never said I couldn't see him.
“I hate when you make me feel like an asshole,” I tell Vance.
He snickers. “Someone's gotta do it.”
As we get off the phone, one thing has never been clearer. Emery and I have both made mistakes in our past, and it's not a pissing war of who fucked up more. There's a little boy who needs us both.
Hollis matters most here.
Chapter Five
Emery
I watch as Hollis rips through all of his presents. It's normally my favorite part of his birthday—seeing the huge smile on his face as he sees all the cool new things he got. But today, I can't seem to get myself into it. Harland's words replay through my mind and every time I close my eyes, I see the way he looked at me.
Like I was selfish.
Like I was cruel.
Like I ruined his life.
Mila plops herself down next to me. “I'd say it's your party and you can cry if you want to, but it's not.”
That manages to pull a small laugh out of me. Mila had to work and wasn't able to make it to Hollis's party, but she made sure to come over immediately after to see him open all his gifts. I was grateful for it, because carrying a whole SUV full of presents up two flights of stairs while watching a hyperactive four-year-old is nearly impossible.
“He was so mad,” I murmur.
She takes a sip of her drink before sighing. “Maybe he wouldn't be if you just came clean about it.”
I shake my head without giving it a second thought. “No. It wouldn't do any good.”
“You don't know that.”
“I do,” I tell her as I stand up.
Ending the conversation there, I walk over to Hollis and sit on the floor—forcing myself into the moment. I won't get many years of this, so I want to enjoy every last one.
By the time Holland has all of his presents opened, and I manage to get all the wrapping paper cleaned up, I'm exhausted. The party today was a lot to handle. Thankfully, there's only a few more hours until Hollis goes to bed and I can crash.
I'm in the middle of opening a set of action figures when there's a knock at the door. Mila and I share a look before I get up. It's not like I'm expecting anyone. Ashlyn is on a date with a guy she met at work, and my sister is already in my living room.
I open the door, and my chest tightens when I see Harland standing on the other side of it. He looks just as good as he did at the party today, in his black jeans and AC/DC T-shirt. The black sunglasses that hang from his collar only draw my attention away from his chiseled jaw and onto his sculpted chest.
A soft chuckle snaps me out of my stupor, and I straighten up, looking him in the eyes. “Did you come to yell at me some more?”
He winces slightly. “I guess I deserve that, but no. I came to talk.”
“Talk?”
“Just talk.” He looks past me and into the apartment. “Can I come in?”
For a second, I wonder if I could tell him no. After everything today, I don't think I can handle another argument with him. But when I really think about it, I realize that talking is probably exactly what we need to do right now. So, instead of shutting the door in his face, I open it further and let him step inside.
Harland follows me through the kitchen and into the living room, where Mila looks up and smirks.
“Well, if it isn't Harland Storm,” she drawls.
He huffs out a small laugh. “Hey, Mila.”
“She was just leaving,” I tell him, hoping she’ll get the hint.
Of course, being the brat that my sister is, she's not letting me off that easy.
“I don't know,” she says as she comes toward us. “I might have to stay now.” Running her hand down Harland's arm, she smiles. “You look good, H.”
No part of me believes for a second that she's actually hitting on him. After all, she's been the only person who has known this whole time that Harland is Hollis's dad. No. She's just fucking with me. Trying to get under my skin. And I'd be lying if I said it wasn't working.
Harland looks over at me with a subtle plea for help, and I snicker. “Bye, Mila.”
She scoffs. “You're no fun.”
“I'm plenty fun,” I argue. “I'll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she says and waves me off.
“It was good seeing you again,” Harland tells her.
Mila snorts. “Better to see my sister, I'm sure.”
He turns to me in surprise as Mila makes her way past him, but I'll deal with him later. Meanwhile, my sister is bouncing her brows at me and mouthing tell him. She can't leave soon enough. I roll my eyes and watch her head for the door.
“Love you.”
“Love you, too!” she calls back.
The second the door shuts behind her, Harland tilts his head to the side. “Does she know about...”
Looking away, I nod. “She's the only one I told.”
“Ah,” he says. “That makes sense.”
We both awkwardly make our way to the couch when Hollis looks up at Harland and his eyes widen. “You got me the car!”
Harland's smile stretches across his face. “I did, little man.”
