by Nikki Ash
“Rebecca should find him,” I mimic, my tone dripping with sarcasm. Rebecca and I couldn’t be any more different. For starters, she’s tall and has nice hair. I’m pretty sure her boobs are fake, but Jake says he wouldn’t know because he’s never touched them. I’m not sure if that tidbit of information makes me happy that he hasn’t or mad because he’s feeding me lies.
Knowing his mother won’t find him, I walk toward the guest house at the back of the yard. If he’s hiding anywhere, it’s there. I take a peek inside, finding him pacing. Walking in, I shut the door behind me and say, “Hey, what are you doing out here? Your mother’s looking for—”
“Fuck my mother,” he snaps. Picking up an antique off the desk, he throws it into the lit fire, shattering it.
I jolt back, startled by his sudden anger. “Jake, wh—what happened?” I eliminate the space between us. His eyes are bloodshot. He smells like booze. I don’t stop until I wrap my arms around his waist and press myself firmly against him. “What happened?”
He captures me in his tight hold, his head dipping down, inhaling the scent of my hair. “Life fucking happened.” His lips press against the side of my head, his breath skating along my earlobe. “This fucking life. These fucking fake people. Everything is about a deal. It’s not about happiness or allowing us to be happy. It’s about money. It’s always been about money.”
“I thought you were excited to start med school. What’s changed?”
Jake pulls away to capture my cheeks. “Excited?” He laughs, but it’s dark and cynical. “Why would I be excited to live someone else’s life? This isn’t my plan, Willa. It’s theirs. I’ve played along. I’ve sacrificed. I’ve given up love—” He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment as his voice trails off. “No matter how far I go, I’ll always feel caged. The chains from my family will always strangle me. The rules suffocate me. The expectations of who I’m supposed to be instead of who I am and what I want…” He releases a harsh sigh, his eyes dropping to my lips. “What do you want, Willa? What do you truly want?”
“That’s not up to me. You know that—”
“If it was. If we got to decide—what do you want?”
His eyes plead for my words. My truth. My tongue feels too thick for my mouth as I struggle to answer him. I want to be free. I ache to live my own life and be loved. “I—I want to be loved by a person who doesn’t belong to me. And I want to be free of the life we’re both trapped in—free of the thorns that make us bleed. I want to finally admit I love—”
Jake crushes his lips to mine, and I tense, startled, then quickly melt into him. Having him this close, touching me, sharing this connection, feels like a dream. The warmth of his touch seeps into my skin as he grips my face harder and separates my lips, his tongue mingling with mine. He tastes like cherries, just as I remembered, with a hint of scotch. “I hate myself for waiting so long to do this. And now it’s too late. Our time has run out and I can no longer show you what you truly are to me.”
I latch onto his shirt, clutching it tightly, and deepen our kiss, frantic for more. “Why do you say that?” I plead. Just as frenzied, he reaches for the hem of my dress and pushes me up against the desk. “This isn’t goodbye. It’s just med school. Once I leave for college, we’ll be closer. Our parents won’t be able to stop us. We can finally—”
“We can’t.” He nips at my lower lip, feathering wet kisses down my chin. Tiny prickles of desire explode throughout my body as his tongue meets the dip in my neck and he bites at my shoulder. “God, I always knew you would taste sweet. I’ve thought about how sugary sweet your skin would be. Like silk against my tongue.”
“Jake,” I moan, allowing my head to arch back and my eyes to fall closed.
“I shouldn’t be doing this. I should let you go and do what I have to do.”
My fingers disappear into his hair and I tighten my hold, keeping him from pulling away. “Please. Please, don’t stop,” I beg. I may crumble into a million devastated pieces if he does.
“This is not okay. I shouldn’t be doing this. You don’t belong to me—”
“I’ve always belonged to you. Just because the words haven’t been said doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I’ve loved you my whole life, Jake DuPont. Don’t make me start hating you because you stopped.”
His mouth covers mine. “Oh, Willa, if there were words to make you understand, to show you what I feel inside. All these years, I’ve spent so much time wanting and wishing, all while knowing it was wrong. I’ve tried to stay away, but I hate knowing you’re going to be someone else’s.”
My chest constricts. I tug at his hair, try to kiss him harder, steal his breath, but nothing lessens the pain. My body starts to quake in his hold, and he pulls back, worry in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Fuck, I shouldn’t have kissed you—”
“You should have done this years ago. I want you with every thread of my being. I want to be the girl on your arm, the one who makes you smile, the one you wake up to day after day. It tears me apart knowing I can’t—but my love is so strong, no matter how this ends, I’d spend eternity loving you from afar.”
A scorching flame of passion lights behind his eyes, and he drops his lips back to mine. A lifetime of pent-up need explodes between us, threatening to burst into flames. He lifts me, placing me on top of the desk, his hands sliding up my bare thighs. “I want you, Willa. I know that makes me a bastard, but God, I want you.”
“You have me. You always have.”
He shakes his head. “But I can’t. It’s fucking wrong. I’m drunk. And what kind of man would I be to take everything I’ve ever wished for then leave? I’d never be able to forgive—”
“It makes you just as desperate as I am. If you don’t want to spare my virtue…well, it’s always been you who takes it in my dreams. My heart…that’s yours too. Please stop acting like this is our ending. This is us beginning. A life we’ve secretly ached for can finally come true.”
“Fuck, Willa.” He devours my lips, and I kiss him back just as fervently, as if we’ve been doing this our entire lives, melting together, our lips, our hands, our souls.
“Are you sure?”
I stare up at him, allowing him a view into the window of my soul. His eyes glass over with the same intensity and he silently confesses what I’ve always wanted to know. He loves me too. I fight back tears at the pain his pending absence will bring but focus on our future—one where we’ll be far from the grasps of our parents’ controlling demands.
For now, I focus on the present—on his touch—his gentle praises and sweet endearments.
“I always have been. Please. Love me like I love you.”
He grabs me by the waist and pulls me close to his chest. A shiver ripples through me as his lips seal over mine. My heartrate accelerates, and I melt into his devastating kiss. With a gentle finger, he brushes my hair away from my shoulder and presses his thumb against the pulse in my neck. “Dammit, Willa, you’re shaking.” He pulls back, his hand cupping my cheek to hold my gaze. “We don’t have to.”
Passion resonates in his steely gaze, magnifying the spark igniting inside me. I can’t bear another second of not being with him. “Please. I love you. I want this.”
He lifts me in his arms and carries me over to the bed we’ve laid on countless times. He gently lays me down, his warm body covering mine. The intensity of his gaze creates an inferno of desire in my belly. Anticipation for what’s to come puts my mind into a frenzy, and I tremble.
“I’ve thought about this moment. About you like this…” His hand drops to my leg, latching a finger under the hem of my dress and sliding it up my thigh. His simple touch causes an unfamiliar wave of sensation to shoot to my core. I rock my head backwards, allowing him to push my dress up and over my head, leaving me bare aside from my underwear and bra. “Jesus, Willa, you’re beautiful.” His mouth dips to the exposed flesh above my breast, his wet mouth spreading kisses up my breastbone. Each touch overwhelms my senses and steal
s away my worries. The past, the future.
“I’ve wanted this for so long,” I murmur as he kisses the corner of my mouth. His fingers work to unclasp my bra. He’s gentle as he discards my panties, and his eyes stop to admire my bare flesh. My breathing hitches when his hands graze down my ribcage, his knee spreading my thighs.
“Tell me if you want me to stop—”
“I won’t,” I rush out. “Please.” My voice shakes, exposing my nerves. I worry he won’t continue. I reach up and capture the back of his neck and demand his mouth return to mine. I become acutely aware of the hardness against my belly as he kisses me back. His hand presses against the apex of my thighs, and a sudden moan breaks our kiss. A seed of desire blooms in my belly, and my eyes widen at the boldness of his touch.
He captures my gaze, allowing me to hold on to the trust that seeps from his eyes as he breaches my entrance with a single finger. I fight to hold his gaze, but with each stroke, I become lost. “Jake,” I moan. My hips begin to move on their own accord, riding his finger. His eyes darken with desire, and his lips fuse to mine. He swallows each moan and pumps into me faster, more aggressively, until my legs begin to quiver as I gasp for air.