He grins proudly and goes back to playing, while Harland turns his attention to me. I run my fingers through my hair, waiting for him to say something, but nothing seems to be coming out of his mouth. I guess it's on me.
“So, you wanted to talk?” I push.
Nodding, he looks over at Hollis, and I realize his hesitation.
“Hey, Hollis?” I say. “Can you go set up your action figures in your room? I'm sure they'd love to meet all your other ones.”
He beams, as if the idea is the most brilliant one he's ever heard. “Okay, Mommy.”
Once we're alone, I focus back on Harland.
“Thanks,” he breathes.
I lean back against the cushion. “No, thank you. Sometimes I forget how old he is and how much he understands at this age. I guess my mind is still locked on him being a baby.”
“Kids are sponges. I remember when Ashlyn was four. She heard my dad say fuck, and that became the only thing she would say for a whole week.”
Laughing at the thought of my best friend, I shake my head. “I doubt that had anything to do with her being a sponge. That's still her favorite word.”
“Why am I not surprised?” he quips.
We settle into an awkward silence, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm not itching for him to leave or staring at the clock and watching the seconds tick by. We're just simply...here.
“Listen, I want to ap—”
His words are cut off as the sound of my phone ringing blasts through the room.
Great fucking timing.
I murmur an apology and grab my phone off the coffee table. When I see it's work, I throw my head back and groan. Harland watches me as I hit answer, bringing it to my ear.
“Hello?”
My boss’s voice comes through the other line. “Emery. Thank God you answered. I know you took the day off today, but I need you to log in for a bit.”
Fuck. “What? Why? Stephen, it's my son's birthday.”
“I know, and I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't urgent, but Mr. Garrison moved his deadline, cutting two weeks off the end. We need to finish this project ASAP.”
Mr. Garrison is our biggest client, and he's right. There is nothing we can do about it. The company could end up going under if we lose that contract.
Just my luck.
“Okay,” I tell him. “Give me like ten minutes and I'll be on.”
“Thanks, Em.”
I hang up the phone and run my hands over my face, for a second forgetting Harland is here at all. He watches me intently as I sigh.
“I have to work for a bit.” Then I realize my predicament. “Shit, Hollis! I have to call Mila. Maybe she's still close enough to come back and watch him for me.”
Dialing her number, I bring the phone back to my e
ar, but Harland takes it away and presses end. My brows furrow as I watch him.
“What are you doing?”
He shrugs. “I can watch him.”
Okay, what? “You don't have to do that. I'm sure Mila wouldn't mind coming back.”
“Em, it's fine,” he tells me honestly. “I think I can handle it.”
Hollis comes running out with every single action figure he owns wrapped in his little arms, clearly not understanding the concept of playing in his room. He drops them on the floor in front of Harland. Instead of just watching from a distance, Harland gets down on the floor with him and picks Batman up.
“Is this one your favorite?” he asks him. Hollis nods, making Harland smile. “He's my favorite, too.”
Hollis lights up like this is the best day of his life and goes about setting them all up in what looks like a battle. Meanwhile, Harland looks up at me and smirks.
“I've got this, Em. Go do what you need to do.”
I don't know what's more surprising—the way he seems so sure of himself, or how comfortable I feel about it. I mean, I've known him for most of my life, so I guess there is no reason for me to feel any other way, but I guess I just never expected this from him. Hell, even when their cousins were toddlers, he never wanted anything to do with them.
Running my fingers through my hair, I look around for a second and exhale. “Okay. Okay, thanks. I'll just be in my room. I shouldn't be too long.”
But neither one of them are listening. They're already off on their own conversation about which superheroes are the best and which ones are just okay.
Boy talk.
It ends up being well past Hollis's bedtime when I finally finish up what I needed to get done. I can only imagine how much of a nightmare getting him to sleep is going to be.
I look myself over in my bedroom mirror, realizing I look as tired as I feel, but there's not much I can do about it right now. Running my fingers through my hair, I throw a sweatshirt on and make my way back into the living room.
The sound of Harland and Hollis playing together echoes down the hallway, and when I reach the doorway, I can't help but stop and watch them for a couple minutes. Hollis is dressed up in one of his superhero capes with the foam sword Mila got him. Harland lays on the ground in front of him with his hands up in surrender.