“That’s it. Come for me.” My eyes close as blinding pleasure explodes from my core. He rides out my orgasm until suddenly I feel the absence of his finger. I reopen my eyes to find Jake now standing in front of me. He’s working the buttons of his shirt exposing every inch of his tanned skin. Toned chest. Not a flaw to be found. Once he’s naked, he climbs on top of me, his knee pushing my still trembling legs apart. His lips find mine, and he’s slow and gentle as he breaches my entrance. “This is going to hurt, but I promise, I’ll make it feel good.”
I nod, trusting him. I close my eyes and wait for the pain, but he captures my chin. “Open your eyes, Willa.” I do as he asks, and his handsome face steals my breath. “We do this together, okay?” The passion in his eyes gives me strength. I lock my vision onto him as he slides into me. My lips part. A sharpness radiates in my core, but he kisses away my pain until it morphs into pleasure. His slow grunts collide with my whimpered moans as we create a melody of love, desire, and promise. The fullness of him has my body in a state of euphoria. My nails scrape down his back with each thrust, and I can’t seem to get enough. My legs wrap around his lean waist, and I hold on to him, fearing he’ll vanish at any second.
“I love you, Jake,” I moan, and my head falls back as he thrusts deep into my sex. I never imagined it would be like this. Feel like this. I’ve surrendered my entire being to him, and with each stroke of his cock, I lose myself to him even more. “Oh god, Jake, I’m—I can’t—I’m going to—” My walls clench around him, and I dig my nails deep into his flesh as my orgasm blasts through me. I climax, holding him close, and he whispers his love for me just before his own release. His brows tight, his hands grip my hips as he powers into me until he’s groaning out my name.
He falls on top of me, our hearts beating rapidly against one another. I’m still riding the highs of what we shared, enjoying the simple touch of his fingers grazing up and down my sides. When his breathing labors out, he slowly lifts his head to assess my mood.
“You okay?” He tucks a piece of hair away from my face.
My lips curl into an upward smile. “I’m perfect.” His muffled laugh vibrates against my neck as he presses wet kisses along my skin. “You are perfect. And that was perfect. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fantasized about having you this way. It was better than any fantasy.”
I lift up and capture his lips, savoring this moment. The taste of his mouth. The feel of him wrapped around me. I fight the reality of what awaits us and focus on the rhythmic beating of his heart, the long strokes of his tongue against mine, but eventually, my mind wins over.
Jake senses the change in me and pulls away as the first tear falls. “Why the tears?” he asks, and I turn my head away, needing them to stop. He pulls me back. “What’s wrong. Do you regret—?”
“Oh, God no. That was just…it was everything. I’ve wanted you since I knew how to love. When you left me the first time—”
“Willa, I didn’t leave you.”
“I know. But it didn’t hurt any less. I’d never felt so alone, and my heart broke every time I had to watch you go. But now, after this…I can’t fathom being apart. We’ll see each. Once I’m at school and you’re doing your residency, we’ll be close enough to—”
“Willa—”
“We can be to—”
“Jakey? Jakey, dear, are you out here?” We both freeze at the sound of his mother’s voice.
“Shit.” He climbs off me, and we quickly dress. “Hide inside the closet. I’ll go out first and get rid of her. You follow a few minutes later.” There’s no time for a goodbye. A kiss. A second to remember this moment. He’s out the door, greeting his mother. A second voice sounds, and my heart burns as it cracks in two.
Rebecca.
“There you are, honey. They’re ready to give a speech and serve cake. We need the guest of honor.” Their voices fade, and I slide down the wall, holding my knees to my chest, fighting back tears. I hate how cruel life can be. How unfair this world is. I grip my knees, inhaling a slow breath to gather myself, holding on to the fact that soon, our destiny will fall into place. We will be together, and they will no longer stand in our way. Finally, we will have our happily ever after.
Chapter Three
Three weeks later
This can’t be happening. I take a deep breath, inhaling through my nose, and exhaling through my mouth. I can do this. I can do this. Or not. Running back to my bathroom, I vomit for the third time today. As I brush my teeth, banging sounds against my door—the knock of my furious mother. I was supposed to be downstairs thirty minutes ago. Today, we leave for school.
“What in heaven’s name is taking you so long? My word, the world doesn’t just wait for you—oh good lord, what are you doing on the bathroom floor in that dress? Have some respect for couture. Get up.”
I try, but my stomach turns, and I hide my head in the toilet bowl and throw up again. “For goodness sake, what’s wrong with you now? If this is another stunt to stall us leaving, I swear to it, Willa, I will dump you with a driver, and he can take you. Get up.”
“I can’t,” I moan, a Tilt-a-Whirl ride happening in my stomach. “I don’t feel well. Something I ate—” Another round of harsh vomit expels up my throat. Anger seeps off her in waves, and I decide right now is not the best time to confess I’m sick because I’m pregnant. When she turns away, I slide the test under my dress.
“You ate the same thing we did.” The heat of her disappointing stare burns at my back. “You inconvenience us all. I’ll let your father know to go on with his meetings. We’ll send for a driver to take you tomorrow. By God, Willa, pull it together.” And she walks away.
“Ughhh,” I groan into the toilet as I flush, then wash out my mouth again and crawl back into bed. I take out my phone and dial Jake’s number for the millionth time, but it goes straight to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. Where are you? Please call me. We need to talk.” The same voicemail I’ve left every time. All have gone unanswered. My stomach turns again. Gripping my belly, I curl into the fetal position, hoping the sickness passes.
I need to talk to Jake.
He left the guest house without another glance my way, and it was the last I saw of him. He was gone when I returned to the party, and when I walked over to say goodbye in the morning, I was shooed away by his mother, who said he’d already left.
“What do you mean he already left?” I ask, my eyes wide with confusion. He wouldn’t leave without saying—
“Oh dear, he left last night. So eager, my Jakey is. He and Rebecca just couldn’t wait to get started on their new journey.” Her sickly-sweet smile causes knots to form in my stomach.
“Rebecca? I…I don’t understand.”
“France, dear.”
I sway to the right and grab onto the doorf
rame to keep steady. “France? I thought he was doing his residency in—”
Mrs. DuPont waves me off. “Honey, those were just the stepping stone plans. His father has made sure his future is even more promising.”
We weren’t going to be close to each other and away from our parents once I went to school. Because he was doing his residency in France. Along with Rebecca. I felt the wind being knocked out of me as she smiled once again, wished me well at school, then left for her yoga class. He left for France and never told me. With her. My tears shed in horrid waves down my face as I ran home, threw myself onto my bed, and sobbed. He made promises that night. He said we would still be together. But did he? Or were those just the words that fell from your naive lips? Everything I confessed, looking back, he had the chance to tell me. But he let me fall into this belief we had finally found our path to one another. All along, he knew…
It’s been three weeks since that night—twenty-one days since I last heard from him. I try to bury the worry that he’s avoiding me. I refuse to allow myself to believe he regrets what we shared. Maybe he had his reasons for keeping the truth from me. He was protecting me. But why hasn’t he called? Returned any of my desperate pleas to speak to him? For three weeks, I’ve obsessed over it. Over him. Waited for him to call. A simple text. But nothing. He’s become a ghost. I’ve pushed off leaving for school as long as I can. And seeing how angry my mother is, I know I’ve used my last excuse. It’s now or never. It’s time to confess a secret I’ve been harboring.
“Mother?” I call from the living room.
“What is it, dear?” She barely acknowledges my presence as she skims through her magazine.
“Have you talked to Mrs. DuPont about Jake? Has she heard from him?”
Her eyes glimmer with admiration. “Oh, yes. That young man is going to be magnificent. He’s truly excelling, and it’s been less than a month.”
The thorns around my heart squeeze tighter, and I inhale a staggered breath. “Oh…well, does she have a number where he can be reached? Because the one I have, I don’t think it works internationally. I really need to—”